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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
ok well i was talking to my boyfriend yesterday and he had been at a friends house playing basketball earlier. well he fell and landed on his ankle, and he says he felt & heard it crack. he said he couldnt even move bc it hurt so bad, and he was starting to cry. well, then it got numb, and now hes walking on it although he says it hurts as an 8 on a scale of one to ten. he said his ankle was sticking out in a weird way when he fell, and its very swollen. i keep telling him to go to the doctor, or even the hospital maybe, but he wont listen, & im worried. not only about him, but if its fractured like i think it is, itll never heal completely right and itll hurt him when hes older. everyone in my family is a nurse or doctor, so i pretty much know what im talking about. what do you think? is this a fracture or break? should he seek any immediate medical attention? i think so, but i would just like more opinions. thanks! 16/f...16/m boyfriend.
The Answer
You aren't a doctor and you don't know for sure.
Niether am I, so I have no clue if it is a fracture or a break.
But of course he SHOULD see a doctor if the swelling is still around and it is painful.
Don't lord it over him. If you try to say "I know best!" he wont go just to spite you. Just encourage him gently to do the right thing. It's his body afterall.
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The Question
I am so devastated! My fiancee of 3 months is texting and calling an 18 year old girl secretly. The problem is he is 43. She works at a place he plays darts at on Wednesdays and Fridays. I looked up his cell records and there is over 100 text and picture messges sent between the 2 in the last 4 months. He said they only talk once in a while but I got suspicious when his phone is always on vibrate and his text, incoming and outgoing calls (except for mine) are deleted every day. one phone call lasted 44 minutes. She sent him a text when he was in the shower letting him know how good her bubble bath was! He denies any and everything. AM I CRAZY!? I am 30 years old and I told him I cant compete with that!Please help
The Answer
You could easily compete, and beat a nonsensical 18 year old. Seriously.
When a male tells you otherwise, it is his self-absorbtion and basic lack of respect for you that you can't beat.
Stop snopping. That isn't helping.
Tell him straight up that you are uncomfortable witrh the degree of secretness he has wrapped around his 'friendship' with this very young woman, and you expect openess from him. Any rational creature should be able to realize that texting about one's bubble bath crosses the line of acceptable behavoir for an engaged man. If, when you approach him calmly and without accusations, he refuses to even admit that his 'friendship' with her has become too intense and needs to be seriously reduced, simply walk away. A man who refuses to see at least that much sense, will keep on lying to you even when you catch him in bed with the other women.
Don't compromise yourself by sneaking around and peaking at his private things. Simply trust your gut and good sense. If he can't show that he too, has good sense, leave him.
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The Question
does anyone know where I can find these little weights i heard about that you can kind of put on the lower section of each of your fingers while you play that helps to make them stronger?
The Answer
I am not a doctor, but my understanding is that finger weights were never designed to be used by people with 'healthy' hands. I know they are sold that way now, but that is not how they are used by those in the medical profession. They are meant for those with illnesses that cause loss of dexterity and difficulty in motor planning. A bit of 'resistance' can be a great thing for those who are struggling to control their hands.
But how could they make your fingers stronger? There are no muscles in your fingers to condition through weight training! The muscles that control your fingers are located in your forearm. Your fingers have only tendons in them.
Tendons must be gently stretched and you must practice to improve their dexterity or movement. Apply too much weight, and those tendons simply get damaged and can break.
Not to mention how such weights will mess up your touch. Maybe making your fingers fight gravity, does actually build strength (I'm not buying it, but whatever) but it certainly wont help your develop a delicate and controlled touch. Each time you take them off, you'd need to relearn the amount of force required.
Don’t go for the quick fixes or short cuts, just practice.
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The Question
i am a pregnant teenager and i did have my permit but i failed some classes then they took it from me and then they dropped me from school because i was in the process of getting put on homebound.is there any way i can get it back by going to get a ged or adult college?
The Answer
I have no idea what homebound means in this context and being a pregnant teenager, I'm truly not sure why it is your driving(?) permit is your biggest concern...
You'll need to be a bit more clear.
