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how do i stop inapropriate behavior from my 7 yr. old
my so thinks its funny to pull his pants down and show his privates to his friends, including to the little girls his age. we have tried grounding him but that doesn't seem to work, we even spanked him bare bottom since he likes to take his pants down so much. we are trying to teach him good behavior, but he doesn't seem to listen. what should we do.
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Sounds like your son has questions about sex, perhaps more specifically gender differences between him and his peers. I wonder if this is the only unruly behavior he shows. For example, does he like to fart around others, burp or pick his nose and show of its contents? If so, what are you and partners’ typical responses? These days, thanks to the mass media, people are more conscientious about the prevalence of child abuse, but unfortunately this new found awareness has also led to a spike in innocent parents being suspected over the unruly but innocent actions of a child. I could be wrong, but I suspect that a primary reason you and your partner want this behavior to end is possibly because you are both worried that it might reflect negatively on you both as parents.
This is understandable but please be aware, that all behaviors children display are on a continuum and while his behavior is unacceptable, it is possibly a continuum of other unruly behaviors he constantly displays, which you and your partner might not find to be that big of a deal.
In regards to how you get this behavior to stop, I would suggest a triple strategy approach. This consists of positive reinforcement, consistent discipline, and sex talk appropriate for a seven year old.
Positive reinforcement will be to shower your son on a consistent basis, every time he doesn’t expose his privates to you or anybody. Get on one knee, look him in his eyes and share with him how proud you are that he was able to respect himself and the other person for not flashing his privates. This one will be challenging as you will have to remember every time you have an interaction with your son or you witness him have an interaction with someone else.
Consistent Discipline; besides the severity of the “no, no,” society places on people flashing their privates to others, there are other “no, nos,” which are not as severe, but run along the continuum leading to the flashing of one’s privates. These are the behaviors you want to target, in order to exercise consistent discipline. So when your son flashes his privates, and you explain to him that he is not being mindful of others through his behavior, you also want to target other behaviors, which would warrant this same explanation. I.e., farting, burping, nose picking, and the list goes on.. Specifically regarding to what sort of discipline should be exercised, I would discourage spanking- it’s not effective. Instead, along with grounding, I would take a favorite toy and give away every time any of the offensive behaviors on the continuum occurs. It is important that you don’t turn around in a few days and replace the toy, when he starts complying, instead give it a few months for replacement.
The combination of positive reinforcement and consistent discipline, a hundred percent of the time, will prove very effective. I would also enlist his teachers in helping you in the process, so he is not getting away with the behavior outside the home. I would encourage that you and your partners try this techniques for at least forty-five consecutive days, even after the behavior has stopped, you both could always go longer.
Thirdly, I would have a sex talk appropriate for the ears of a seven year old, with your son. I would encourage you to talk about why it is important for people to not walk around exposing their privates in public, I would talk about physical differences between boys and girls, and more importantly I would encourage teaching him about good touch and bad touch from others.
Good luck and I hope this helps.
Take care,
Ugo
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He's seven, which means he's becoming capable of rational thought. You've no doubt explained to him that this is unaccepatble behavior, and why he shouldn't flash his friends. Ask him why he pulls his pants down; he's probably doing it for the reaction and the attention he gets.
Don't try to psychoanalyze him, unless you're a child psychologist yourself. Focus on the behavior. If negative incentives don't work, try a positive incentive. Set a goal (say, a week with no flashing), mark the calendar each day, and reward him when the week is done. Then set another goal (1 month). Keep up the positive reinforcement. Give him attention for behaving well.
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Well firstly take a breath because he's not exhibiting violent behavior at his age. It can be one or both of two things. 1. He has questions about sex and his body and he is trying to express those feelings. Keep in mind he's 7 and his frontal lobes are not fully formed. Frontal lobes take care of reasoning and planning skills. Or he's looking for attention fro you guys as parents. Don't feel bad!just try having the sex talk with him. I know scary but think of it as an opportunity to inject the values that you would like for you to have in him. Also keep in mind we live in a world where sex sells. He's being hit with sex everyday on TV in school everywhere. Have that talk with him and try it again if you already has before some1 else does and then you're on Maury show trying to figure out if he's the father or worse! Much Love!
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maybe you could try to take away somethinq he enjoys. [example ; tv , videoqames , desert , a certain toy) stuff like that. then when he asks why you've done that , tell him its because of what he's been doinq. thats what my mom does to my little brother. &nd hes learned to listen. haha. (:
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