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Is this just brotherly/sisterly love?
My husband is 29, his sister is my age 21. They have, in my opinion, the most inappropriate relationship ever. She'll come and just sit in his lap and cuddle up with him. Or if shes sitting on the couch he will sorta attack her in a huge bear hug and end up on top of her. Once he was eating dessert and she came and sat on his lap and he started to feed her from his dessert. He didn't even think to offer me until after she had already eaten from his spoon. I don't know what all of you think, but I find this utterly disgusting...its weird, gross, and just plain wrong!
I talked to him about it, and he felt that I was being ridiculous and said that I have intimacy issues because in my family we are not all over each other. yaa we give hugs and stuff..but wrestling with each other on the couch and sitting on laps, and feeding each other...thats just weird. He was like, she is my sister! I told him, "EXACTLY! she's your sister...thats why I have such a problem with this". I even told him that I dont want her sitting on his lap any more..shes not a small child and its not cute when she comes and sits on his lap. He had the nerve to tell me he'll think about it...not okay I understand this is bothering you and I'll stop... he's just going to think about it. How wonderful..
I know no one can really do anything about this, but I guess I just need to see what others think about this. Is it just me or is it weird for siblings to treat each other the same way they would treat their significant others; minus the kissing on the lips and sex?
All answers are welcome and much appreciated. :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Different families have different traditions, that being written, I would expect for a 29 year old and a 21 year old to have a more adult like relationship. Either way, regardless of how you might feel about your husband's relationship with his sister, your priority should be on your relationship with your husband. You wield no control over the nature of their relationship, you can only express your feelings and concerns and accept what you can not change. If you feel content in your current marriage, I would say you have nothing to worry about.
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SEE MY EDIT: I got your note, girl.. email me sophia_pettus@yahoo.com so we can talk some more. I didn't know how to send you a note besides this way. "sorry"
I have no biological brothers or sisters. I am an only child. just me.. none the less, my older cousin is 11 years older than me and I was raised as if he was my older brother. We say we are brother and sister now and we are very close now. Everytime I see him which is every day, he hugs me and I kiss his cheek or he kisses my cheek. What I am saying is that all families are very different thus far as showing affection.
I sit in my fiance's lap all the time, but that's different. I understand your concerns which I am going to address. I don't sit in my brother's lap anymore but I remember when I used to.
You are having some self issues of concern, and yes they should be respected by your husband for the fact that it takes you out of your element and makes you feel uncomfortable. He should be willing to do whatever makes you comfortable. I don't think that incest has happened or will happen but I do think that you honestly have some esteem and insecurity issues that you need to deal with internally without your husband. I also sense some jealousy to the extent of not getting this type of attention from him, yet you want it.
I think he is very selfish in making his comment when you expressed your feelings pertaining to his sister sitting in his lap. We would've had some serious issues if he would've told me that and not acted on it. He could be part of the reason that self esteem, jealousy and insecurity could potentially exist. So, I feel your concern, I even understand them but first you have deal with it for self first and your marriage secondly.
GOOD LUCK.
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Well, I believe there's an explanation for everything. When she was 4, he was 12. I bet he had to take care of her a lot, that may have included feeding her, playing with her (wrestling), bouncing her on his lap (ALL toddlers love this), etc. I guess he has trouble letting go that she's all grown up and that behavior isn't appropriate anymore. He's been doing this all his life (I'm just assuming), so in a way he's almost a father-ish brother figure.
I doubt that their relationship is sexual, I just think he has problems letting go of her and realizing she's all grown up. But definitely tell him how its bothering you and to at least stop doing it in front of you.
~Maria, 17
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It is a little abnormal but it's not incest.
I think you'd have to know more about their family history before judging their behaviors.
Did he take care of her a lot when they were growing up? Was their trauma in the family and she looked up to him for support?
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Wow... that is.... that is just abnormal.
I mean, I've known some people to just plain BE closer to their siblings than their significant others, but that is just a lot to be worried about.
There may be a severe dependency issue on her part. An eight year difference is a lot, but there may be something that you haven't been told that explains why she's just so attached.
Ask again, but don't be confrontational about it. Say that you're worried, and just want to understand.
I also recommend doing research on what you may think this is, just to tell if you can see signs beyond just a really odd attachment.
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I also find his behavior to be going quite a bit too far. This sort of relationship is not common among siblings of the opposite sex- I mean, if they were younger ( a lot younger), then you could argue that they just like to play around. But he is 29, she is 21. Way too old for child's play, if you ask me. However, I can understand that what may seem strange to others is perfectly normal for them. Still, you have a right to ask about and even condemn this. You can tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and that you would appreciate it if they would stop acting that way when you are around. Oh, and about his comment about your family: a) he has no right to criticize your upbringing, and b) there is clearly nothing abnormal about your family; I would say that he and his sister are too close- beyond the norm. Unfortunately, it seems that the only thing you can do is tell him to stop doing things like that when you are around. You might even consider asking him exactly why they find that sort of behavior to be okay- maybe try to get his perspective without sounding judgmental (although I can totally see why you feel weird about this). Good luck!
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