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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Is it true, that on Neopets, the more you donate to the money tree, the more 'random events' happen?
The Answer
At one point years ago this was quite true... if it still true, the percentage increase to random events is so small it's basically unnoticeable.
Besides... not all 'random events' are good things.
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The Question
I'm a senior in highschool and my day is pretty much over at 10:30, because I have early release. English is my last real period of my short day so, expectedly, it's hard to focus. I usually tired and read to go home.
My English teacher, I believe, is seriously worried about me. She's always asking me about life and if every thing's okay. I try to explain that I'm just tired but it doesn't work. She bought me a journal as a gift and in the card she wrote that when life gets you down and is hard to manage, I should "let go" adn write in the journal. She also recommended a book to me...a book on how to take control of life and only focus on the positive things.
I'm quiet puzzled as what to do. There's really nothing wrong, but she doesn't believe me?
The Answer
Get a better nights sleep and be more alert in class.
It being a bit hard to focus at last period is one thing, but it should be something you can over come. Being so tired it makes your teacher concerned about your mental health... that might be something you want to work on.
It makes sense to be a bit tired at 8am, and perhaps even at 3 or 4pm at the end of the the day, but being tired by 10:30am, you should probably re-evaluate the lifestyle choices you are making that see you so tired only hours into your day. (Or speak to a doctor and figure out why you are exhausted by 11am). A decent nights sleep, a proper breakfast and a little bit of alertness in class will solve the problem with your teacher, and make your life a good deal more plesant when you find yourself with a day that goes longer then to 10:30 am.
That will solve your problem with your teacher and improve your life in general.
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The Question
ive been dating my guy for 6 months and his ex has been in the way so i told him to tell her to knock it off. so yesterday he tells me they went to dinner so they can come to a conclusion. earier today he sent me a message saying that he wanted to talk to me. and when i tried to get in contact with him. he wouldnt answer my texts. and when i called it went straight to voice mail. is he cheating on me with his ex? do you think he's losing his love for me? or am i just being paranoid?
The Answer
At least give him a chance to talk to you about this and explain why he was unable to call or text you back.
Then trust your gut. There is really no compelling reason to believe that if he cheated on her, and is trying so desperately to remain friendly with her, that he wont cheat on you, and try the same stunts to keep you as a friend to his sorry ass as well.
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The Question
I have been divorced for 3 years. My ex married a girl who wanted me dead throughout our 10 year marriage. She has a few screws loose. She has succeeded in shutting out his entire family,threatend to have me killed, now she is working on our children. My kids would always come home sad. Finally my 10 and 11 year old girls came home and said that when the new wife picks up and brings home our kids for the weekend she says " Me and your father had sex last night.." and proceeds to describe it!!!! I asked my girls why they didnt tell me before and they were too ashamed.My girls said they have sex with the door wide open also, the wife says that she has an open door policy in her home. How disgusting. I have done everything I can to get along with this woman but she is psychotic. The girls told her they are uncomfortable with it and she said too bad we are an open family and we discuss everything.. POWER TRIP?? Is there anyone out there who thinks this is INSANE? WHAT SHOULD I DO??? I adore my kids and want the best for them. Thank you! Kimberly
The Answer
Call your ex and request his input on this matter. If he doesn't realize that this is inappropriate behavior and isn't open to speaking to his wife and ceasing it, tell him you'll be speaking to a family lawyer, and then do.
If he can't grasp that this behavior is harmful to his young children, he needs some assistance coming to that realization. If nothing else, he needs to understand you have an equal say in these children's sex education and your say on graphic sexual descriptions is NO. I would turn a blind eye if this happened once, and explain it to the children as a very poor attempt to educate them, but if this is happening repeatedly, it is simply sick.
This might not qualify as 'child abuse' but it certainly qualifies as poor behavior and a blatant disrespect of one parents wishes which is likely covered in your custody agreement. Get the courts involved in mediation and aim to get a parenting coach involved with your ex and his wife. They need it, and the coach will encourage them to have better skills working with you as well.
An 'open door' policy is very effective with small children, older children need to earn and practice their privacy, as well as be exposed to new information in a controlled and intelligent way. A parenting coach will understand that. I would encourage you to make that your main goal with your lawyer.
Also, for goodness sake DOCUMENT all threats. Even if it has not escalated to the point where you can charge her, any and every possible threat she has made to you should be documented for the day that she does cross the line.
