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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Hello.

I’m thinking of taking her. Someone I talked to said since it’s for a white collar crime and it’s only six months and since she and her mom have a good relationship my daughter is likely not scared or terrified but is liking thinking “cool! I get to see someone go to jail which I’ve never seen before!” . Would you find that surprising

I think I've learned enough from watching it on TV to not be surprised

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Hello

Thanks for answering. Hope you don’t mind a pm. Main problem I have is she will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit and see guards and other inmates that could be intimidating. Is that ok for a 15 year old to see’? Nothing to do with her mom, solely those other things

If it’s not as bad as I thought then I would have no problem taking her Apparently the reason she thinks it’s funny is she thinks her mom is the last person she would expect to be in a jail uniform and behind bars. Her picture of a jail inmate is some big burly man, probably

Each kid is different in their maturity. I don't know your daughter so I can't tell you one way or the other. All I can share is what the lasting impression may be.
Most of what she has seen up til now is her school, the insides of your home and those of friends and her favorite stores or hangouts. None of that can show her the consequences to breaking the law. But a jail can. As I said before using this as a unique teaching opportunity is the plus here. However you would need to have a talk with her about what she saw and see if she has any questions. Also, it is a time to drive home the point that no matter what the crime is, big or little, breaking the law ends you in jail and that explains why there were women there whose crime was more severe. If you are church going or a Christian household, then its a good way to be more specific and mention how sin is sin, same as breaking a law, no matter whether lying or killing someone. There are people who get fined or have to do community service, instead of spending time locked up with their freedoms taken away, but Jesus paid our fines for our sins with his blood so if we accept the free gift of his death for us, the ultimate payment, for all humans then and now, our debt is paid in full and we can ask Jesus to come live inside to help us to live out rest of our lives, striving to be more like him. I feel that if I were in your shoes, that's exactly what I would share with my children, teens. Real life is a serious situation, not fun and games like seeing it acted out in a movie and thinking that all crime or jail is a made up thing for TV. Personally, I would find visiting a jail uneasy at any age, even senior citizens due to what behavior or speech other inmates may engage in. This would be the stuff we see in movies but are now seeing in real life. However due to the presence of the guards, I would feel a sense of security knowing they have everything under control. I still think it could be a good learing experience, plus it would be nice for her to see her mom.

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Is it possible if you are finger fucked & loose your virginity due to finger fucking ? Example (lesbian finger fucking)

The problem with understanding your situation is not understanding all the meanings of the word 'virgin' According to Collins dictionary, there is a second description and meaning which I think applies. Here is what I read:
1. countable noun
A virgin is someone who has never had sex.
I was a virgin until I was thirty years old.
They were both virgins when they met and married.
Synonyms: maiden [archaic, literary], maid [archaic], damsel [archaic], girl [archaic] More Synonyms of virgin
2. adjective [usually ADJECTIVE noun]
You use virgin to describe something such as land that has never been used or spoiled.
Within 40 years there will be no virgin forest left.
...a sloping field of virgin snow.
Synonyms: untouched, immaculate, fresh, new

As you can see from the meanings, it would require someone other than yourself to lose your virginity. So if it was your finger, you'd have to think about the vagina as never having been touched by any finger, and likely your fingers have touched part of the vagina in applying or removing a tampon. What virgin should really mean is simply being untouched by any one else, as in a virgin forest where no human has ever been before. There are different things that can be done in sex, it doesn't necessarily mean finger or penis in vagina to be a sexual act. For example, there is oral sex which you couldn't perform on yourself. So if you have never shared any part of sexuality with another person touching you in sexual ways as attempt to produce orgasms, then its fair to say, you are still a virgin.


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Me and my sister (both teenage girls, she is 2 years older than me) were shopping together with our mother the other day. I looked at her ass with no actual thought in it, just observing what was around me basically, but my brain started to fixate on the fact that I did that and I started internally yelling at myself for it, but because I was thinking about it I kept looking at her ass over and over. It really did not mean anything, I don’t look at people in that way because I really don’t care but I’m so scared that I am disgusting, that I might subconsciously be attracted to my sister even though I know I’m not and the idea grosses me out. I feel so horrible for looking there, she’s my sister, I never should have looked even though there was no thought in it. My thoughts are worse about this because I’m a lesbian, but I’m not attracted to bodies like that and I wasn’t looking at her in that way. I feel so disgusting and like a monster, I feel like I violated my sister by looking. When I think of my sister now I just think of her ass not because I want to think of it but because I’m so mortified at the fact that I did this. I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to my family about this obviously because how do I even bring something like this up?? Please I need advice or reassurance or anything, am I really a bad person? I didn’t mean to do anything bad. I’m not attracted to her at all, I was literally just looking around but then I hyper focused on the fact I looked there and then I couldn’t stop looking because I was thinking about it. I feel so gross and terrible, I want to lock myself in my room forever, I’m so scared I might do it again I feel like a horrible sister. Please help me

A thought was put into your head, and the more you focused on what occurred, the more guilty you felt which is how the mind works. And likely this was the result that was wanted but I can't go any further into this as I have certain beliefs, spiritual, that I believe and would explain to you if you gave me permission to do so. I would not expect you to accept and conform to what I believe but keep an open mind and hear out everything from my perspective just as you hopefully get advice from other perspectives and then finally, you pick, choose whichever you feel led to go with. So if you do write to me again and wish to address an answer just to me rather than for the whole group to see, you can go to 'search advice columnists' on the left, find me "dragonflymagic" and post a message to me from there. Wishing you the best.

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I will keep this short. I broke up with my bf of 3 years because his life was on pause and he was making no steps to move forwards, no commitments to himself or our relationship and everything felt like it was just hit a wall.

The agreement was that we still loved each other but he agreed he needed to fix his life before we could be together. I told him he could do whatever he wanted, and he reassured me all he wanted was to be with me and make it work. He had a lot of distraction, adhd and other issues related to mental health that he had been avoiding working on for years and I finally said I couldn’t do it anymore unless he got help. He promised he would work hard to get us back on track that he only wanted to be with me.

Now two weeks later I find out he’s now sleeping with someone else. I know rationally that he’s free to do what he likes, but I can’t help but feel disappointed that this is what he chose, probably another distraction, than actually dealing with his issues. It makes me want to throw in the towel and any hope he had made of us getting back together.

Am I crazy for feeling this way and doubting all his words and promises now that I know he’s already sleeping with others?

