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hey..i am someone who is very unhappy. i cant explain why..because i dont know why. i cant talk to my parents. my parents are fakes. in public theyre great..at home theyre horrible. im in a counselor group at school..and that is the only time of day that makes me happy..when i can talk to someone. i seriously feel like friggin shooting myself sometimes. wtf do i do.

Aww, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad :( All I can really suggest you do is make a list or focus on all the good things in the day, every day. It'll help you to be happier by focusing on the positive :) It's really great that your counsellor group is good - are there any other people in it you could make friends with and talk to? Either way, you should get how you're feeling out - maybe in a diary if there's no-one to talk to? I reckon you should also try and figure out what's making you unhappy - is it just your parents, your home life in general, little things mounting up...?
I know how you feel about your parents. Mine are the same. Sometimes we just have to stick with it and we come out better people because of it. Besides, if you ever have kids, you'll know exactly how to be a brilliant parent because you'll know exactly what to not do! Just remember that you can get out of your house in a matter of years, and it'll make living in your own house extra special!
I really, really hope things get better for you soon, and you can always email me at mitzirox1986@hotmail.com if you ever want to rant! :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Okay, this may sound really stupid, but I'm serious about asking this question. I'm a girl, I'm thirteen, weigh 105 pounds and I'm 5 foot seven. I'm so tall, and I HATE it! I wish I could stop growing! No offense to tall females, but I think that tall isn't really that flattering for me. My mom is always complimenting me on how tall I am, and I hate it so much! I don't want to be tall! She won't even let me drink coffee to stunt my growth! My doctor said that I might even grow to six feet! I don't want to be that tall! I hate my height already! I'd be happy to be 5 foot four! ARGHH please, is there anything I could do to 'appear shorter' or to stop growing??

Hi,
I bet you're wonderful as you are!! Everyone hates their height (I'm a 5 foot 2 midget!! Try reaching the top shelves at my height :P), you've just gotta accept it. Wear flat shoes and don't wear anything with vertical stripes, as they make you look taller. Oh, and don't make friends with midgets :P Lol. But whatever you do, don't slouch!! Women who are tall look four times as worse when they slouch, or walk with their knees and back bent. Don't worry about your height - you can reach all the top shelves, see people in a big crowd, and you don't get trodden on all the time! Be proud!! :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok this might be kinda long but pls read this and pls help me please !! im goin crazy !!ok theres this guy jak and we started as friends cause me and his sister allie are like good friends we go evry friday night to the movies ) so that friday night we both went to the movies and were hangin around and stuff again and we went and watched a movie and he sat by me well evry time we moved seats i would follow him and sit right next to him or he would follow me and sit right next to me !! so then i found my friend and there was 4 of them and only plus me and jak and there were only 3 seats so one girl got her own seat and the other girls shared a seat and it was me and jak left right so we shared a seat and then after a while i started thinking i really like him alot ( i didnt noe that though before cause i hadnt known him that long probably i had hung out with him for about 2 weeks ) but ya so my friends i didnt tell them that i liked him but they could tell so they were like we will pay u 2 bucks if u kiss him and i was liek ok so i made sure he would kiss me to and he said ya so i turned around and kissed him !! and so he was like smiling and evry thing so we were hangin around and then i had to go find my brother and so while i was gone my friend asked if him if he like me and he was like ya so they told me when i came back out of the movie thing and he had to go skate with his friends so thye asked me if i liked him and i was like ya so my bff spent the night at my house and we were callin allie his sis and he answered the phone and said she wasnt there so we talke dot him from 10:30 pm to 4:00 am !! and while talking he asked me out and i said ya so that how it started and so we went out for about 3 weeks and then he broke up with me right after x mas when i got bak it was like jan 1st maybe well he had his sister break up with me for him !! and i was crying and crying cause i really liked him and now i cant get over him like i always go to her house to do stuff with her and hes there evry time i go or if i go some where like to the movies or some where else hes there so it makes it so much harder for me to see him have a good time without me flirting with other girls not big time but just a lil flirt and me being heart broken over him !! i cant get over him !! i love him and not puppy love i mean i love him and he knows i still like him buti dont think i have another chance with him though. and dont just say get over him cause its not that easy to do !! cause i love this guy amd its to hard to let him go !! what do i do to get over him or better to get bak with him !! pls help me im heart broken and i need help please give me advice !! thanks alot !!


You haven't been broken up that long, so it's totally natural that you still have feelings for him. Uunfortunately, there is no magic cure for getting over people - you've just got to let time do it's thing. Ask your friend Allie for some 'time out' from going to her house - maybe she could come to your house instead? And she should have a word with her brother and make sure that he's not always around when you are, just to give you some more time to get over him - you definately aren't ready to be seeing him so often right now. Good luck and I hope things get better for you soon!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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your advice colume is gorgeous!!! How did you make the things on the sides like that wow.......good job and u give good advice!!

Hi, and thanks!! The picture down the side is a picture I found on google ages ago, and the URL for it is http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v334/DreamingForever/godandgoddess.jpg if you ever want to use it sometime!!
Thanks for the note :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Im 13/f. I went out with this guy last summer but then we broke up. Recently I think that i made a mistake by breaking up with him. And i do want to go back out with him but he has a girlfriend now, but he told one of my friends that he likes me. What should I do?! Should I tell him how I feel? plz help!

You might just be feeling like you want to go out with him now because you CAN'T, as he has a girlfriend - it's kinda like the whole forbidden fruit thing; if you can't have it you want it. If you think that you really, really do want to go out with him again, remember that relationships hardly ever work the 2nd time around, and try and work out why you broke up in the first place. If it's a silly reason or something that can easily be gotten over, then you need to talk to him, find out what the situation is with this new girlfriend, if he really does want you back, etc. Whatever you do, don't go out with him while he's still going out with her...just think of how you'd feel if you were that girl in that situation. Don't let him take you for a ride, so to speak lol, make sure that you know for definate that he has broken up with the other girl (if he does) before you go out with him yourself. If everything looks OK (i.e. he wants to go out with you again, he's broken up with the new girl and she's had time to get over it, etc etc), then go for it, and I wish you the best of luck!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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My family believes very strongly about lots of things. One of those things is legal marajuana. They think if somebody in the USA wants to smoke pot, let them. Pretty much everybody in my family smokes pot except for me. I'm 15 years old. I think they're wrong. I don't think pot should be legal because it makes people do stupid things. But so does beer and other alchaholic drinks. But they're legal. So I think maybe they should not allow alchahol or pot. I'd like to point this out to my family but I don't want lectures. What should I do?

---

Hi,
I think you're great for thinking for yourself rather than just believing what you're being told!! Stick with that :) If you don't want to smoke pot, don't.
You obviously have some really strong views on this, and you should always stand up for that, but make sure that when you do tell your parents, don't make it sound like you're attacking them. Next time the subject comes up, mention the fact that you don't agree with it - simply say something along the lines of, 'you don't have to agree with me, but I don't like the idea of smoking pot. I think it makes people do stupid things'. Your family may laugh it off or be shocked or have any number of reactions, but just remember that whatever they say, you should always stand up for what you believe in!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Well you see I have dated this kid many times and the last time we broke up was because we were going to schools different from eachother, but then he asked me back out after he realized we talked and saw eachother alot more then expected... and i think i love him and we tell eachother that we do, but I have a crush on a boy that goes to my school who I think flirts with me. And i had a dream last night that the kid I like picked me up and swung me around in a hug and kissed me on the cheek.. and he chose me out of alot of different girls. i don't know what to do?

If I'm perfectly honest, neither guy sounds like an amazing choice!! Firstly, you say you and your boyfriend have broken up many times before - things obviously aren't going right for you; I'd get out of that relationship if you can (but, incidentally, just because you have a crush doesn't mean you don't love your boyfriend, and a dream isn't a solid reason to break off a relationship).
You really need to do some soul-searching and find out if you love your boyfriend or not. And I mean really love, not just think you ought to.
This other guy...if you do break up with your boyfriend, it shouldn't be for him. A break up should be for you - get out if you're not happy!! Then, once the breakup is over (if you do break up) and the dust is settled, think about going for this other guy. You definately wouldn't be a flirt - you're a great person for thinking about your boyfriend this far ahead; most people would just do whatever they wanted! Good luck and I really hope things turn out OK for you,
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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hi im a girl and im bisexual (and 13!), and i have a girlfriend..but i also like someone else. i've like him for such a long time, and we went out once. but when we went out we broke up blah blah. he's starting to like me again..he's told me in emails, in IM's..on the phone, and through friends. i mean, my girlfriend is awesome, but i'm starting to think i might just want to be friends? what should i do..:-[ please help!

Hi!
Could it be possible that things are just getting old with your girlfriend and it's the idea of someone new that's attracting you? Or did you like the guy before you got together with your girlfriend? If you're unhappy with your girlfriend, then you should break up with her - whether or not you go out with this guy - because you should never stay somewhere where you aren't happy.
The guy sounds like he really does like you, but 2nd-time-around relationships aren't always a good idea. I don't know the details, so I can't judge, but if you think that the reason you two broke up 1st time round was something that definately won't happen again or something you/he can easily forgive and forget, then go for it! Just remember to keep an eye on things to make sure that history doesn't repeat itself, and to never be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. If you believe that you love this guy, don't let this chance pass you by! :)
Blessed Be and good luck!
Rach xxx

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Okay,
One of my friends, found out i like her; she didnt find out what from some rumour because it happened between us. which i think is good.
but, should i pursue a relationship with her and risk our friendship or continue being friends and somewhat envying the mark-guy she likes?

Thanks,
-AJ

Hi! Hmm...you should talk to her and ask if she would go out with you (or if you don't want to do that, just kinda...observe...and see if you think she might). If she does and she likes you back then go for it! Never let an opportunity to love someone go by :) If not, then remain jealous of the Mark-guy and just hope she'll get over that sometime soon!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Ok so heres the story, me n my bf broke up like over 7 months ago. I know its sad but I'm still in love with him and cant come over the fact that I'm not the love of his life anymore. See we dated for over 9 months and he even asked me to marry him and gave me a ring...this guy had me believe we actually were gonna spend the rest of our lives together. I went away for the summer and we still talked none-stop and then he started talking to his ex gf and he started having feelings for her again and so we "took a break" then somehow it turned into a break up. I dont know what I did wrong, and now we barly talk and he says hes in love with someother girl who already has a bf and doesnt love him back...I dont understand, he knows I still love him , or I least I hope he does, so he knows that if he ever feels alone I'll be here. But she doesnt love him so why cant he just stop trying so hard on here and give me another chance. I'm a different person now I have friends now and I do everything with them, not like when we dated I only had him and so we did everything together, but now I just want another chance. Is this bad for me thinking that I'm still in love with a guy that treats me like crap? Is it bad I cry about 3 times a day and probably cry about 4 out of the 7 days? Should I like see a shrink or somthing? Please help

Aww, hunni, I am so sorry...there's nothing wrong with you at all. It's totally normal to still be crying - you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with this guy!!
I think all you can really do is hang on. If this relationship he's in/wants to be in doesn't work out, he might come back to you, but you've got to ask yourself if you really want that? I mean, what happens if he does it again? And you say you've got friends now - that's great! You just have hold onto that, and decide whether to hang on to this relationship for the rest of your life and miss out on some great chances with love, or let go (you don't have to do it instantly, gradually is fine) and possibly miss out on something great. Tthe only thing is...if I was you, I'd try to let go. I mean, he can't be that great if he's off with other people now can he?
Go out with your friends, have some fun, date some other guys (it doesn't have to be serious until you're ready) and just live your life until you know what you want to do.
I really, really hope things turn out OK for you :) *Hugs* Hang on in there.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Hi, I'm 13 years old, and i recently started cutting. Don't think " I'm a physco Freak " or whatever you want to call me. My Friend introduced me into it. She said it really helps. so one day i was really angry, i was crying and all, and i cut all up and down on my arm/wrist. To me, i felt better, but just the next day it hurted. From then on, i have been cutting myself all the time when i am mad. the last time i did was actually last night. I use " Scissors , Razors , Saftey Pin , or any sharp objects round the house " . my mom saw my arm by acident, and i told her i fell on a side walk. well my friends are so worried about me. they think im ganna end up killing myself, because i almost did. i really do hate my life even if i have friends and a boyfriend. i JUST hate it, and i think sometimes i was just a mistake, that i ruin other people lives. well i dont know, if i should continue, and and my friends upset, or not, and stay here. I DONT KNOW?! its just really hard to stop though, cuz im so addicted to it. EHH` . what should i do ? thanks . if you wanna i.m. me on AIM ; BlinkBabex33 .. or you can email me ; BlinkBabex33@comcast.net

Omg, your friend INTRODUCED you to it? You don't need friends like that. Any friend who encourages you to try and kill yourself is not worth the time of day. You both need help (not being mean, being serious), before this gets way out of hand. And you really need to tell someone else about the whole rape thing. A counsellor would never tell your parents - their sessions are confidental.
BTW, you should never cut just because you're angry. Take it out on your cushions or something, but not yourself. Being angry is not excuse to try and kill yourself. Anger ends. Depression takes a lot longer than an hour or so to die down. Depression I could understand, but anger...? I am so sorry if I sound judgemental at all in this but...God...I'm shocked. I never thought anyone could be that sick as to 'introduce' their friend into cutting.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ok.... so there's this boy who i THINK fancies me. We hang out in the same group of friends and i've been to a few sleepovers with him, but the problem is he's in year 9 - 2 years younger than me. i'm a really youg in year 11 though so the age thing shouldn't be a problem. I'm not sure how i feel about him, but i'm thinking that i might like him... Argh i don't know what to do! if i do go out with him then people at school will start talking... i dont even know if i like him like that but im sooooo confused
help!

If you really like him, you won't be bothered by what other people say. If you're not sure, give it some time, and just remember that age doesn't matter :)
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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I have a friend who told someone I like that I was a slut, stupied, a freak, and a lousey girlfriend. only because I went out with him for a long time and then we broke up. I have no idea of what to do to get him to like me agian. Please help me

Tell the new guy that your friend is just a bit jealous and trying to stir things up. Does the guy you like know that you two went out? If he does, he'll probably get the idea that the other guy is just jealous. If not, laugh it off casually (but not like you're being mean to your ex) and tell the guy you like not to worry. And you shouldn't worry either - the new guy might still like you!! Don't make a big fuss out of the incident, either way. Explain why your ex feels like he does and everything should be OK (although it sucks that you have to apologise for him!!). I'd also get some yelling in at the ex into the bargain :P
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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okay. i'm 13 and of course female.
well, i just meet this really great guy. hes funny, nice, cute. Everything. we've talked and stuff. but i want to hint him that i like him, with out throwing myself to him or just being goofy! How do i hint to him that i like him?

Do both of you have email? If you have, then ask for his if you haven't got it already. Email him a little - but not too much or he'll think you're a stalker, lmao. Just email every now and then saying, 'hey, how are you?' or whatever. Sign your name with 'xxx' - it's a pretty standard thing but it might get him wondering. If that doesn't give him the idea (which is might not as guys are pretty dense lol), then asking for his email/phone number will do. If that STILL doesn't work, then play with your hair when you're around him. Lmao, that generally makes guys think you're interested.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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My best friend always copies my looks! Like if i tell her ive found a certain store that i like to go to, she'll just one day start shopping there and tell all our other friends she found it first! And its not just like materials..she said that she liked matt -our crush- way before i did. But when i told her i liked him last year she said oh i think hes kind of ugly. I mean is she really my friend?? shes so annoying ..what do i do? plz help!!

Be flattered - when someone copies you it means they look up to you and admire you!! But if it's bugging you, maybe when you're out shopping together, you could pick out something for her that you wouldn't wear but would look good on her? She would most likely accept it if she copies you - something you think is good, she would love. That should encourage her to be a bit more independant, but if she doesn't get the hint, then tell her that you're flattered that she likes your style and all, but you think she should try and find her own. I'd also confront her about the whole lying to your other friends about finding shops first - it's a bit petty, but if you ignore it it could blow out of proportion. Next time she does it, don't like...yell her out and say, 'no, I found it first!!' or whatever, but don't let her get away with it either. Just say something like, 'no, I told you about that shop last week, remember?' that'll put her on the spot.
Good luck!!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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ill make it short..i like this guy and he likes me but i have a boyfriend and my bf NEVER talks to me should i dump my boyfriend?
~please help!~

I reckon you should talk to your boyfriend, and if that doesn't work things out, dump him. Don't stay somewhere you're not happy; life's too short! Especially if this guy likes you back. Although if you do decide to dump your boyfriend and go out with the 2nd guy, then it'd be good if you could wait a while - at least a week - before going out with the 2nd guy, to avoud hurting your boyfriend's feelings too much.
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxxx

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well, see i used to have these two really good friends and I had so much fun around them. then things got shaky and they started hanging around these really bad guys that always wanted us to do stuff for them , and I couldnt take it. turns out, their realtionships at home got worse and they started fighting with their moms and such. but i still remember all the fun times we had. should i let them back in?

Have you got other good friends now? Because if so, then I wouldn't let the old ones back in. They sound like they're wrecking their lives; you don't want them doing it to you. You've gotta ask yourself that, if you do let them back in, are you prepared for the same thing to happen to you as has happened to them (falling out with her 'rents etc)?
Whatever you do, remember that there is more to friendship than just having a laugh - it's about love, respect, and being there for someone unconditionally. If you believe that they deserve a second chance, then give it to them, but keep your eyes open and get out fast if the same things start happening again. Sometimes you have to think ahead rather than now.
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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i need so help.. please help me.. what do you do when someone really close to you like a family memeber or a friend doesnt like your boyfriend cause of what he soposivly did in the past? he is a really nice guy when u get to know him but he made a few mistakes in the past and he has changed alot since then.. but my family meber/friend doesnt like him.. and they say they never will.. im ttrying so hard for them to like him.. because i like him alot and want this to last a long time.. and i think im in love with him..

please help me!

i love you stephanie

Has your family member/friend given a valid reason for not liking the guy, or do they just randomly hate him? And how much do they not get on with him - does he just annoy them, are they scared of him, do they argue? If this guy is yelling at your family with little provocation then he isn't worth it, and vice versa for your family. If they hate him because of his past, then tell them how much it's hurting you that they can't accept this guy when he matters so much to you. Tell them that they need to give it a go and TRY to get to know him before they judge him - for your sake. I agree with what a couple of others have said, too, though - keep an eye out for this guy, because history does have a tendency to repeat itself.
If your family/friends really do hate this guy and won't even try to get to know him, then you don't need them to give you their permission over who you can and can't fall in love with. As a last resort, you might want to threaten that they're going to have to choose between accepting him or losing you, or you may even have to choose between your family and the guy yourself. Just wait a while if it comes to that - think it over for a long time, because if you choose the guy and things go wrong, your family/friends are not going to like it when you go back to them.
Good luck!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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Theres this guy I like at my school. Since school started, we've been really good friends and I've liked him and we've actually acted and seemed like we were more than that. Everyone around us seemed to think we were. We flirted a LOT.
Well, earlier in this month, he tried to ask this girl out whos a grade ahead of me and him and she turned him down. He really wanted to go with her but he still got over her very quickly. And even through all of this(school started in late August so its been about 4 or 5 months) he's flirted with me a lot and at least in my opinion, we've gotten closer.
So last night, I was talking to him on the phone and his mom got online under his screenname and I talked to both of them for a bit and his mom said I should come over and meet everyone sometime, that was cool. So then Josh and me hung up and he got online. Then he asked me for a picture of me and I asked him what for and he said because his mom wanted to know what I looked like. So I sent him a picture and he said his mom said I was cute. I was like, ok thanks and then I asked him if he thought I was cute. He said "Yes, I do" so then I told him about how people in our school have been telling me constantly that he likes me and I asked him if he really did and he said he wasn't ready to answer that question yet. So then we just started talking about music and out of nowhere he told me that he really did like me but he wasn't sure and stuff. He said, he likes me but he doesn't like me. Like, he's not sure if he wants to start something yet. He also told me that he thinks I only know the "school" him and not the "whole" him. That I only know part of who he is. And I accepted this, I was fine with this. So, I suggested me and him hang out together sometime and he was cool with that. Bottom line, he says he likes me a lot but hes not sure about everything completely yet. And I looked at his sun sign and he's a Libra and Libra's are known for being very indecisive. Now, I really want to get together with him because I'm really into him and well, you get the point, I suppose. But, I just wanna know, what can I do? If anything? Should I just wade it out and let him figure out how he feels himself? Talk to him about it more? Just try and get to know him more and let him get to know me more as friends? What should I really do because I just wanna be with him...?

Hmm...I think you should let him think it out a bit, while trying to get to know him better at the same time - but keep up the flirting, lol, or he might think you only want to be friends. If you feel like you've been waiting too long though, after a while, then tell him, because you won't get anywhere if you both just try and be friends forever. If he is indecisive, then you might have to end up making most of the decisions.
You two sound really sweet though, especially if his mum likes you!! I think you've got some pretty good chances of things turning out how you want them to here :D Don't let it pass you by!!
Good luck :)
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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My friend wrote:

how's everyone? been not so pleased for the past few days thinking about my hip surgery. and watching ballet has been really upsetting to me, so today i had to watch a rehearsal for the ballet carmen that i was supposed to do, so that made me sad in the first place and then i had to teach the replacing me the role. and then this said to me "i can't believe you ruined your body" like i meant to. i had to leave the room before i started crying. i'm just afraid that when they do the surgery they'll look at my hip joint and tell me that it's so affected by the arthritis that i won't be able to pursue ballet anymore.ah well, must think positively

what can i do for her to make her feel better?! any suggestions??

You're such a sweet friend to want to cheer her up :) You seem to understand how bad she feels, so all you can really do is be there for her, wish her good luck, and generally support her. Talk to her when she needs it, and if she does do ballet again, then you should be there and cheer her on (not literally lol...I don't think you can cheer ballet...:P) if you can!
I know you were probably looking for a one-off event to make her feel better, but sometimes long term simple things like just being there mean a lot more. But you could always do something she'd really like - think of something she likes other than ballet, for example cooking (just a random example), and bake her a cake. Even if it didn't turn out well she'd really appreciate it because it means you'd tried for her :) I think all you can really do at the moment is keep her mind off ballet at much as possible.
I hope everything goes well for you both!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx

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