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The Question
Hello Razhie,
I have read and enjoyed your column for over two years now, and in the course of that time you have given me some excellent advice(mainly about my dysfunctional relationship with a very much older man who was blatantly playing me for a sucker).
This problem which I now have is comparatively trivial, but it still bugs me, so I thought I'd just share it with you. I am now in a very happy relationship-my partner and I truly love each other ,even though we've only been dating a few months(I'm 24f, by the way, and he's 28). But this love does not prevent me from having at times quite intense crushes on other men(expressed through both dreams and daydreams). I would never dream of hurting my partner,and I don't even flirt with other men, but these attractions are there nonetheless. I guess my real question is-do we pay for stability and loyalty by restlessness? And is being "in love" the same as "loving"? I know that these are vague and general thoughts, but they worry me, and I wonder if you had any thoughts (or experience, if that's not too personal) that might shed some light on my feelings.
Many thanks!
The Answer
Well, my thoughts always come for free, so those I can always offer. I have so much experience, more then I’d like to have really, that I’m not sure if that will come up, but I will start typing and we shall discover together!
Are you restless, really? In the sense that you are uneasy and dissatisfied... because that is what restless means, or is your happiness and your easiness and satisfaction with your love life INCLUDE fantasy about others.
Is the man who looks at porn restless? Is the women who own dozens of harlequins restless? Are they dissatisfied and uneasy with their partners (they could be), OR does their personal experience of happiness and satisfaction just include dirty pictures or steamy novels.
I know, as porn is a loaded topic, it is not a great example, but I suppose what I am trying to say is, be careful what you call yourself because in labeling something, you can end up making it true.
Thinking of yourself as 'restless' just because love hasn't satisfied your every whim so thoroughly that you've abandoned a healthy fantasy life might not be fair to yourself. It was Freud who first suggested to the literate millions that only dissatisfied people fantasize, but any competent physiologist today would tell you Freud was dead wrong on that one. Healthy humans fantasize.
I think, as far as the crushes go, you need to take serious stock and decide: Are these crushes something I just do to entertain myself or do they speak to my dissatisfaction with my relationship? If it is only for entertainment value, do I think they are detrimental to my long-term happiness in my relationship or are they irrelevant brainfluff?
So, do we pay for stability and loyalty with restlessness* (*read: dissatisfaction)? Yes, at times we will, but it shouldn’t be the general experience of a relationship. A bit of restlessness can be the push to prune the relationship and keep it healthy. As long as 'restlessness' isn't defining your everyday, as long you don't find yourself embracing that as a personal label and escaping into fantasy to the detriment of your reality, I wouldn’t call it a problem. In fact, I think calling it a problem can begin to create the exact problem.
Call yourself ugly everyday and you’ll start to feel ugly. Call yourself restless and you can guess what happens. Recognize problems, don’t create them.
It’s a call you have to make all on your own. You need to decide if your fantasies are as harmless as swooning when Wesley says “As you wish…” or these are thoughts that are at odds with what you really want to achieve in life.
Is being in love the same as loving? No of course not. I can’t imagine anyone would say it is. I act in a loving way to many people in my life, but I am not in love with them. On the other hand, I don’t always treat the person I am in love with in a loving way… Being in love, is just that, a state of being. Loving is DOING something about it.
Your previous experiences have certainly taught you this. Anyone can call themselves ‘in love’ just as easily as they can call themselves ‘polka dotted’. If you say you are ‘loving’ you better have the actions to back it up.
What I have come to believe about love, the kind of true, long lasting love, that is not just a ‘feeling’ (because god knows if we listened to only our feelings we wouldn’t stay in long-term relationships), or even a pre-destined fate (nonsense as far as I’m concerned), it’s a choice. It’s the thing that happens to you when look at another person and make yourself the promise to be their lover. To provide for them, to support them, to put them first and too respect them always. Not because they deserve it, or because it will make your life better and solve your problems, just because you are compelled to make that choice and that promise, not to them, but to yourself to be in love.
All else I refuse and thee I choose, to put in an old maxim.
If we listen to biology, our fantasies, and even our passing feelings, we won’t find love. Those are just white noise that surrounds us. Love isn’t loud or pretty and it doesn’t even feel that intense most of the time. Love happens when you look inside yourself, and you choose to find love there for another person.
Of course, that guarantees nothing in return, but love never does.