You did say something to the effect that he could do whatever he wanted which he may have grasped onto as you giving him permission to do what he felt like doing or not doing which means he likely felt it was a free card to do whatever he wanted. I may be totally wrong but he probably wasn't strong enough in character to do the adult things and take care of his issues while proving how dedicated he is to you. Yes, I may be older but when I remarried I had to find someone better than the man I left. I was verbally abused before and now knew what a warning sign would look like. I think you just got yours. So I spent a lot of time with him before marrying him because I was looking to see if he would be consistent to everything he said, or not. He was consistent and proved himself trustworthy. It's been 15 years and he has always been trustworthy. I can tell by observing him and how he consistently still looks at me like when we first met. And still treats me like a princess. For an example, he has remembered what things I like so if he's out running an errand and see's something he knows I'd like, he gets it for me. I don't have to ask. It might not be expensive jewelry but then he knows how picky I am in that and would rather check out the jewelry section at a second hand store where they have seriously under-priced something and called me over to see if I like it. I have a ring and watch I adore, that I have gotten that way. Enough about me, but I was trying to give you a good look at what it is like, not just saying I love you, but acting it out. Having sex with a new gal, proves he doesn't know what real love is, he only understands sex and the gratification of it. So if you want him for only a sex partner, have at it. If you want love for you only, a real commitment whether married or not, he doesn't sound like it. So, you are not crazy, torn between what you want versus what he said.

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The charge is a check fraud charge and it is a six month sentence. My daughter she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. I told her mom did the wrong thing and is rightfully serving her punishment. They have a good relationship. The main problem I have is she will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit and see guards and other inmates that could be intimidating. Is that ok for a 15 year old to see? Actually my daughter does not seem scared but instead seems excited and enthusiastic to visit. This is strange to me. Do you find this normal? My daughter seems to find the idea of her mom having to wearing a uniform, sharing a room funny. I wonder why she would think it is funny. My wife says bring her if she would like to and my daughter says she would like to but I don’t know if it is a good idea. She hasn’t gone yet so we can still discuss it together

I have seen this question before, maybe a year ago. Hopefully that isn't you with a repeat offense of Mom. If the jail has no age limit, then it is up to you to decide whether to take her or not. At the teen years, kids live for instant gratification, so they have trouble with understanding consequences to anything they or someone else does. That is why so many teens get into trouble so easily. Mom in jail is only but one thing that could pull her astray. You can't protect her from all the other things she might think fun to try or funny, but a parent can patiently explain this to a teen. Their brain isn't quite fully developed yet so they can't help doing stupid stuff some times that can really hurt them or kill them. But you can have a real good talk with her, explaining how the brain in teens isn't quite as developed as the adult brain, close but not quite there yet. Therefore she has to trust the consul of trusted older adults, such as her parents. Maybe also explain how far a prison sentence could affect her future if she were to try something against the law. It could affect getting into college or getting hired at all for a job. Seeing Mom in combo with an in depth talk about the situation and how it could hurt her if she copied it, is probably as good a learning opportunity as she could get.

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My husband and I have been married for almost a year. We have been married for this long, however, we have been together for about three years in total. For the most part, we get along. However, ever since we started the relationship, I realized that he has a lot of unhealthy communication. I def have my own faults and things to work on, but I never come near disrespect in this relationship unless he starts it. Unfortunately, there were many times before we got married, that he would tell me to shut up when we were arguing or in a heated fight. So at first, I used to retaliate and tell him to shut up back and that he can't talk to me like that. We've had several conversations about this, he always makes me feel degraded by telling me I need to grow up, to shut the fuck up, or terms like that when we fight. Yes, sometimes I do raise my voice (SPECIFICALLY when he speaks over me, when I am trying to express myself, he will tell me to lower my voice, but because we live in a really quiet area, and he is always speaking over me, it sounds like im yelling when im just trying to speak over him-cause I never get to talk!!
Little by little, when we would make up, we would reflect and talk about how it is not okay for him to tell me to shutup, or to grow up, or for me to raise my voice. I have stuck with this pretty well, he on the other hand, has NOT.
Till today, every fight or heated argument we get into, I always feel so disrespected! He tells me to shutup, again and again. As if we never even discussed these things!!

I feel so hurt, I feel so misunderstood. I feel like I a living with a bully. I get really confused because he does all these sweet things for me, when we are good, he treats me so well! But when we fight, he turns into this horrible 2 year old that throws tantrums and acts so IMMATURE. It is so unattractive. I am 29 and he is 30 but I feel like I married a child!
He does not make me feel feminine, he does not make me feel like I want to make up, because he is so passive aggressive, arrogant, and VERY ENTITLED. He is so toxic in his masculinity, and when I asked him how he would feel if I told him to shutup, he told me it was not the same thing and that I could never tell him that.

I really feel like Im starting to hate him, hate living with him. I feel like I have been too kind. I have been too sincere, and he does not deserve me. I have no one to talk to! I dont want to talk to any of my family and friends about this because everyone is so into their own lives and I dont want to put my business out there. But I feel so miserable. We both currently do not work, and I am stuck at home with him all the time. It is draining. We moved to a different country together and it has been 2 months and my life is already difficult. I feel like I dont know what to do anymore.

From what you don't it doesn't sound as helpless as you may think. It all depends on if he is willing to go to marriage counseling with you. When you think of it , in school, college, we are not taught how to manuever successfully in a relationship. We are never taught so we lack the tools to talk things out and come to a compromise if not eliminating the problem completely. Some people revert to the only things they know how to do, when unhappy, going back to what they did as a child which can including yelling at a parent or sibling trying to drown them out, and throwing tantrums and such. Not all people do that. But just like you, at first I tried to reason with my first husband, stand up for myself, and what little he did hear from me when he let me, was like throwing fuel on a fire, just made him more irate,blazing angry. Since he won't let you talk most the times, I suggest writing him a note and asking him to go to marriage counseling so that both of you could gain the skills on how to have more success in the relationship. You might add in that you want to learn also how to handle things better, although it sounds like you already do better than him, but it helps when someone doesn't feel like they're not in it alone, like they're not the only problem causer. A more peaceful way I confront anyone, even if I have to make up a story about myself, but I usually have read of or know someone who has experienced such issues and draw on that for examples using 'lots of people have these problems, for example ...'

In my first marriage, it took hearing this suggestion from a friend who was a retired counselor and could already spot the issues in my husband and brought it up to me, about him getting the counseling, as in his case, it was the husband himself who had the issues even treating others sometimes almost as bad as me. My husband agreed to go but once I had gone with him initially to choose someone we both liked, he pretended he was going just to fool me because in his words, there was nothing wrong with me, just me. I overheard him telling a friend he was doing just that. That was what ended it for me and I left him. So I tell you all that so you may know that it won't be easy but he has at least agreed that there is a problem where my ex did not. And if there are any issues getting him to agree to counseling, have someone else suggest it to him, gotta let pride go here. When I first realized I had to move out and get away from my ex, I began to ask at work, a 200 employee company where I knew at least a third of the people and I asked if any had a room or even a basement area I could fix up and rent and explained my situation. I was thinking I was probably the only one or maybe one other but I lost count after around a dozen women told me they had once been in my position but did not have a room but wished they did and wished me luck. When we can set pride down, more often than not, we find others already noticed the problems, family and friends but they had been rebuked and told to mind their own business when confronting him. If people can't physically help you, it is a wonderful thing to mentally know others are rooting for you and happy when things begin to resolve. My own daughters told me how much better and happier I looked after leaving their dad. I am not suggesting leaving as your first choice, but your last, if nothing else works. At least you will be at peace knowing you did everything to fix the situation if you end up having to leave.