However, you should speak to a school counselor AND contect yourself with a non-for-profit agency that helps teen moms, like Rose of Sharon for example. They will have more expertise in answering the questions you are going to have.
Anything is possible with hard work and support.
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The Question
http://www.engravedgiftsstore.com/images/engraved/thumbnails/100474_small.jpg
That flask above.
My brother has one in his car, and I've always wandered what type of drinks do you put in there. I know it's alcohol...but I mean like vodka..or what?
Dw, I'm just curious...and I don't wanna ask him cause I'm not supposed to know about that flask (our parents believe that you should be at least 25 until you can drink more than a glass of beer/shot of vodka, etc. :P
Thankyou! ^^
The Answer
Far more important then what is in it is this:
It is illegal to have unsealed alcohol in a car.
Totally, completely, illegal. In Canada and in the States, and I would bet most other places too.
If your brother ever gets pulled over with a filled flask in his car, he is deep shit. Lots of laws simply assume that if there is unsealed alcohol in the car, that the driver has been drinking it, and impose penalties accordingly.
Tell your brother you saw it and remind him how embarrassing it would be if the cops ever do, and his parents have to come and bail him out of jail… That would probably be waaaay worse then them finding a flash in his possession.
He should find another place to hide it (ie, not in a motor vehicle).
But, to actually answer your question, hip flasks traditionally carry spirits like whiskey, gin, grappa, rum or vodka, rather then beer or wine. Pretty much anything can be put in one though, there is no rule.
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The Question
my boyfriend and i have been dating three years in june. we're perfectly happy, but sometimes things get a little boring- where we've become so comfortable together, it's like sometimes we forget the "romantic" element of our relationship. there are no more random kisses on the forehead, no cute notes left on my papers or on my away messages, etc. regardless, we're still happy and we do have cute moments, just not as many as we used to.
i just need cute things to do to spark him back up again and give him the hint that i miss these cute little things. we've fought once before that he didn't make me happy and i'm afraid to just blatantly say "i miss our spontaneous cute moments", because then he'll think he's not making me happy. we do not have sex, by the way. so any ideas of how i could drop the hint?
The Answer
All of my experience tells me that when it comes to romance and most men trying to 'drop the hint' is a damn good way to get yourself disappointed.
Cut through the BS hun and take out your big foam bat of obviousness and give him, and yourself, a few good swats.
Chances are that your aren't the only one missing those 'cute moments'. Remember: Just because they call it chivalry when men show a women respect and admiration, doesn't mean women don’t need to do it too.
Weren’t there things you did for him at the beginning? Weren’t there spontaneous hugs and kisses and hand holding and e-mails and phone calls and little ways to reach out and show someone you care? Are there new ways you can show him this? Getting him his favorite chocolate when he has a test can be a big deal…
You get what you give: To get romance. Give some.
You also get what you ask for: ASK for romance. Be specific and be friendly and positive. Don’t go off whining about how “You never _____ anymore…” instead try “Remember when we used to _______ I really miss that.” Be totally obvious “Hey dude, do that again! I liked that.”
Dropping hints is never very effective communication or motivation for change. You are going to have to be clearer with him and with yourself before you get anywhere with this.
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The Question
im 14 and this guy i really like is 17. 18 soon we wont have sex. i totally trust him and he does not love me because im young to get in my pants. when he saw me he thaught i was 18. altho i look like im 10 but im average size lol. is it illegal if were always cuddleing and hes always holding me but were not dating my friend says it is but why would it be. today is my last day with him after this he will be gone forever. we are at a retreat and ive been with him all weekend i feel like ive known him my whole life but we only met eachother friday. we talk about anything we even talked about us always cuddleing. im just not sure. whats the use if he will be gone forever, this always happens. i fall in loive with a guy we get close and he is ripped away from me. im not sure what i can even do?
The Answer
It's perfectly legal to cuddle.
Honestly though, if you 'fall in love' after knowing someone for three days, you will keep getting your heart broken.
If this 'always happens' to you, then your problem is not that they are getting ripped away from you, your problem is that you are letting things get that intense after knowing someone for less then a week!
