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Arguments
My boyfriend and I have been together for five months and up until now have had a very strong and loving relationship. Recently, we have started to have lots of arguments, primarily about the fact that I feel slightly sidelined by his busy lifestyle.
We have always been open with each other and make sure we talk about the problems we are having, and today I told him that I didn't see how we could continue like this, especially as things will get busier what with exams and the growing success of his musical career. His reply was that every single problem we have is entirely down to me.
I know we love each other very much, but at the moment I really don't know how to solve this seemingly permanent problem. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
16/f
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This is a tough one!
I know exactly what you're going through.
My husband is a drummer and he was in a
band early in our marriage.
Its very easy to feel the outsider on
top of everything else. He, having a wife
and son to support finally decided after a
couple of years that it was taking to much
of his time and going nowhere. Your guy is
a long way from coming to that conclusion.
Those two years were very long ones. I
don't know that I would have toughed it
out if I were single.
You talk of your guys growing success.
The more successful, the less time he
will have to spend with you. You don't
want what little time you do have to
be spent arguing.
So, I will have to agree with Razhie
you will have to work around it or
find someone whose lifestyle is more
in common with your own.
I wouldn't want to tell you to break
up with him, but he does seem to be
putting this all on you. Five months
is a long time but not a REAL long time.
Keep in mind that if you don't think
you'll be comfortable playing second
fiddle to a band in the coming years,
it may be better to get out before you
get even more involved.
I do hope it can work out for you.
You are looking at some lonely nights
ahead though. Been there done that! :)
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Well if I were in your position an I really LOVED my boyfriend I would try to make a compromise on his life an my life an than OUR life together. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3yrs an we have our little arguments about him working together Tuesdays-Sunday giving him ONE day off out of a week, It sucks because yeah I admit it's my last year of highschool but at the same time I like being with my boyfriend but at the same time he needs money for bills an not to mention him living by himself. But all you need to do is make a compromise just because times are getting hard for you both ask him to maybe come over BEFORE his band practice or after, Maybe ask him every 2 days to come over your house an change up the routine a bit. But I wouldn't end a relationship because it's not going your way an how you want an expect it to, Stuff happens an Stuff WILL test your relationship an this is just your chance to prove how strong it really is :)
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Either dump him, or reconsider your position.
I will say this: It is not abnormal or unhealthy for adult partners in happy, long-term relationships, to see each other only once or twice a week and sometimes less if time does not permit. Seriously.
Even married couples are probably fortunate to get three nights out of a week where they can simply enjoy one another’s company without chores, kids, work or other obligations getting in the way.
Life is a busy endeavor.
Lots of teens have a different idea of what closeness should be, and in a lot of cases, it's an unrealistic idea. High school is a small world. As you age the world opens up and there are even more things and people competing for even less of your time. This is especially true if your boyfriend is older then you are. At the end of high school or the beginning of the next stage of life, things expand rapidly and learning to balance it all is very tough.
You haven't said anything here that would suggest whether your expectations are unrealistic, but regardless, I would encourage you to seriously consider what you call enough time, and how you can make the time you do have together seem more valuable.
If your needs really aren't being met, by all means dump him. I would only suggest that before you do, you seriously consider if your expectations are really rational.
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I have been in the same situation as you but the truth is it only gets harder as his career starts to build but that will take at least 5-6 years before he actually gets noticed. I will let you on a secret. Even though he mnay be practicing with his friends and doing shows, it takes alot of time and energy to be a successful musician. And to be honest contractors for record deals take time, I am talking years of practice. They look for someone who knows the music well writing, reading sheet music, and being able to play anything anywhere. You don't just have learn the type you are playing but they like you to be able to play different genres. You may think his career is building but you don't have anything to worry about right now. As for the arguing that happens when you are spending to much time together. I would go on a shopping spree or do something for a week without him. Let him know what you are doing because you don't want him to think you are ignoring him. Don't talk to him on the phone or see him because that will start the arguments. You just need a little time to figuare things out. Its not that you don't love him and he doesn't love you, you guys are just spending to much time together. As for exams take the time you need to study for yours and he can take the time to study for his.
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