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25 F

I began working full time at 23. During this time my boss who really wasnt my boss but she was head of the department annoyed me. Giving me this to do out of my duties etc. Hence, I would get upset then one day I eventually told her about it. She said that these were the duties she designed for the position and that by doing them I was helping out the department etc. I explained to her that stuff that she added to my role was not what I agreed to do when I signed the contract with my actual boss. Soon after I got a job in Latin America and left so not much came out of that situation. When I was leaving and stuff she bought me gifts and organized a goodbye party so no harm was done. Now in my new job in another country I have so much to do and all these duties are in my contract but before signing it I asked HR about them and I was assured that it was not as complicate or tedious as I imagined. However, it is in fact worse. I wanted to quite the very first day but I had already bought a return ticket home for the end of the contract. This week I had to deal with so much issues with HR where I stayed home one day and was not paid for 2 because I didnt inform them before that I was staying home.Many other stuff at work is just draining me but it is too much to write. I am tired of being told what to do or I cannot stay home unless I am really sick. During my break and lunch I have duties. I work about sometimes 12 hours a day.It is reallyy draining me. So much so that these days I dont want to do anything, I dont want to cook, go to the gym, watch a series or a movie, talk on the phone or in person. I just want to exist. In a month the contract will end but everyday is really hard some are so hard I need to go home and cry. Besides my work life. I am struggling to meet a guy that meets all the most important requirements that I have. My hair is damaged since moving and I dont know how to fix it. Everything seems to be falling apart. Worst of all is that when I move back home in a month I will have more problems becuause part of the reason why I left was to avoid the problems with my family. I am desparately looking for an online job when I can live here in this country. However, I cannot find one and this adds to the pain I feel dealing or trying to deal with life

It is so expensive for younger adults to survive these days, that I really feel for them. If life at home was toxic,(you didn't specifically say) then it is a good thing you left. If not, and there were more of disagreements and rules to follow since it is your parents home and that is reasonable to ask of adult children living at home, that is a situation that is best to find a way to coexist in peace with them. I am sure you have heard the saying, When the going gets tough, the Tough get going. What it does not mean is that people run away, as in going away from their issues but work on them first. Then if not resolvable, make some decisions on where you might go and what to do. This saying means that when your life situation get hard to live with, the 'get going' part means that instead of wilting like a flower out of water, you tackle these problems head on right as they are happening and if you don't know for sure what to do, that is the moment you need advice, not way after the fact . Have friends you can turn to for advice, or on here as you have done. Sometimes it is good to have a 'sounding board'. In dictionary it is explained as: A person or group whose reactions to an idea, opinion, or point of view serve as a measure of its effectiveness or acceptability. It is especially helpful when you are a young adult experiencing things you haven't before but need to hear wisdom from others your age who have experienced this already and what they have done to resolve their issues, or older people in your life who have done the same successfully. I am already retired, but I do hear of the problems employers and employees are experiencing. This issues happened when I was working but very seldom. Now today it seems as if incompetency among leaders such as bosses, supervisors, trainers, is the new normal. Instead of simply quitting, take the route of advice, even if the parents are people you feel you can't count on, but perhaps an aunt or uncle, grandparent, maybe even a pastor if you attend church. IF I had heard from you days after the first job issue happened, I might have been able to give some advice. Although advice is just that, advice, the final decision is yours. But it is good to make that decision after hearing of all possible routes you can take to solve such an issue. In an online article of job horror stories, one man said like you he was being asked to do things that were not in his job description, and it happened as a routine, not just once or twice so he tape recorded them when they objected to his comment about it not being in his original hiring contract. He found an agency that helps employees./bosses when there is an issue, acting as a third party to bring things to a good solution, someone to act as as advocate for the employee or if part of a Union, a union rep. in a meeting with you and boss. Turns out supervisor was heaping extra work on employee so they didn't have to do it. When the boss who hired the employee was alerted of the meeting and the problem, the supervisor was fired and the employee promoted. This is the kind of outcome I'd like to see come for you. I want to say something I see, but I may be very wrong, or you may simply not be aware that you are doing this. But I see you leaving every bad and stressful life situation instead of going through the right channels to solve an issue. As I said before, if a situation can not be solved, at least you have a paper trail as proof that you did everything in your power to set things right. This can be useful in a new job sought, where they ask if they can talk to your past boss. If a past boss were to say bad things about you, you suffer. If there was no way to reach the last boss, then you have paperwork to prove what happened and why they can't talk to the former boss. As for family, I do not know what was going on there so I can't speak on that. At some point, I want you to realise that the same problem is going to follow you through your life until you learn to stand up to it and do your best to resolve it with leaving or running away being your last option, not your first. If I am wrong here and you did try, I apologize but I only have what you typed and how you chose to explain to go on.
Now, about anxiety, I suffered an issue which caused great anxiety for me, an abusive first marriage so I experienced what long term anxiety can lead to. Depression seems the most common, that would be anxiety attacking your mind, your self worth, how you feel and ends in depression. The other way it can go if it can not attack your mind(my case) due to mind being at a very strong place (praying to God) and therefore not feeling alone and helpless, the stress has to go somewhere. In my case, the other place it goes is one's health. I got stomach ulcers once, headaches daily and migraines a few times a year, all over body rashes, high BP and other stuff just to name a few. I no longer have those issues because that which was causing my stress was dealt with. So believe me, I see this as a very important thing happening to you, and do not take it lightly. So I invite you to write me back. Maybe go more into details of what was going on with family, any other people you could possibly live with if pride can be set aside and the truth told to friends and other family. At least tell someone as soon as possible whats going on so that those who care, will give the best advice they know, helping you make the best decisions you can.

