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Q: Ok so I am a well known author and I will not tell you who I am obviously, but I need some amateur writers ideas. Im about to write a new novel and I need a good topic. Ive been thinking about writing about either a tragedy/ natural disaster or I could write about finding true love. I love either topic but Im at a loss for words. I do not know how to start or what should be my plot and setting and stuff like that. So, I would love some ideas from great amateur writers and in return if I like the ideas I will mention your name in my book so if you give me a reply please state your first name and your age. Thank you all alot and I will enjoy reading your suggestions.

I have a degree in creative writing and am as of yet unpublished; however, by no means would I call myself an amateur. If we don't know who you are, how will we find out if you've really mentioned us in your book?
I'm skeptical. But what the hell - for all intents and purposes, I'm Siren_Cytherea, and I'm 24. If you use any quotations from me, please give me credit.

Well-known or not, all artists suffer from this "block" on occasion. Your right brain feels tired, your ideas feel forced; you need something new and different to shake loose whatever it is that's preventing you from attaining that "zen" feeling. You know what I'm talking about: that feeling you get when you sit down to write, and it seems like the words just flow from your fingertips, each keystroke a tiny molecule in the body of your work; each breath you take serving only to fuel your hands as they dance on the keyboard, using language as paint on the canvases of your readers' minds...

See what I did there? Take a feeling you love and describe it. Or hell, take "love" and try to describe it.
Instead of being set on a topic for your book, I suggest you just start writing. Don't worry so much about what it's going to be, what the setting is, or the plot - let your character(s) take over, and they'll show you the answers to those questions. Razhie mentioned one of my favorite exercises already, describing something using all five senses:

"Cigarette smoke hung in the air so thickly she could taste it, bitter and burning Jeanie's nose as she walked down the stairs to the bar. The lights down here were so dim they might as well have been off, she thought as darkness enveloped the staircase. Carefully she clung to the metal banister as she began to feel the heavy bass from the music booming in her chest..." (Direct quotation from one of my own short stories)

Another exercise that often turns into something amazing (and sometimes really funny) is starting with your character saying or yelling an expletive - then build a scene around that. Right away there, you have frustration, or fear, or some extreme emotion that causes that to slip out, and you as a writer have to find out the reason behind it. This one is an exercise of discovery and lack of control. You as a writer should have no idea what's going on in this scene until you write it.
Freewriting, in general, is also very helpful.
If you'd like to bounce ideas off me, I'd be glad to help. My screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea, or you can inbox me here. Your questions here will remain anonymous, of course.
If I don't hear from you, best of luck. Just remember, be patient with yourself. Sometimes the best thing you can do is give yourself a break. You can always edit later.

Siren

Q: What jobs can i get with a sociology degree and do I NEED a PhD for sociology careers? Thanks!

I have to disagree with Adviceman (for a change - sorry!)
Sociology is different from social work. Many schools support a BSW (Bachelor's of Social Work). Sociology is the study of social systems and cultures around the world. It's a bit like an anthropology degree, but with more of a concentration on the innerworkings of the social system. Social Work, however, is more along the lines of helping people and counseling, and less along the lines of study and observation. The question a sociologist asks is "why do these people act this way?" The question a social worker asks is "how can I help these people?"

http://www.sociology-degree.net/sociology-degree-vs-social-work-degree/

Q: Hello, female, seventeen, going to be a freshmen in college. I had originally planned to be a teacher, elementary to be exact, then at orientation they said that special education is a good choice as well because the economy is in dire need of special education teachers. Now, I had my second orientation this past weekend and I had switched to special education. I came home and read about it after I sat through all the classes with all the info thrown at me and the number one thing I read is "if you want to be a special education teacher, your heart HAS to be in it because the pay is terrible". I also have to have 4 clearences before the summer is up, 20 hours of observation over a group of mentally challenged students, keep a 3.0 all 4 years of school (I'm an average student, not a genius but not F worthy, I get c's, so the 3.0 is stressing me out) and I can't get caught at parties or I will have to change my major. That is a lot of qualifications to follow just to be a teacher. I think that since I am second guessing this whole situation, that my heart isn't fully into it. Don't get me wrong, I love kids but I don't think I have to patience to be a special education teacher, I read while I was researching that it is a very rewarding job but I also read a blog of a special education teacher whom just retired, she said there was not a day of work where she was not stressing over something, a lesson, a student, a fight a student might get into and that scares me because I want to have fun at work, not worry about things such as that. The market for a teacher is also very competitive, my spanish teacher in my senior year of high school said one of the spanish teachers is retiring so they had interviews for a new one, 67 teachers were interviewed for one spot. Some school districts also only hire adults who graduated from their school, if that's the case, I can only apply to one school.. that's insane. I was talking to me brother's girlfriend who started off as an education major as well, she said she was so stressed about the major and could not live up to all the expectations that she switched her major to psychology, she wants to be a child psychologist; her father commit suicide when she was very young so she wants to be able to help kids who are going through tragedies in their lives, I think that's a noble job and that she made the right decision. She also told me with a master's in education, you are limited to job opportunities that a massive amount of people are trying to get as well. With psychology, she can get numerous jobs and still work around kids which is what I really want to do. So my questions are, do you think I should stay with my major? If not, what majors can I do that will allow me to work with children? What jobs can I get with psychology? Thank you for your time!

You might consider a social work degree, if your school supports it. Psychology is very science-related. Social work, though, is more about helping families and children and individuals. Social work also stops at a Master's degree - MSW, after which you can get a license to practice, have a caseload, and even your own business, which you can't do with a Psych degree until you have a doctorate.
If you want to do counseling and aren't deeply passionate about the innerworkings of the brain and/or research, go for social work. Psychology is not a fall-back degree.
Sociology is more of the science of social systems, culture, society, etc. I took a sociology class, and we talked about what constituted a culture, where we thought our society was leading, and the differences in cultures and society around the world.
It really sounds to me like, if you don't want to go for teaching, you want social work.
BUT
If you want to be a teacher, pursue it! Just because things suck right now doesn't mean they will when you're ready to teach. Don't go in with the assumption that you're setting your future up to fail. There are so many factors that go into your future, and the most important of them is passion. Never go for a degree you're not passionate about. A BA nowadays is nothing in most fields, and further education is emotionally trying, expensive, and... well, basically, you have to really love what you're doing, or you'll burn out fast.
If you're passionate about what you do, the people you want to work for will see it. It will come out in interviews, and they'll want you.