You aren't supposed to "fall in love with a guy and we get close and he is ripped away". You get close to someone, and then you fall in love, trust them, are committed to them, and can establish a relationship with them where they wont get ribbed away.
The reason it works that way is because, as you have discovered, the way you are doing it, doesn't work.
If you keep 'falling in love' this readily, I promise you will keep getting disappointed. Set yourself up to met interesting people and enjoy your time with them. Don't set yourself up for a broken heart.
E-mail and chat with this guy from time to time and see if your infautation can grow into something 'real', and not just an obsession. A few days of cuddling at a retreat is just good fun. To build something lasting takes a whole lot more work.
If you want something lasting with any guy, be prepared to work really hard for it, espcailly if you are considering long-distance. If you aren't looking for something lasting, wave goodbye to him, smile foundly at his memory and let it go.
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The Question
16/f/Connecticut, USA
This boy recently (In January) Moved to CT. His name is Rob. Rob moved here from Florida. Over the past few weeks, Rob and I have gotten very close. We both like each other. We've become friends with benefits. I really want a relationship with him. But last night, he told me that he was moving in June, back to Florida. He had just found out.
Now I have to make a choice: Remain friends with him and keep making memories and get hurt really bad when he has to move OR save myself now and cut him off.
I really like Rob. I really do. Im completely heartbroken over this whole thing.
The Answer
Enjoy your friendship if you can.
End your friendship with benefits.
You aren't, and you wont, get what you want from this guy: A relationship. You already know this. I am a rather firm believer in the 'three month rule', which is basically the idea that it takes approxiamtely three months to make major life decisions. If a guy is still leaving you in limbo after three months, move on, because he will leave you there forever.
I know, it hasn't been quite three months yet, but we both know a few more weeks isn't going to change this ones mind. You know the path you are on.
FWBs only ever work out if both partners want the same thing. You two don't. You will get hurt if you continue sleeping with him, even if he wasn't moving away.
Take this move as the blessing it is, and stop sleeping with him. If you can enjoy his friendship in a plutonic way, do so. If it's too painful for you, or if you can't resist jumping back into bed with him, then cut him out.
This is a blessing, really it is. Use it as a chance to shake a guy who isn't able to give you what you want.
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The Question
my boyriend cheat on me , is it possible for a cheater (who wont admit that he did) to not do it again or do you think h will keep cheating
The Answer
If he wont even admit it, it will be a cold day in hell before he stops cheating.
I've known reformed cheaters who never cheated agian, after ages of it, and I know cheaters who only seemed to be reformed, and then went right back to thier old ways.
It is really a judgement call you need to make based on your belief about this praticular guy. Seriously though, if you have truly caught him red handed and he wont admit to any wrong doing... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that such a guy will not be loyal to anyone but himself.
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The Question
17/f.
Okay I was wondering if condom is actually effective against pregnancy... I mean i heard its 99.9% on the commercial but i think that is load of b.s. I heard that way more people get pregnant even if they do use condom... Not that im saying im going to have sex or anything but for the future reference... Is is good? or is sponge better??? Can you use sponge and condom at same time? because i heard you can't use pills and patch at same time because you will overdose... so I was wondering if you use sponge and condom at same time, something bad's gonna happen like condom's gonna break or something... I am also worried about that... I mean how can a piece of thin rubber not rip???? Sorry for asking childish question but yes i need to know kind of soon...
THanks in advance :D
The Answer
EDIT: Please DO NOT test condoms yourself with water. It is pointless to do so.
Water tests are done to condoms BEFORE they sold, and only about 1 in every four to five hundered condoms might have a water leak. If anymore then that do, the condom brand cannot be sold.
Nothing is perfect, however, testing condoms yourself in this way can compromise thier intergity with tempurature, cause slippage, or worst of all: cause the kind of air and water bubbles that lead to breakage.
Testing a condom with water before you use it IS NOT PART OF USING A CONDOM PROPERLY. PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT.
If you store your condoms properly, you will simply need to trust that factory breakage is only from 0.0025% to 0.002%. If that degree of risk scares you: Don't have sex.