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I’m a girl 14 years old turning 15 soon, if it is relevant I’m autistic and have anxiety, and I’ve recently been in a depressed spiral, I barely get out of bed at all except for to go to the bathroom and if I have to get out for anything then I end up just crying, I don’t want to eat anything either. The reason for this is because in my recent past (like 2020-2022 maybe 2023 I can’t remember, I might have done it before 2020 too) I looked at inappropriate stuff of underage fictional characters, like anime and stuff like that. I’m so disgusted and ashamed of myself, it wasn’t only underage characters and it didn’t reflect my actual thoughts obviously, I never felt like that towards any real children I’m not a predator and I would never do anything like that again but that’s not an excuse. I feel so bad and I don’t know what to do or how to get over this, I don’t want to tell my parents, but they keep asking me why I’m not eating, why won’t I get out of bed, etc and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like a horrible person, please can someone give me advice on how to go forward? I don’t go to school so I just spend all day in bed and cry and I can’t do it anymore, I want to feel normal again. Please give me any advice, I am desperate

Oh, I hurt with you as I can imagine what it would feel like if my Grand daughter same age was in that situation. Although hers is also not the best situation with a very difficult step mother and that's putting it nicely.
I don't believe that being autistic will change whether you can feel depressed or joyful. Think to a time before this event that has changed how you feel. Were you always depressed, from a young child on? I think not. From what you wrote it sounds like you feeling deeply since looking at the perverted Anime for underage. I also personally believe such anime should not be looked at by any age, even if you're 95 or so.
There is good clean anime, so it isn't the anime that is bad. Since you feel this way, I believe you have a strong understanding of what is right and what is wrong. What you saw is something that might make one person curious to try it for themselves and possibly become hooked on it. Doing so, takes away the right of the children. You understand how that is wrong and would never do such a thing and now feel shame. In that sense, feeling ashamed about what some would call a bad thing and others call sinful, is a good thing in that it is pointing out to you that you were taking part in reading of something that is wrong whether you do it or not. The part that is bad now is the fact that you still feel ashamed and it has led you to feel depressed, not eating or sleeping properly. Now I have come to the point where what I have to say, may be unwanted advise but other than counseling which may help with how you think about it so you don't have such ashamed thoughts, depressed thoughts, or there is another choice worth trying but most people want nothing to do with it, they call it religion. I don't know whether your parents are church goers, believe in Jesus or not. If not, they may not understand and have nothing they can suggest to help you. If though they do believe Jesus is real and helps us, then you would know that and I would suggest telling them you need help dealing with your guilt. See, it isn't as important what our sin is, as long as we see our need to get out from under the condemnation we feel and to be released from having to pay for our sin. Sin can range from telling a lie to killing a person for example. We believe killing a person is the worst sin of the two and a court will make such a person pay by locking them up in jail. To God, a sin is a sin, little or big but instead of being mad at us for sins, God made a way for us to have our debts for our sins paid for by Jesus taking all the payments and debts of currant people in his time on earth and also for all of us in the future and only he could do that because he was Gods son, so of God though in a human body so us humans could relate to him better. It was such a relief for me to know that all my sins were paid for by Jesus. It is actually called a gift that God gives. So if a person tells Jesus in a prayer that they accept the free gift of his paying for our sin, we are free from ever having to pay for it, and to help us in not doing future sin, though we still might as we're learning to be more like God, we can ask for Jesus to come live in our hearts and his Spirit to help lead and guide us. I don't believe this would be too hard for you to understand, because I know of a Pastor who has a grown son in his 30s but with the mind of a 4 year old. And this young man is wheel chair bound, unable to walk. He actually had a dream one day of him being with Jesus in heaven and they both were running together, with the young man having good legs there. He was so excited about he had to tell his Dad, the pastor about this event where it was so exciting to look forward to and obvious to him how much God loved him. You can write me again and let me know what you have decided to do, whether to tell your parents, go to counseling or try to see what Jesus does for guilt and shame. I like to encourage where I can. If you write me back, you can write just to me rather than where all others will see and possibly be confused. However you would have to click on "Browse Advice Columnists" and click on dragonflymagic which is the name I use on here, and you will be taken straight to my advice column where you can then write to update me on things. Please do something soon. Not getting good sleep and not eating much at all can affect a persons health and create medical problems that can make your situation worse. God bless you dear.






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Hi!
I have been on Advicenators for as long as I can remember- and you have been one of the very few people that I view their page and I even made a new account just to be able to write you because I lost my previous email and password and wanted to come on here and ask for your advice because I do appreciate it so much. You have helped me out before in the past and it has been a long time since I used Advicenators. So i figured, I will go back on it and contact you for some advice and see if you could help me. I don't really talk to my friends anymore and my I do not like to go to my family and talk to them about my issues so talking to someone knowledgeable and that will never be biased is always good for me. I really hope that you can view my issue with no judgement, although I am a little worried that you might not understand how my outlook on life and religious views may be, I am hoping you can look at this through a different lens.
I will just get right into it!

I am 29 years old. I am newly married. I got married around 11 months ago and next month it will be one whole year. I married the love of my life, the man of my dreams, someone who I believe is a great person and is the right choice for me. We are both happy, we get along well, there is mutual respect (For the most part)
He is 30 years old. I am half American and a Muslim women. He is also Muslim but is from the middle east.

We've known each other for such a long time, and we actually got married in the middle east because we were both living there for a long time. He understands me and I understand him and we are both in love and committed. However, just like any other married couple, we do have our own problems.

My upbringing is a little different than his, we both grew up in the same country, but both our families were different. His family is a little more open and my family is a little more conservative. In every way possible.

As Muslims, alcohol is not permitted and it is not something that we engage in so often. However, he When he was growing up, he had a different lifestyle. He had friends who would enjoy the occasional drink. He also enjoys the occasional drink when we go to weddings, when we sometimes go out with our friends to a bar or pub. Now, I am not for or against alcohol, but my issue with his lifestlye was that it was very different from mine. He knows that in our country, going to bars and pubs is not the "norm" nor is it encouraged. It is not how people live their day to day lives like here in America. It is not common, it is not "the norm" I am just trying to make you understand how different it is in another country. So while we were growing up, its not like he had alcohol in his mothers house while he was living with her. No, she knew he would drink but it was not allowed at home- and it is not something she encourages. When we first starting dating, I realized that he enjoyed alcohol occasionally, and my only issue with that was that I don't want that to be apart of our lives (in the sense where it becomes the NORM and one day he tells our children, who I want to raise in the best way possible, that it is okay to occasionally drink.) Before getting married, this was an issue we had because religiously he also knows that it is not okay to drink, even if it is occasionally. His family really loves me and tried to convince me that this is something that he enjoys doing from time to time (weddings, travel, etc) and that it is only an OCCASIONAL thing. He also tried to make me understand that he is a little different than his siblings and that he is more open in the sense that drinking alcohol occasionally is somethin he enjoys.

