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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
my boyfriend has been locked up and he had just got out the other week. hes on house arrest for a month && probation for 3. part of his probation is to not have contact with me at all. but the other day we hung out secretly && we had sex. now we think i may be pregnant. im going to take a test/ my first question is IF IM PREGNANT CAN HE GET IN TROUBLE? CAN HE GET LOCKED UP AGAIN? IF SO WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? and my other question is HOW SOON SHOULD I TAKE THE PREGNANCY TEST? we did it on friday the 23rd. my period starts on the 12th/13th every month. any advice you can give me would be great. please help. i dont want to get him locked up if i am pregnant and if i do keep it. please help.
The Answer
Yes. If you are pregnant, he will likely get locked up for breaking the terms of his release.
He SHOULD get locked up. I can't believe anyone is keeping you away from him for fun. They are likely keeping you apart for your safety. Stay away from him. Please.
You will get him in more trouble, and will likely end up hurt.
The earliest you can take a home pregnancy test is three days after your missed period. So, if your period does not come on the 13th, you may take a test on the 17th. If you take a test before then the results will not be accurate.
Read the information fully before taking a pregnancy test. Use it correctly.
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The Question
Okay background info first.
so I went to a show the other day, and there was some guy that needed an extra ticket. I had one, and let him have it really cheap, and I chilled with him the whole night, he picked me up the next night, I hung out with him for that whole night and stayed over there with my best friend. The next day I got to kind of know him, and we cuddled and made out. He's a really sweet guy, but the only problem is he lives a good 30 minute drive away, and I can't drive. Also doubt my dad approves of me dating a guy 3 years older than me. Right now i'm pretty limited to only seeing him at shows, or unless he comes and get's me on weekends. I guess what im trying to get advice on is making the decision of either going ahead and having a kind of long distance relationship where i'd see him about twice a week, wait for someone better to come along, or maybe convince my dad to be cool with it. another thing is, the only reason I hace some hope for a long distance with this guy is he is definetely not an asshole, I trust him, and I see him differently from any guy I've dated.
The Answer
First off, 30 minute drive really doesn't qualifies as 'long distance' in my book. Many adult couples live that far away from eachother. My boyfriend is a 40 minute commute from me and that really is rather close... If you think that is a long distance, I worry you might very, very young indeed.
Secondly, and this also makes me worry that you might very, very young, is the idea that you *know* he isn't an asshole. He probably isn't, but after hanging out with him three times, you don't know. I've dated guys for months before realizing they are assholes/players/controlfreaks/racists. Everyone does that.
You don't trust people that fast. You don't *know* them that fast.
My advice: Take it slow, see how things develope. If he remains happy to make the drive out to you, that is a good start to something more. If he continues on in a non-asshole way and you stop thinking about meeting someone better, those are great signs. No reason to decide today. Let him know you like him, but want to keep it casual for a while and get to know eachother better.
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The Question
Okay so my guy friend missed a call from his fiance today. He didnt realize it until he left my house. She totally freaked out on him and chewed him out because he didnt answer his phone when she called. It upset him because he didnt really see what the big deal was. It was an accident, and he got chewed out over it. I hate to see him upset, and I was just wondering if you all thought that was irrational of her. They kind of have been fighting off and on latley. A couple weeks ago they were arguing and she was all like "well maybe I should just give you the ring back and forget about getting married." (He had told me about his whole fight with her) When they had that fight it really tore him up. I have known him for awhile now and I know that he hardly ever drinks, and that night he had been drinking,so I could tell something was up. When youre engaged and start being petty and fight over missing phone calls and threatening to give back your engagment ring, dont you think you should just end it or what? 99% of the time, its her starting the fight too. This has been goin on for awhile now, and I just want to see what everyones take on this is. I hate seeing my friend so upset over this. He is too nice of a person to be having to deal with this.
Thanks to everyone who replies.
The Answer
You can never really know another person's relationship.
If he isn't happy, then yes, he should end it. Same goes for her.
There is nothing at all you can do but be supportive of whatever choices get made because it really don't matter if you or I think she is a freak. If he wants to marry her, he will. If not, it will end sooner or later.
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The Question
When I finally think I'm over this a**hole (who used me..) life puts a spin on things.
You see I was so excited that I finally liked someone new, that I was getting this loser out of my head, that I decided to introduce him to my friends (I didnt tell them I liked him, just that we were friends) and the first thing they say? "Wow he's exactly like Richard, they could be twins!!" (Richard, of course, being the A**hole!) ha ha ha ha - funny, right?! >.<
And I take a second look, and its true. They look a like, act a like, have the same intersts, same attitude towards woman (plaaaayers!) same EVERYTHING!
Now what do I do about this? Keep going around falling for Richards all the time?
I'd rather not.
But for some reason the only guy I'm attracted to these days (Ive tried to be attracted to others) are exactly like him. And its not that he's my typ or anything.. when i first went out with him I often had to convince myself because I wasnt attracted to him.. not my sense of humor, not my type of looks.. but now.. after him.. my type seems to have changed (to liking complete jerks)
WHAT DO I DO PEOPLE? IM GOING NUTS!
The Answer
What do you want?
Most of the time in life, we get what we go out looking for. Are you looking for a good time with a charming scoundrel? Are you looking for a player you can 'reform'? Do you have something to prove to these guys?
Not all guys who seem to be same on the surface will be the same in end. They will act differently depending on how you behave as well. The same old pattern will give you the same result.
Different people and different patterns might come up with something new.
All you really need to have a grasp on is what you want. If you don't want to date a player, don't. If you see something in this new guy that sets off a warning bell in your brain, stay away.
There is no greater trick to it then that. Live and learn and give people a chance (but not nessicarily a second chance).
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The Question
Im dating this boy whom I really like a lot.
But he is always really mean to me, and we fight all the time. He is always trying to make me have phone sex with him and he considers it "making up" he tells me all the time "lets fight so we can make up" and when I say no, he gets mad and starts saying I dont care about him and im selfish and I dont care about nobody but myself. He always has a way to turn things around and make me look like the bad person and feel really bad for something.
he calls me fat all the time and I only weigh 105 lbs and im 5'5. He calls me ugly all the time and then he says he is just playing. But sometimes he can be the sweetest guy in the world.
He is 16 and a preacher, so maybe he takes out his stress on me, or maybe its because he is black and im white?
Today him and I got into a fight and he told me
"If you were hangin off a cliff with lions and snakes under you, I wouldn't pull you up I would stomp you down"
I dont know what to do anymore.
The Answer
You know exactly what to do. You dump him and never speak to him agian.
You might not want to do it. You may even be afriad (I would be, the way this little thug carries on) but you know that is what you need to do.
You might have heard that you should always dump someone in person. That rule DOESN'T apply when your partner is theatening physical harm and frightening you. If anyone ever threatens you, you dump them over the phone, with an adult in the room as a witness.
You should NEVER be bullied and threatened for sex. You should NEVER be insulted openly and cruelly. You should NEVER be physically threatened. Those are not the actions of love. Those are the actions of vicious, controling little, monsters.
Get rid of him. Leave no doubt in his mind. Record the conversation if you can. If he threatens you, tell your school and the police.
He can't do that. He shouldn't be allowed to do that. Protect yourself.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and things are really great, except when it comes to the computer. When we first moved in together, he had his own computer and I was waiting for mine to be mailed to me.. So I'd use his computer to get online, talk to my friends, play games, normal stuff. He has it set so he has his own profile, and I have mine. On his computer it's password protected. So a few days ago, my computer came in the mail.. and we're both using it because his is broken. I set up a profile for him and I have mine, password protected. Anyways, the whole problem is, he'll wait until I go to sleep, get online until 4am or so and the other night I had to walk by the computer room to go to the bathroom and he heard me coming and all I hear is "click click click" like 17 times really fast of the mouse. That bothers me, like what does he have to hide? And he deletes his internet browsing history every time he uses my computer? I don't really care if he's looking at porn or whatever, and he knows that, but it bothers me that he deletes his history. I just get the feeling that he's hiding something.
I just need to know how to approach him about it.
It's frustrating me.
The Answer
Approaching him honestly and openly with your annoyance and questions.
It wouldn't be right to accuse him outright of doing anything wrong, but you can tell him that his behavoir makes you nervous and concerned.
It sounds to me like you two might not have been living togeather too long, which means this is an important conversation about 'bounderies'. There are always things that are private. Things you don't really want to let anyone in on and that's okay.
But you need to be able to trust he isn't hiding something, and he needs to be able to trust that you wont go flying off the handle if you see something you don't like.
If you two can't come to a compromise over this that allows those two things to happen, you are heading down a bad road.
So be considerate and open about your fears and expect him to be the same. You don't need to know everything he is doing online, what is important is what he is afriad of you DOING if you find something on the computer? Tell him what your response would be to different sort of things, porn in all it's varieties... even cheating. At least then he knows where he stands.
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The Question
Why are highschool teachers so mean?
This is my first year of highschool and i found out that most of them don't care about a lot of things and the way they say it makes them sound so cold and mean.
Like one teacher was really nice and then she yelled at this girl because she accidently did something wrong and said sorry. "This is highschool, you fix the problem! You don't just say SORRY and then it's all better!"
And then i hear a lot of people complaining about university teachers and some teachers tell like some bad things about their university teachers when they were in university. And that they don't care.
I'm just really wondering why? I'm a very sensitive persona nd I'm just really, really not used to it. I almsot cried because i got in trouble for the most random littliest things!
Are people just nice but as they get higher to high shcool and University they get mean and cold or something? Is it because THEIR teachers rub it off of them?
Is that even allowed in all schools? Or is the fact that we need more teachers are true and they just hire anybody?
If the point of school is to become successful people, you need help from teachers. Shouldn't the people really be picky about their personality to hire teachers for school?
What about the kids who are failing? Obviously they won't ask the teacher for help if they're really mean!
I'm really sorry to put thsi up, maybe I should copy all this on a peice of paper and give it to a random person in the school or something but I'm really scared to do that and i'm just hoping atleast some of you guys can answer even a few of these things I'm having trouble with.
Thank you.
The Answer
Some teachers like their jobs, some don’t. Some would like their jobs but are so overworked and pressured they spend more time fighting the board then doing their job. Some are just bad at their job.
There are good teachers, and there are bad ones. Just like there are good doctors and bad ones or good plumbers and bad ones! Even thee good ones make mistakes and aren’t even necessarily ‘nice’.
This is real world love, a lot of people are not good at their jobs, but you actually have to be pretty damn bad to get fired.
However, I think it’s really, really important that you realize no teacher is responsible for you education, your personality or your success as a human being. YOU ARE.
That is what the teacher who told your friend to fix the problem meant. Her delivery might have sucked but her message is true. When you are younger you are praised and rewarded for trying and apologies are good enough. In the real world, apologies aren’t always enough. You have to go out and fix the damn problem.
In high school and college you are rewarded for being successful. Frankly, they don’t care HOW you become successful. Just that you do it.
If you can’t approach one teacher about doing poorly in their class, find another that you can approach. Ask a friend. Ask a counselor. Ask a parent. Ask a principal. Ask a tutor. Solve the problem.
You are responsible for your education and learning. Not them. Some of them will do their best to help you, others wont. That doesn’t change who is really responsible.
This world is filed with people, family members, partners, friends, co-workers, bosses who we DON’T like and who SUCK at what they do. Dealing with them, and supporting yourself in spite of them, is the key to being a mature responsible adult.
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The Question
I work in a restaurant that is a mixture between fast food and sit down. You place your order at a register and we bring the food to your table when you're ready. It is a kid-friendly enviornment, we even have a kids eat free night. Does this warrant parents to allow their children to misbehave, make a mess on purpose, run around screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs, etc? There are some kids who will sit in their seats throwing food on the floor and the parents, rather than disciplining, will laugh at their children and make comments such as "Oh Johnny, how adorable", etc. It's ridiculous.
My job is to take orders, make food, and keep the dining room clean. Yes, I know it's inevitable for people to make messes, but it's ridiculous for parents to condone it, and LAUGH while it's being done.
Are there any polite things I can say to these people or is it one of those grin and bear it, vent to co-workers when they're gone types of situations? It's just really bugs me to have more food on the floor than what they ate (no exaggeration either).
If you're a parent who has allowed this, why? Why do you feel it's okay? I understand that it's my job, but there are so many other "behind-the-scene" things I do, that being forced to clean up a mess that could have been easily prevented by a parent saying "susie, please don't throw that on the floor". If you're a parent who will discipline their child rather than play along - Thanks!
I also don't mind when a child accidentally spills something - kids will be kids. I'm not here to complain (although I apologize because it probably sounds as if I am). I just want to know if there's anything I can do and WHY parents allow this misbehavior?
The Answer
The simple truth is there are badly behaved adults as well as children. When you work in service you have to deal with both, all the time. There really is no excuse or explination.
I work in service where I generally deal with adults who act like children. I have been spit on, grabbed, insulted, threatened, hit on and had an arranged marriage suggested to me, so well I sympathize with your plight (seriously, I really do!) I gotta say this isn't a 'kid' or 'parent' problem. It's a 'people' problem.
Som people are just... indescribably rude. The ones who cross that line (such as laying thier hands on me) are removed and the police are called.
But the idiots, are just idiots.
So why do parents allow this? Because they are tired, lazy, ineffective, bored, ignorant or maybe they just consider eating out thier time off... I'm not sure it matters.
If there were a solution to this delemia, rest assured that someone working in a family resturant would have figured it out by now. There isn't. It's just people.
If the children's behavoir is dangerous or disruptive to other guest, say so, or have your manger say so. If there is a recuring problem with a specific guest, have the manager speak up. Otherwise, yes. All you can really do it gripe to your co-workers.
Kids will be kids. Not every parent will be a good one and every good parent will make mistakes. Jackasses will simply be jackasses.
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The Question
I didn't know if it was the right column to put this under maybe I should've put it under health. Anyways, next week my period is due but all this week i've been getting this brown discharge.. I don't know why, is that maybe an early sign that your geting your period? I've gotten it once before but my doctor said it was normal and i only got it for a day.. but now ive been getting it the past 2-3 days... any thoughts? or suggestions on what may be causing it?
The Answer
Still normal.
Brown discarge is just older blood. Only fresh blood is red.
Unless this happens and there is an unusual ammount of blood or unusual ammounts of pain, it's nothing to worry about.
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The Question
i'm gonna show you a picture of my dog, right below here.
Tuesday night we found him on our porch, we don't know what happened to him, and i was hoping someone on here could tell me whats wrong, or what happened.
we don't have enough money to take him to a vet..but we have this ointment stuff, and one of our other dogs got cut and it healed him, so this should definetly work, but everyone else is telling us to get "blue ointment"?
well here he is, does anyone think he got cut or burnt?
my dad thinks he got ranover, but we're not so sure.
thanks alot!!
oh and this 'cut' is located on his back, almost by his tail, and it's really wide, thick, and kinda long.
here's the picture:
http://i12.tinypic.com/6s85eyr.jpg
The Answer
Go to a VET!
That is not a 'cut' or a 'scratch' or even a burn. That is gash in his flesh and he likely needs stitches.
Please. If you love your pet, take him to a vet. Pets are members of the family, and just like a mother or a brother sometimes you have to make sacrafices for them.
Take him to a vet!
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The Question
my boyfriend treats me bad sometimes... my friends HATE him, because once and a while... when they talk to me, i'm always crying over something he did. all of my friends tell me to break up with him, but that's the thing.. he's not all bad. i really like him too. sometimes, he'll give me the attitude and stuff like that.. and last night he let me cry.. he LET me cry. -__-" he said that i was doing this to myself, and it was all in my head.. when i know it wasn't all in my head because i'm usually a happy person, and i wouldn't cry for no reason. so when i was tearing up or crying.. he wouldn't comfort me. until i blow up like crazy.. THATS WHEN HE COMFORTS ME. when i wouldn't have been crying like that if he comforted me in the first place.. those are some of the things he does to me. i asked him to change for me.. because the stuff he does and says hurts me. so he PROMISED that he would. and it's been a while.. until last night he said he really will change this time for good. i don't really want to keep waiting to see if he really is going to. my friends says that if he really did care, he would've changed already. and he begged me for another chance and he PROMISED AGAIN, he really will change. i'm about to loose hope that he really is going to do this for me. all of this is getting me stressed out.. and i'm too young to be having this kind of stress.. and crying too hard to have my side hurting. should i give him another chance? or break up with him? or should i just wait and see what happens?
OHHH and again, he's not all that bad.. he changed a little and he says he did change.. but i just don't see it. -____-" but it's kind of hard for me to if he's treating me like this. and etc. do you think he really will change?
HELP ME PLEASE! by the way... me & him has been together for about 6 months.
The Answer
You deliberately left your question VERY vague.
It's impossible for us to even geuss if he will change, or if your expectations and responses are reasonable or excessive.
Your question left us knowing almost nothing about your situation except this:
You are fed up with him and not happy. You don't really want to be with him anymore. You are just waiting for something bad enough to happen to make you break up with him.
I've been there and I know it sucks, but if you know it isn't working, break up NOW. Don't drag it out any longer.
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The Question
there's a guy @ my school and i like him alot. we got together but after 2 days he broke up with me by telling his friend to text me. his friend told me that he still wanted to be friends. before we got together i went out with 2 of his friends. and they made rumors that i was a slut(but to tell you the truth im not [pinky swear])
i wanted to know if he was playing around to see if i would get with him......
i just want your advice to see if he really liked me or if he wanted to see if i was a slut.....
The Answer
We are not mind-readers. Not a one of us.
All I can tell you is that none of the boys you are talking about are dating material. Not a one of them.
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The Question
Hey guys, I need your help =/
In a few weeks I'm getting a wisdom tooth pulled and they're going to put me under anesthesia. One of the questions on the paper when my mom filled it out was 'are you on birth control' and she put no, but i am .. and she can't find out. Will being on birth control effect my surgery in any way? I'm going to call the office once i find the number, but for now I'm starting to get nervous, i can't get off the pill because i see my boyfriend soon xD
HELP!
The Answer
You absolutely MUST tell the anesthetist that you are taking birth control. Birth control can effect your bloods ability to clot and to flow, and it might effect the type of sedative the doctor selects.
If you plan on simply stoping the birth control until your surgury do so TODAY! Not Tommorrow, not next week. Today.
Don't mess around with anesthetics. They are dangerous and when things go wrong, they can go very wrong.
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The Question
I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18, we've been together a year and a half.
The other day when we were at the mall I saw this really pretty ring and told my boyfriend I really liked it. Later on he asked me what I wanted for christmas and I told him I wanted that ring.
Last night he called me and said, "Is there anything else I can get you other than that ring, because I don't really feel comfortable giving a ring to you" I was really surprised, he said he didn't think it was a good idea because "rings usually mean something else."
I honestly wasn't thinking it to be a "Promise ring" or anything like that, I just really thought it was pretty. Now I'm sort of hurt, not because he won't buy it for me,(and I know its not a money issue either) but because of what he said about not being comfortable giving it to me. I don't know why but it makes me doubt our relationship, and I'm upset about it. What should I do? Should I try to talk to him about it, or would that just make things worse?
The Answer
Take a deep breath, relax and respect your boyfriends opinion.
I'm afraid I'm with your boyfriend on this one: A ring can be highly symbolic of a life-long commitment.
The fact that he doesn't feel ready to give you something that is that symbolic of marriage is not a 'doubt of the relationship', it means he knows he isn't ready to make a life-long commitment. That is a good thing! He is eighteen. If he thought he was ready to make a life-long commitment to someone he would be a moron.
I know that isn't what the ring meant to you, but it is what it means to HIM, and you need to respect that. Symbols are very important to people and he doesn't want to give you, your family, or your friends, the wrong message by getting you a ring.
If he didn’t feel that way, there would be nothing wrong with a ring as a gift, but he does, and there is no really rational reason to argue with him on that point.
Pick something else.
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The Question
I've just started my second packet of Yaz Birth Control this Sunday. The reason I started taking BC was to stop my period I had since august to october.
When I was taking the white reminder pills, I got my period (on my second white pill). I've had it for six days now, even though I've been on the pink pills for five days now.
That's not normal, is it?
16/f
The Answer
Perfectly normal for your period to continue into the active pills.
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The Question
there's thei girl and she ruined my life. made all my fiends hate be by telling them lies. she made rumors about me and she even wrote a letter, sent it to my house so my mom would read it and the note said "i over heard your daughter in the bathrrom thursayd and she was telling one of ehr friends that she was having sex with her boyfriend and was trying to get pregnant just so she would make her mother mad" and she signed it with "a concerned friend" which if anyone here believe that i or anyone would ever do that is cazy. i never said that and my mom knows i would never. she didnt belive the letter but just the fact that she would write that is repulsive. now shes going out with my boyfriends best freind of 7 years and she forces him not to talk to my boyfirend. he now can only have friends if they arent friends with me or my bestfreind kayla or the people she picks for him to be friends with. she forces him not to go to work on days shes not doing anything. and when hes off of work she gives him 20 mins to get to her house or she starts calling everyone of him "friends" and gets her brother out looking for him. she is phsyco. and now jake's (my boyfreinds bestfriend) life it totally under watch by this stupid girl. see me and jake were good friends to and he was going to ask me out but my boyfreind now, his b/f asked me first. and now i sort of reget not going out with jake. dont get me wrong i love my boyfriend but jakes life is now runid because of kaitie(his g/f) and now my boyfriend lost his best friend. i guess you could say i hate this girl. and i want them to either shut up with all thier shit they've been saying about me, my firends and my boyfriend ro them to break up. i know someone out there knows good ways to make people break up and i do have morls and i know it isnt a good or nice thing to do but i cant take it anymore. is anyone read my questionslast year i asked some about this girl before. shes a life ruiner. i need then to break up. but i need a plan that would make me look like i did it and a reaaly reaaly really good one that will for sure make jake break up with her. and by the way... at school she is all over every guy. her b/f doesnt go to school there but since hes gone shes all over guys. she even let a boy touch her bobs in school!!! wile she was going out with jake.! ahh i cant say anymore or ill start getting mad. i need help
The Answer
The truth for you is same truth for every other girl out there who wants to break a couple up for some reason or another: You can't.
They either stay togeather, or the don't. You CAN make them miserable, but you can't break them up.
So what can you? You can support Jake and be honest with him. The fact is she isn't ruining his life just because, she is ruining his life because HE LETS HER.
Until stops letting her, nothing can be done.
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The Question
I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and cares about me and wants to be with me. The problem is that i still think about my ex sometimes because he was my first real boyfriend. Should I hold off on going into another relationship because of my ex or should I go for it and take a chance on this new relationship?
The Answer
It's okay to think about your ex, you may always think about him.
But what sort of thoughts are you having?
If you are wishing you were still togeather then no, you shouldn't dating anyone else.
If you kinda miss him, but are happy and know it wasn't working and don't really want him back, then yes, you are ready to date.
That is my litmus test anyways. Best of luck.
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The Question
I really want to get a promis purity ring
its where i wont have sex till im married but..
i feel like i wont go through with it!
What happens if the promise is broken?
How can I make sure i wont have sex till marriage?
The Answer
The only way you can 'make sure' is by not.
Very few people make a promise with the intention of breaking it. To be honest with you, I think the very fact that you are thinking so realistically about this, means you are probably ready and able to keep this promise, if you want too.
It's the people who never think about the risks and the temptations who end up breaking thier word. The people who know it will be hard, are ready and willing to work hard at it, are the one who can do it.
If you want to save yourself for married, get the ring and do the work. I believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself and your own decision.
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The Question
why is it taking nearly a week for my question to be shown on the site? :[ is there too much traffic? can't the common questions be displayed somewhere since people don't seem to go look at the previous questions? it's really annoying to see all these similar boy problems or tampon/am i pregnant ones.. when it's already been asked and answered.
The Answer
There are more questions and less people giving answers, that is the crux of the problem.
So yes, it's taking longer for a question to get up on the site. In some case, over 48 hours (never a week, thank goodness!)
I think its important that we not change our mandate and start deleting MORE questions. We already delete a lot. What we need is to answer MORE questions. I have a job, and a life, and family and a boyfriend and some classes I am taking, but I am, like many are here, trying really hard.
Advicenators is important to me. What it represents and what it can achieve is important to me. If it's important to you the best thing you could do right now is try to answer more questions, even just one more a day then your normally would.
We need more advice, not less questions.
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The Question
my boyfriend of two months wants t odo other things, eg handjobs ect, i want to but on the other hand, i don't , please don't tell me that its what i feel comfortable with then do it coz i don't know!!! I am 14 F
The Answer
If you don't know, you aren't comfortable.
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