It sounds like you have been doing the best you can, with limited information. As a father of an autistic child, who just turned five and who doesn't take medication, I will share with you what's worked for my wife and I.

First I will start with the behavior. Believe it or not, time outs work, it all about consistency. I notice a lot of parents in your predicament have a tendency to get easily drawn to the crying, screaming and yelling. Children on the spectrum are very sensitive, and this is their way of expressing their feelings of frustration. If your son is screaming and yelling, let him. So long as he is not engaged in any detrimental behaviors. If you try to intervene, if he is not "doing" anything, then he will likely transition into doing something silly. Take note- "let him" doesn't mean you can't attempt to comfort him. It means you should scold him for crying or verbally complaining. Do comfort him if he lets you, but more importantly, respect his space.

Whether you are scolding, using timeouts, or taking away privileges, make sure you are being consistent. Again, consequences have to be in a direct and timely response to bad behaviors, not foul moods.

Have a strict timetable. Children on the spectrum resent transitions, and one thing that helps them cope with transitions is when they are on a strict and reoccurring schedule. Strict and reoccurring schedules are easy to predict, and allows the child to feel in control and look forward to certain transitions.

This being written, life is unpredictable. So in the event of unplanned events interrupting the child's schedule, give him plenty of warnings, and repeat the warnings as the time for the transition draws closer.

Consult a dietitian and a nutritionist, as a therapist I have come to learn that the mind tends to mimic the body's responses to the environment. Hence, a very sensitive mind resides inside a very sensitive body. In our son's case we placed him on a very strict gluten and casing free diet. The payoff has been tremendous, and I suspect a chief reason he does not need medication.

Our son was diagnosed when he was two, and with the behavioral modification strategies and the diet changes, it took us three months to notice significant changes and six months to recognize huge improvements in his attitudes.

Our son used to throw forty-five to sixty minutes of temper tantrums. When he screamed, it sounded like someone was killing him. Now, when he's cranky he might cry for about three to five minutes and he is a lot easier to redirect.

Good luck.
Ugo

I have written an article on this, here is the link.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Getting-Your-Child-to-Stop-Embarrassing-Behaviors&id=2217550

Sounds like your son has questions about sex, perhaps more specifically gender differences between him and his peers. I wonder if this is the only unruly behavior he shows. For example, does he like to fart around others, burp or pick his nose and show of its contents? If so, what are you and partners’ typical responses? These days, thanks to the mass media, people are more conscientious about the prevalence of child abuse, but unfortunately this new found awareness has also led to a spike in innocent parents being suspected over the unruly but innocent actions of a child. I could be wrong, but I suspect that a primary reason you and your partner want this behavior to end is possibly because you are both worried that it might reflect negatively on you both as parents.
This is understandable but please be aware, that all behaviors children display are on a continuum and while his behavior is unacceptable, it is possibly a continuum of other unruly behaviors he constantly displays, which you and your partner might not find to be that big of a deal.
In regards to how you get this behavior to stop, I would suggest a triple strategy approach. This consists of positive reinforcement, consistent discipline, and sex talk appropriate for a seven year old.
Positive reinforcement will be to shower your son on a consistent basis, every time he doesn’t expose his privates to you or anybody. Get on one knee, look him in his eyes and share with him how proud you are that he was able to respect himself and the other person for not flashing his privates. This one will be challenging as you will have to remember every time you have an interaction with your son or you witness him have an interaction with someone else.
Consistent Discipline; besides the severity of the “no, no,” society places on people flashing their privates to others, there are other “no, nos,” which are not as severe, but run along the continuum leading to the flashing of one’s privates. These are the behaviors you want to target, in order to exercise consistent discipline. So when your son flashes his privates, and you explain to him that he is not being mindful of others through his behavior, you also want to target other behaviors, which would warrant this same explanation. I.e., farting, burping, nose picking, and the list goes on.. Specifically regarding to what sort of discipline should be exercised, I would discourage spanking- it’s not effective. Instead, along with grounding, I would take a favorite toy and give away every time any of the offensive behaviors on the continuum occurs. It is important that you don’t turn around in a few days and replace the toy, when he starts complying, instead give it a few months for replacement.
The combination of positive reinforcement and consistent discipline, a hundred percent of the time, will prove very effective. I would also enlist his teachers in helping you in the process, so he is not getting away with the behavior outside the home. I would encourage that you and your partners try this techniques for at least forty-five consecutive days, even after the behavior has stopped, you both could always go longer.
Thirdly, I would have a sex talk appropriate for the ears of a seven year old, with your son. I would encourage you to talk about why it is important for people to not walk around exposing their privates in public, I would talk about physical differences between boys and girls, and more importantly I would encourage teaching him about good touch and bad touch from others.
Good luck and I hope this helps.

