ask storageanddisposal



read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators



I reject questions not meant for me. If you want to ask me advice directly, use my name in the question so that I know the question is meant for me.
Website: Talk to Storage
Location: Iowa
Member Since: May 11, 2004
Answers: 1071
Last Update: October 31, 2014
Visitors: 84327

Main Categories:
Random Weirdos
Love Life
General Sex Questions
View All

Favorite Columnists
karenR
adviceman49
Razhie
selectopaque
advicenator_admin
jbdreamer
Dr_Chad
OneMan
MaxwellsSilverHammer
jokerzgrl
hailebop
more...
I'll try to make this quick. Back in August, I started seeing a guy called RW. I thought he was great at first, but then he turned out to be not so nice. At least that's how I feel. I feel like there's a lot I'd like you to know about RW, but all you really need to know is that I wasn't very happy most of the time I was seeing him. I felt a lot better when I started thinking about breaking it off in September.

Long story short, in September, two guys from my past came back into my life. Their names are Robert and Jude and I've had crushes on them both (Robert in 2010 and 2011 and Jude in 2011). I started seeing them both a little over three weeks ago and simultaneously broke it off with RW.

They both have so many qualities that I just adore. They're both extremely handsome, sweet, good hearted guys that make me feel so good and happy when I'm with them. Jude is so charming I could cry and Robert is so funny and so sweet I can't stand it. They both have a lot of the same qualities I thought RW did, but theirs kindness, sweetness, charm, good looks, and senses of humor are much more my style.

I know it's kind of skeezy to see two guys at the same time, but I was trying to decide between them and now, I'm pretty sure it's gonna be Robert. Now we get to my problem. RW will not go away. I was hoping that the break up would be the end of things, but he keeps showing up everywhere. He showed up at an art walk we went to, a he showed up Saturday when I went to a movie with Robert, he showed up yesterday uninvited to a friend's birthday celebration. He Won't go away. He's not letting go of our relationship.

RW has problems that I didn't know the severity of back in August. He has some kind of mental disorder and a bad drinking issue. He's not above using violence (or at least he doesn't seem to be) and I'm a little worried about what he's capable of. I don't think he'd physically hurt Robert or Jude, but it wouldn't be the first time he'd hurt someone. He can do nothing to me because I've got tons of men in my family and group of friends who'd kick his @$$.

What should I do? I need this guy out of my life and away from me Robert and Jude. (link)
This is all still recent, it'll take a bit of time for RW to get over the role he had as a boyfriend. If this is all intentional, and it sounds like it is to me, then what he wants is attention from you. I wouldn't give it to him. Once he's learned that he can't get anything from you, he'll likely move on. If he doesn't, depending on how old you are, you'll either want to get your parents or police involved. The police probably won't do anything from lack of evidence towards any foul play, but it might be enough to scare him off.


Is it a bad idea if I invite another female into my bed to spice up our sex like since I can't perform like I used to before my illness! I love to please my husband but it's hard to at this point! Would my marriage brake if I do. Need help please! We have been together for 15yrs and married for 10yrs. I'm a 36 year old abd my husband just turned 40 years old. (link)
The short answer: Given your long history, I think your relationship would endure even if you found yourself hurt by this arrangement, but at the same time your husband's enjoyment out of it might not be worth the pain you feel in the long run. Unless you're into it, I wouldn't do it.

The long answer: Do you find yourself ever jealous of your husband's attraction to other women (if the attraction is evident)? Do you think you're capable of being turned on or in any way excited by your husband being with another woman?

If you aren't the jealous type and can get something out of this arrangement, go for it.
But if you think you could be jealous and won't get anything out of it, perhaps you shouldn't. Keep in mind, the thought of a spouse with someone else hits someone a lot softer than actually seeing and knowing that it's happening. You can't accurately know how it'll feel until you go through it.

A big reason (but certainly not the only reason) why people are hurt when it comes to a spouse cheating on them is a strong fear of being replaced, devalued. Of course, what you're talking about isn't cheating, but I would guess there's a strong chance of you feeling the same fear of being replaced, especially given your inability to perform the way you used to. That feeling will cause far more damage than good in your relationship.

