about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

i dont want to have sex with my boyfriend we are way to young. but i masturbate alot and i want to do more with him, but i dont want to give him head or anything that would consider me a really big slut, we makeout all of the time and i really like him, weve been going out for like 2 years. what can i do what wouldnt b going "to far"
thanks alot :D
- carlie

You've been with him for 2 years. You wouldn't be a slut for giving him head. Sluts are easy girls that do stuff with lots of guys just for pleasure. You have been with one guy for a long time and there's more than just pleasure involved in your relationship. Oral sex would definitely be okay if you wanted to do that. It's not like anybody would know unless they walked in on you or either of you told anybody about it. It would be something special just between the two of you. Other than that there's a ton of things that you could do. If you're not comfortable with touching each other yet, you could always masturbate in front of each other. If you do want to touch each other you could try mutual masturbation, which is basically masturbating each other (guy touches girl, girl touches guy). Other than that, know the difference between nervousness, awkwardness, and feeling uncomfortable. It's okay to be nervous and it will probably be a little awkward in the beginning as long as you aren't uncomfortable, though, you should try new things. You're going to have to get by your nervousness and the awkwardness sometime. It's not magically going to go away one day. Don't put it off unless you really do feel uncomfortable. Good luck. :)

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me & my b/f are about to hit our year anniversary. what could i do for him or what could i get him??
i want to do/buy him a bunch of stuff...
Any ideas. I dont care if they are stupid or not.
thanx in advance!!

I think a great gift is tickets. To something he likes and that you wouldn't mind going with him to. A sports game, a play, a concert, the baseball hall of fame, anything. You wouldn't necessarily be able to go to the event/place that day, but it would keep the celebration going longer than just one day, which is always nice. Other than that, I've found that guys tend to like practical gifts. Don't make him a sappy scrapbook, write him a book of poems, or shower him with stuffed animals. A sappy card is just fine and he'll like that, but put your time into buying him stuff he can use. It's not that guys aren't into sappy stuff, but if that's all you do he might get a little sapped out. DVD's, video games, clothes, treats, etc. are some examples of things you could get. You can also get remote controlled cars/atv's/planes and stuff like that for pretty cheap sometimes. Look into that. It's amazing what cool stuff you can find in the toy aisle. Good luck and remember that whatever you get him he'll love it. He's stuck with you for a year so he obviously adores you. Congratulations and have a great time!

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me and my best friend are celebrating our "anniversary." we've been friends for ten years now i want to make her something kinda special, any ideas?

I think scrapbooks are a little too extensive and take FOREVER. Plus if you haven't been doing it for awhile, it's hard to make them look really nice. The idea of the pictures and the memories is a great one though so I suggest that you make a picture collage of the two of you. Get a relatively cheap frame and fill it up with pictures. Your friend can hang it in her room and it'll look really awesome. It shouldn't be one of those formal frames with the holes already cut out. Get a large one photo frame that you can mount a bunch of smaller pictures in. I think that would look much better. The ones with the holes already cut out seem too much for family and aren't fun-loving and spontaneous like a collage, which would better represent a friendship. Good luck and remember that whatever you do for your friend she's your friend. She's gonna love it. :)

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Ok this week was my first week of high shcool and almsot every homework we did, I busted my ass off and stayed up late doing it and the teacher doesn't even collect it!

Why does it even matter to do my homework then?!

I can sit here and tell you why teachers give homework. How it's best to learn by doing etc. You know all that already though. You know that homework matters and why. The problem isn't that, the problem is that the teacher isn't making it seem worth it in the here and now and that's important too. It's hard to motivate yourself to do work when there's no reward that you can see.

I think that you should tell the teacher that you feel this way (nicely, of course). Teachers sometimes think that they're doing you a favor by not collecting the homework, when in reality, it just makes the class angry because they start to feel like their hard work isn't being appreciated.

What's even worse than what you're describing is when teachers go around and put a check mark on everybody's homework and don't even look at the answers or go over them. Everybody gets the same credit just for doing it. Then, you don't even try to get the right answers, you just focus on getting it done because that's all the teacher is focusing on. Plus, you have no idea how you did so you could be doing it completely wrong and not know it until a test! At least your teacher isn't doing that.