Your questions were a bit vague I suppose, I hope I didn’t run off with them in the entirely wrong direction… If you’d like to talk more about this, feel free to e-mail me. I’m a bit swamped at work atm, but I’m available all the same.
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The Question
When i was going out with another guy, Roy, my best guy freind Gerard, tried everything he could to break us up, he got to the point where he wasnt speaking to me until i brok up with Roy. Theyre best freinds, so i didnt see the problem. But then he came and told me he liked me, and that he wanted to go out, but just not now becuase he wasnt ready for a girlfriend, hes had too many broken hearts. Please keepin mond that ive liked him for a long time before this, but i thought i moved on. I guess i just have a soft spot in my heart for him. So i say yes, and that ive liked him for a long time. He made me break up with the guy, who i really liked. But i thought hed be worth it....he just told me he liked some other girl. Atleast hes being honest but you know, i did verything for him you know? And he didnt return the same feelings anymore, how could you do that to a girl? So then roy says then we broke up for nothing, and he tells me how much he still likes me, and i say well u like you too. Were going out now and im really happy cause gereard is okay with it this time. But i cant help feel deeply hurt by him. I love roy though, i just dont think ill be able to get over Gerard. What do you think?
The Answer
Well, of course it isn't 'fair'. Gerrard is a jerk and he mislead you.
But he didn't *make* you break up with Roy. You choose too. You choose to dump Roy for Gerrard, who told you he was interested, just not yet.
Simply remember this if Gerrard ever tries to play with your feelings agian or turn agianst you and Roy. Remember that he is interested in using you and having power over, he's not interested in your happiness at all.
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The Question
what do you think autisim really is please be polite
The Answer
.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I have been together for five months and up until now have had a very strong and loving relationship. Recently, we have started to have lots of arguments, primarily about the fact that I feel slightly sidelined by his busy lifestyle.
We have always been open with each other and make sure we talk about the problems we are having, and today I told him that I didn't see how we could continue like this, especially as things will get busier what with exams and the growing success of his musical career. His reply was that every single problem we have is entirely down to me.
I know we love each other very much, but at the moment I really don't know how to solve this seemingly permanent problem. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
16/f
The Answer
Either dump him, or reconsider your position.
I will say this: It is not abnormal or unhealthy for adult partners in happy, long-term relationships, to see each other only once or twice a week and sometimes less if time does not permit. Seriously.
Even married couples are probably fortunate to get three nights out of a week where they can simply enjoy one another’s company without chores, kids, work or other obligations getting in the way.
Life is a busy endeavor.
Lots of teens have a different idea of what closeness should be, and in a lot of cases, it's an unrealistic idea. High school is a small world. As you age the world opens up and there are even more things and people competing for even less of your time. This is especially true if your boyfriend is older then you are. At the end of high school or the beginning of the next stage of life, things expand rapidly and learning to balance it all is very tough.
You haven't said anything here that would suggest whether your expectations are unrealistic, but regardless, I would encourage you to seriously consider what you call enough time, and how you can make the time you do have together seem more valuable.
If your needs really aren't being met, by all means dump him. I would only suggest that before you do, you seriously consider if your expectations are really rational.
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The Question
ok well i went over this boys house last weekend and we ended up making out and you knpow just messin around. well things really clicked we had hung out once before but that was the first time we had done somthing. so hes my best friends cousin and shes fine with everything but he said he would call but never did. he has basketball and i know hes busy but i mean he could have called what do you guys think?.
The Answer
Last weekend was only four days ago. I wouldn't write a guy off until he hadn't called for over a week.
If he still hasn't called you by next Monday, either forget about him, or call him yourself.
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The Question
I guess i'm lucky. I feel I have the perfect boyfriend, he's loving, caring, supportive and he accepts me the way I am.... only one problem. He wants to get married, in a church too & he wants to have children... Normally most girls dream of this. But I never have, it's just strongly against my own personal beliefs, but I won't get into that.
We talked about this and came to the conclusion that we shouldn't worry about it because there MIGHT be a SLIGHT possiblity that i MIGHT change my mind in the future... only i highly doubt it.
I'm scared he'll leave me, if I never do give in. I really love him, and I think love is more important than any of that stuff, but he doesn't agree. He feels he NEEDS it to be a part of his life.
So what do you think? Am I worrying too much? Or am I just wasting his time if we have no "future" together? Any other advice?