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A sponge is not nearly as good as condoms. It simply isn't.
In typical use (ie. people don't always use condoms correctly) condoms are considered between 95% and 98% effective. The idea that they are better then 98% is only if you use them PERFECTLY. That means storing, applying and removing them correctly, which most people don't do. When condoms break, it is normally because someone didn't store them properly or applied them wrong.
Learn how to apply a condom here: http://www.feelconfident.co.uk/condoms/how_to_put_on_a_condom.htm
Learn it. Memorize it. Live by it. Sex is always risky, but condoms are quite effective if you just use them the way they are meant to be used and store them at room tempture, and not in wallets or pockets.
The contraceptive sponge is reported to be anywhere from 68% to 91% effective at best. It also doesn't protect you agianst STD's, in fact, the spermicide used on it increases your risk of picking up an STD.
So, use condoms. You may use a condom and a sponge. Just read the box of your sponge carefully to make sure you are using it correctly.
There is no risk of 'over-dosing' on a sponge, however, like tampons there are risks of vaginal tearing, infections and toxic sock syndrome.
You do not need a perscription for the sponge or for condoms and you can buy them at any age.
But please, use condoms, whatever else you do. Sponges should not be the only thing you use.
These are not childish questions... If you think they are, you shouldn't have sex. These are very adult situations and questions. If you aren't ready for the adult issues at play here, don't have sex.
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The Question
my highschool gives me my gpa based on 100% does anyone know how i can convert that to like the 4.0 system?
The Answer
For an unweighted gpa, just divide your percentage by 25.
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The Question
My wife and I had been married for over four years.
I have ADD and high anxiety which I'm not taking medication for.
I had a pretty good paying job but was laid off early 1n 2007.
My eyes started giving me problems before the lay off but I did get them checked out while I still had insurance.
Found out this year that both of my eyes have cataracts. I've attempted working at three jobs but my eye sight prevented me from passing the probationary period.
Here's my issue. I had a step daughter that had always found a ways into getting into trouble. Everything you asked her not to do, she went ahead and done. The computer she would stay on Instant messaging, My spacing all her friends till early morning.
I gave her so many chances but she proved to me she didn't care.
Her mother and I constantly fought about her because every time I tried to lay the Law down, the discipline was always to severe.
Even if it was just a few weeks without the computer.
Then she started on the phone..the same thing.
My wifes daughter wouldn't barely do any thing in the house.
And after her mother and I told her we expected more from her since she was 16, like washing clothes, doing the dishes...she made sure she washed only her stuff when begged, ( and if she washed three loads of clothes, it would take over three days and then you'd never find them put away) until I got so tired and fed up with her and the way me and her mother fought all of the time because how she ran the house, I made her move out when she turned 18 and graduated.
My step daughters every other word was profanity, and I don't think that she once told her mother or me the truth.
And Lord if you found her in a lie ( which was always ) she would cover it up with another one. She never admitted to anything she done. From bringing guys over when her mother and I were gone, to finding a ways to explain why she messed around with her best friends boyfriend.
Well, My father and mother passed away with cancer. And I made sure that no body smoked in the house. My wife and I don't smoke.
My wife invited her brother over ( or he invited his self ) and in both houses we used to live in, he smoked in each one, not caring.
And my wife let him and to this day, if he wanted to visit...I'm sure the same thing would have happened.
Well again, on Christmas eve of 2007, her daughter wanted to spend the night with us, to be there on Christmas. She smoked.
When I went down to visit my family in Alabama, mysteriously as it sounds, my wife let her daughter move back in knowing full well we never got along. Knowing full well her daughter never listened to one rule of the house, never helped out.
Then one day out of the many fights that broke out in the few months her daughter stayed there, my wife asked me to leave. And I did.
Amy, was I asking to much? Showing respect seems to be a thing of the past in today's society, but the way my wife handled each situation, and the way her daughter and her whispered and told there secrets, was it fair or justified at the way things were handled?
It seems as though the many things I accused her daughter of doing, my wife finally told me that yes, she did smoke pot, yes she was smoking in every room in the house when she ( her mother ) was in the hospital, yes, she fooled around with boys when we weren't there.
But instead of digging in deep and finally sticking up to her guns
and giving discipline to her daughter, it was easier to let me go.
What are the parameters of a marriage? Just because a person has children, does that erase the morality or any since of any opinion I may have had? I love her mother very much, but would I be asking for more heart ache if I tried pursuing this marriage. I don't want to walk away from this marriage. To me I think the Lord gave her to me, I'll get counseling and change anything I can.
But if I'm going to be the only one who'll attempt to change, will
this be visible?
Thank you
The Answer
The first responsibility, and moral obligation, of any parent it to their child. It is their job to parent the child, even as they become an adult, to the best of their ability. They might make colossal mistakes. It certainly sounds to me as though your wife has made some serious blunders as a parent, but this girl is still, and will always be, her number one priority and obligation.
She will do her best for this child, and although you might disagree with what is best, you absolutely must respect her for that intention or you wont get anywhere on this issue.
Please don't think I am coming down hard on you. If I were giving advice to your wife or your daughter I would have some very harsh things to say, but their failure does not in my eyes, make your perception of the problems here perfect.
You've gone through a lot in the past year; no doubt it has stressed, disappointed and probably depressed you. However, it has also given you a warped perception of this issue. Although your rules and requirements from this teenage girl were perfectly reasonable, your response to her failure to abide by them is not.
She is 18 now, if I have assumed correctly? Although it is a serious problem that she broke your rules, that her mother enabled her, that she is disrespectful and inconsiderate, these are NOT valid reason for her to be forbidden from living with her mother. The only reason a child’s behavior should warrant that, is if the child is a threat to another family member. That is at least one crime, you don’t accuse her of.
If you, as the adult, couldn’t not remain civil with her, the child, it was correct that you left.
You are beginning to hate, to fight and allow this to snowball completely out of control and consume your marriage. As the adult in the situation, you need to stop that. Even if the other adult, your wife, doesn’t realize she has the same obligation, it does not change your obligation to at least attempt to be the tolerant, and respectful adult, even in the face of failure and disrespect.
Seek counseling for yourself, for your grief and your depression, so that you can get a more balanced vision of what is happening here and approach the problems without contempt or hate in your heart.
I don't, for a moment, suggest you move back in with these two. I absolutely accept your opinion that the teen is troubled and that the mother is not disciplining her well, but the anger and judgment in this question is so thick that I can’t believe for a moment that your responses to them in person are not laced with even more anger and contempt. You have become part of the problem, not the solution. That pain is your own personal problem and you need to deal with it or whether this marriage ends or not, you will be miserable.
Encourage them to seek counseling as well. Encourage them both to recognize their responsibilities in this situation. Encourage your wife to seek a parent coach and to realize what she things are ‘best’, might not be.
In all of this: encourage. Respect good intentions, and forgive failure. That way, even if through your own counseling and soul-searching, you need to leave this marriage, you can do with a clear conscience, knowing you behaved to both mother and child with love, respect and tolerance.
Be the hero here. Get counseling for your own sake, and give them the best that you have for as long as you can. If you truly have been pushed so far that you have nothing else to give but dissapointment and contempt, just walk away now.
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The Question
hello there again. i guess by now most of you know that i want to confirm if my girlfrien is virgin or not.
all i want to ask is how exactly can i recognise the hymen layer to make sure of her virgnity. please tell me how exactly it looks like for virgins and for non virgin girls. please tell me about the main identification features.
The Answer
NOT HAVING A HYMEN DOES NOT MEAN SHE IS NOT A VIRGIN.
Many virgins do not have thier hymen intact.
DO NOT use thisas a way to verify she is infact a virgin. It is NOT a trustworthy physical clue. There is NO 100% trustworthy clue.
Either trust your girlfriends word, or don't, but DO NOT keep up this charade of trying to have it 'proven' to you. It is cruel, unrealistic and unfair. You will ruin your relationship with your distrust.
If you can't just trust her, dump her.