At first, It was hard to swallow, marrying someone so different. But because I loved him, I decided to respect who he was, and that just because he is different than me doesn't mean it can't work out. He knows being around alcohol so much makes me uncomfortable, he knows its against my religious views, he knows that I don't want our kids to find that to be the norm in our marriage, and he married me regardless, and I married him regardless because I figure that it can really work out if we learn to respect each others opinions and stick to a lifestlye that makes us both comfortable. And so I did. I accepted to be with him despite his occasional drinking, I learned to love him for who he was. If there was a wedding and he drank, I would never say a thing. If we went on vacation and he drank, a lot, I would never say anything.
Knowing that he does not drink on a regular basis made me feel at ease because I felt like he had it under control- and it was in a way that he wasn't obsessed with it or anything. (Except for the fact that he Binge drinks SOMETIMES when he is upset or to wind down, which sometimes makes me question it and worries me) however, I accepted him for who he was regardless of our difference of opinions and principles and religious views. He also believes it is wrong, and he knows that it is not something to be proud of and he has admitted it before (but he holds on to the idea that "life is about balance, and as long as I do good then God will forgive my sins and he excuses himself for it. Which is FINE, to each his own. We agreed before getting married that if this is something he would like to do, I have no problem with occasionally being a part of it with him (if he ever goes to a pub, ill be with him cause he is my husband and I want him to enjoy his time- EVEN if deep down it makes me feel uncomfortable. Despite him always making me feel like I am the weird one who does not know how to "have fun" and he makes it seem like I am so SAINT that does not do any sins, which is NOT the case- I have my own sins and I am NOWHERE near perfect. But he always teases me and says that im a "goodie two shoes" and that really bothers me, cause then I FEEL JUDGED and feel like he makes it seem like im this judgmental person for not enjoying the same things that he does.


Moving on, we both moved to America, and we are trying to adjust to this new lifestlye of everything. We love being here, we have no family here, just each other. I was originally born and rasied here, but its been a while since I have been back and I am living in a new state.

Alcohol is a lot more common here than back in our home country, yes it was accessible, but not like this. We are facing some issues now. I believe he is really immature- emotionally immature. This has been shown to me in several ways. When we go out for grocery shopping, I find him going to the alcohol section and he tries to get me to look at it with him, and talks to me about it so normally as if this was the NORM for us- he doesn't even have respect that this is something that I do not like, something we have gotten into horrible fights about, something that I literally do not even want to normalize in our lives. He tells me that I am his WIFE and that he should be able to talk to me about ANYTHING- but what about me? He is my husband, he should ALSO be making me feel comfortable especially that we have gotten into disagreements about this and about if us coming here to America would change the way we live (having alcohol at home, etc)
He knows that I totally refuse that, and he has made it clear that he will not be doing it at home- only occasionally in his car outside if he wants to (which is something that he gave me a very very hard time about!!)
To me, that is something that was a deal breaker for me, I told him that I do not accept that in our house and that EVEN HE does not come from a world where it is OKAY- So why NOW? because we are in a new country? we will normalize alcohol and normalize that kind of lifestlye? After many disagreements, he told me that I was right and that he wont have it at home. But once we got here, and he started having a hard time finding a job, the first thing he did was go to the supermarket while we were grocery shopping and buys it. And when I told him, why are you drinking? its not an occasion? were not on vacation? were not at a wedding, he told me to mind my own business and that he Makes his own occasions. He told me to stop trying to control him. I told him I am not trying to control him at all. I never told him NOT to do it. But that I was misinformed by him and his family when they both tell me that he only drinks on occasions or when he is having a good time. So, what am I to think now?
He always tells me to mind my own business and that he can do whatever he wants, cause he's the man.

The last time we got into an argument about it, I told him I swear to God baby im not trying to control you, I just don't want this to be our lifestyle just cause we moved here, since when do you start drinking every weekend? He told me " I can do whatever I want, its non of your business" and I said fine, you should have told me the truth then, earlier, before we got married- so that I understand what to expect from you. Not feed me lies about you being an occasional drinker, when this is something that you do whenever you get the chance or feel like it. You lied to me. He told me to leave him alone about it. So i told him, I will not even have any business about it, but all I ask of you is that if you ever want to get alcohol, please go on your own time and go get it without me being there, if this is something that you will do without it being an occasion, I don't want any part of it and that makes me uncomfortable. He said okay, and we moved on.

Yesterday, we went to the store together, and he brought up alcohol for no reason at all, saying that if he wants to get it, he will. I told him why are you even bringing that up right now? Plus, you wouldn't do that (and I laughed, i tried to turn it into a joke) I said, you know I dont like that, so why are you joking about that? He said, im not joking, im serious, you can never tell me what to do, and If i wanna go get it, i wil.

I said, why are you trying to make problems for? why is this even a thing? I don't even BOTHER you about it, I dont even mention it, its as if im not allowed to say the word ALCOHOL around you. Why are you so obsessed with this idea? he said cause your trying to control me, and I wont let you ever control me. Im the man here, and you can't tell me what to do.

THIS WAS LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY WHILE WE WERE GOING TO A SUPERMARKET RUN... he left me like this "!!!?!?!?!?!" WHAT is his problem?
what the hell is going on?
WHY are we even fighting about this?
What is happening?!
(Sorry, I am really just so FRUSTURATED)
Now literally, we go all day without talking. Walk past each other like the other doesn't exist, FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

I am so tired of being with someone so immature, so UNWILLING to compromise. This is not my lifestlye, this is not what I want in my life. He knew who he married, he knew who I was, WHY AM I NOT BEING ACCEPTED? Why do I feel like i am the one making the compromises??? I go with him to pubs, and bars, and I am with him when he drinks because I love him, and because Im okay with being around it as long as Im not feel compromised, and during those moments, I truly don't feel like I am compromising who I am, because we are somewhere that he can relax and be himself, and I can enjoy my time with him ( EVEN IF I AM HAVING A REDBULL)
WHY is it that I feel like I am compromising being in areas that I do not like because he is my husband and I want to be with him but he is incapable of compromising for me and making me comfortable in our day to day life?
He told me I am a hypocrite because I am okay with going with him to these places but not okay with us getting it from the supermaket LOL
I said, actually, im not okay with going to pubs but I love to enjoy my time with you, even if I don't like the environment and I have no problem doing that, why are you unable to compromise?
I feel like he is so selfish! So immature! SO SPOILED! His mom made him feel like he was the king of the world and just because he is the oldest son, he was always the one that got away with everything, anything and everything he wanted was OKAY and acceptable, and YOUR THE MAN.

I WANT TO TELL HIM, YOU ARE MARRIED NOW!!! YOU DON'T LIVE WITH YOUR MOM ANYMORE, LIFE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

I am so frustrated, I have NO ONE to talk to about this. I feel like my marriage is failing. Did I marry the wrong person for me??!

I am so clueless. What drives me INSANE is that everything else between us is perfect and fine. There are no problems. We are okay, we get along. We laugh a lot, we are romantic. BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS IS RUINING MY LIFE.

Please give me your advice and tell me what It is that I need to do. I really need your help.