Sex is fun and some could argue that it's important in fresh relationships, but it's far from everything. After 15 years, I'm sure you're husband realizes this and what you can do for him may be enough. Still, I can understand wanting to replace what is missing, so I would advice trying to spice things up in other ways before involving another person. Toys, role-playing, anything new that might appeal to either of you.

That is unless you don't have a jealous bone in your body and/or can get some excitement out of the arrangement yourself. But that's rare.


21/f

Before I start, please do not tell me about the safety of having sex (using condoms to prevent pregnancy, to prevent getting STDs, even if you're on birth control pills, etc.) I am aware of all of these things.

Let me say that my boyfriend and I do not use condoms. We did at first, but I have been on birth control for the past three years. We are also both STD free.

So, my situation is I went through my boyfriend's wallet trying to get a hint of what I should get him for his birthday. His wallet didn't have many things in it and I found a condom. I got to thinking, if we don't usually use condoms, why would he carry one around with him? I thought maybe he forgot about it before he met me or he wanted to be safe just in case? But just in case what? Just in case another girl comes along that he wants to sleep with doesn't give me much of a reassurance.

I just want to understand why or the possibility of him having it would do. I know that if I got him a new wallet, he'll put another condom in it, too. I'm curious on what the purpose may be. Am I thinking too much into it? Should I even be worried about this? (link)
It could be old, it could be for someone else. There's no way to know just on this fact. Are there any other signs that something is wrong?

It's best not to worry about it, if you can. There's no point in stressing over it prematurely. There will be plenty of time for that if and when you confront him about it.

If you can't let it go, ask him about it at some point. He might have it with someone else in mind, he might not.


i thought i had feelings for this guy but hes getting clingy and now i dont think i like him as much... i feel like telling him that would make him think i lead him on.. maybe i did in a way, but i cant help how i feel. i care about this guy but maybe not enough for any kind of relationship.. i dont know what to do and i need advice.. i dont want to hurt him (link)
First and foremost, you didn't lead him on. You felt a certain way and acted accordingly, but things are different now. Things change with people all the time. It's unfortunate for him, but you didn't lead him on.

The way I see it, you have two choices. You can either tell him you aren't interested or you can try to distance yourself and drop hints that you aren't interested. He might be hurt a bit more by telling him, but dropping hints will make the process take longer and therefore cause him to suffer for a longer period of time.

It's up to you, but I advise being direct. It seems you care about him quite a bit, enough to want to spare his feelings. It might soften the blow if you reassure him that you care and you don't want to hurt him. Make sure he knows that he's a person of value to you, if that makes sense, you just don't feel the same way he seems to feel.


Hi! So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months (both juniors in HS). We are both each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend. Things are pretty good. We get along well and we always have fun, but the physical aspect of our relationship is lacking. It took him 4 1/2 months to kiss me and now I'm ready for a little more (like making out or something) but he hasn't taken any initiative. I don't know what to do. Like he's affectionate in front of our friends (always makes a point to be by me, holds my hand, has his arm around me, ect). But when we are alone he doesn't even try anything. Is there something wrong with me? He always says how beautiful I am and stuff but he never tries anything. What should I do?? SOS (link)
You're his first girlfriend, so he's naturally nervous. Making a move on your first significant other is a scary thing to do, because you don't know exactly what you're doing. I don't think it has anything to do with being unattractive. In fact, his attraction to you probably makes him even more nervous about taking initiative.

I would keep him informed about what you're ok with. Let him know that you're open to doing more. If you're up to it, consider making the move yourself.


What websites should I use? I already have a twitter, a facebook account, and some others. But I want a real blog though. (link)
tumblr.com is the most famous and the one I often use. I've heard good things about wordpress.com as well.


I'm the owner of Sin City Escorts Las Vegas. You can view our girls at http://www.escortslasvegasnv.com.

I've been wondering how many people that are not in the adult industry view this as a bad thing. Some of my girls have complained before about not always wanting to work as an escort because of some of the clients. Girls are always free do go as they please so it isn't anything like that. I would like to know how people view Las Vegas escorts and the adult industry? (link)
Oh yes. I entirely believe that the owner of Sin City Escorts Las Vegas came to a site called advicenators and asked a poorly phrased question concerning the morality of the adult industry.