Be confident and have some faith in yourself. Pursue what you love. :)

Siren

Q: pepole in abusive relatinships never get out untiill someone hurt so bad then someone really has to pay why wait untill it gets that bad theres ways of dealing weith it make sure its the right way

Please refer to my response to this question awhile ago: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=604594

It's not as simple as nipping the problem in the bud, most of the time. As the columnist below me suggested, there are other, more complicated emotional manipulations and psychological addictions going on and playing into the decisions that are being made (or not being made). If you love someone and they hurt you, your first reaction isn't normally to run - it's to brush it off as a one-time thing, or an accident. Victims justify the abuse ("He/she didn't mean it, he/she just had a bad day"). Abusers whittle the victim's self-esteem and confidence away until they have no choice but to believe the abuser when they say "it's your fault you're in this situation! If you had just done what I said, this wouldn't have happened."

My response for the previous other question is long, but please read it. If you have any other, more specific questions about abusive relationships and their mechanics, let me know - I'd love to share the info I have.

Siren

Q: Alright let me first start out by giving you the basics ok my wife and I have been togather 6 years 5years married ,we have 3 kids she had two when we met but the dad was a loser in and out of prison and gangster deadbeat so I became there dad and loved every minute of it ,they were 5 and 2 when I met her we have one daughter together ,when I met my wife I knew she dated a couple bad guys but nothing I saw but just maybe low self esteem but I cared nothing alaming,we started dateng it was great she was fun,beautiful ,and so loving to me I was so happy she gave me attention like no other women did I loved it ,we were so into eachother that we slept togather the second time we hungout but i will say this was way out of character for me but before that we spent days talking on the phone just learning about eachother so when we got togather it was special cI've been with 9 and 3 one night stands when i was a teen like 16 after that I never had one I'm kinda a old fashioned love guy I guess ,its funny because I'm not being cocky but I'm a damn goodlooking guy and used to model I'm 6,3 in good shape ,good lover good size but junst always believed in being kinky with one girl and be faithful ,so. After we slept togather opened up and wanted to know if i was a cheater or if I was a player because she had been cheated on multiple times and and I told her no and that i was not the player type and I've been with 8 +her ,then she was all happy ,but then I asked the same she told me 10/11 and only a couple o.n.s. and not bisexual stuff no crazy stuff and I askedabout race ,3ways orgies she only admits to one 3way that night and I was like ok she sounds like me a girl that was a little wild as a teen but was smart as an adult .....so we started dateing and the sex was amazing she did everything and help i would wake up to her giving head :) she was so happy to have a guy like me ,she got pregnet then I a fewcmonths later I asked her to marry me then after marriage she changed ,sex gone head gone like every 3months gone....from twice daily to that?she was moody not sweet and when I went threw health issues she would say I'm not your nurse ? This went on for years me if i broght sex up she would make excuses then say go find someone else ??I'm like wtf ?so finally this summer iim at my breaking point and i find out she ran into an ex and I was with her at my old job a restaurant and she never told me ?and we went in there twice she never said a thing?then she ran into him twice talked but neve told me ?but in the past she alaways would ,then I find out hes black I'm not racest but again another lie and this guy is a guy she worked with and screwed for a year and he had a girlfriend and sthey all hung out ...shady **** ...then in the next days after confronting her all the lies just pored out ....she admitted to sleeping with at least 25 + guys a girl ,a,three some even two guys in one night ?!!! She had 18one night stands ?wow and admitted to sleeping with a drugdeaer and gangmembers meth adicts and the worst was she had two little kids ? And admitted to even sleeping with a guy after his friend had A LOT of drugs in the house ?and she hervfather was there visiting ?...now I know people will say the past is the past but I'm sorry I'm so hurt ....and knowing she would give these disgusting men what they wanted but her hansom faithful husband ??? Please the images are horrible
1 month ago
Additional Details
I will say that she had an alcohol issue but she said she only did meth twice and to answer one persons question ..no I did NOT know any of this !!!and she has never cheated on me and barley drinks now and does not talk to any of these people ...but I'm hurt just knowing she completely lied to me and she knew I was a good guy and it hurt inside knowing these disgusting thugs ****** my wife ...and she did them the first night but in my marriage nothing.......I'm hurting inside o deep not sure I can go on

So the main issues I'm picking up here are that a) she lied to you about her past and b) you're feeling hurt and jealous that she doesn't want to have sex as often as you do.
We'll address one at a time. First, her lying.

Lying is never okay. Lying breaks trust. Trust is the basis of love; without trust, there can be no love. Now, that doesn't mean that trust can't be rebuilt, but it takes time and effort, and as Zane suggested, probably a great deal of marriage counseling, if you both want to keep trying to make it work.
Now, she has a past. Everyone does. Not everyone's past is perfect. Hers is a little less perfect than she led you to believe, but you shouldn't hold her number against her (you should both probably be tested for every STI you can think of, just to be safe). If anything, fault her for the lie, but not what she did.

I have to say, you're being very judgmental, calling these men "disgusting." I'm sure she didn't feel that way when she was with them. You have no right to pass judgment on them, or her for having been with them, for however long they were together - whether it was one night or years.

Issue #2 - no physical satisfaction. It's perfectly normal for the wild crazy sex to wind up toned down a few frequency notches in marriages, but not this much, and not with that kind of resistance.
Now, let me ask you this - when she told you "go find someone else," what did you say? What was the rest of that conversation?
Anyway. You described yourself to us. I don't mean to be a bitch, but what does the fact that you used to model have to do with the situation you're in with your wife? If you're thinking "I could have anyone, I shouldn't have to deal with this," you're probably right. If you can't deal with her past, if you don't WANT to learn to accept it or move past it with her, then your marriage is as good as over. Or, if she isn't willing to actually be a good wife to you, and care about you, or be physical with you, that's a pretty good indication that there's a deeper problem, and you have to decide whether or not you want to try to work through it TOGETHER, or call it quits.
A lot of people would say you should stay with someone you love through thick and thin and never leave their side, but there comes a point where your own well-being is at risk, and that's when you say "This person has no right to make me feel this way; they need to not be in my life."

There's a possibility that she felt "obligated" to have sex with you and do those kinds of things to keep you in her life before you two were married, and now that you're married she doesn't feel that way. I hate to even acknowledge this, but some people really do just get married to be married - to have that security, to know that the other person is legally bound to them. They often forget that being married involves caring for another person and really loving them.

Not to put it so bluntly, but that's what divorce is for. Not every marriage is perfect; not every one is meant to last forever. People make mistakes sometimes.

You seem like a nice guy. Confront your wife, suggest counseling (if you're willing to do it), and if all else fails, prepare to leave.

Good luck.

Siren

[Edit]: Haha, I saw that rating coming. I'm sorry you feel that you need to defend yourself. In no way did I attack you or say that lying was permissible in any way, shape, or form. It seems to me like you only read the first part of my response. I encourage you to read the rest.