The Answer
Listen to some of the other advice you've recieved '... if you aren't ready for that.', '... you are still young.' and '[it] would not be so bad.' and from all corners, even from him and from yourself, the expectation that it is YOU who needs to change.
It's an interesting idea, and perhaps even right, you might change your mind. But they are also deeply sexist and belittling ideas, rooted in the idea that no female can be stasfied without a marriage and a family and that sooner or later, you'll realize that.
These ideas theorize that you will grow out of your 'personal beliefs' and want what all women are supposed to want.
Will you come to feel that way? You certainly might and you are definately able to choose to stay in the relationship trying to change yourself. Maybe you'll even agree to marriage and kids, and be blisffully happy. Maybe you'll give in and grow bitter and resentful as you live a life you never wanted.
No one has a crystal ball however.
I think, as a mature person looking for a long term relationship, you are worrying just the right amount. (If you are 14 however, why are you even talking about this? Go back to dating and having a good time. This is not a disagreement worth having in your teens!)
You are basing your long term love affair with this guy on a slight possiblity which you highly doubt. He didn't even admit a slight possibilty that HE might change. You seem to understand that the responsbility to change has been left squarly on your shoulders, and I would agree it probably has.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see why you are worried: You are worried because this is a foolish thing, and an unlikely one, to base your furture happiness on.
The saying is true hun: Love just aint enough. Love is not a force of nature that conquers all. It's like the rest of life, it needs support and nurisment to exist. Without a shared vision for the future, one that gives you mutal satasfaction, your relationship is doomed. It will be eaten away by resentment and bitterness.
Don't pin your life dreams on winning the lottery and one of you changing your minds. I'm sorry, but if you are looking for happiness, you need to be more realistic then that. You need to at least consider that the 'perfect boyfriend' might not be the perfect partner for you.
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The Question
Ok so this girl (use to be my friend but she just ended up being a boy crazed jerk) told me this boy, Erin, liked me. She asked me if I liked him and I said no (I'm not really into boys yet). And like her jerky self she went and told Erin that I didnt like him. It broke his heart. I would never tell a boy I dont like him I would say somthing like "I like you alot too but not like that I just want to stay friends for now". But my jerky friend would say somthing like "There is no way she would ever like you". What should I do, my jerkey friend really broke his heart and the blame is on me. All advice apreciated.
The Answer
It's not your fault. At all.
You don't have to do a thing.
Never telling a boy you didn't like him, now that would be mean.
Breaking a heart is always kinder then leading people on and lying to them anyways.
If she was harsh in her words to him, that is her fault, and his fault for trying to get an answer from someone who is insensitive like that. You should never ask someone for help if thier idea of 'help' is punching you in the chest when a simply tap would have done just as well.
He made a poor judgement. Not you.
Anyone who blames you for this is a very foolish, petty little person. Tell them as much.
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The Question
omfgggggg
so me and my bestfriend have fights like this alll the time.
but she always makes a big deal out of alll of them
no joke.
its always "my fault" but of course it is because why would she blame it on herself..?
anyways
so at school, she was gone and i guess at school everyone craves gum so she had gum in her locker.
And me and my friend went in her locker to get gum.
Now, its gum. not a big deal.
so today she comes back and she starts this whole thing"WHO STOLE MY GUM"
well. i didn tknow she would spaz out like this , so me and lindsey(girl who went and got gum with me) didnt say anything.
But lindsey tells her what happened and whatever and lindsey said sorry. and maggie is over it with lindsey. shes cool.
But she ignores me for the rest of the day.
Now come on, its gum. yeah its "stealing"
but if i stole gold or money from your locker, THENNNN you can come to me and argue about it.
So i just didnt talk to her for the rest of the day. And obviously she did the ame thing.
Called me a stealer once or twice and i responded with the rolling eyes.
I mean. wow. is someone not making a big deal about this orrr whatttttt?
she said stealing is stealing.
But im not a robber.
And im not saying sorry.
III wouldnt be mad if she got candy from my locker.. Its food...-_- so what.
??? like why would i need to say sorry for it.
other people would be like " yeah so what she got gum from my locker.."
But maggie is all like " RAWRRR! WHERES MY GUMM. IMA KILL YOUUUUU!"
its quite scary.
anyways.
is this not overrecting?
I dont wannnnaa say sorry.
and i already told her she is making this a big deal.
Who started talking and tried to fugure this out!?
ME!
Who signed off on aim in the middle of the convo.
