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My life is no longer what it used to be.
I overdosed on cocaine 19 months ago, I had to go to the hospital, saw 2 doctors and a cardiologist, first they told me I had an irregular heartbeat and an enlarged heart, now they tell me that its not enlarged and my heartbeat is more regular. I've developed massive anxiety from the overdose, I always check my pulse and worry that my heart is going to stop or explode or something. EVERY single day for the past 19 months, I have been suffering from anxiety and mild to medium heart pains, I wouldn't quite say severe, though. I've come to rely on alcohol because it helps me forget about this. No one seems to really understand my problem for what it is, I think people think I'm faking it when I say I'm in pain. Its gotten so bad that many times that I'm offered to go out to dinner or hang out with friends, I'll decline, out of fear that I'll have a heart attack or a horrible panic attack while I'm in an unfamiliar surrounding. Suicide seems easier than living with this, but I don't actually have plans to commit suicide, they're just thoughts in my head. What should I do? Doctors can't pinpoint something with my heart, and I can't afford to keep going to the doctor or to get a therapist..
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I wonder how long you have struggled with anxiety issues before you started using cocaine and before your overdose. It sounds like you realize that your overdose was directly linked to your cocaine use, but you can't seem to let that go. The best way to calm your paranoia about another heart issue, is to educate your self about the causes of heart attacks, once you have done this, it will be easier for you to separate your rational and irrational concerns regarding the probability of you experiencing any heart problems in the future. I must say that while it appears you have experienced full recovery from your cocaine overdose, it will be a bad idea for you to continue self medicating with alcohol. At the end of the day in order for you to be successful in overcoming your anxiety, you will need help. I understand you are concerned about costs, but one thing you might want to considered is group counseling for persons with anxiety issues, groups cost a lot less than individual counseling.
Good luck.
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i don't know how much help i can be to you, but i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! i used to have the same feelings as you, i no from experience that knowing that other people have the same problems isnt exactly going to cure what is going on, it could help a little, right? i REALLY dont want you to get as bad as i did, so please just try to think positive! you need to stay involved in activities with your friends and family, as hard as it may seem, it will help, i promise. it's okay that you dont have enough money to go to the doctor or therapy, because i went to all those places, and truthfully, they didnt help one bit. also, i no a whole lot about anxiety, ive lived with it forever! i know that feeling of being scared and all that, im thinkning what you need is a really good friend, someone who can be with you at your high and low points and to reassure you that your okay and to help you. i really hope that you find someone like that to help you and i will always wish the best for you. please know that there's always hope and there's always a light at the end of the scary and treacherous tunnel.
-maddie :)
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dealing with anxiety can be hard but ask for support by your family and friends.
the thoughts of suicide is not the way to go about this, i know its hard but be strong you will get through this.
the pains that you are having could be nothing,
try to stay positive about this.
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