Q: I am 16/F nd my bf is 18/M
Frnds the thing is I luv hm alott nd I guess he 2 bt as evry relationship has 2 face sme concequences v r also d prob is I am in 12 as my board exams nd he is doing his engineering he gve 1 yr bt he's saying dat he has gonna got drop fr 1st yr coz of many kt's. So he says dat v get apart nd den aft 5 to 6 yrs whn he vil get settel nd start his career he vil again patchup bt I guess I am afarid dat shd all d thngs b ri8 aft 5 to 6yrs nd d most imp thng vil he cme back? So frnds pls help mee wht shd I do whts d ri8 decision?
Plssssssss let me knw ur precious advice coz I m depressed alotttt...
Thankyou.

First thing you need to do is type in plain, coherent English, if you want people to be able to respond to your question. If you're not from around here, let us know, and we can allow for some linguistic quirks.
This, however, is not a linguistic quirk or a mistake. This is a good example of the type of question that usually gets deleted, so if you'd like our advice, in the future, please avoid "chatspeak," or shorthand. For now, please rewrite your question so we can do our best to help you.

Thanks.

Siren

Q: Is it true if you ignore your boyfriend he will come back?

Not automatically, no.

It depends entirely on the situation, but know that if you do this you're playing manipulative mind games. It is an unfortunately common practice, and not the way to foster a healthy relationship.

There are contexts in which this could work, but without any details, I couldn't tell you if this is one of them.

If you talk to us a little more about what's going on, maybe we can give you a little more advice.

Siren

Q: 16/female

Okay so I honestly think there is something wrong with me. When it comes to guys, I think I'm messed up in the head. I'm attracted to guys who treat me like dirt. I somehow fall so hard for guys that never give two shits about me. My first boyfriend basically used me for eight months and physically forced me to give him head and tried to rape me. After him, you'd think I'd look for a nice, good boy but I had one and I just could t get myself to feel anything for him. He wasn't possessive or overprotective or jealous which should be good but I felt like I missed it... Now, this guy that I've been best friends with for years and I have started hooking up and he is absolutely awful to me. He used to be my rock, and tell me how I deserve better than what I gave myself. He even punched my ex after he slapped me. But now he's the one that pushes me around. He basically only wants me around to hook up. Hes extremely aggressive with me, almost violent. And he calls me awful names and tells me I'm worthless, weak, tiny and helpless and stupid and yet I go back to him all the time. I'm so sick of being pushed around and yet I'm addicted to it in a sick way. I don't know what to do and its tearing me apart. I feel so horrible about myself around these kind of guys but I feel so miserable without them. I don't know what to do. Why do I only like guys who are mean and abusive?? Please help me!

Continuing where Razhie left off, because she pretty much covered what I would've told you in a nutshell, I have some words of advice as far as leaving him - because you need to.

There's nothing wrong with you.

You sound quite a lot like me, actually. It took me two serious mistakes to appreciate the sweet man I now have at my side. I learned from the first one to recognize abusive behavior, and the second one drew a very clear line for me as far as when to leave when his hand went around my throat.

But I didn't fall for them because they were awful to me, and neither did you. You fall for these guys because - well, because of exactly what Razhie said. The good is amazing - the passion, the drama; it's exciting. But along with the good with these guys comes the bad... which is really bad. If you say he's already been almost violent with you, and he's emotionally abusing you like this, get out before this escalates and he really hurts you.

Unfortunately, I've tried for two days to answer the question of what to do about wanting guys like this and come up blank.

I will tell you this, though:
The guy I'm dating right now is a bit of a troublemaker among his friends - harmless pranks and whatnot. He has the a douchebag quality that my friend and I have determined I like, but the difference is in the way he treats ME. He treats ME like a queen, and an equal.
But, like I said, I went through my bad boy phase, and I'm still trying to fix their damage.

Please don't let yourself become a statistic for abuse. Stop this now before it goes any further; be miserable for a little while, and move on. Spend some time loving yourself, and when you have your confidence back, then look around. Aim for a guy who makes you smile, not one who makes you cry.

If you need any extra support with this, or have any questions, my AIM screen name is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

Remember, you deserve to be treated well and to be loved. There's no excuse for his behavior. Be strong.

Siren

Q:
Okay so I'm 16/F and a junior. My boyfriend is 18/M senior. We've been dating since halfway through the summer before my freshman year. Ever since we've been together we've always been crazy. We both drink and party and he smokes (pot) occasionally but usually not. However, it's different now. He is an extremely baseball player and has a scholarship at a D-1 college. He has chosen not to drink or smoke or party because he can't risk getting caught and ruining his chances at the college hes playing at. And I have definitely cut back too. But I still wanna party, for like, the social part. I definitely don't get smashed anymore but I do drink when I go out (I also have a sober ride and friends with me). But lately my boyfriend has been getting mad at me. He says he doesn't feel comfortable with me going out without him by my side (I guess I never have done that before) but I can take care of myself and control myself. He says he doesn't like it cause he's worried some guy is gonna get me extra drunk and "take advantage of me". Being 5"5 and a 100 lbs it doesn't take much to get my hammered but like I said, I haven't gone past tipsy and mildly drunk for a long time. And I don't go out often, most of the time I'm hanging out with and it's not like there's a party every weekend. I'd say it's only once a month or two months. I think it's mayb him just missing being able to get crazy and what not... But I don't know. We fight about it a lot but it's the only thing wrong with us. I really love him and we both see us lasting a long time but I'm not doing anything that affects him and I like going out with my friends! What should I do??

You both have valid points.
First I'll address his.
This isn't about you not controlling yourself or him missing the partying (I don't think). Consider this: If someone slips something into your drink when you're not looking, there could be serious problems. You really could be "taken advantage of," and you might not be conscious to know it, or do anything about it. So, I'm sure you know to always watch people making your drink, make sure you know what's going into it, and once you have it, never let it out of your hand. Yes, that means even taking it to the bathroom with you. Don't take anything already opened (like a beer bottle), and if you're just sitting and chilling, keep your hand over the top of your drink. Your boyfriend might feel better if he knows that you'll take these precautions.
As an extra note, you might consider taking a self-defense class or two. Knowing how to defend yourself might come in handy one day.

Now, you are actually doing something that affects your boyfriend. You're going to parties where you could unknowingly get drugged and raped, and he's not there to protect you. This is not an issue of him being jealous that you can go out and he can't. This is him wanting you to be safe, and he's probably frustrated because he's in a position where he can't be there to make sure you are.