You have too much time on your hands, kid, spambot, whatever you are.


Okay, so I put bleach at the tips of my hair only for about 6 minutes thou after I heard it can make all your hair fall out ! I need to hear experienced peoples opinions ? Can any help me? Do you think my hair will be okay ? Help!!!!! Please????? (link)
Your hair will be fine.


15/f. I am taking an automotive class in my highschool and the teacher was doing a demonstration with a car on and he was revving it and making a bunch of sound while the car was running and I know what carbon monoxide smells like and it smells exactly like that. We had the garage doors in the shop closed and I feel really dizzy, have headaches, naeseous, I have upper stomach pains around my chest as well, fatigue, and loss of appetite. Do I have carbon monoxide poisoning? (link)
Carbon Monoxide is odorless, so you can't smell it. I would guess that you are fine. I don't think your teacher would have the car running in a contained area long enough to cause you to have serious problems. I would guess that a fair amount of these symptoms are brought on by a fear of getting carbon monoxide poisoning or it could be the flu.

But since you are experiencing some symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning, I would seek medical attention as soon as you can to be on the safe side.


22/f

About 2 months ago, my boyfriend of 2 years fell back into his pain pill addiction and I broke up with him. He has had issues with pills for a long time, and the first time I found out, he said he'd get sober but he didn't really give it a solid effort. I told him that while I understood having an addiction is beyond his control, he wasn't taking all of the steps his doctor wanted him to and that I couldn't be with him if he started taking them again. Well, 2 months ago, I found out he had been again and I left him. However, he has been making a very sincere effort to stay sober and has been clean since we broke up. But besides the pill addiction, he has been so good to me. We have so much fun together and up until this last break up, I was positive I wanted to marry him.

After we broke up, I started to see this other guy that I used to hook up with in high school. It started off as just hooking up like once a week, but then we both realized we like each other.. a lot. He's a couple years younger than me and he's so immature, like we're at completely different stages in our lives and it would make no sense at all to be in a relationship with him. But there is so much chemistry and sexual tension that I seriously get butterflies every time I see him. It's become a full blown infatuation, and he feels the same way back.

But my ex and I have got back together, and that makes me so happy. I mean, honestly besides the pills, things were perfect with him. We never fought and sometimes it seemed like we were the same person. With him it didn't seem like I was just "settling," but actually with someone who FIT me. I didn't even take a second glance at other guys until our last break up.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to break things off with this other guy. When I think realistically about the situation, I know I should be with my boyfriend. We're just good together. But then this new guy will call and want me to come over and I'm swooning.

I'm embarrassed that I'm even in this situation. I have been cheated on and it hurts so bad. I hate that I keep doing this but I honestly don't know what to do. I need the opinion of someone who doesn't know me because I'm too ashamed to talk to my closest friends about it.

I feel like my options are limited. I can either stay with my boyfriend and break things off with guy, but keep lusting after him. Or I can leave my boyfriend, but that kind of seems impossible. It would absolutely tear him apart and I think I would regret that later. It's like I know which is the smarter idea, but my heart is willing me to act stupid. This seems like it should be an easy decision but I've been struggling with this for a couple weeks and still have no idea what to do. (link)
I'd like to bring up that there's an interesting parallel between your infatuation to the new guy and your boyfriend's addiction to painkillers, though I doubt your attraction to the new guy is as strong as your boyfriend's addiction. There's just something about an addict's mind that only an addict will understand.

Anyway, the advice. This infatuation is temporary. Most of them fade away in time, but you'll have to break contact for that to happen. I'm not saying there will be a day when you'll look at the new guy and not find him attractive, but there will come a time when you don't even really think about the attraction anymore and it becomes something of the past.

I would ask the new guy to stop calling and just stay with the boyfriend. I think that's your best option, but I would personally tell the boyfriend about the other guy before you make that decision. In the process, there's a good chance the decision will be made for you, but I think telling him would be the right thing to do, assuming he doesn't already know.


