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Conselor.
Tonight was the last straw and my Mom said tomarrow morning she's calling someone for me to talk to because she's done with my crap. I did explode tonight... but Im not going to someone to talk to "because they care" when they obvously dont considering there gettying paid awesome money. Why waste my parents money for my to sit in a room... and listen to some guys words. She would rather send me to some guy so she wont have to deal with the facts SHE SUCKS AS A MOTHER! I told my Dad off tonight because he was being an asshole and I told him he didn't love me because if he did he would atleast try to quit smokeing. He's reocvering from a heart attack but has changed nothing in his life. Im not goign to some fucking therapist because "I bottle my emotions" how to I convince my Mom i dont need to go and to stop botteling my emotions because i eventually explode
even tho i dont I justdnt tell them anything because they suck at listening
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Therapists are not for everyone, that being written, I don't see you as the sole source of discord in the home. Everyone plays a role. It doesn't sound like you bottle your feelings up, as a matter of fact I think you are doing too good of a job in letting your parents know just how you feel. How do you communicate your feelings to your mother about seeing a therapist? And increasing the chance that she will hear you? It is a two step deal that is easier written than done;
First step: Recognize what you have control over and what you don't, then accept the situation and be content with it. For example you have no control over your parents' decision, and that's okay, things could be worse.
Second step: Communicate difficult and sensitive subjects with out anger. When we become angry in communication, we become aggressive and we will usually yell for the whole world to hear. This is an ineffective form of communication, because the recipient of the communication will usually not pay attention to what you are saying, but to your yelling, and aggressive tone and posture. If you are calm and cool while communicating difficult and sensitive subjects, your recipient will respond only to the contents of your message.
The first and second steps have to go together for communication to be effective, because the first step prepares you not to lose your cool if things don't go your way. Remember this is easier written than executed, if you need practice and support, it wouldn't hurt to consult with a professional.
Good luck.
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if you have a chance go read my question before reading the rest of this...
you should go write a short story...use fake names but real plot thats what i did when my problem first started happening and it helped alot with understanding things and getting things out that you cant tell anybody..
its much easier and cheaper than a therapist so ask ur parents to let you try to fix this before you go to a therapist and try that
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Okay so I know you may not want to read this im but your parents are right. It's not good to keep all the feelings to yourself. You could get very ill and one day you may just burst and that could get sent to the hospital. Going to a therapist is not that bad. They listen to you and make you feel comfortable talking about your feelings.Therapist are not for people who are crazy they are for people who need advice. Thats kind why im here to cause I like to help people. The least you can do is try it and if you don't feel like you need it explain it your parents without fighting because if you start screaming they will get angry and won't listen to you. Plus the therapist can help you to make your relashionship better with your parentsand to make them understand you. I really hope everything turns out okay and that I helped you make the right decision.GOOD LUCK!!!!!!
xoxoxoxo
princesssita
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Lol, this sounds familiar. When I was 14 I had some...really interesting fights with my parents, and though I screamed at them and they had to literally stuff me in the car, they took me to a therapist we knew. I was still convinced I didn't need her to help me, but what I wound up doing was using her to convince my parents that I didn't need to be there. She saw my side of things and often talked to them after my session to express my feelings to them in a way I couldn't - adult to adult.
As resistant as I was to see her, she did help me. And a few years later, when I was anorexic and borderline clinically depressed and really did need her, she already knew me and felt more like a friend than a therapist.
You have to realize that your parents love you. As screwed up as your relationship might be right now, they want you to have someone to talk to, even if it isn't them. That's why they're talking to you about not bottling up your emotions. Besides, if you do that long enough it can make you sick in so many ways - trust me. Been there.
Let your parents do what little they can to get you a listening ear. Yes, therapists are paid, but they do what they do BECAUSE they care, not because they're getting money.
Why do you think I have an advice column?
I've been through a lot, and I know I'm not the only person dealing with pain and hardships. I want to use my experience and knowledge to help those who need a guiding hand, or a listening ear.
Any therapist, unless they're a complete ass, will probably say the same thing.