As far as what to do, talk to your boyfriend about this, assure him you know how to be safe (but really watch your drinks), and keep in contact with him while you're at a party. Text him a little bit, or call him while you're there or when you get home so he knows you're okay. He obviously cares about you. Find a way to compromise with him so that he feels okay about it and you can still go out with your friends.

Good luck!

Siren

Q: Hi if you are reading this please contact me at ericsmith689@yahoo.com- my problem started 3 years ago when I was 23yrs old. all my life I had emotional problems with anger and depression, but in 2009 I became so depressed that I couldn function at work or school or at functions with my friends, I was also having mood swings toward my girlfriend screaming at her and calling her names and saying i never wanted to talk to her again just because she would text me back 15 minutes late sometimes. I also became paranoid and thought people who worked in resteraunts were trying to poison my food. After going through this long enough I completely broke down and stopped going outside and talking to my friends, I stopped going to work without telling my boss why.Ikeep in mind that before this all happens i was a faithful christian who loved God and had strong views on right from wrong. after 6 months I started noticing that I no longer felt anxious paranoid or depressed but I still didn't feel happy or back to my old self either. slowly I started calling old friends back and going back to church. but something was different. I no longer felt the need to be around other people and I no longer felt the need to talk to people. around my friends I became quiet and distanced even when we were hanging out together. though I had went back to church I no longer felt hate and disgust toward the devil and toward sinful behavior. I no longer felt a connection with God or any love for him. when people would tell me crazy stories or when I would see something gruesome on the t.v. or internet it didn't seems horrible to me like it would have in the past.when ever I would try to read my bible or start trying to study old school books from college it would seem useless and pointless.when friends would try to tell me things to encourage me it no longer affected me. it all just felt pointless. I also felt no love or anger toward any of my family members anymore. the people who I loved in the past i didn't love anymore and the people I had anger towards I no longer had anger towards. the first thing I did was leave my religion because I no longer felt love for God and no longer felt remorseful about anything. then I started going to the mall talking to all the girls I could. I now had the ability to approach women without feeling nervous or anxious, because in my mind what they thought about me no longer mattered. the only problem was that I noticed that talking to women was no longer exciting or enjoyable for me and when I finally lost my virginity to a woman the sex didn't even feel as good to me as masturbation had felt just a few months ago when I was still going to church and saving myself till marriage. it was weird. it was like I still felt that sensation in my penis but the mental and emotional pleasure that comes from sex and masturbation was no longer there. and in order to get an erection the woman had to suck me or jack me off. looking at a womans body no longer made me horny and it seemed worthless to try all the sexual positions that I use to fantasize about, it was no longer appealing. I used to be passionate about making beats and writing poetry but that was no longer fun or appealing. my sister had moved to florida a year ago and she was now calling me all the time cause my mom told her what I had gone through but i rarely cared to talk to my sister. I never called her and most of the time didn't pick up the phone when she called, it just seemed pointless to call her and talk. and by the way by this time my mom is constantly saying "u need to see a psychiatrist" but i keep refusing. I nolonger even go to regular doctor appointments for physicals and checkups, I stop going to the cause it all just seems pointless and the idea of getting sick and dieing is still not a good thing to me but trying to prevent it by regularly seeing a doctor no longer seems worth while. after a year of this I finally go to the psychiatrist and tell them about the anxiety and paranoi i faced and about my current symptoms. based on the paranoia anxiety and emotional problems I had at first they diagnosed me with schizoaffetive disorder and prescribed me medication. I keep saying but no I no longer have anxiety and paranoia I fell nothing, no emotion so these pills won't help. but they insist so I have been taking the meds for two years and I still feel no emotion or pleasure or happiness or sadness or anger at all. no matter what happens I don't cry get happy or get angry. life like this is misery because nothing matters in my mind. in my mind life is just a bunch of nothing for a person like me. nothing feels good or pleasurable, nothing catches my eye or sparks a flame of passion in my heart and I can't grow as a person because i have no emotions to help me become a better person as I experience life. no matter what I do or where I go life is the same to me everyday because i still feel no emotion even when Im in a different state with family or friends, even if I go to Cedar Point and get on a roller coaster Even if a pretty woman with big breasts shows me her tits. and the worst thing of all is that no one believes me or understands when I tell them that I feel no emotion and don't get any joy out of life. they think that its just me keeping to myself and not letting myself enjoy life. that is so frustrating, to have a condition that no one believes or understands. I have been thinking about killing myself because I have been telling psychiatrists these symptoms for 2 years and taking medication for 2 years and haven't seen or felt a change. Many times I think, if everything in life is going to feel pointless on bland and uninteresting to me from now and and if I feel no love for God and see no point of going back to him then I am better off dead. I haven't done it yet cause I think i might do it wrong and end up crippled or brain damaged and I still don't really want to die. just seems like there is nothing to live for. so any one reading this please email me a hello or something so I can see what u have to say about it ericsmith689@yahoo.com

Hi there. Sorry; I don't usually do e-mail, but I do have a response for you and a couple questions. If you like what I have to say, or would like to speak more in depth with me, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea, or inbox me here, and I'd be more than happy to talk to you. Just so you're aware, I have a psych BA and an in-depth familiarity with quite a few psychotropic medications, but I'm not a doctor.
Schizoaffective disorder sounds like an incorrect diagnosis, even with the paranoia, and I'm sorry you've had to deal with bad diagnosticians. I'm not saying I'm better at it, but it seems to me like the psychiatrists you've gone to are focusing too much on the outlying symptoms, like paranoia and anxiety, that you no longer have, or that are at least intermittent.

Currently, what you're saying is that you feel blank. Numb. Emotionless. Nothing makes you feel good; nothing makes you feel bad.
Correct?
I don't mean to simplify it, because it's certainly not simple, but that sounds like straight-up depression. Chemical depression, though, not situational. Chemical depression causes a person to have too little feel-good chemicals in their brains. Medications like SSRIs, which focus primarily on the mental symptoms of depression, or SNRIs, which focus on some of the physical symptoms of depression (because depression does indeed cause psychosomatic symptoms), are all well and good when the numbness is the primary symptom, but there's more at play here, and ALL of your symptoms need to be addressed.

You said you used to have mood swings, primarily agitation (anger, anxiety).
Did you ever have trouble sleeping?
Did you ever find yourself with too much energy, or do you find yourself now with much less energy than you used to have?
Have you ever blacked out, or lost hours in your day and not remembered what happened (unrelated to drinking or drugs)?
Do you have a family history of mental illness?
Have you ever seen a therapist?
Have you ever had your thyroid tested? Thyroid dysfunction can easily cause severe depression like this, and depression can lead to anxiety and paranoia. Of course, so can Bipolar disorder.