Take care,
Ugo

Dear 21/F
Diet, exercise, and vacations are all great sources of stress relief; however after reading your question, I suspect you have access to these common sources of stress relief. True stress relief starts from the mind. We as humans beings then to feel stressed (when we feel we are not succeeding) from our attempts to exert control over a situation we expect to have control over.
So it's perfectly normal to have an attitude of intensity over school grades and exams, but what about your crohn's in the equation? Coupled with your kitten and two jobs? In your situation it appears a distinction must be made between what is urgent and unimportant and what is important but not urgent. School is always going to be challenging and demanding, friends will let you down, now and again, and you also have to deal with your health. It sounds like the only way you can successfully reduce stress is to achieve a true sense of peace in your mind. I would suggest the services of a therapist.
Good luck and take things easy,
Ugo

Dear 28yr old,
If expenses are an issue, I would strongly recommend group counseling. For a fraction of the cost, you can receive the help you need and support from other group members going through the same challenges you are currently facing. If you are employed and or have health insurance, your carrier should cover costs for mental health counseling, most health insurance companies do so these days. There are also lots of literature out in the market today that provide self help information for others in your position. I would encourage you to simultaneously explore all options; as even though you are able to intellectualize what changes you have to make in your life, you will need all the support you can get, as years of habit will be challenging, but possible to change.
Best of luck.

My condolences on what you and your family are currently going through, particularly your dad. The sad truth in this case is that bad things happen to good people, and this is an example of such. Your depression with this issue appears to be due to your current situation, however there are three important ways you can cope with what you are going through; the first is for you to accept your powerlessness over your father's health. From what you have written, the doctors have done and continue to do everything thing they can. The most you can do is be there to support your father, and remind him of how much you love him. This will also be a good time to get in touch with your spiritual self, if you haven't already done so. The second thing for you to do is to recognize that you are not the only one going through this painful period. I am sure other members of your family are struggling just like you are, (especially your dad) and this being the case, you don't have to go through this alone. When people fall into depression and begin to contemplate suicide, (seriously or otherwise) it's because they feel alone, (amongst other issues). You are not alone, share with members of your family the pain you are experiencing, you will be surprised the sense of strength family support can provide for people. Lastly, professional help is a good idea, especially if there are other things you are coping with besides your father's cancer.
Good luck.

Different families have different traditions, that being written, I would expect for a 29 year old and a 21 year old to have a more adult like relationship. Either way, regardless of how you might feel about your husband's relationship with his sister, your priority should be on your relationship with your husband. You wield no control over the nature of their relationship, you can only express your feelings and concerns and accept what you can not change. If you feel content in your current marriage, I would say you have nothing to worry about.

I wonder how long you have struggled with anxiety issues before you started using cocaine and before your overdose. It sounds like you realize that your overdose was directly linked to your cocaine use, but you can't seem to let that go. The best way to calm your paranoia about another heart issue, is to educate your self about the causes of heart attacks, once you have done this, it will be easier for you to separate your rational and irrational concerns regarding the probability of you experiencing any heart problems in the future. I must say that while it appears you have experienced full recovery from your cocaine overdose, it will be a bad idea for you to continue self medicating with alcohol. At the end of the day in order for you to be successful in overcoming your anxiety, you will need help. I understand you are concerned about costs, but one thing you might want to considered is group counseling for persons with anxiety issues, groups cost a lot less than individual counseling.

Good luck.

You shouldn't feel guilty about ending a relationship you feel is not working out. You shouldn't feel guilty about meeting someone new with whom you have a better chemistry with.
It sounds like you want to break up with your old boyfriend and start something new with this new guy. You don't need to meet someone new to address qualms and issues you have in your current relationship.
Honor your truth by being honest with your self and your current boyfriend, if it is not working out, then you should consider ending it. As for the new guy, you should work on taking your time with him, if that is an avenue you want to pursue.

Dear 15 y/o f,
What you are going through is not uncommon for someone your age. The fact that you have posted this question, is testimony that you care a lot about your family. It sounds that you are currently going through a period of self discovery and some of the behaviors you are engaging, will not be condoned by your family, and this is probably why you feel distant from them. The best way for people to thrive over this stage of life, is to reconnect with their parents. Granted you have no desire to tell your father the things you have been doing, but one thing you can do is to ask your parents how they overcame various struggles during their adolescent years. While there obviously will be stark differences in their experiences compared to yours, there will no doubt be similarities you can relate to in some of their experiences, and whether you agree or otherwise with their values and beliefs, understanding where your parents are coming from can help you reestablish that bond.

I have no idea how long your parents have been divorced, but the change in the family system that comes when a custodial parent brings someone new into the family, is usually very rough for kids and youth (especially only children); and anger and sometimes rage are common feelings that come about. The dynamics of the home has shifted, and you find yourself no longer being the primary focus of your mother's attention. Not only are you now in new territory, but your mother's boyfriend also comes with his own family, and possibly issues that you are forced to deal with. New borns being the helpless and loving beings they are, demand a lot of attention around the clock, so you have gone from a relatively calm household to a busy one, and this could be the source of your anger.
These words being written, I am troubled by your “ hate for children” and your request for advice on “ how not to kill the baby”. I have three advices for you:
Please move in with your father/ if you are met with resistance on this request, please confide with your mother what you are going through.
You present with issues of false entitlement; you should be the one to initiate the “I love you” statements to your mum, whether in person or over the phone. I am positive she will return the sentiment.
Please see a therapist, while your anger is understandable, moving in with your mother's boyfriend and all, you have sat on that anger for too long without exploring real feelings which contribute to that anger. I do believe you are jealous, for the simple fact that you now have to share your mother's attention with others in the household.
Good luck.

Therapists are not for everyone, that being written, I don't see you as the sole source of discord in the home. Everyone plays a role. It doesn't sound like you bottle your feelings up, as a matter of fact I think you are doing too good of a job in letting your parents know just how you feel. How do you communicate your feelings to your mother about seeing a therapist? And increasing the chance that she will hear you? It is a two step deal that is easier written than done;
First step: Recognize what you have control over and what you don't, then accept the situation and be content with it. For example you have no control over your parents' decision, and that's okay, things could be worse.
Second step: Communicate difficult and sensitive subjects with out anger. When we become angry in communication, we become aggressive and we will usually yell for the whole world to hear. This is an ineffective form of communication, because the recipient of the communication will usually not pay attention to what you are saying, but to your yelling, and aggressive tone and posture. If you are calm and cool while communicating difficult and sensitive subjects, your recipient will respond only to the contents of your message.
The first and second steps have to go together for communication to be effective, because the first step prepares you not to lose your cool if things don't go your way. Remember this is easier written than executed, if you need practice and support, it wouldn't hurt to consult with a professional.
Good luck.

Your grief is normal for women who have gone through what you have. It sounds like you deeply regret your decision and you are beating your self up. I would advise that you seek counseling, because you need to forgive yourself. This incident while it is one you regret, is a symbolic one, because it represents a lot of life lessons for you to learn which will help you prosper in the future. However if you continue to wallow in depression, you will not be in a healthy state of mind to adequately process the experience. Your experience did not occur in vain; forgive yourself, you are worthwhile and you deserve to be forgiven.

While your mum choose to marry your dad, your dad also choose to marry her as well, and from the sounds of things, every day he continues to choose to stay married to your mum. While it is sad to see your parents constantly in conflict with each other, it's important for you to maintain your own level of sanity. This can be achieved by recognizing what you can control in your parents' marriage, and that is nothing. None of the fighting is your fault, and there is nothing you can ever do to make any thing right between your parents. Their issues will only be successfully resolved if both sides make a decision to put the conflicts to an end, or one or both sides makes a decision to dissolve the marriage. Sorry you don't have the power to change your mother's outlook.
Take care of yourself.

I do support you in seeing a therapist, it sounds like you struggle with the unknown, and you try cope by asserting control over situations. Learning to let things go and accept the things that are out of your power will go a long ways in helping get over your anxiety attacks. It however takes time, hard work and plenty of support.
Good luck.

All factors play a role in having a relationship. While I am curious as to how you know you are autistic and who diagnosed you with the disorder and when? The important thing is that your issues with shyness and low self esteem is a big factor, and you gaining strength over this issue will give you permission to take risks, be assertive and meet women on your own terms.

-Good luck.

It's sounds like the support you are currently receiving from your family could be better. First and foremost, your health is the most important thing at stake here, and I would suggest you see the doctor she is referring you to. As far as money is concerned, your school psychologist should be able to direct you to community resources which can financially aid you with your clinical fees. That being written, I suspect the reason your family is reluctant for you to sign the form is because they are probably afraid that your personal information could be leaked to the wrong parties, (think prospect college). Before you sign the form, understand what you are signing and the terms of confidentiality which come with it. While confidentiality is never fully guaranteed, since you are 18, you can set reasonable boundaries (in writing) with your school psychologist and you new psychologist regarding your expectations on who has access to your records.
Good Luck.

It sounds like you are more upset about being away from your friends and your grandparents rather than your relationship with your mother. This is understandable, because from the sound of things, your most consistent relationships have probably come from your grandparents and possibly friends in school. It also sounds like your mother wants to make up for lost time, by having you live with her full time until you are completely independent. Your relationship with your mother is not going to be saved if you live away from her. One thing you could start doing is seeking to understand where she is coming from, without resenting her for what she believes. You only feel worse in arguments with your mother because you believe you can change her point of view, and you can not. The only way you can feel better about expressing a difference of opinion with your mother, is to recognize that true acceptance comes from self acceptance.
Good luck

Based on the manner and consistency of the composition of your question, I wouldn't be in a hurry to jump into conclusions about your mental health.
Your first two symptoms sound more like a potential hearing problem than anything else. My advice to you is to get your hearing checked. As a matter of fact I will further suggest you get your self a full physical, so you can get a peace of mind.
Your tendency to become easily angered in public, coupled with you feeling your heart rate increase, might be you experiencing an anxiety attack.
I don't have enough information to render an advice, pertaining to you seeing small animals that others claim not to see, because it very well could go both ways. In regards to you actually experiencing a hallucination, or more than likely you really do see what's actually there. (Keep in mind, that small animals tend to be shy, and move very fast.)
I don't think you are going crazy, I suspect you might struggle with anxiety issues, and you might want to get your hearing checked.
Good luck.

I would say that your depression is due to situational factors, and from the sound of things the events that taken place in your life are things you can do absolutely noting about. It's normal to feel saddened over a break up, we have no control over how people feel about us. It's also normal for anyone in your situation to feel saddened with your family life. But what can you do about your mother and sister? Nothing, except praying for them to get better, and for your father to be a more patient person. I wonder if your sleepiness is due to you fretting over what you can do to make your current situation better. My best advice is for you to find someone you can talk to and get a lot away from your chest. Perhaps a counselor at school? I would say that besides airing out your grievances, you can also work with a counselor to learn to cope more effectively with painful situations that are beyond your control.
Good luck.

Ugo is a licensed professional counselor in Arizona. He holds a Bachelors in Psychology and a Masters of Science in Counseling Psychology. He is also the host of Road 2 Resolutions, a web site dedicated to addressing questions on mental health issues and conflict resolution issues.
Please visit Road2Resolutions.com for more questions and monthly newsletters.

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