Good luck and I hope that your teacher takes your opinions seriously. :)

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Everyone is saying that I'm too thin. My family members, my friends, etc. I understand people are concerned, but if I needed help I would ask for it. I've been on a diet for awhile now & I feel that I have it pretty much under control. I'm 5'7-5'9 & weigh anywhere from 117-120 lbs. My BMI is not really under yet, only slightly low. Does anyone have any advice/opinions for me?? I want to stay around the 120 range. Is this not enough?? I do think I'm thin, but I don't think I am "too thin". Everyone at school is talking about it & I'm not quite sure what to do or say about it. Everyone thinks I should see a doctor, but I feel that I can handle it myself. Any suggestions?? Thanks!!

It's very hard to answer this question without knowing what kind of diet you are on. It really makes a huge difference. Explain your diet by adding information to your question and then I'll be able to answer! :)

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So homecomming is in a few weeks and i need a date :D

i like this boy alot and i want to go with him.

I think he likes me , but i am not sure.

how can i make it so he will ask me to homcomming?

just tell one of my friends to tell him to ask me?

thanks.

The best way to handle this is to ask him yourself. Don't make a big deal out of it, just ask nonchalantly. If you try to make him ask you he will either think you're desperate, not even realize that you want to go with him at all, feel weirded out, or feel overwhelmed and scared. In other words, it's not gonna work. Asking someone to go with you is hard for anyone. It's just as hard for a guy to ask as it is for a girl. Asking him yourself shows him that you are CONFIDENT. Guys love confidence! When you ask a guy what they like in girls they will almost always say confidence first. Know what you want and go after it. Make him feel special and wanted. He's human too. Guys aren't a different species than girls. They're a lot more like you than you think. It's also very MATURE to to ask him yourself. You don't want him thinking you're some lame, immature kid. You want him to see you as a woman - someone capable of having a mature relationship with him. I mean, you don't want it to end with homecoming, right? I know I didn't answer your question the way you wanted me to, but I really disagree with the way you want to go about this. If you're totally scared and can't bring yourself to ask him to go, which I really suggest you do, still do it personally. Write him a note or something. Do NOT get friends involved. It is so intimidating and confusing. Your chances are much better if you handle everything yourself and are direct about it. Actually ask him if he wants to go with you. Don't beat around the bush or he won't know exactly what you want. If you like this guy as much as you say you do, all of this is worth it. Get past any fears you may have and just do it. It'll be over soon. You don't want to blow your chance with someone so awesome! Good luck! :)

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Now I know that I have nobody to blame but myself, but I have wrecked nearly every close friendship I have had in my life because I end up hooking up with my friends' boyfriends behind their back. Most of the time there is drinking involved, but I don't think that is the problem. I think the desire to do it is already in me before the drinks and it just ends up being easier to do once I am drunk. I do not know why I do this. I know that I just want to feel wanted and I like the attention that I get from men, I guess it is an ego thing. I really love my friends and don't want to hurt them but I can't seem to break this cycle. I don't want to have to avoid ever hanging out with a friend when their boyfriend is around, I need to find a way to just stop being such a horrible person. What can I do? Why do I keep ending up in this same situation when I conciously know that I don't want to do these things?

It's because of the alcohol. Alcohol makes you feel more relaxed, which can cause you to do things that you wouldn't if you hadn't been intoxicated. You can't blame alcohol entirely though. I mean, if someone gets drunk and beats their wife, it's not the fault of the alcohol. The alcohol just took away the control that that guy had over his actions. He always had it in him to abuse his wife, the alcohol just made it possible. If he quit drinking though, he wouldn't be an abusive husband. He'd still have it in him to beat his wife, but he wouldn't, which would be perfectly ok. You have it in you to hook up with your friend's boyfriends at parties. There's no way around that. You've already done it. Since you are the type to hook up with your friend's boyfriends when you're drunk, why do you drink so much??? If you stop getting drunk it will stop happening. When you're not drunk you can control what you do much easier. How fun can it be to party if you do something awful so frequently? It's ok to go to parties and drink a little, but stop getting drunk. It's not worth it for you. You're not an alcoholic too, so quit it!!

Another thing I want you to think about is that it does take two to tango. Your friends must be picking some really crappy boyfriends. Those guys made the choice to get with you too. It's not like you raped them. I'm not saying that you're doing your friends a favor by sleeping with their boyfriends, but good riddance to those jerks. Your friends don't want to be with those types of guys anyway. What I'm trying to say here is don't put all the blame on yourself. You can't take full responsibility for this when it's only half your fault. Maybe even less than half your fault. Those guys were the ones in committed relationships, not you. They chose to cheat. You weren't cheating on anybody. If not you, they probably would have done it with someone else eventually anyway.