I'm 16 my bf is 17 and we've been dating for seven months. As a person he is the nicest, most caring and great boyfriend to me and honestly treats me so well and I'm not even just saying that everyone says what a nice boyfriend to me he is. He doesn't do anything shady like talking or flirting with other girls or lying to me were actually pretty honestly open with each other. We care about each other so much and he's my first boyfriend and I love him very much. I always said if a guy ever cheated on me or anything id dump them for sure which I would as till this day in my relationship I don't put up with any shit with him and we always talk stuff out and I would say I wear the pants in our relationship. Getting to the point though long before we started dating I knew he was a pothead but that didn't bother me because we were just friends so what did I care. But even when we first started dating he wasn't even that bad with me I think because he knew I was talking to other guys too so he tried to be the best him he could be I guess and he even took me out and bought me flowers and chocolates for valentines day before we started dating and that's the person I really love and side I love about him. But now seven months into our relationship he still smokes but now it's become something like if he gets out of work at 9:45 and I tell him to come over to hangout with me he'll say if I had asked him earlier he would've said yes but he's gonna smoke with his friends what about if he comes over after and I'm so used to this and I know I shouldn't be but I am and this happens and he ends up getting to my house AT 12 am to chill. I told him that's ridiculous and that I feel like he puts smoking weed before me and that it feels like that's more important to him than me and he just says that's not true at all. But it's hard not to feel like that when it's happened more than once and I feel like I'm fighting for his attention. A lot of times when we hangout late he just starts falling asleep or of he's really high he's not even coherent with me. And I'm not mad about it anymore I'm just tired of it and I've told him this and he says he won't smoke before hanging out with me but he's tried that and it's only lasted so long. I know id be a fool to wait around for him to change because I know as much as he loves/cares about me idk if he would quit all together. Some of my guy friends have told me that I can't give
Him an ultimatum because he'll choose smoking but others have said I can because I'm his girlfriend and it's unfair to me because I'm the one that's sacrificing that's losing in the end. I don't want to explode on him one day and just break up with him but I don't know what to do like I'm torn. He is the best boyfriend but sometimes I feel like I am second choice and I feel like I'm in a relationship with an addict sometimes. I don't want to break up but I want to feel happy with him 100% of the time and not feel like I'm less important I just don't know what to do to make him realize that he's gonna lose me if he doesn't get his shit together. And I don't have a problem with people that smoke at all obviously because I smoke too sometimes or because I'm dating a pothead but with him he's affecting us in a bad way. And he's not the typical pothead he actually works a lot and when he's not high he's the best boyfriend and treats me great and with great respect but when he's high it makes me feel like I'm a doormat and I don't want to feel like that. What do i do? Thanks (link)
"I want to feel happy with him 100% of the time"

First and foremost, everyone has issues. There isn't going to be a perfect relationship without arguments, minor disagreements, etc. People are just too different to perfectly line up together like that.

As for your situation, I think you need to have a more thorough conversation with your boyfriend. Consider where he's coming from and approach the conversation with that in mind, because it sounds like he does care very much for you and values your needs. Explain as respectfully as possible what you want out of the relationship and how you aren't getting it. If your relationship is strong, you should have no trouble making compromises with him. If it is simply a matter of him making plans and not wanting to break them, try to make plans with him more in advance.


My fiancé's mom had told me about a house that a friend of hers owned and that he was wanting to rent it out. So she asked him if I could stay there. Well, my fiancé later informed me that the man had said that a woman was already living there, but was planning on moving out. But she's not sure exactly when. I had planned for this and have searched for a house. Ive found a couple, but I currently don't have the money for the down payment. I cannot find a single place that will give me a loan because I have no credit history. What do I do? Is there a place that WILL give me a loan? I don't want to borrow from family. (link)
Keep in mind, basing financial decisions on what I or anyone on this site might say alone could backfire. Think about what people say and if it doesn't add up to you, for the love of God don't do it. It's impossible for anyone to fully grasp your situation and in the end, you and your fiance will know what's best for you. But I do have some suggestions. Don't take them if you don't feel they're the right direction you want to go.

Unfortunately, you don't think you can get far in such situations without a credit history, so I'd built your credit a fast as you can. It's easier than a lot of people think. While I hate suggesting getting credit cards, they're necessary in such a situation and basically harmless if you do it right.