Don't kill yourself. This doesn't have to be permanent. The fact of the matter is that you're being treated with the wrong medications for your condition. You do have a condition, and it is fixable. What needs to be figured out is - first, what condition you have, because it's clear that hasn't been successfully done yet, and secondly - the best way to treat it. There's some kind of chemical or hormonal deficiency going on here.
I don't mean to pry, but what medication(s) are you on?
If the doctors are treating you for the wrong disorder and you've been on the pills for two years with no improvement, something needs to change. Probably a few things.
But don't lose hope - Some people with very severe mental illness just need the right treatment to get back on their feet. You can do the same.
I understand that you're frustrated. I can sympathize a bit. I have a chronic undiagnosable pain problem for which I've seen... what, I think ten different specialists. I have an inch and a half-thick book of various tests I've gone through and treatments I've tried. As far as any doctor can tell I'm completely normal, except for this pain that won't go away.
Pain may be there for the rest of my life, but you won't be this way forever. You just need the right doctor, the right diagnosis, and the right medications. And possibly the right therapist, if you're open to it. Just having someone to talk to can help a surprising amount.
Anyway.
Hang in there for now. Message me any time if you like. If you choose not to, at least consider what I've had to say. Go to your psychiatrist and tell them that you're not getting any better and you're sick of being this way. Stand up for yourself. :)
I wish you luck, patience, and strength.

Siren

Q: So... am I the only one who moved into their own place without ever learning how to boil an egg?

I have so far blown up several batches of eggs or had them not be done enough (still runny!) so what am I doing wrong?

Surely someone here knows how to make hard boiled eggs, right?

Help!

Haha! Nope, you're not alone.

Take a pot of water (enough water to cover a layer of eggs with some room for them to move) to the stove.
Put your eggs in the pot while the water's still cold. Try not to put them too close together, or they'll crack each other when the boiling starts.
Turn your stove on high, and wait for it to boil.
Once the water reaches a rolling boil, time it for five minutes. Don't let it boil over! (Turn the heat down if you need to, but keep it boiling.)
After five minutes, turn off the heat and let the water calm itself down. This should allow the eggs to finish cooking and not turn into rubber.
Once the bubbles have stopped, turn on your faucet and add cool water until the pot is cool enough to reach into and the eggs are cool enough to handle.
Voila, you should have hard-boiled eggs. :)
Hope this helps!

Siren

Q: 21/f So yesterday for cinco de mayo I went out with my boyfriend and his friends and we went to a bar to drink and then to a daytime club. Long story short I got out of control and drank way too much, apparently got wasted and his friend had to pull over for me to throw up (luckily I didn't in his car). Point is I embarrassed myself and feel terrible about it. I'm not one to do this often or at all really the last time it happened was last year in like October. And every time it does I feel so terrible my boyfriend doesn't drink so he was soberly noticing of it and when we got home he told me he was disappointed in me, made me feel so much worse, and then I cried tked to him for like 2 hours and it's just a whole mess. I know I was drunk but I remember everything and it was bad. What can I do to 1. Feel better about this and 2. Gain back some of the respect I lost in his eyes. I feel terrible right now :(

First, don't let this deter you, but I'm on your boyfriend's side, generally.

There's nothing you can do to change what happened last night; you can't alter the past. You can, however, show your boyfriend that this isn't a regular thing for you by making that true.
Next time you go out, instead of ordering drink after drink, try alternating with water, or something nonalcoholic. Or keep yourself to one or two drinks. Also, if you don't drink often, realize that your tolerance is probably pretty low. Try to take your time and savor your drinks - order things that taste good, not necessarily what will get you tipsy quickly. Know your limits. Have a number in your mind, keep track of how many drinks you're downing, and don't go past it.

Anyway. As far as feeling better about what happened, chalk it up to bad judgment and make up your mind not to do it again. Your boyfriend, however, needs to do the same. If he's anything like me, he doesn't have to like what you did, and he has the right to be kind of annoyed for a day or so - but that's it - but he still likes you. He needs to either call it a dealbreaker, or not hold it against you.

I actually had a similar situation with my boyfriend awhile ago, but I wasn't there to watch him embarrass himself. When he told me what happened, I said something to the effect of, "I really don't like what you did. I have a serious problem with it. But I'm glad you're okay, and I love you... Just know that if you ever wind up in the hospital, so help me, I will verbally assault you until the sun comes up and I will not be nice about it."
That was pretty much it. I let it go after that; your boyfriend needs to do the same, and so do you. I'm not saying that getting so wasted wasn't a bad choice - it was. But you know that.
Instead of focusing on the past, work on changing the future. Respect your body; treat it with care, and no respect will have been lost. :)

Good luck.

Siren

Q: My girlfriend has depression, it's not as severe as it could be, but it often worries me as I can't always be there to see how she's coping when she is having a 'down' day as we're both at university. I don't know how I can help to make her feel better when she is feeling like this, she has self-harmed before and neither of us want it to get to that point again. She says that I am helping, but as I'm not there I don't know if she's just saying that to make me feel at ease...I also know that depression is an illness that isn't going to disappear overnight, I just wondered if anyone had any tips on how I could help her to cope? Just to make her day a little better? Anything.
Thanks.

Thank you for acknowledging that depression is an illness. I do have to partially disagree with DoktorTammy; real depression is a clinical deficiency in serotonin or dopamine (both feel-good chemicals) in the brain, and can be helped in several ways, some of which include hollistic treatments (accupuncture, aromatherapy, etc.). Most people, when confronted with an illness such as this - and it is an illness; it has remission. However, there is a distinct and important difference between clinical (chemical) depression and situational depression, which does not need to be treated with medications, but with exercise or dancing, or anything that creates endorphins to allow her to feel happier.

Self-injury is as much an addiction as any drug can be, but the reason it works is that endorphins are the body's natural painkillers - so in response to being caused pain, the body releases those painkillers, which make her feel better, temporarily. If she's in remission from this right now, just trust her not to be hurting herself.

Call her whenever you can just to talk. Make sure she knows that you are there for her to talk to, and you care about her. Send her loving messages, write her love letters - snail mail is great in this sense.
She may feel weak, but remind her she's strong.

Is she on any kind of medication for her condition? Is she seeing a therapist? If not, she needs to be at least evaluated for depression to see if medication would help.
I know SSRIs and SNRIs are often unnecessarily prescribed, but it's worth a trip to the doctor for her to see if this is a chemical issue or not. If it is, she needs a prescription. If not, she should still be seeing a therapist. Most insurances will cover some part of mental health treatment.

The best thing for you to do to her, as the columnist before me suggested, is listen to her. If she wants to talk, have a conversation. Do try to convince her to seek therapy, though.
There doesn't have to be a stigma on mental health or mental illness anymore. She's not crazy, she's just hurting. Hell, I see a therapist and I'm not depressed. I do have other issues. It's a good way for me to sort through what's going through my head, when I'm overwhelmed. The journal idea was also a good one, if finances are a problem with the therapist.

Be kind to her. Hug her. Kiss her, cuddle her when you can, talk when you can't. Instant Message, e-mail frequently. Skype... you could get a pair of webcams so you can talk face-to-face. Do what you can to make her feel at ease and able to learn on you, if you can handle it.
Good luck.

Siren

Q: if a person is living in an abusive home then they are the victims of sometimes name calling cruelty hitting cheap remarks insults why stay when there is a whole new path of life out there were you are freed from abuse men and women whom don't abuse or use people to their advantages if you are being abused or now of someone whom is there are shelters crisis centers doctors nurses clinics whom can help you

If I interpreted this correctly, I detected "why stay when there is a whole new path of life out there?" as being your main question.
Fair warning: this is part of my area of scholarly research on which I've done a TON of reading, so this is going to be a long answer.

You are entirely correct that there are shelters, crisis centers, doctors, nurses, and clinics equipped to help and provide safety for victims of domestic abuse. Society in general is also much, much more understanding of victims of abuse than we have been in the past.

Unfortunately, the act of leaving an abusive partner or parent is not so simple as walking (or running) out the door. Even in unmarried relationships, there are emotional ties in place, and several types of manipulation occurring by the abuser that often goes as far as to convince the victim that being abused is THEIR fault. What's worse is that victims of abuse (of all types) wind up with their self-esteem and confidence dwindled and diminished to the point that they believe their abuser. So, once a victim decides that they need to leave their partner, it's an extremely difficult process of disentanglement from their current life and thought processes. Often the thing that people struggle with is the idea that their partner "used to" be so sweet and kind and loving. They struggle to accept the fact that the person hurting them is part of the true identity of their partner, along with the loving person they initially knew. Typically, abusers have a duality to them, much like Jekyll and Hyde. Both sides exist, and after awhile, Hyde often takes over, as he did Dr. Jekyll in the book.

That being said, abuse itself is very cyclical in nature: http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/ This link describes the pattern well, and will shorten my response.

As a survivor of abuse myself, I can attest to the fact that an abusive relationship is like an addiction. Because of this, I give you Prochaska and DiClemente's (1984) Transtheoretical model: http://addictions.about.com/od/addictiontreatment/ss/The-Stages-Of-Change-Model-In-Addiction-Treatment_6.htm
This model of behavior change has mostly been associated with drug addiction and recovery research, but it works with an abusive behavior, as well. The cycle begins with 1) a precontemplative stage, where the victim begins to think that they may need to consider a change in behavior (perhaps after the first violent incident). The victim then moves into 2)a contemplative stage, where they start to actually think about making a change (leaving); following this is 3) a preparation stage, where the victim prepares to make a change (gathering resources, or finding somewhere to go). Following preparation, the victim may 4) take action and leave their abuser. Unfortunately, 5) the maintenance stage, where the victim should stay gone (if they even get to the action stage and leave) is often where things go awry. Their abuser contacts them, they wind up going back, and 6) relapsing. Thus the cycle begins again
Research shows, though, that several trial separations and breakups are par for the course before a victim of domestic violence actually manages to leave and stay away from their partner for good.

In addition to the similarities to addiction that come into play, I believe there is a sort of moral disengagement occurring by both victim AND abuser that involves both of them justifying away behavior, re-labeling of the behavior itself, minimizing consequences, attributing blame to the victim, dehumanizing the victim, and otherwise misconstruing what's really going on for one reason or another. There is little to no research directly relating moral disengagement to the happenings in abusive relationships, but believe me, there's a link.

Anyway. I'll stop my response here, because I could go on for ages. If you have questions about resources, or articles to read about this stuff, I have piles and piles, and I'd be happy to share. Just inbox me. :)

Hope this helped clarify some stuff for you!

Siren

Q: I feel so lost. Most of my life I stayed strong through all the crap I've gone through. Being homeless about 3 times, being verbally, Mentally, Emotionally and Physically abused, being put into a crazy hospital 3 times before I was 17, moving all the time, abandonment,ect. I've always been strong and had my emotions in check. Lately... I feel like I have no control over my emotions, thoughts, or anything. Sometimes I feel like a complete Psychopath even thought I know I'm not crazy. I've been tested multiple times. I've been diagnosed with a depressive disorder, and anxiety. Lately, I cry for no reason, I feel hopeless and I'm afraid of the future, I feel suicidal at times. I'm a complete mess. I know this isn't me. While it's happening, in the back of my mind I'm wondering why am I acting like this? What's wrong with me? But When it happens I can't can't stop feeling sad,crying, or anything like that. Is everything I've been through and the current stress just finally getting to me? Am I finally going crazy? I just want to get an outside prospective on this and maybe get advice on how to help myself. I already see a counselor and my family doesn't really listen to me. Please help me.

Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I'm a survivor of abuse, too, and that I recognize your description. I have a degree in psychology, but I am far from being a doctor.

First things first, you are absolutely not crazy, and you're definitely not a psychopath. Psychcopathy is a clinical deficit of empathy. That is, there's an actual chemical deficit in their brain that causes them not to feel certain things. Sounds like you have an overload of emotions, not a deficit!

Second, I think your diagnosis is wrong, or at least lacking. With all the abuse you endured, I'd bet you're looking at a good solid case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

I'm so sorry that you've been through so much.
I know it may not feel like this is the case, but things WILL get better. Time heals all wounds.
I read that you have a counselor, but have you seen a psychiatrist? That is, someone who can prescribe medications to help you through this? You might even be able to get medicinal help from your family doctor. Doctors will sometimes prescribe anxiolytics (anti-anxiety meds) or even antidepressants to help you cope while you're using talk therapy to really work through your problems. It's impossible to think straight when you can't even sort out your emotions.

There's no stigma related to taking these kinds of medications. It doesn't mean you're crazy, or there's anything wrong with you. The fact of the matter is that you need some help, and that's okay.

I was strong and held my emotions in check, just like you. Then, five months following my trauma, the PTSD set in and I would have entire days where I spent every fifteen minutes crying, and every time I thought I had a handle on it, I had another crying spell. One time I woke up at 5 in the morning after a nightmare, and had a 12-hour anxiety attack. I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and eventually, things started to be under my control again.

The best thing you can do is make an appointment with your doctor and talk about what's been going on. Get yourself the help you need, with or without your family's support, if you're over 18.

If you need further suggestions or just someone to talk to who can sympathize a little, my AIM screen name is SirenCytherea.
Hang in there, and get the help you need. Things will get better.

Siren

Q: hi my name is myalee im 27 yrs old and my boyfriend is 23yrs old hes from another country sri lanka and im african american. we had been together for 5yrs thats a long time when we first met he was the best. all that changed once we had moved together. about 2yrs ago he started to abuse me by hitting me slapping me and then he would aplogize and i would say your not going to hit me anymore and would say no i wont do that again. but the abuse kept happening again hitting and slapping and pushing me punching me like i was a man . still i stood then i got pregnant and he made me get an abortion so i did because i was afraid he was going to leave me if i didnt get the abortion . he didnt even go down to the clinic with me i went by myself and i that same day i had to work like that because he never worked. all he did was stay home and play video games. i paid the rent and paid for food. he was so lazy but always needed new clothes new games .he never bought me anything . he was the worse so mean i couldnt even ask a question with out him getting angery and violent towards me never let me see my family or let me go nowhere .so we moved again with his dad and brother everything was ok i thought until he started the abuse and violent behavior . i couldnt take it anymore so i planing a get away so one day he went to work with his brother that was the time i left the house. i ran so fast with all my bags and i was 12weeks pregnant at that time again .so i took the bus and then the ferry because i live in staten island when i got to manhattan i went straight to my moms house. that day i went out with my friend to church and i prayed and prayed he would change his ways. i promised myself i would not come back until he fix his self and got help.that day he went to my moms house looking for me i was not there i was at church . he called my friend over 100 times . looking for me i was with her he was begging me to come home but i did not . so when i got to my moms house she had told me what had happend i didnt belief it at first because i know my mother adds more to the story . so i was gone from him for 7 days and he was begging me so much and i think god heard my prayers for him to change i went back like a crazy he looked different he had cut his hair and looked well groomed . and i moved right back with him . my mom and family dont know that. i lied and told them i live with a roomate because my family dont like him. so now hes really different and nicer no violents has occurred. do you think he will stay the same or hes just putting on a show . i dont know im really lost . i just need some advise on what to do . thanks

Myalee, I am so sorry for what you've been through. No one should ever be treated the way he treats you.
Fair warning here: you may not like what I have to say. Read everything, though, please, and consider my response - I had a similar experience to yours... I left my ex and stayed at friends' apartment. He went looking for me, he called me repeatedly. Eventually I wound up talking to him, and he sobbed, and begged me to come home (we had been living together); we had a conversation, and I did. Things were wonderful for awhile until the cycle of abuse began again. I didn't leave him for good until his hand found its way around my throat.

I can absolutely imagine how lost you feel in all this. The awful part of an abusive relationship that it is almost always cyclical, and rarely a singular incident. He's already shown you that.
Leaving an abusive man is also a process of disentanglement, it's not so easy as simply walking out the door. Research shows that most women go through several "trial separations" and attempts to leave before they draw the line and leave for good. There's quite a bit of research on this, too.

You are not crazy.

You also do not deserve to be treated like this. Just because he hasn't been violent yet doesn't mean he won't be again. You went back to him - this shows him that he can pull that crap and in the end you'll come back. He thinks he can get away with an apology and a haircut and treat you however he wants.
There are specific programs and treatments involving lengthy cognitive behavioral therapy for batterers. It's not so easy for them to just snap their fingers and fix their behavior. They have to really WANT to change, not just "fix" a relationship, or to pacify their significant other. It doesn't sound to me like he's at that point.

Your family dislikes him for good reason. He's hurt you. He's FORCED you to get an abortion under the threat of leaving you. He's hurt you, hit you, scared you, and probably otherwise emotionally abused you. Not only that, but he has you lying to your family. Abusive partners bring out the worst in us... trust me. You need to be honest with your family and tell them where you are. You might need their help if you leave him again (and I think you should).

To further explain his hot-and-cold behavior a little, the man you're living with is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When you started dating, you met Dr. Jekyll, the charming, wonderful man you hope is still in there. That hope will keep you coming back to him as long as it's there. At the moment, he's Jekyll, but there's no saying when Hyde will come out. The difficult part to convince yourself of is that this guy really is BOTH Jekyll and Hyde. That sweet guy you love is in there, but so is the abusive asshole.

One thing I have to stress to you is that abuse escalates. Once he figures out he can push you and get away with it, he'll start to hit you. He gets away with that, he starts really beating you... you see where I'm going with this? It's unlikely to just stop where it is. There's no saying he won't go further. If you have a child, what's to stop him from hurting it?

You need to leave him, and keep yourself safe. This is not love; people in real love do not physically assault, emotionally abuse, or stalk one another. Yes, relationships can be difficult, but there comes a time where "difficult" crosses the line, and your well-being is at stake. Your safety should NEVER be a question in a relationship. If it is, you need to question the relationship instead.

Please feel free to send me another message if you have any questions or confusion about what I've said here; I know this is a lot of difficult to swallow information. Also, don't lose touch with your family. They love you, and they have your best interest at heart.

Be safe.

Siren

Q: My best friend has been getting into drugs the last month, and she is now addicted to Cocaine. Her parents and sister know, as well as me and almost everyone in school. She doesn't know how much we all want to help her, and shes getting out of control. She ran out of her house the other day because her mom said she had to do the laundry, she flipped off her mom before she left. Her mom ended up calling me crying asking me questions about her and whats been going on. I explained everything.

I told her she was addicted to Cocaine. Which she already found out. I told her that she doesn't care about anything anymore.

She has always told me that I'm her best friend and she cares so much about me, but now she says that she hates me and I am a hypocrite (She told me this after I said I want her to be healthy again). I get that the drugs are messing with her head, but is there Anything I can do to make her see how much she needs to smarten up?

She has to be able to want the help first, I understand this, but I don't know if she will even talk to me anymore..?

Help???

I'm not sure how old you two are, but you said school, so I'll assume you're teenagers...

You gotta understand that drugs don't just mess with your head - they mess with your body too. Cocaine is like caffeine times a thousand - you know how you feel when you get a caffeine crash? That's what happens when you lose the high from cocaine. You don't drop back to normal, either - you drop further down, and need cocaine to return to normal, and even more to get high. It can even mess with the serotonin and dopamine receptors in your brain and cause you to feel absolutely HORRIBLE without it, physically and psychologically, which can make a person REALLY irritable... which explains the flipping out (and off) of her mother. If she really is addicted to cocaine, it's not that easy just to stop.

In addition, this is a tough situation. Most likely from your friend's point of view, by talking to her mother you've already chosen your side, and it isn't hers. She may very well shut you out - you're against her doing what makes her feel good - but you can avoid that if you can manage to be (or act) objective.
You can't make her want help or even decide that her cocaine habit is a problem, but you CAN assure her that you still care about her, and that you're there for her if/when she needs you. It's possible that something will scare or steer her away from the drugs, but she'll probably still need help recovering.