I am so sorry this is long.
Thank you so much in advance! :)



It is good that you wrote much to give details. It does help another to understand.
Sometimes when a couple marries, what happens later is that one changes their views on something and now the two are not as equally yoked. I understand that part since I have changed some of my religious views in Christianity so they now differ from that of my husband. However, even though he believes I am misguided, he also believes that ones beliefs are something they need to work out on their own and it is not his business to tell me what to believe. Likewise, I say nothing to him either. The one thing we do is treat each other well, without him exerting his dominance as a maie over me, and my being as supportive as I can. I might add this is my 2nd husband. If you have read my posts, then you likely know the whole story already. So as far as your husband having changed in how and when he imbibes in alcohol, I understand the change, however it is a very dangerous one. I feel like he is on a path that could lead to much worse with
other bad traits/sins that could affect you and any children. I must mention one in particular since you live in the U.S. and there is protection for women and children regarding this. It is physical abuse. Drinking can lead to that, not that it will, but it could. If you ever find yourself being beaten, there are women's shelters you can contact. There are National Womens shelter networks online that can put you in touch with help closest to you. Here is one of those numbers: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

The internet is a wonderful tool. I have looked up some of the Qur'an beliefs. This is where I wish to address what your husband said "life is about balance, and as long as I do good then God will forgive my sins and he excuses himself for it. "Which is FINE, to each his own.

However, Iblis refused to follow angels and prostrate before Adam, claiming that he was better than him because he was made of fire and Adam of clay.At this point, Iblis became Satan, which means “rebel” and “arrogant”. He exercised his freedom and chose to be satan(ic). He was not created evil – indeed nothing is - but chose to be so.
Iblis was proud and self-centered. He rebelled against Allah and became of nonbelievers. He became the chief of all the Jinn that were like-minded with him.
Whoever follows Iblis in his arrogance, rebellion and wickedness is also called a satan. That is the case both among the Jinn and people (al-An’am, 112).

Although there are some views that don't line up with what I have seen, such as Jinn involved when what I have seen written is that Satan/the devil was an Angel, but a fallen angels and yes a leader of all the angels that fell along with him. Yes, there was a big disagreement that does include God stating that not just Adam but what Adam presents, the humans, are higher in importance to God than the angels so there was a fight in Heaven due to "Iblis/or Lucifer as he was called before the fall" becoming jealous and choosing not to agree to humans being higher on the chain of importance than him and his kind, even though still created by the same God who created all. Even with our differences in beliefs, there is still a truth that is the same.

Whoever follows Iblis in his arrogance, rebellion and wickedness is also called a satan. Where you call such a person a satan, I see in my book, the Bible; as a sinner. Sinner simply means separated or apart from God. So many believe they can balance things out with being good, where even some Christians may believe that but I do not, not from what the Bible has to say on the subject. But it isn't my place to convert you to another belief. Each of us must come to that choice on our own whether to believe and what to believe.
I could suggest that both of you go to marriage counseling when you find someone who is respectful of what you believe. Although if like Iblis, your husband is being arrogant and choosing to go against the beliefs regarding alcohol, then he is in a very dangerous spot. He may not be open to seeing a counselor as my first husband wasn't. He thought to fool me that he was going for sessions since this was not couples counseling but he did not and I heard him admit it. Your husband may think he is in the right and can drink all he wants. Drinking when upset, anxious and so on, only temporarily masks our troubles from us. Then once sober again, our troubles are still there. People tend to think that if they drink more in volume that maybe then their issues will become better. I am sure you realize by now, that is not the case, as it has not helped him find a job and it is causing tension in your marriage.You may feel that your love for your husband can help in your marriage. Yes, it can up to a point. But as I experienced, same as a womens article I read, our hearts are like a bank savings account. If a spouse keeps doing loving things, thats like putting deposits into your savings account of love. This may all sound silly, but if nothing changes, you will one day find yourself in the same place. So when the spouse becomes selfish, acting immature and ignores their partner, refusing to put in deposits but still expecting to take out chunks of love when they want to feel loved or what their partner do loving things with them, one day, it will run out. My ex husband was not putting in any love deposits after some time married, so eventually there was no love to draw on and I found myself feeling no romantic love for him at all. I did feel sorry for him, had the kind of feelings I might for a friend, but not a spouse. So when his counselor asked me if I felt there was hope for my marriage, I found myself truthfully answering that there wasn't. To this day, there is no longer romantic love but there is with my new husband. The old one I treat as a friend when the few family occasions arise where we are in the same place. If your husband will not go for counseling for himself, maybe he would be open to Alcoholics Anonymous. He likely won't accept the information from you so if you can contact a chapter near you and see if any man there would be willing to befriend and talk to him about it, or invite him, perhaps there is a chance. All you can do is to pray for him. Pray to your God, Allah or whomever God you feel can change your situation. If nothing changes, then I challenge you to humor me, and say a short prayer to the Jesus, the Christians believe in. You can be so direct as to tell him to reveal himself and prove that he is really more than just a major prophet in your beliefs. It is said that He is the only way by which man can enter heaven, which is where you may have heard people saying, Jesus saves our souls. If you are desperate enough and honestly seeking to hear from him, then he will answer. I had a racing heartbeat develope. Drs. gave me the only 2 prescriptions meds that exist to help with this. I found I was allergic to them, with throat slowly closing up after I took the medication. Since there was nothing else I could do, to fix my situation I prayed asking Jesus to please heal me of this rapid heartbeat. One day soon, it came time to take my blood pressure which also shows heartbeat and mine was normal. It has consistently been normal since I prayed. I believe that God wants to do things for us, not want to see us trying to fix our problems on our own. So, as a parent wants to bend over backward to help our own children with whatever they need help with, how much more so, God? If who you pray to answers prayer and your husband stops alcohol, goes to counseling or AA, great. If not, pray to Jesus and see what happens there. He is concerned about any and all human problems we face. He though is also concerned, I believe, about our spiritual health and where we stand there, with doing good only, or adding a gift he has to give that no other God has done for us.
I hope I have helped you in some little way. I will be praying for you dear.







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I've been married what would have been 18 years but he pushed me to the side for his computer, his cell phone and his job. We have 3 amazing kids together but I didn't wanna be alone anymore.

Now I'm seeing someone I've been with over 4 years and we both had good jobs, but we were being treated unfairly and being overlooked for any type of promotions. Anyways, I feel like all I do is cook, clean, work my 40 hours and try to be with my kids as much as I can. But now he makes me feel like a piece of trash. Now he's claiming I'm making him feel like he's walking on egg shells, when I'm tired of being treated like I'm not good enough for any man. I'm close to just leaving him and hanging it all up. I don't know, any advice would help me so very much.

I had a difficult first marriage that ended after 29 yrs, almost 30. So having been in a similar situation, the first thing I think of is whether you still love him or the love has long since dried up. What I am getting at is a allegory I once heard that love is like a savings account. You Have to keep that account open by continually putting deposits in it, or deposits of love into you. If a person keeps trying to withdraw love, or loving ways from you, without ever putting anything in, that savings account of love just dries up, and the one trying to remove love so they feel better and don't feel like they walk on eggshells around you, finds there is nothing that will change how they feel because they overlook the fact that they put nothing into the relationship,or savings account if sticking with the analogy. You deserve to be in a relationship where there is unconditional love flowing both ways, not because a person is giving to get something but giving out of love not expecting in return and when both partners have that attitude, both are fulfilled. I have that kind of man now in 2nd husband, 15 years now. So instead of staying and pretending while you seek love elsewhere, find what will be best for you and also healthy for your kids. Mine witnessed a Dad while growing up who verbally abused me and made unreal demands and didn't show love, it messed up two of my 3 kids as far as marriage is concerned. Your children will look as they do in other things for role models in parents. If they see what you are mentioning without seeing someone who treats you right, that will be all they know, no matter their age. My kids complained about the divorce but once they saw me after and how much more full of life and at peace I was, they were glad I had made that move.