It is impossible to prove she if she is a virgin or not. Even doctors cannot tell for certain if a women is a virgin or not. Please accept that.
Read these for support... Only the girl can tell you if she is or isn't.
http://www.sexetc.org/faq/sex/719
http://www.lateenhealth.org/index.aspx?id=8
http://www.sexuality-sexology.com/sexuality-answers/hymen.html
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The Question
hey guys:
i have no choice to do this for advices, i have an older sis, she is married but now she came back to live with me and my parents cause of some reason. 1st of all she decided to marry EARLY b/c she said she found her love of life, and have a kid rite now, she dropped her college b/c of him and her kid, she made her choice!!!!!!! well now she decided to cont with her education so she came back home so my parents could help her take care of her kid! but thats not the onlything she want, since i follow my parents will i go to college i be the BEST I COULD possiblly beening, but my parents seems like her a whole alot better,i need a car to drive to skool and im gonna pay for it, all my parents do its use their credit (since i dont got none) now she saw me gonna get new car, she want one too, and lab top, new car and want my dad to pay for her insureance too, i mean i think its her own fault that she made bad choice from the begining and now she is commin back ask my parents for whole alot of help
and my parents arnt rich at all working family as well but she its just keep askin askin and i dunno how am i gonna deal with her !!!!!!!!!!!!! any thing would be nice thx guys for reading this long note
The Answer
Deal with her by declaring it 'not your problem'
Yes, it's a pain in the ass that your parents treat her differently then they treat you. But she is different, she has a child and she is floundering. They are trying to support her, perhaps only for thier grandchild's sake, and although that might rub you the wrong way, it is thier decision and there isn't a thing you can do about it except take a deep breath and accept it.
Your parents will either help her, or not help her. It's best if you just keep your mouth shut about it. It is entirely up to them.
Just focus on doing the best you can do for yourself. Nothing else really matters. You need to learn to let this kind of thing go, it is out of your control.
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The Question
im 28 and my girlfriend is 32. she has two girls daughters one is almost 2 the other is 14. the 14 year old has a father that is not in her life. her step dad (father of the 2 year old) who she didn't like past away. she tells her mom that she cannot see me. how could I make this better? we really want to be together.
The Answer
You can't make this better.
Only her mother can talk to her, guide her and educate her, and make the choice if dating you is productive for her life and her children or not.
It doesn't matter why the teen feels this way. She is fourteen, of course she thinks the world revolves around her. Her mother can choose to use this as a lesson, or her mother can decide that her teen is not ready for this praticular lesson and choose not to date you.
You have no role in the life of these children. Your job here is to take a huge step back and do percisely what thier mother asks you too. She has a responsibilty that is far beyond what she 'really wants' to do with you, she is a mom. Respect that, and wait for her decision.
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The Question
This will be a long question; apologies, but it's complicated.
Background: I once fell head over heels for a girl (call her "Jane"). She and I were friends, but I lacked the courage to try for more. Right before she moved away, I realized it was my last chance to make a move, so I kissed her goodbye. Later, through letters and phone calls, I told her I was in love with her, and she said she felt the same - though I was never really convinced that she felt as strongly as I did. Eventually, she told me she was involved with someone else, and I broke off contact in order to get over her and move on. We had sporadic communication for a while, then finally lost touch completely.
Fast-forward 15 years. I'm thirtysomething, happily married, have kids, but I've never really forgotten Jane (do we ever forget our first love?) Just for kicks, I entered her name into Google, and to my surprise I actually found her. We exchanged e-mail, and then she called me.
Here's where it starts to get complicated, because I expected we would just say "Hey, it's really great to hear from you again, we should stay in touch, blah blah blah," exchange abbreviated versions of our lives so far, and then more or less go back to what we were doing. What I never expected in a million years was that she's actually been thinking about me all this time, that she's still in love with me, and that (to be brutally honest) I've still got strong feelings for her.
I LOVE MY WIFE. I would never leave her, or jeopardize my marriage. I recognize that whatever feelings I have for Jane, they're based on an idealized version of someone I put on a pedestal twenty years ago, and haven't seen since. My question is NOT about whether I should explore an intimate relationship with Jane at this point - the answer to that is "No."
What I need is advice on how to handle this from here. Jane does mean a lot to me and I want to be a friend to her (real friends, not "we can just be friends"), but I don't want to break her heart. Furthermore, I don't want my wife to get the wrong idea (she knows that I got back in touch with Jane - I don't keep secrets from her). No matter how I slice it, I don't see this turning out well. If I had ever considered that Jane might still feel so strongly about me, I would not have resumed contact with her, but what's done is done. Heck, I never really thought she was EVER truly in love with me, let alone that she still is!
In a nutshell -
- I want to avoid breaking Jane's heart.
- I want to stay in touch with her, because she's someone I care about.
- I want to assure my wife that she is still, and always, the real love of my life and more important than anything to me.
Can anyone help me?
The Answer
Break Jane's heart, and do it now. Cut off contact.
I know, that sounds cruel and it is exactly what you don't want to do, but it needs to happen. You had the sense once to walk away from her out of respect to the fact that your 'friendship' with her was too emotionally charged for you two to truly just be friends.
Remember that strength and recall that decision. It was a wise one. It was easier to make because you weren't the one with the relationship, but what was wise then, would be wise now.
If she were equally mature and considerate, she would realize that her strong feelings for you are now charging your friendship with too much emotion for her to be 'just friends'.
If she isn't aware enough, or mature enough to recognize that, you'll need to do it for her.
Express to her in no uncertain terms that you have moved on, and although you would like to speak to her occasionally, her confession about her continuing feelings have made it clear to you that a friendship would be difficult and uncomfortable for everyone, perhaps even impossible.
Because that IS what you think, isn't it? When you say that you would never have contacted her if you knew about her feelings, and that you can only see this ending badly, that is what I hear. I hear someone who doesn't want to be the bad guy, but knows that someone needs to call an end to this.
Swallow your pride and your (no offence meant, but slightly selfish) desire not to hurt her feelings. You are only doing Jane a favor by releasing her from her fantasy and behaving in a mature and emotionally responsible way. But you are not responsible for her choices or feelings. You can only hope that she will do the same.
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The Question
14/F.
My boyfriend and I broke up about a month and a half ago. During the entire time however, I had a small little kids crush in a way on a guy named Josh. He is incredibly good looking and a really sweet guy, I could get lost in his eyes. I never thought much of my crush because I just assumed he was in grade 12 because he was dating a grade 12 earlier. It turns out he is only 15 years old. We are both single at the moment but he really likes this girl who is currently in Italy on a family trip. She wont be back for another month and a half. The problem is im starting to like him more and more but she also likes him back and I dont want to ruin anything. I talk to Josh alot and out of all his girl friends, im the only one he really trusts. Lately, he's been hitting on me alot (like he always did but now hes being more suggestive) and I got to admit I like it. Im having a few friends over on the weekend and he wanted to come to so I said he could.
The other night we were talking and asking alot of questions and at one point he asked me if Id reject him if he tried to kiss me this weekend. I said probably not. Now he kind of always says little things now and again about him possibly making out with me. The thing is I really want to but my conscience kind of says otherwise, because he still likes this other girl, she likes him alot and It just doesnt seem right if we hook up (just kissing) to her. He said that they both agreed it would be ok for them to make out with other people while theyre single.
My question is, do you guys think I should let him kiss me? I know it seems like im making a big deal out of nothing but I really dont want to start trouble, as much as I want to make out with him. Would that make me "whoreish" in a way?
Thanks Alot for your opinions
P.S. Making out just means french kissing
The Answer
The truth is that NO ONE, not even the people happily married and committed for fifty years, is never attracted to another person.
We all have crushes. Most of us feel attraction for people who are taken or when we ourselves are taken.
It's okay.
This girl has no claim on him that you are aware of, which means, as you both like him and he likes both of you, you are on perfectly equal footing.
If you are really uncomfortable with this, ask him about it. Say something like "I really like you, but I thought you had something going on with So-and-so and I don't want to mess that up."