SHE DID
......... wtf man
ITS CANDY
The Answer
Look, the details don't really matter. It doesn't even matter that she blew it totally out of purportion! You are over-reacting as well with your refusal to just say "Sorry, I messed up."
You still went into her private storage and took something without asking. It was a mistake, so you should apologize.
Buy her a replacement gum and say you are sorry, you didn't think it was a big deal since it wouldn't be one to you, but now you know it is to her so you wont do it agian.
She might not take your apology. She might keep being a bitch about it. At that point by all means tell her that if she can't accept your apology she can shove off, but before you do that, you have to do the right thing, and apologize, or you are no better then she is.
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The Question
I was just thinknig today, and this came across my train of thought...
How well do you think that you could get to know somebody without ever actually meeting them face to face?
Do you think you could get to know somebody well enough to form a real friendship?
A relationship?
Or nothing at all.
I just want some other opinions :)
The Answer
I don't think you can really *know* a person you have never met face to face.
You can certianly be friends, but a truly deep friendship? A relationship? No way.
Here is why:
The internet, and to some extent phones as well, are tools we use to tailor and control our communication. We use them as shields and filters for our feelings and comments. Real interaction between two people always includes physical interaction.
They say that 55% to 70% of 'communication' is read through body language, and 38% to 45% in tone of voice and inflection. That leaves a measly 7% to 10% of communication being the words we choose.
How can we ever really know a person if we only recieve 7% to 10% of the messages they are sending!
I'm not saying you can't still be friends, you certainly could choose to be, but a rational person has to realize that the friendship is fuctioning on a very different level then a friendship with a person who is standing beside you fuctions.
At thier jobs, people discover this all the time! As many e-mails as we may send back and forth, sooner or later you just have to get up and go talk to the person, or else everyone gets confused and wrapped up in the words.
Friends you have never really met certainly have a place in your life, just make sure it's a realistic place.
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The Question
One of my best friends is in the relationship i think is bad.He is going with a 16 year old girl whom he tells people 18 or 19. He is 22. First of all when he is around our friends he says things about her like "that b!@#$...." or "she's so stupid" But around her its "hey baby or sweetie" At the same time she has on her profile that she loves him very much but wishes he loved her the same. Just last night they were talking on the phone when he says here talk to (me) I froze I didn't want to talk to her. Dont get me wrong shes a sweet girl and all. I just don't think that they are right for each other. I don't want to say the wrong thing and ruin our great friendship.
The Answer
Have some balls babe and at least let him know you think his relationship is not well-balanced or destined for bliss.
What with his name-calling and dismissive phone-passing, he likely already knows it.
'Great Friendships' should be based in honesty and mutal respect. That means respecting him enough to tell him that his relationship might not be exactly legal and certainly doesn't seem healthy. It means respecting his right to be in the relationship anyways. Finally, it means he ought to respect your opinion, even if he doesn't share.
You aren't doing him, or her, or yourself, any favors by not at least saying 'Dude, do you really wanna be with this girl at all?'
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The Question
My a this guy are a little more than friends. I just found out few months ago got a girlfriend. Should I continue my relationship with him?
The Answer
It is up to you.
If you think the fact he is 'being with' you while he has a girlfriend is as immature and disgusting as I do, you should probably stop.
But since you found this out months ago and are still a little more then friends with him, I suppose it doesn't bother you.
That is okay, just don't expect other people to share your opinion about this. If he is seeing you behind his girlfriends back and you are allowing it, most people will not be impressed.
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The Question
so here is d sitution , i love this girl n she also loves me a lot. earlier she had a boyfriend for a short period of time, n then thery broke up(long story). now i met this guy and he claims to have had sex with her but she is denying it. by the look of it the boy dosnt seem so friendly but still i dont know how to confirm if he is not telling lies. my girlfriend claims that she is virgin. but m stuck........is there any way how exactly i can come to some conclusion???????
p.s. i am 19 and my girlfriend is 18.
The Answer
Obviously someone is lying, but there is no way you will ever find out for sure.
The only thing you can do is trust your girlfriend, because if you can't do that, you shouldn't be dating her anyways.