Unfortunately, in the end, you're right; your friend has to want to get help. You can't badger her into it, or it won't work. The best thing you can do is go to her with your arms open and care about her. She's making some really stupid decisions right now, and pushing away the people who care about her.
BUT.
Just because she pushes doesn't mean you have to go away. Be the best friend you can be and stick by her! Even if she doesn't talk to you, talk to her. Hopefully this is just a phase that she can get out of before it's too late.

If you have any further questions, feel free to post them or inbox me. If not, best wishes to you and your friend. I hope everything works out. :)

Siren

Q: Over a year ago, I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, had a miscarriage (in which my ex told me he was happy that my baby had gone to hell), was struggling with bulimis, and my father figure died of a really painful cancer. I was in the military, away from everyone I knew and had only one friend who knew all of this. I felt ugly, worthless, and insecure. This friend told me the only way a man would love me was if I got more "sexual experience" (I had only ever slept with my ex.) I idiotically followed this advice and slept with four rather random people. This friend who had given me said advice grew to be my best friend, then my boy friend, and now is my fiancé. He constantly calls me a whore for those four times, and repeatedly tells me how disgusting I am. How do I fix this?

I'm with Flare. The advice he gave you was ridiculous. I hate to tell you this, but if he's calling you a whore, trying to convince you you're a bad person, and belittling you like that, you're still in an abusive relationship.

A man who truly loves you would NEVER say those things, even in jest (unless you were both okay with joking about that stuff). I've slept with a few guys, not all of whom I was dating, not all of whom I saw more than once. That doesn't make me disgusting, or whorish, or any of that crap, and my boyfriend has no right to judge my past (not that he would). Yours doesn't either. He also has no right to pass judgment on you as a person because of your past. You were going through a lot, apparently, and trying to find yourself after escaping abuse. Believe me, I know that you lose yourself in an abusive relationship.

I don't know how long you've been together or how old you two are, but you say you've been "carrying" the relationship. I interpret that as you being the only one making any effort. I'm sure you're aware that a relationship takes two people's effort, and lots of communication and compromise, to work. He's shown you exactly what he's willing to do - control you, belittle you, abuse you - and you still want to marry him? Marriage is not an answer to a problem. It can only get worse. In addition, you'll be legally bound to him, and the process of disentanglement would be so much harder.

Frankly, it sounds like he's purposefully trying to belittle and control you and reduce your self-esteem so you feel like no one else will ever want you, so you'll stay with him. You might want to attribute that to insecurity on his part, but that's just making excuses for him and telling him his behavior is okay. It's not. Ever. While you might think that this engagement is a romantic thing, given his behavior, it could very well be a further control tactic - he'd have you under his roof, he could keep a closer eye on you. You'd be stuck with him.

You need to step back and recognize this behavior as the controlling, abusive bull that it is. I know I'm being a little blunt about this, but the fact that you're engaged to be married to this hypocritical asshole who calls you a whore and says you're disgusting scares me.

This is textbook emotional abuse. Get out NOW before you're really trapped. Give yourself a chance to be truly loved. After all that you've been through, you deserve it.

Siren (survivor, 2.5 years.)

Q: I feel alone in my house, like I’m invisible. Last week I got accepted into this college I REALLY wanted to get into and it was like it didn’t matter, and wasn’t important. I tried to ignore, I thought it would just go away, but it hasn’t. It has been getter worse. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I just want to talk about it or it I want to try to do something, I don’t know. Please help, I don’t know what to do and lately I’ve been feeling really depressed, I REALLY REALLY don’t want to do anything stupid.

First, congratulations! That's an incredible accomplishment, and something you should absolutely be proud of. :)

Second, lemme tell you something I figured out - 'cause I do that, too; try to ignore feelings that bug me, brush them off as unnecessary, or try to fight them with logic. Normally it works, and I'm fine, but when it doesn't work, it's ALWAYS because there's a real problem that needs to be addressed.

It seems like that's about where you are right now. You've tried ignoring it - have you sat your family down and talked to them about how you feel? If you haven't, that is definitely a starting point.

If you've already tried this, I would confront them and ask them why they're being so unsupportive. There may be something going on, like your parents anticipating missing you greatly, or concerns about tuition - granted, those reasons are selfish, but at least you would have it out in the open.

Speak up.

Siren

Q: 17-F
I had blood work done a few weeks ago and the results came back that I had a high white blood cell count. So now I need to get a bunch of tests done to figure out what's wrong. I have two questions.

1) What kind of tests will be done?

2) I read that high white blood cells could be causes by a bunch of different types of leukemia. I've always been terrified of getting cancer. But I also read it comes from smoking. I don't personally smoke but both my parents have for years so I've been breaking it in the day I was born. I also frequently burn candles in my room. Is it a much greater chance that those could be the reasons?

I'm also over weight, if that helps determine anything.
I know that probably nobody on here is a doctor. But anyone a bit knowledgeable with this can be helpful.

As you hypothesized (to my knowledge), none of us have a medical degree here. I take a medication that requires me to keep tabs on my red and white cell counts, so I can only speak from experience and randomly absorbed knowledge.

You're looking at probably a couple more vials of blood to be drawn, I'm guessing a CBC (complete blood count, to be doubly sure the problem hasn't resolved itself), a WBC (white blood count) to look at the details of what's going on with your white count, and any other tests your doctor wants to do, depending on the rest of your symptoms, if you have any, and family history. No big deal. :)

You are correct that high white blood cell count could be a presentation of leukemia - but it could also be something as simple as some kind of minor infection - something you'd just need to take some antibiotics for, and you'd be fine.

Now, from what I've read, smoking is listed as a possibly cause for leukemia, but it's also noted that many people who have the risk factors don't have leukemia, and many people who have leukemia do not have the risk factors. Researchers are not completely sure of the cause of that particular cancer, so it's impossible to say. Smoking is obviously not healthy, but you're doing the best you can in your given situation. Candles shouldn't be an issue. The smoke and scents they give off are pretty much harmless - there's no tar in them to inhale.

I can't tell you for sure it's not leukemia, unless the rest of your counts are fine (in which case it most likely isn't), but I CAN tell you that cancer is not the most likely reason for a raised white count.

So, talk to your doctor, do whatever tests need to be done, and don't be scared. Do keep track of any symptoms you have. If you feel a cold coming on, or a cough, any fevers - anything abnormal, even feeling extra tired.

Hang in there. You can always have a parent or legal guardian page your doctor, if you're worried, and get more detail about his or her concerns.

Good luck. :)

Siren

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren