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How to help someone with depression?
My girlfriend has depression, it's not as severe as it could be, but it often worries me as I can't always be there to see how she's coping when she is having a 'down' day as we're both at university. I don't know how I can help to make her feel better when she is feeling like this, she has self-harmed before and neither of us want it to get to that point again. She says that I am helping, but as I'm not there I don't know if she's just saying that to make me feel at ease...I also know that depression is an illness that isn't going to disappear overnight, I just wondered if anyone had any tips on how I could help her to cope? Just to make her day a little better? Anything.
Thanks.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
First of all, a message from me to your girlfriend, she is really really blessed to have you in her life! I'm really proud of you that you care so much about her. Since I am suffering from depression, I can try to give you some pointers as to what to do. These things really work for me, but might not work for her. A very big healing factor is laughing. If you leave her a funny note or text, it might really bring her out of the depression for a while. She also needs to feel that people really care about and love her. She needs to hear how strong she is, because depression is not anyone's fault. Battling depression is excruciating, and I would strongly urge you to encourage her to get help for it. With the right therapy and medication, she'll be a new person! Encourage her to write her feelings down. It really helps! Tell her how proud you are of her, and how you can't imagine what she's going through, and you're blown away by her strength. She needs to hear that. When you are with her, give her lots of love and attention. She needs your support!
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depending on what kind of depression she has she might need to be on medication and some depression will not go away even when others help so just try being around her and keeping her company not always talking to her about the depression but just talking about fun topics and watching movies etc. and be there to listen and comfort her when she does bring up her feelings.
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Thank you for acknowledging that depression is an illness. I do have to partially disagree with DoktorTammy; real depression is a clinical deficiency in serotonin or dopamine (both feel-good chemicals) in the brain, and can be helped in several ways, some of which include hollistic treatments (accupuncture, aromatherapy, etc.). Most people, when confronted with an illness such as this - and it is an illness; it has remission. However, there is a distinct and important difference between clinical (chemical) depression and situational depression, which does not need to be treated with medications, but with exercise or dancing, or anything that creates endorphins to allow her to feel happier.
Self-injury is as much an addiction as any drug can be, but the reason it works is that endorphins are the body's natural painkillers - so in response to being caused pain, the body releases those painkillers, which make her feel better, temporarily. If she's in remission from this right now, just trust her not to be hurting herself.
Call her whenever you can just to talk. Make sure she knows that you are there for her to talk to, and you care about her. Send her loving messages, write her love letters - snail mail is great in this sense.
She may feel weak, but remind her she's strong.
Is she on any kind of medication for her condition? Is she seeing a therapist? If not, she needs to be at least evaluated for depression to see if medication would help.
I know SSRIs and SNRIs are often unnecessarily prescribed, but it's worth a trip to the doctor for her to see if this is a chemical issue or not. If it is, she needs a prescription. If not, she should still be seeing a therapist. Most insurances will cover some part of mental health treatment.
The best thing for you to do to her, as the columnist before me suggested, is listen to her. If she wants to talk, have a conversation. Do try to convince her to seek therapy, though.
There doesn't have to be a stigma on mental health or mental illness anymore. She's not crazy, she's just hurting. Hell, I see a therapist and I'm not depressed. I do have other issues. It's a good way for me to sort through what's going through my head, when I'm overwhelmed. The journal idea was also a good one, if finances are a problem with the therapist.
Be kind to her. Hug her. Kiss her, cuddle her when you can, talk when you can't. Instant Message, e-mail frequently. Skype... you could get a pair of webcams so you can talk face-to-face. Do what you can to make her feel at ease and able to learn on you, if you can handle it.
Good luck.
Siren
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Do far more listening than you ever do talking. Have her write her feelings down in journal when not feeling right ie sluggish, dark thoughts. She needs to chart the frequency up ups and downs and present that to her doctor for medicine dose adjustments.
You can't be everywhere at once and that's where her family comes in. As long as there is someone she can consult when feeling awful she will be alright.
Also if she has self-harmed in the past and you or her or anyone else suspects she would again tell her doctor with her present. Perhaps going to some of these appointments when needed would help. Aside from that you've done about all you can.
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Dear Help someone,
I know that you have been taught that depression is an illness. However, I have been depressed, clinically and on the 'kill ya pills' doctors negligently hand out like candy.
I learned that Depression is a state of mind that is a result of exposure to unhealthy influences and having no worth while goals.
The only way to help her is to get rid of the things she is exposed to that are influencing her mind negatively and get her involved in reaching goals that are best for her self esteem.
What challenges her and brings out the best in her?
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