I did try getting him into counseling, and we went together to a therapist who saw I wasn't the problem but husband was. He discovered the issue in his past that started that behavior in the 2nd visit, at which time appointments were set for him. I overheard him tell a friend on the phone that he wasn't going to them cus there was nothing wrong with him and he had me totally fooled. That was when I gave up since he wasn't willing to get better, and I packed up and left to go stay with a friend, and from there to other friends and finally a sister. After a year, I came back and he was finally ready to agree to a divorce. My kids were young adults by now. If yours aren't there will be the court battle of working out visiting with DAD If they live with you and eventually gain a stepdad who loves them as well as loving their mother.

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I was born with an abnormally fast metabolism. My parents noticed it by the time I was 4 years old. I think they have high metabolisms too, especially my mom, but not like me. They were both college athletes and my dad played minor league baseball for a while.
I was always much hungrier than other people and I ate a lot more than normal. My mom would talk to our doctor about it. Despite many tests no problem was found. Around 7th grade my appetite got very large and my friends at school would even tease me about it.
In college I was living full time with other girls. I got very self conscious about my appetite and even started to think something might be wrong with me. I was training in swimming and I would eat 7000-8000 calories a day. People thought I might have an eating disorder or some other problem. It could be embarrassing staying over with other friends. I watched what my roommate would eat and tried to limit myself to that amount or just a little more. It was impossible. My stomach just needed a lot more than that. I saw more doctors with no result.
I am in my mid 30s now. I am 5'10" and 155 pounds. I am past most of the worry and self consciousness but I still feel abnormal. A while ago I started to keep track of calories and I was eating about 5000 calories a day. In January I started working out every morning with an hour of swimming and a 1/2 hour of weight training. My appetite increased immediately and continued to increase slowly over the next 2 weeks. Now I eat 6500-7000 calories a day - almost as much as I did in college.
I still find my appetite embarrassing from time to time. I feel better when I work out but I almost want to stop because it make me eat so much. I travel with a group of coworkers to various trade shows for work. I try to hide my appetite as best I can but it is harder now. I get hungrier in the afternoon and I need a larger breakfast.
I still want to know the cause of my metabolism. I know it shouldn't, but it still bothers me. At times I feel weird and abnormal. I am not sure how to handle this situation. Any advice is appreciated.

I find that the one thing Dr.s are poor at today is diagnosing health or disease issues today. I am not a doctor and you are unlikely to find one on here to give you some ideas.
The better thing is for you to spend time on the computer doing research to find others who may have the same issue but have it correctly diagnosed. Then you can go to a doctor armed with this info and ask to be tested for it and find out what your options are.
For a search, try different wordings of your same question. Example: People with extremely high metabolism or abnormally high metabolism, health problems causing abnormally high metabolism, requiring 7000 calories a day may be what health issue. Eventually you should be able to find something and then get checked out so some of the things can be ruled out and then narrow your search.

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My (20M) best friend is a woman (22F). I was browsing Reddit and just came across a thread from her in the advice subreddit. Her thread was about how she's recently started developing romantic feelings for her best male friend... first just seeing the thread I was thinking "interesting, I'm in an identical situation with identical ages of M20 and F22, I'm just the man in the party", and then I saw her username, and yep, that's her.

To be honest, I feel the same way. I love that woman with all my heart, and I'd be open to exploring a romantic relationship with her- I just don't want to risk losing that special friendship. So I've grappled with these romantic feelings too; she's confessing online that she's developing romantic feelings for me- I'm not sure how to address it with her though, because if I tell her I saw her Reddit, it just makes me come across as a stalker (and she's been a victim of horrific stalking in the past so the last thing I want is to give her any flashbacks to that time in her life).

I'm tempted to respond to that thread with "your friend feels the exact same way :)" but I have no idea whether that would be beneficial or not. What do the Advicenators recommend I do?

A very simple question that does not tie you to having seen this post, is to ask "I know we are doing great together as friends, So I am wondering how we might do as 'more than friends'. This type of question when asked sounds like it just came out of the blue, like the thought just crossed your mind and sounds more curious than a confession of love.It puts the other person at ease so that they can answer truthfully without worrying about any complications. If someone asked you that question and you had no romantic feelings for them, you'd be quick to say something about how that would not work since you don't feel that way. If you do reciprocate feelings you'd be sure to act upon it saying you were very open to trying to date romantically. After all, the only difference between a married couple and a a couple who are close friends is the romance part, both have friendship. You don't give up friendship to be romantically involved. In fact my opinion is that since becoming romantic with my husband shortly after we met, that our friendship just keeps growing stronger. Hope this helps you decide what to do.

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Currently, I work as an overnight stocker and I’ve been doing it for 7 years straight. The pay is decent( 17 per hour). Currently
, I live at home with my parents and older sister. Life hasn’t been easy since I made dumb decisions when I was younger, thus I had been battling depression for a decade. In 2023, I decided to try to get out of my runt and confront my issues. Firstly, I dealt with my debt. I was dealing with student loan payments and other personal debt. In 2024, by the grace of God, I was able to file for bankruptcy. Secondly, I was job searching to find something better. I did get hired for an overnight stocking position for 19 dollars with a different company. Initially, I was excited but then I rejected the offer. My mom went ballistic and yelled at me for decision. The reason why I rejected it was because I wasn’t ready for change. I wanted to stay at my current job since I understand the process and I don’t have the energy to learn new skills and techniques. Also, the new job would’ve worked me to the bone: mandatory overtime/ have to come in on days off. I wasn’t sure if I wanted that life style. In addition, I know that I want to find a cheap school program and enlist myself into a new career afterwards. Night stocking isn’t something I wanna keep doing forever. It’s very taxing on the body and I’m not young like I used to be. However, I wonder if I made the right decision. My mom can be tactless at times and she disregards the person’s feelings about their decisions. For me, I just don’t wanna take any risks and fail. I made so many bad decisions with my money and time, so I really took the time to make sure I was happy with decision. But idk.

Your last words are I don't know. Ask yourself this: If Mom had never said anything as she had, would you still feel you don't know? It sounds to me like you have given this some logical thought, a good sign you are not making the rash decisions of your younger self. If you can still get caught up on debts at 17 per hr, then I see no reason why to change other than changing to a day job if you get into a serious relationship that could lead to marriage and having a partner that worked days, while you worked nights would not work in a relationship.