Put the past behind you and stop beating yourself up over what you've done. There's no way to change what's already happened. You need to move on from all of that. From now on, limit yourself to 2 drinks. You may be surprised how much this helps. I also want to let you know that even if your actions have been terrible, the feelings that you have that seem to be the source of those actions are VERY normal. Everyone wants to be wanted and to get attention. It's easy to feel a connection with a friend's boyfriend because they're your friend and you're close to them. You, like most everyone else, can resist temptation too. Start by taking the alcohol out of the picture and eventually you may be able to drink and make the right choices. For now though, one step at a time. Good luck! :)

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once a class is over, and the report cards are out and youre at home during the summer.. is it possible to argue with a teacher about it the following school year? or how about from an year ago?

:`(

You could, but you probably won't get anywhere. It's the teacher's word over yours. The grades are pretty final unless there was a mistake. Good luck this year in school.

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15/f
alright so my boyfriend and i have bee going out for over a year, anyways we've thought about having sex awhile. i love him and he loves me so dont give me you're too young crap. we were both virgins till today. haha anyways he went inside my vag, and it hurt ALOT. he stuck it in more then half way but not fully, then took it out. the condem had a bit of blood at the tip, but not alot. now, does that mean my cherry popped fully?, or whatt is there suppose to be alot of blood? thankss for readingg :)

I don't think it did. The bleeding is probably the result of a little tearing.

I hate referring to bleeding from having sex for the first time as a cherry popping. It's very misleading. Nothing in you actually pops. There's not a bubble of blood that bursts. Some people bleed a lot their first time from stretching and tearing. That's all it is. Why people refer to it as a cherry popping is beyond me. If he didn't go inside of you fully, there's probably still some stretching out to do. The amount of bleeding varies from person to person. If you use tampons or masturbate, or even ride horses or a bike, your vaginal walls could be more stretched out than other virgins and make it so that you won't bleed as much as them your first time. It also depends on how big the guy is.

I hope that clears some things up. Good luck with this guy and remember to use protection every time! :)

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Okay I have a tmobile razr and today my water bottle spilt on it and got water in it and stuff. It does turn on , but the screen doesnt light up and the keys dont work. I tried blowdrying it but i didnt work. I dont have insurance either! What should i do?

Blowdrying is about as good as you can do. Take it apart and blowdry the inside too. If you can't get it to work in a few days, do NOT bring it in and tell them that you spilled water on it. I'm not sure how Tmobile works, but I know how Verizon works and they're probably very similar. Verizon makes you get a new phone at full retail price (about $300) or reactivate an old one if your phone stops working from water damage. There's sensors on the phone so if you bring it in they can tell! If you do have an old phone I suggest reactivating that one. If you don't, see if you can get one for cheap on eBay. Make sure Tmoblie will activate it for you before you buy it. All you have to do is call customer service for that. I don't condone this, but you could always tell them that your phone was stolen. They may give you a new phone for the price of the police report, which is about $50. Again though, I'm familiar with Verizon, not Tmobile so it might be different. Do your research before contacting Tmobile. Read their policy. Talk to your friends. The more you know, the better off you'll be. I'm not saying they'll try to scam you, but cell phone service providers are known for getting you to spend money that you don't have to. Good luck.

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Can a virgin become pregnant? i am virgin ( still have the hymen intact) but have had done a bit of foreplay with my boyfriend which includes slight insertion ( placing "it" on the lips). My question is can i get pregnant even though i am still a virgin.

Yes definitely. You should stop doing that unless you start using condoms.

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I'm really confused as to why all of these teenagers on here keep saying that they like this guy, but they want to get to know him. I don't understand how you can like a guy that you don't know. Maybe I'm just not shallow, but I'm 14 and that's the age that most people who post those questions are and I've never liked someone without knowing them first. I mean aren't you suppose to get to know someone and then decide you like them. Every hot guy that you see isn't someone you like, right? I mean I only like guys that I know and I like them based on their personality. Sure, I think guys are hot, but I don't like them. I don't even know them. lol I guess what I'm asking is if I'm weird or what?

Yeah, you are weird. But in a good way. :)

Weird, basically means different. Sadly, it's pretty normal for teens to believe that they like people without even knowing them. Most teenagers don't have fully developed minds yet. You're a little ahead of the pack in that department. Teenagers tend to live in a type of fantasy world where they are the center of it and lust and love are the same thing. Things like love or liking people are very complex. Most teens don't have the mental capacity yet to understand their feelings and make the right choices in accordance to those feelings, but they, of course, think they do, more than anybody else and that their feelings are completely new and unique to them, when everybody's felt the exact same thing sometime before. You, on the other hand, are a little more mentally mature than your peers. This is a great thing, but could cause a few problems for you. These problems revolving around the fact that you are severely more mature than any guy that you might decide to date. Guys are less mature as it is, then add the fact that you're extra mature, and it might be kind of difficult. It might not be a problem, but keep all this in mind when you do enter into a relationship. You may have to cut your significant other some slack for just not being as smart as you about feelings and relationships (for lack of a better way to put it). Whatever you do, don't date guys that are way older than you to try to balance it out. It's better to be mentally superior than physically and socially inferior if you catch my drift. Anyway, try not to worry about other people. There will always be stupid people out there. Don't judge yourself by their actions and keep doing what you're doing. You're right! :)

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i know i should have a condom whenever i have sex to prevent STD's and other things, but is it okay to have sex in the shower?

As long as you still use a condom it's fine. Water doesn't kill sperm.

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if you join a school network, does it tell the other people in that network that you've joined it?

No, not directly. People can browse through the members of their network and each network has a number count of how many people are in it, but no one's notified when new people join. :)

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Hi - I just need to ask a kinda embarassing question...I had sex about a week ago (with a condom which worked fine). It was my first time so I expected there to be a bit of bleeding but the thing is, I think I had my period too, cos when I got dressed there was blood in my knickers which must have been there before I had sex (as I obviously hadn't been wearing them then!). Anyway, for the next few days I carried on bleeding, but not as steadily as usual when I'm on my period. I want to know if this was indeed my period or just the blood cos it was my first time?? If so, does this mean that I've skipped a period and could be pregnant? Lastly, would my period have come anyway, as I had sex so close to when it was due? Can anyone help me??? x x x

It's probably a combination of both. You got your period and the bleeding was a little unsteady because of the bleeding from your first time. You're definitely not pregnant. You not only used a condom, but during your period, you're not very fertile and the chances of getting pregnant are pretty small. As long as you use condoms and you check to make sure they didn't break, there's nothing for you to worry about. :)

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ive heard that instead of throwing up some people tend to get the poops (usually, i don't mean when they're pregnant) but i was just wondering if the same thing could occur with pregnancy? my boyfriend and i had sex almost 2 1/2 weeks ago and with no condom well not sex he was just inside me for a little, we're not sure if i am pregnant or not. i haven't thrown up in like 3 years, but i have been going to the bathroom a lot (in both cases #1 & 2 :P) my boobs have hurt for the past week, very tender, and i have had really bad heartburn. I was going to take a test a few days ago but my boyfriend said it's too early bla bla. So i was just wondering if that could be a symptom (getting the poops) especially since i've never had them so bad, it's like wen i wake up i have to and during the day i have to a lot.
thanks!

It's not too early to get a test. You can take a home pregnancy test after 2 weeks. Get one as soon as possible. Anything could be a sign of pregnancy. Forget the signs for a minute since they're different for everybody anyway and remember that you had unprotected sex. It's sex as soon as penetration happens no matter how long he's in there and whether he ejaculates or not. It's a big deal. Never have unprotected sex. It's not worth it because you could easily be pregnant right now. Good luck and next time, use a condom. It's not like they're overly expensive. Being a little embarrassed buying them is better than being completely ashamed when it starts to show that you're pregnant at such a young age (I'm assuming, since you didn't include your age). Even if your parents find them, that's STILL better than them finding out that you're pregnant. Again, good luck.

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where do we find the public version of our facebook profile? like people from other networks can see it but its not your actual profile.. tis like it

A public search listing is what comes up when you search for someone's name on facebook. It has a thumbnail picture and options "Send Message", "View Friends", "Add to Friends", and "Poke Him/Her!". The name is black, not a blue link if that person isn't your friend or isn't in your network. It's nothing new. You've probably searched for people hundreds of times before. Soon though, search engines, like Google, will bring up your public search listing when someone searches for your name there. This hasn't gone into effect yet. If you want to change your search settings, go to the privacy section of facebook and then to the "Search" category. There, you can view your public search listing too. I hope all that makes sense. :)

You can also create a profile badge. It's something you can post on a different site, like myspace, that is a link to your profile for people that have facebook. It's kind of like a public search listing, which basically shows your picture and your status. Another thing you can do is give people a special link to your profile. With this special link, someone can view your profile without having to be logged in to facebook. That means that anybody can look at it even if they're not your friend or if they don't even have facebook (I think). I don't use these options, but to see them and get more information about them, go to the very bottom of your profile page and click on "Create a Profile Badge".

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Ok well...I have braces yes....but a while after i got them, my gums started swelling. they havnet gone down for a long time. i met my friend at the supermarket the other day and her gums arent like that. she hasnt been brushing as much as me though. and she only flosses a lot, two weeks before her orthodontist appointment. the orthodontist told me not to go to the dentist and get my teeth cleaned, but my friend told me, that he told her to go. if he ripping me off??? does he want me to have swollen gums? he said they might not go down all the way. and im really really really mad. he is supposed to be the best in my little country. he told me that hell try to get me done in oct. but then someone said dec. and he said dec. liar!!!!! my mom was right there. help!!!!!! what is he doing, and how can i get my gums down!?! i floss and brush.. thats all i know to do.

Your gums are swollen because of all the stress that's being put on them, not because your Orthodontist is out to get you. A cleaning will not make the swelling go down. It will make it worse. Stop comparing yourself to your friend. Each mouth is different. Your Orthodontist knows this and is treating you to your specific circumstances, not to specific directions that aren't tailored to your individual needs. That means he is a very good doctor.

How would he be ripping you off by telling you not to get a cleaning? That would actually save you money...wouldn't it? He said he'd TRY to get you done in October. The "someone" was probably his secretary who looked at his appointment book and saw that there weren't any openings in October and weren't any until December. When he said he'd try to get you done in October he wasn't looking at his appointment book so how could he know if there were any openings? Chill out. If it was a crooked business it wouldn't be doing so well and people wouldn't say it was the best in the country. It actually sounds like your Orthodontist really cares about you and your specific needs.

Ever think that the problem is your fault? I'm not saying it is, but it could be. You're not a professional, you could be doing something wrong and not even know it right? It's definitely not the fault of your Orthodontist. Thinking so is pretty immature. He has no reason to make your gums swell.

If you brush your teeth and floss too much and you DON'T have braces you will get swollen gums! Imagine how bad it can get when you have braces too! Try brushing and flossing only once a day and that may help the swelling go down. There's no reason to brush and floss more than that, really. There are also products out there like Anbesol that may help too. Ask your Orthodontist about it!

Good luck and trust your Orthodontist! He's a professional and knows what he's doing. Be nice and respectful to him and listen to his advice. He gets the big bucks for a reason! You're lucky to be going to a good Orthodontist. My parents brought me to the cheapest one...my teeth are ok, but could have been much better, like yours will be. :)

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do guys really get boners every 90 minutes?

No, of course not. Guys can get them periodically though, while they are sleeping. Teenage guys tend to get them more because they generally have more hormones. It's definitely not a timed thing and not all guys are the same.

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When i get mad, i get MAD. My breathing gets outa wack and i usually end up puttin a hole in my bedroom wall. Its kind of disgusting how mad i get. And after I get that mad, my stomach hurts. I told my mom i think i needed anger management, but she just laughed it off. Nobody understands how angry i get. Does anyone haf any suggestions as to what i can do to calm down?

Exercise is a great way to channel anger. When you get mad, instead of hitting things and getting all worked up, do some sit ups or go for a jog. Not only is it a great way to channel anger, exercise releases endorphins into your body. Endorphins are also released when you laugh. They make you happy. Another thing I do when I get mad is go outside and destroy nature. In other words, instead of breaking stuff in my room, I break sticks and throw rocks. If you have a video game console that could help a lot too. Get on that and kill fictional things. That always makes me feel better. I know that you get really angry and everything, but your mom is probably right. She definitely shouldn't laugh at you and should be much more empathetic to your problem, but I don't think you need anger management either. You can totally deal with this yourself. Believe that you can and you will! Good luck! :)

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