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girlfriends daughter controls her life
im 28 and my girlfriend is 32. she has two girls daughters one is almost 2 the other is 14. the 14 year old has a father that is not in her life. her step dad (father of the 2 year old) who she didn't like past away. she tells her mom that she cannot see me. how could I make this better? we really want to be together.
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Yes, they do. Teen girls control the parent's life. They aim to destroy any relationship that interferes with them being the center of attention. At 28, you are better off starting your own family. I have been in 2 unsuccessful relationships that were destroyed by the female child. It never works.
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i kow it's hard but stay away from your girlfriend for a while and start to treat the whole family as friends. let the daughter know that you are not currently trying to pursue her. and i know you probabaly love her but as some one who has had a lot of experience with my (and other) mom making wrong desicion, it really would impact her life, so i don't think she trying to control her mom's life, just making sure that her sister's doesn't get screwed up. she's just being careful about who she let's into her family, because when a person(and by person i mean your girlfriend) is in love with someone, the oftern forget those around them and make mistakes.
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You are wise to identify this as a problem, the 14 y/o like any other 14 y/o, has the power to make life difficult for everyone in the home. It sounds like your girlfriend and her daughters have been traumatized by relationships with men in their lives and these issues need to be processed before you both take things to the next level. (I strongly suggest you both see a couples or family therapist).
What needs to happen is for your girlfriend to reassert herself as the authority in the household with the 14 y/o. With the loss of the father of her two year old, I imagine she has come to depend a lot on the 14 year old for emotional support. It’s also understandable that the 14 y/o wouldn’t want any man in her mother’s life, considering that she has been and continues to be abandoned by her own father. So it would also help to involve the 14 y/o in the therapy sessions to afford her an opportunity to process and resolve her concerns and fears about you.
Another possibility is that your girlfriend might be using the 14 year old as a shield, because she doesn’t quite trust you? I imagine she’s not just looking for a mate, but also a consistent father figure in the lives of her daughters.
Keep in mind that by committing yourself in a long term relationship with your girlfriend, you should also be committing yourself to a life long relationship as the father of these girls. So before you begin to tackle issues the 14 y/o has with your presence, you need to be honest with yourself as to whether you are prepared and committed for the responsibilities accompanied with a long term relationship between you, your girlfriend and her daughters.
Good Luck
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You can't make this better.
Only her mother can talk to her, guide her and educate her, and make the choice if dating you is productive for her life and her children or not.
It doesn't matter why the teen feels this way. She is fourteen, of course she thinks the world revolves around her. Her mother can choose to use this as a lesson, or her mother can decide that her teen is not ready for this praticular lesson and choose not to date you.
You have no role in the life of these children. Your job here is to take a huge step back and do percisely what thier mother asks you too. She has a responsibilty that is far beyond what she 'really wants' to do with you, she is a mom. Respect that, and wait for her decision.
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well what im thinking is her and her step-father had some real problems and she is afraid to let another guy in her life that she knows might be there for a while. you have to let her adjust to you. dont push yourself upon her. im guessing her step-dad did somethings to her mom that she saw are maybe to her and she is just not letting it out. maybe you should talk with her. i dont think though that this should stop you from being with her mom. suggest that you all go on a family dinner show her that you want to be there for her and her mom and her little sister. you have to be stronge right now she will come around.
hope i helped
ps. anything else send it to my inbox thank you
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I think this young girl is scared she is going to be hurt again if she lets you near her mum.
I mean as you said her dad is not in her life and her step dad has passed away, every father figure she has had is not there anymore.
She is obviously going through some issues of her own and is finding it hard to deal with these issues.
I guess the best thing for you is to show her that you really care about her mum and the two girls. If you become her friend she might find it easier to accept that you want to be a part of the family.
You need to think about some issues yourself though, like are you ready to make a commitment to this woman who has two children? This is a huge step and a massive commitment that you'll have to make.
This girl obviously can't handle change or something is bothering her. You need to respect her and give her time to come to terms. In saying that, her mum needs to put her foot down and tell her that she can't rule her life, she is the child, not the mum.
At this stage putting your two bobs worth into this girls life and the rules and regulations she has isn't such a good idea ;) She needs to know that she can trust you and that your not going to up and leave.
I hope I helped! Goodluck and I hope everything works out for the best :)
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