I'd get a credit card from whatever bank you have. Read whatever information they provide, make a payment plan, stick with it. Additionally, store credit cards are easy to get as well, but are a bit more tempting to use. As long as you don't rack up a debt by going on a spending spree, you should be able to do all right and rack up a decent credit score in little time. Really, I wouldn't use these cards unless you had to.

I'm pretty sure you can often choose to pay twice a month on cards as opposed to once a month. This'll raise your credit score faster. High limits also cause for higher scores. And if you know someone who has good credit and would be willing to add you your name to their card(s), this will help raise your score faster as well, though that's a long shot.

I'm not sure exactly how much time you have and how much money you need. I think it could take a couple of months to establish good credit. If you need a very large amount of money, more than your bank's credit card limit and what you can get combined, you may need to resort to borrowing from family or changing your plans. But if you do have a bit of time, I would try building some credit and making more attempts at getting a loan. It would probably be a good idea to establish a decent credit score regardless, because you never know when such a situation might arise again.


Me and my boyfriend are 18 ,and we have been together for about a year and a half . He's a very easy to person to fall in love with but he does not see it. He doesemt believe in him self as much as I do . He is a really beautiful person,only he has been through so much in his life . His mom being emotionally abusive to him ,growing up in a not so nice part of town. And just his surroundings . He is actually really the opposite of it all though . He likes poetry ,meditation,music,dance,and everything artistic. He puts on this mean faced Ora I till he's comfortable with people ,and it can come off mean. I'm trying to get him to believe in himself more .he recently told me he was scared of the world and I just want to tell him everyone loves you so don't worry about it .so how can I get him to see what I see? (link)
By telling him. Compliment him when you can and encourage him. Granted, it seems it's the rest of the world he fears, not you. Regardless of how much praise you can give him, that might not change his self esteem in relation to the rest of the world. The best thing you can do is encourage him to share his skills with other people. To put himself out there, because it's hard to get over a fear of what people think without sharing with other people.


Okay so I'm in a relationship with the love of my life. And I have a guy best friend. Today I was feeling low, and I told him to cheer me up. I asked him to tell me one good thing about me. His answer was "everything". And I told him only one thing so he then answered your personality. I asked what about my personality and he said everything. He then reassured that I know he's my best friend and I can tell him everything.

Is that him being sweet or coming onto me? (link)
I don't think that's coming onto you. In fact, by being vague and listing your personality over any physical attributes, I think he intentionally avoided a big opportunity to come onto you.


Hey , I'm from Poland , and there is this girl who i knew over the internet , but she lives nearby, and she wanted some serious advice.Anyway , i gave her advice and afterwards she wanted help with her homework and i helped her.Every problem she faced , she seeked advice from me , So i thought we were like brother and sister and i said ,why not ? , but after a couple of days , she was like i love you so much.That was so weird and random , i mean we barely know each other. i don't know what to do , she loves me and she wants marriage , but i'm just being nice ,i don't wanna be rude.To be honest , shes doesn't have the looks i want. hhhh , please help me. (link)
For one thing, it's perfectly valid that you don't share the same feelings. Regardless of how physically attractive you are to her, you probably aren't going to be in love with someone you barely know.

You want to be nice and probably want what's best for her. Just be honest with her. Explain that you simply don't feel that way about her. She likely won't react well to this, but it truly is what's best for her.


14/f and I get these huge pimples on the back of my shoulders every once in a while. They're painful and big and I can't wear a lot of clothing while I have one. How do I get rid of them? (link)
There are creams for ordinary acne, like Benzoyl or Neutrogena oil, that you can use. You can find these at any store with a pharmacy, like Walgreens or Wal-Mart. With ordinary acne, it's also helpful to make sure you scrub your shoulders with anti-bacterial soap. I would also try limiting food that's high in sugar or greasy. Some things work better for different people.

Unfortunately, sometimes people get acne that is more severe than your ordinary acne. In these cases, it's something you should see your doctor about in order to get rid of it.