Be honest with your counselor. I hope it isn't someone affiliated with your school. Schools are paranoid nowadays - if you were to say anything "suspicious," you could wind up in trouble for absolutely no reason.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, this is a GOOD thing. Resist all you want, but please try to see things from where your parents stand. Not every parent has the innate knowledge of how to raise a child perfectly. They may not understand you - but that's where a therapist can come in.
Therapists are not evil people. They're not for stupid people, and there's nothing wrong with having someone outside your family to talk to, to take your side, and to listen to you.
Use this to your advantage.
Or, if you choose, explain to your parents that you feel you don't need to see a therapist, that you're just frustrated generally because you feel like no one listens to you, and that you do not bottle your emotions. You have an outlet (do you free-write? Write songs? Poetry? Draw? Sing? Something that lets you express what you don't say), and that you don't feel comfortable expressing what you feel to them.
(Please for the sake of your argument, avoid accusing your parents of anything, even if you feel they're the ones to blame. (i.e. "you never listen to me," or "If you really loved me, etc...") It will make them shut down, and they really won't listen to you. If you can tell them why you don't need to go see a therapist in a calm, rational way, they may understand and not make you go.)
My best advice to you is to just try ONE session with a therapist, just to appease your parents. If you feel it's totally unnecessary, then you can explain why you don't need to go.
Good luck.
-Siren =)
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The majority of the people who spend time listening to you care(even if they suck at it). People who spend money or effort on you, care. I have been where you are. I didn't see their side til everyone started ignoring me and giving up. I refused therapy or their so called help. Then I ended up driving everyone away. I still come off as hostile and of not much help. So, here it goes, I am not good at giving advice but I hope what I say hits home somehow. If you accept their methods, they will feel that you care and try harder for you. The therapist does what he does because he/she cares but still needs to eat. As far as advice goes, you get what you pay for. Try it, it might not help you but it will help your parents understand you.
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Too many young ones don't realize that their parents are just like them. We all are going through life trying desperately not to screw up and failing miserably. You did not come with a hand book for your parents to read and most books are pure physcobable. Parents turn to consolers out of fear and who can blame them? In doing so you should recognize the fact that they do love you. They are afraid that you will do something stupid and they may lose you, (as you fear the loss of your father). The thing that sets us apart from animals is our ability to reason, this also comes with our right to choose. We can be stupid with our choices, or smart, your dad chooses to be stupid and continue his bad habit. This is what it is to be human, your choices will define your fate, make sure you're starting your life with the right ones and except the fact that he has the right to make his. Perhaps in doing this your parents will except the fact that you have the right to make your's. Be calm in your speaking with your parents, show them that you are trying to be adult and are in control of your choices and that you are trying to make the right ones. You have the right to your private thoughts, but you need to show them through actions that those thoughts are not unhealthy. Speak your piece with them once and stop your nagging. Your father knows your concern, but to dwell on it is not healthy and they know it. Yes, this will bring him to an early demise, you know it, but so does he. Part of being an adult is realizing that death is apart of living. If you dwell on death, you miss living. So stop "telling them off," and except them for the flawed human beings they are. Stop living your life in fear and start living it in knowledge. Get to know your parents for what they are, not what you want them to be. No matter what you do, some day they will be gone and with it your opportunity to really know them will be gone too. Stop thinking of them as your parents and start thinking of them as friends, for that is what they truly are.
Be well,
Gilbert Mar
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I went to counselling at my school and let me tell you, it really does help. Before that, I thought I didn't need it, but in the end, it allowed me to get things off my chest which I wouldn't have been able to with my peers OR my parents. I used to bottle what I felt because I thought that it would make me strong, but it didn't. It may not be the same with you, but that's what I went through.
The counsellor doesn't talk to you, YOU talk to him/her and tell him/her everything which is bothering you, he/she may ask a few questions here and there just to get the full picture. They aren't there to lecture, they're there to listen when you feel others don't. You can tell him/her everything that you've talked about in this letter and they'll listen.
I know that this isn't the answer to what you asked, but give it a go. Who knows: you may find it useful or not. You'll never know unless you give it a go. That all depends upon how you behave in the meeting.
If you do decide to go through with this, don't go to some outside guy. Go to one in your school because they're free and you can talk to them whenever you want.
Think about it and see whether it can help you or not.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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