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angry boyfriend lol
Okay so I'm 16/F and a junior. My boyfriend is 18/M senior. We've been dating since halfway through the summer before my freshman year. Ever since we've been together we've always been crazy. We both drink and party and he smokes (pot) occasionally but usually not. However, it's different now. He is an extremely baseball player and has a scholarship at a D-1 college. He has chosen not to drink or smoke or party because he can't risk getting caught and ruining his chances at the college hes playing at. And I have definitely cut back too. But I still wanna party, for like, the social part. I definitely don't get smashed anymore but I do drink when I go out (I also have a sober ride and friends with me). But lately my boyfriend has been getting mad at me. He says he doesn't feel comfortable with me going out without him by my side (I guess I never have done that before) but I can take care of myself and control myself. He says he doesn't like it cause he's worried some guy is gonna get me extra drunk and "take advantage of me". Being 5"5 and a 100 lbs it doesn't take much to get my hammered but like I said, I haven't gone past tipsy and mildly drunk for a long time. And I don't go out often, most of the time I'm hanging out with and it's not like there's a party every weekend. I'd say it's only once a month or two months. I think it's mayb him just missing being able to get crazy and what not... But I don't know. We fight about it a lot but it's the only thing wrong with us. I really love him and we both see us lasting a long time but I'm not doing anything that affects him and I like going out with my friends! What should I do??
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You both have valid points.
First I'll address his.
This isn't about you not controlling yourself or him missing the partying (I don't think). Consider this: If someone slips something into your drink when you're not looking, there could be serious problems. You really could be "taken advantage of," and you might not be conscious to know it, or do anything about it. So, I'm sure you know to always watch people making your drink, make sure you know what's going into it, and once you have it, never let it out of your hand. Yes, that means even taking it to the bathroom with you. Don't take anything already opened (like a beer bottle), and if you're just sitting and chilling, keep your hand over the top of your drink. Your boyfriend might feel better if he knows that you'll take these precautions.
As an extra note, you might consider taking a self-defense class or two. Knowing how to defend yourself might come in handy one day.
Now, you are actually doing something that affects your boyfriend. You're going to parties where you could unknowingly get drugged and raped, and he's not there to protect you. This is not an issue of him being jealous that you can go out and he can't. This is him wanting you to be safe, and he's probably frustrated because he's in a position where he can't be there to make sure you are.
As far as what to do, talk to your boyfriend about this, assure him you know how to be safe (but really watch your drinks), and keep in contact with him while you're at a party. Text him a little bit, or call him while you're there or when you get home so he knows you're okay. He obviously cares about you. Find a way to compromise with him so that he feels okay about it and you can still go out with your friends.
Good luck!
Siren
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I'm going to take the parental point of view on your question mainly because I am a parent, grandparent actually.
Your boyfriend, for some right and wrong reasons is correct. If you get drunk, a little or a lot someone could take advantage of you. You should see the number of letters we get from girls just your age, taken advantage of at parties because they were drunk. The legal definition is they were RAPED. Whether you call it rape or being taken advantage of you will not like it and you will never be the same.
There are reasons teenagers are prohibited from drinking alcoholic beverages. As a retired firefighter I can tell you for us having to pull drunken teenagers out of torn up cars is the worst part of our job . Actually second to worst, pulling dead teenagers out of wrecked cars is the worst.
As teenagers you are not mature enough to handle the effects of alcohol. Heck some adults are not mature enough and we end up pulling them out of wrecked cars as well. The worst teenage drunk driving accident I was at we thought a plane had crashed. The driver was going so fast that when he hit the brick wall everyone was ejected from (we think some were even wearing seat belts) the car and no one was fully intact. We had body parts in the tree above the car. Gross you out; I hope so for it did us.
Could this have happened with an adult, sure. But it happens almost every weekend; we end up with some teenage driver having an accident and when we get on scene if the driver is alive an unhurt they are in handcuffs and in the back of the State Trooper or local PD car. It's sickening and avoidable.
There are ways to have fun with out smoking weed or consuming alcohol. Your boyfriend is finding that out. He has a goal in life and doing stupid things can ruin his chances at that goal. Yes, juvenile offenses are not suppose to follow you into adulthood but some do. An alcohol convictions along with dope convictions do. So does being raped. So listen to your boyfriend. You don't need to get hammered to have fun. The consequences of this type of fun can be deadly.
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I understand your point of view, as well as your boyfriends's. We all want to be able to go out and have fun, and as you said it's not often you go out and party. Your boyfriend is just being protective. Given your size and weight is is very easy to be taken advantage of in a situation where you aren't completley aware. He's looking out for you like a good boyfriend should.
What I would suggest to do is talk to him. It might be hard, but try to let him no it's not often and you'll call him when out, whatever it may be. I think he is making the right choice to put the party days behind him, and to be honest, I don't think he misses it.
Just talk, that's all you can do. Let him know. Maybe go out with a friend you both trust a lot...?
Hope I could help. Good luck :)
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