I am a 25 year old female and I don't know what's wtong with me. I akready go to pineland 3 says a week on meds and I am still having problem s with my mental health. I am real emotional all time like for instance one minute ill be all hyper and happy and the next I will be agitated and ready to come unglued over every little thike like for instance I came home from pineland to find that my niece had stuff all over my bed and I snapped but stugf lack that dosnt usually bother me and I bursted into tears anf told her to get out of my site. Why would I cry over something like that. When I was in group today and I was reading some material I noticed that I kept getting lost in mid sentence and the sentenceskept running together and couldn't concentrate. Like I said I am already on celexa f or anxiety and depression and I am on adderall for adhd but why am I getting mad so easy because I've never had problems with anger before and ehy does my moods keep switching like a light switch that's never happened and for the past month I have been crying for ehat seems to be no reason at all why? (link)
Your depression is changing. Are these side effects of any medication you're taking? If not, it just seems to be another phase of your depression. It sounds like you might have bipolar disorder, which is another name for manic depression. Explain this to whoever you go to about your mental health. It might be that the medication you are taking isn't exactly the medication you need.


So I am a 19 year old girl from Europe who moved to LA last June.
I met a guy the first week I came here and eventually we started dating. He's 23 from around LA and unfortunately in a gang.

Just so we're clear, I am not one of those girls who looks for danger and would intentionally date a gang member. It just happened.

I just recently told my parents I've been seeing someone for a little over a year and that I'm in love. They don't know anything about him, just his name.
The thing is, I know how they would react if I told them what he does. I know how every parent would react..
He's really a great guy and never put me in danger

So basically I'm just looking for advice on how to tell my parents about him. Or should I not mention some things ? (link)
You asked if you should not mention some things. Why do you ask this? If you're wondering what the morally right thing to do is, it isn't that. Being honest is the right thing to do. That and trying to convince your boyfriend to take on a more socially acceptable job and/or breaking up with him. To me and most other people, these are the right things to do.

If you're asking what would be easiest on you, the harsh truth is you're going to have to be dishonest. You're going to have to do the wrong thing in order to maintain any sort of civility between your family and your boyfriend. There's no way to phrase "I've been dating a member of a gang for over a year" in such a way that will get a good reaction. No matter what you say, regardless of how great a guy he is, you seem to already know what the reaction will be.

So you've only two options. Be honest and suffer the repercussions or be dishonest and deal with the guilt that comes with it. You have to decide what's right for yourself, but I would personally be honest with them. Big secrets like this tend to have a way of coming out in the open at some point anyway.


15/f
I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend and we used a condom but after a little bit the condom slipped off and we didn't notice but when we did we stopped immediately and put one on. Can there still be a big chance of pregnancy? He had already cummed before we had sex & didn't cum during or after sex is there still a big chance of me being pregnant? (link)
Is there a big chance? No, the chances are very small, but there is still a small chance.

Are you aware of emergency contraception? It can take up to 6 days for the sperm and the egg to meet and the morning-after pill prevents the ovaries from releasing and egg as quickly as usual. You can take such a pill up to 5 days after the condom slips off, though after a few days the pill won't be as effective.

You can get these pills at clinics like Family Planning or Planned Parenthood. I would find out what clinics are close for future reference should something like this happen again.


I'm a 15 year old female and I'm a Christian. I grew up in a Baptist church, though my family isn't baptist nor are we nearly as strict and legalistic as some Christians.

I am homeschooled and my workbooks/PACE'S(ACE Curriculum) sometimes have stories and/or comics of kids in different situations and teach Christian morality and thinking.

But as I was reading one of these stories, it was about a girl who became Christian and it was talking about how she was changing her life. One of the things it mentioned was: "She began to find new joy as she replaced her former friends and ways with new Christian friends and activity's that helped her grow spiritually."

I understand having new Christian friends and distancing herself from bad things like drugs and alcohol. But why would she need to remove her old friends from her life? Didn't Jesus sit and eat with the non-Christians and sinners?

Wouldn't we WANT to be friends with them so we could possibly influence them in a good way instead of cutting them off?

I guess I just don't understand why you would do that...

Could someone explain this to me? Or tell me if I'm right and their wrong? Or the other way around? (link)
You are correct. Someone doesn\'t need to stop being friends just because of their change in religious beliefs. It seems to imply that her former friends were a bad influence on her Christian morals, but that\'s not always the case.




read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker