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Why do I always hook up with my friends' boyfriends?
Now I know that I have nobody to blame but myself, but I have wrecked nearly every close friendship I have had in my life because I end up hooking up with my friends' boyfriends behind their back. Most of the time there is drinking involved, but I don't think that is the problem. I think the desire to do it is already in me before the drinks and it just ends up being easier to do once I am drunk. I do not know why I do this. I know that I just want to feel wanted and I like the attention that I get from men, I guess it is an ego thing. I really love my friends and don't want to hurt them but I can't seem to break this cycle. I don't want to have to avoid ever hanging out with a friend when their boyfriend is around, I need to find a way to just stop being such a horrible person. What can I do? Why do I keep ending up in this same situation when I conciously know that I don't want to do these things?
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It's because of the alcohol. Alcohol makes you feel more relaxed, which can cause you to do things that you wouldn't if you hadn't been intoxicated. You can't blame alcohol entirely though. I mean, if someone gets drunk and beats their wife, it's not the fault of the alcohol. The alcohol just took away the control that that guy had over his actions. He always had it in him to abuse his wife, the alcohol just made it possible. If he quit drinking though, he wouldn't be an abusive husband. He'd still have it in him to beat his wife, but he wouldn't, which would be perfectly ok. You have it in you to hook up with your friend's boyfriends at parties. There's no way around that. You've already done it. Since you are the type to hook up with your friend's boyfriends when you're drunk, why do you drink so much??? If you stop getting drunk it will stop happening. When you're not drunk you can control what you do much easier. How fun can it be to party if you do something awful so frequently? It's ok to go to parties and drink a little, but stop getting drunk. It's not worth it for you. You're not an alcoholic too, so quit it!!
Another thing I want you to think about is that it does take two to tango. Your friends must be picking some really crappy boyfriends. Those guys made the choice to get with you too. It's not like you raped them. I'm not saying that you're doing your friends a favor by sleeping with their boyfriends, but good riddance to those jerks. Your friends don't want to be with those types of guys anyway. What I'm trying to say here is don't put all the blame on yourself. You can't take full responsibility for this when it's only half your fault. Maybe even less than half your fault. Those guys were the ones in committed relationships, not you. They chose to cheat. You weren't cheating on anybody. If not you, they probably would have done it with someone else eventually anyway.
Put the past behind you and stop beating yourself up over what you've done. There's no way to change what's already happened. You need to move on from all of that. From now on, limit yourself to 2 drinks. You may be surprised how much this helps. I also want to let you know that even if your actions have been terrible, the feelings that you have that seem to be the source of those actions are VERY normal. Everyone wants to be wanted and to get attention. It's easy to feel a connection with a friend's boyfriend because they're your friend and you're close to them. You, like most everyone else, can resist temptation too. Start by taking the alcohol out of the picture and eventually you may be able to drink and make the right choices. For now though, one step at a time. Good luck! :)
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Be aware of whats happining. next time a your friends boyfriend asks to hook-up, ask yourself, whos more important? Your friend or her man?
hopefully you choose your friend and if you do, simply ask if your friend comes along or no, beacuse you dont want to ruin your friendship with your friend. But if you continue to do this you wont have very many friends left. Not being harsh but im being honest. So whos more important? Eaisly just turn the guy down.
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I hate to break it to you, but the drinking probably does have something to do with you hooking up with them. Sometimes its normal to like your friends boyfriends, because you want what they have. But if you weren't drinking you probably would not hook up with them. Alcohol makes people do stupid things. Stay away from alcohol if you are going to be around your friends boyfriends, for your sake and if you want to keep your friendships.
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