If you want more then just to 'hook up' with him, it might not be a bad idea to mention that too, so he realizes it would be wrong to just fool around with you and then be with her when she comes back.
There is nothing whoreish about making out with someone who might, sort of, have a crush on someone else, but you should ALWAYS be honest with your crush, even when it feels awkward. It will save you heart ache later on.
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The Question
ok, here's the deal, I have a 30 yr old cousin. I'm 16, We've always been really close but now there's a problem. I'm in love with him. no it's not a crush. I've felt like this for the past year. I can't stop thinking about him and I finally told him how I feel. o, btw, srry. He's my 2nd cousin. Not 1st. anyway, I told him and he said he feels the same way. Problem is, neither of us knows what to do. No, we haven't slept together or anything it's just that we're both in love with eachother. what do I do? Plz help.
The Answer
The age difference is too much hun, in many states, it would even be illegal.
Tell your parents about your feelings, and trust in thier judgement, because right now, your own is leading you astray, and obviously you can't trust his! A 30 something who is leading on a 14 year old (and it is leading you on, because no serious and healthy relationship could come of this and he is old enough to know that) should not have his judgement trusted at all!
Being in love is nice. It's even nicer to be in love with someone you can actually have a healthy, equal relationship with. Go and look for them. If you can't do that on your own, ask another adult for help. You are only just becoming an adult, you can't do it by yourself, and you can't trust him.
Please, take care of yourself. If you can't get over this alone, seek help. It can only hurt you. HE can only hurt you. There is something deeply screwed up about a 30 year old male who tells a fourteen year old girl he is 'in love'. I know this, and deep down you know it too. Reach out to an adult you can trust, and ask for help.
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The Question
does a real boyfriend ask you to suck their dik i dont think so because if they really love you they wouldnt ask you no question like that help me please?
The Answer
A 'real boyfriend' would not ask you to perform oral sex if he was well aware that such a question would offend your morals and life choices.
A real boyfriend, who didn't know it would offend you so and wasn't aware that oral sex went agianst your morals might certainly ask for oral sex and it should not be held agianst him.
A guy who really loves you, will respect your morals and choices WHEN HE KNOWS THEM. A guy who really loves you might make an honest mistake and ask for more then you are ready for simply because he didn't know your opinions on the mater.
'Real boyfriends' and 'true loves' are not mind readers. Don't expect them to be.
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The Question
my parents gave me a good luck charm which was a small statue of a god in my religion to take with me to the nj state forensics tournament on friday. well, as soon as they gave it to me, i put it right into my purse and put the purse right into my tote bag. not once did i take the charm out.
when i got back last night i was very tired and took out all my stuff in my purse & tote bag and put everything away in the correct spot. even when i'm extremely tired, i know i'd either put everything in the right spot or keep everything on my table, and i put everything away in the right spot & didn't misplace anything... i hope. well, this morning i was awoken by the thought... "why don't i remember taking out the charm from my bag?" so i got up to look in my purse.
and -- conveniently -- the charm disappeared. i had NO idea where it went. i mean yeah the typical answer, "duh, you left it at the forensics tournament" but it couldn't have just WALKED out of my purse. and the odds that i was taking something else of of my purse & the charm got stuck on the item and fell ... are unlikely because the charm is heavy for its size.
so i now need some advice.
should i just look through ALL my stuff (again)?
should i just tell my parents right off that i lost it?
should i do a combination of the above?
what should i do if they ask me for it? (should i stall and say, "ohh i don't feel like getting it now"?)
should i just hope that they forget about it and never ask for it again?
i feel so terrible. they told me not to lose it and i LOST it.
and no, it's irreplaceable. it's not from this country so i can't just BUY a new one.
The Answer
Look through all of your things again, then if you can't find it, tell our parents.
It's best not to lie or mislead them, that will only make them angrier when they do find out, and they probably will. Explaining to them how sorry you are right away will let them know you understand the seriousness and are truly sorry. They might even help you look for it.
Mistakes are made, best just to do your best to fix them, and be honest about it.
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