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humorist-workshop
Addicted to guys who treat me like dirt
16/female
Okay so I honestly think there is something wrong with me. When it comes to guys, I think I'm messed up in the head. I'm attracted to guys who treat me like dirt. I somehow fall so hard for guys that never give two shits about me. My first boyfriend basically used me for eight months and physically forced me to give him head and tried to rape me. After him, you'd think I'd look for a nice, good boy but I had one and I just could t get myself to feel anything for him. He wasn't possessive or overprotective or jealous which should be good but I felt like I missed it... Now, this guy that I've been best friends with for years and I have started hooking up and he is absolutely awful to me. He used to be my rock, and tell me how I deserve better than what I gave myself. He even punched my ex after he slapped me. But now he's the one that pushes me around. He basically only wants me around to hook up. Hes extremely aggressive with me, almost violent. And he calls me awful names and tells me I'm worthless, weak, tiny and helpless and stupid and yet I go back to him all the time. I'm so sick of being pushed around and yet I'm addicted to it in a sick way. I don't know what to do and its tearing me apart. I feel so horrible about myself around these kind of guys but I feel so miserable without them. I don't know what to do. Why do I only like guys who are mean and abusive?? Please help me!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Continuing where Razhie left off, because she pretty much covered what I would've told you in a nutshell, I have some words of advice as far as leaving him - because you need to.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You sound quite a lot like me, actually. It took me two serious mistakes to appreciate the sweet man I now have at my side. I learned from the first one to recognize abusive behavior, and the second one drew a very clear line for me as far as when to leave when his hand went around my throat.
But I didn't fall for them because they were awful to me, and neither did you. You fall for these guys because - well, because of exactly what Razhie said. The good is amazing - the passion, the drama; it's exciting. But along with the good with these guys comes the bad... which is really bad. If you say he's already been almost violent with you, and he's emotionally abusing you like this, get out before this escalates and he really hurts you.
Unfortunately, I've tried for two days to answer the question of what to do about wanting guys like this and come up blank.
I will tell you this, though:
The guy I'm dating right now is a bit of a troublemaker among his friends - harmless pranks and whatnot. He has the a douchebag quality that my friend and I have determined I like, but the difference is in the way he treats ME. He treats ME like a queen, and an equal.
But, like I said, I went through my bad boy phase, and I'm still trying to fix their damage.
Please don't let yourself become a statistic for abuse. Stop this now before it goes any further; be miserable for a little while, and move on. Spend some time loving yourself, and when you have your confidence back, then look around. Aim for a guy who makes you smile, not one who makes you cry.
If you need any extra support with this, or have any questions, my AIM screen name is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.
Remember, you deserve to be treated well and to be loved. There's no excuse for his behavior. Be strong.
Siren
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There is nothing all that messed up with you. You are sixteen. You've been sexually and romantically aware for a few years at most, and you've made some mistakes. You've gotten into some patterns that are hard to break. You haven't had the life experience and knowledge to get out of bad situations as quickly as you should. You aren't sure how to respond to abuse.
That's okay. NO ONE is born knowing how to handle abuse. Most of us end up learning not to put up with it, and how to do the very difficult act of walking away.
It's not easy to walk away from an abuser, no matter how damn obvious it is to you, and everyone around you, that you need to get out.
That is COMPLETELY within the realm of the normal. It sucks, but it's normal.
So cut yourself some slack. You aren't horrible. You are human and you are learning. This isn't easy, but you can do it.
Why do you like guys that are mean and abusive? Same reasons lots of people do. When it's good it's really good, the drama is addictive, the confidence and arrogance is attractive, you aren't sure you deserve better, it's important to you to have someone around, even an asshole... The reasons are similar for everyone. But the reasons also don't really matter. What you need to do is focus on learning how to leave him, and carrying that lesson and strength forward with you.
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I'm not quite sure what that psychological reasoning is for this, but something is not right here.
In some cases being in certain situations makes it kind of "all you know". So therefore since that's all you know, you go back to that. Like for an example, someone who has been kidnapped for a long time, given the chance to escape they might not take it. It's all they know, and maybe they feel like they deserve the pain.
In your case it might be all you know. You've never had that loving boyfriend, so you go back to the bad ones. Maybe you feel that you deserve all the name calling an abuse. I can't tell you for sure. However, no one deserves what you've been going through. If you can't make the decision yourself to find the right guys, get some help. Talk to people. Somethinge needs to be done.
Hope I could help. And good luck :) x
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