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The Question
the guy i am in love with and 2 of his friends are trying to get a huge grant for like 1 million dollars or more . he is 18 years old and the other 2 are 19 . he dropped out of school but he got his GED and the other 2 graduated . they arent getting it for college loans or anything , they are jsut doing it to get money . they are going today to see if they get it or not and if they do they plan on leaving for florida for a couple of months to party with the money and junk . i really hope they dont get it and i asked my mom about grants this morning and she said they only give you grants for loans for school and that you have to pay them back . is it true that you have to pay the grants back ? and do you think theyll get a grant even if its not for school purposes ? godi m so scared because i dont want them to get it and leave the state for months because i wont get to see him or talk to him much if they do . please fill me in about this whole grant thing and if you think theyll get it
The Answer
There are different kinds of 'grants', some you pay back and some you don't.
For ALL OF THEM you must do something, or promise to do something, to recieve the money.
You must be making art, going to school, working for charity, being somehow productive in society. I have no idea what these boys have gotten into thier skulls, but I find it ludicriously unlikely that someone is going to give them money so the can go be jerk offs in Florida.
Lying to a granting body is fraud. If they plan on trying to lie to get this money, they are moronic. Not only would they have to pay all the money back, they would go to jail for lying to a granting body.
I wouldn't worry about him leaving if I were you. I'd be more worried about having a crush on a guy with so little grasp on reality.
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The Question
People are always like omg, rachel is sooo bipolar. but what does it mean exactly. i don't wanna seem like an idiot because people are always asking me what things mean because i always know. i kinda make a big deal out of it, and i know i shouldn't in case this type of thing comes up, but please tell me! Does it mean like moody, or like changing yourself a lot or what?
The Answer
Bipolar is a category of mood disorders, not a specific disorder in and of itself, but a name given to a group of different disorders that are similar. People who suffer from bipolar mood disorder alternate between abnormally happy moods, and very dark depressive moods.
Generally, bipolar disorder involves periods of mania (extreme happiness) or depression (extreem sadness) that lasts weeks or months at a time, not one that changes every few mintutes or hours.
A BIPOLAR DISORDER IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING 'MOODY' OR TOO SENSTIVE.
The same way that being shy doesn't automatically mean you have an axienty disorder or being loud doesn't automatically make you ADHD.
In fact, it's very wrong of people go around saying 'omg, rachel is soooo bipolar.' The same way it's wrong to say 'That is song is soooo gay!'. First off, it's insulting and belittling to people who do suffer from bipolar mood disorders, and secondly because it's just plain inaccurate. Chances are very good that Rachel is NOT bipolar and there is nothing funny about the idea that she might be.
Please, tell your friends that it's not a nice thing to say about someone, and it's even less nice to treat it like a joke when it in fact a very serious mental illness that effects a small number of people in a very serious way.
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The Question
Awhile back, I joined the newspaper at my college. Unfortunately, I decided that it wasn't a good fit and dropped the activity about a month and a half later. When I had only been working there for about two weeks, I was approached about purchasing a t-shirt with the organization's name on it, and I agreed. Now, several weeks later, I have been informed that the t-shirts have come in. One person (who was in charge of purchasing the t-shirts) has asked me to pay for mine. Now that I'm no longer a part of the organization, I don't particularly want to pay for an overpriced t-shirt that I can't wear. As a college student with no job, I can't really afford to buy things left and right, especially if I don't need (or even want) them. I certainly would pay if I were still a part of the organization, but now I'm not sure what to do. The t-shirt isn't personalized- should I pay and get the shirt, or tell them to sell it to someone else?
The Answer
Ask them if they can sell it to someone else or if someone else might be interested in getting it.
If no one steps forward to claim it, honor your commitment and pay for the t-shirt.
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The Question
how can you tell the difference in a jealous type boyfriend vs. just a protective one? obviously one is protective and one acts jealous but can you elaborate for me? bc he claims to not be jealous haha but he kind of acts otherwise.
The Answer
Both an overly jealous boyfriend AND an overly protective is a problem.
Both can be controlling and munipulative behavoirs designed to make you behave the way he would rather you behave. In the simplest sense: Jealously gets angry and accuses you of betrayal, over-protiveness get whinny and tries to improve you.
If he trying to restrict your socailizing with anyone, or makes you report on the time you aren't with him: He has a problem. If he thinks that his feelings are caused by your behavoir (ie "I'm upset because you wore a low neck shirt) He has a probblem.
You are uncomfortable with his expectations or his behavoir, then you both have a problem.
Don't worry so much about labeling the behavoir as 'jealous' or not. Consider if it is 'acceptable' or not.
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