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Me = 23F
Husband = 26F

We have been married for 1 year, dating for 3 years. The whole time my husband and his family and my parents have been very open about wanting us to have kids. I have gone along with that and kept to myself fact I do not actually want to have kids. I did not want to disappoint him and or everyone else so I just kept using birth control after the wedding and during this whole time we supposedly have been trying to have a baby. I have used sex to distract him and keep him feeling like we are making the effort. I pretended to get myself checked when we were not conceiving and he had his doctor do a sperm count test and he is fine. I feel rotten I made him doubt himself. His older brothers are giving him a hard time about not "doing it right" and "shooting blanks" so it was mainly to shut them up. But the pressure is building. I should have told him before we were married but I was afraid of losing him. I think he would forgive me but then he will be so eager to try for kids and I do not think I want to be a mom. It is selfish, but I just want it to be him and me. How long do I go on playing games making him think all this sex is about trying to get pregnant? The sex is fun but it is like I see the hope in his face each time and then like it is a personal failure for him when we do a pregnancy test, but he ends up comforting me. It is so messed up. How do I get out of this?

Oh dear, what a problem this is! When I counsel women on how to find the right partner to marry, I first suggest making sure that you have a list of "Must haves" for the guy, things there are no way to compromise on. For many, this category has ones religion, ideas on how to spend money, and having or not having children. It is okay to not ever want to have kids. I have one daughter much older than you who knew she didn't want to ever have kids. Her boyfriend is okay with that. It is unfair to him to keep this secret, something that he wants. What the inlaws want should not affect any decisions of yours, as you are adults and if grandkids are not in their future, maybe due to medical problems, then so be it. But lying or keeping this a secret is not going to help. I can't say how it will turn out if you tell him but just think of how it will affect him, either now or later if he finds out eventually, will his trust in you be broken, is that a big enough deal for him to divorce? You have a lot to think about, and none of it, are easy decisions to make or easy to do, but I would suggest coming clean with him. You never know, he may like the idea of kids but not necessarily have his heart set on it so dearly. So it is best to let him know and then deal with whatever fall out there is.

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I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. He just turned 38 and I am 32. He knows I want a partner and a family. We had fun traveling quite a bit because we are both adventurous and he has not had a stable place (rent or own) for like 4 years now. Since before we were together he’s been a nomad.

I left my place 2 years ago because my work contract was ending and we’ve been “nomadic” ever since going to different places. I work remote too right now. But I want to settle down, I’m not asking him for marriage even just yet but I want to be in one place with him. He says we can’t get married until we’ve lived together, which makes some sense.

But he’s not willing to move in together because he says that I don’t make enough money, and that his salary cannot support both of us. Now he makes a lot of money by my standards. I know life is expensive. But to put it in context he makes enough money to where he can live out of hotels and go skiing and buy whatever he wants so money is not an issue for him but according to him, it’s not enough for two people to live in an apartment. It’s only enough to sustain one lifestyle.

Although I don’t make nearly as close to what he does, I still do make my own money and I would be willing to contribute what I can to things so I don’t see why money is the issue here. But he continues to say that I need to get a higher paying salary for us to be able to realistically afford life together .

Instead of being with me and moving forward to settle down or find a job he is now skiing and going off and doing other activities which I used to join him in, but lately I haven’t joined him because I’m trying to move on with life and and settle down and find a job that pays more , you can’t do that if you’re off adventuring and traveling but he continues to do so and he claims its for his mental health.

I’m at the point where I’m starting to doubt everything that he says even though he says he wants to settle down none of his actions show it. He’s off skiing right now for example, for two months while I’m staying with my parents and trying to look for a better job. It’s gotten kind of ridiculous to the point where I cannot explain his actions to anyone, they just don’t make sense.

But he works so hard to convince me that his thinking is logical even going in so far to say that I’m unrealistic with how expensive life is and I don’t realize it takes much more than what I make to survive. To give you an idea, I make much more than minimum wage and people survive on minimum wage, it’s not ideal, but it can be done. And he makes over 6 figures so it’s just a little ridiculous of an excuse to me.

Is this relationship over and he just doesn’t have the guts to tell me? Should I just end it? I really don’t know what to do. He says he wants to be with me, he says he wants to move on with life and settle down. He says he loves me. He doesn’t want us to give up trying to be together. I don’t get it!!

I realize you said both of you are now nomadic but it sounds like he was that way before you met and that you only joined in as a way to try to fit into his lifestyle and be with him. If I understand correctly, this nomadic style of his is made up of hotels, motels, probably hostels and such. If this is so, you are lacking a place of your own while still being nomadic. If this is something you truly want to do, and marry and have children, it can be done. Of course you'd be stuck being in one continent where you can travel by whatever large vehicle outfitted to be a home on wheels. I have been drawn to this sort of life, but it takes a little more than our current situation would allow, although we still hope it will someday happen. I have read of couples married and having a bus that they purchased and re-outfitted to be a home with bunk beds for kids. Due to the traveling, the kids are home schooled so you'd have to be willing to do so. If the boyfriend were presented with this idea and you were willing, I wonder if with all obstacles out of the way, he would still be willing to marry you. Or is he just spouting a list of things he thinks will make plausible excuses to keep from making that commitment. Decide what you can live with, present it to him, and if its not good enough for him, then I'd have to say, it's likely a dead end relationship. He may not be strong enough to pull out, even if not happy with what you propose. So if he doesn't, then yes, you will have to. Sorry to hear about all that. If interested in reading and watching videos of what people have done to live a nomadic lifestyle, even in in vans, then look up "Cheap RV Living" started by Bob Wells who is now considered the grandfather of nomadic living in homes on wheels.

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Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year now. He knows I have diagnosed anxiety and I struggle to do things out of my comfort zone. Lately he's been hard pushing me to get over my fears, and while I know he's trying to help, he's doing it in a way that is starting to really upset me. I'm pretty uncomfortable around his parents and he likes to push me to interact with them more. I don't mind that, but he wants me to be alone with them. Today right before he left for work he told me to do and help his mom with her cookbook. I asked if she knew I was coming and he said no, to just knock on her houses front door and ask to help. When I said that makes me uncomfortable he just told me he'll be very disappointed in me if I didn't go and left. He also really wants me to get over my fear of death and corpses. He works to transport corpses from location of death to the funeral home. He keeps pushing me to come with him, riding in his van with a dead body in the back. I'm extremely uncomfortable and fearful of this but he keeps pushing it even after I said no. I know he wants to help, but I'd rather slowly work towards these things instead of him throwing me out into the water. I just don't know how to articulate this to him without sounding like I ding appreciate his efforts or I don't want to be around his family.

Its been so long since I had people anxiety, long before it was called anxiety, that I am not sure I can remember it all. I was called shy, but I know now it was anxiety. Today, I have no fear of other people and what they may think of me, of making the first move to start conversation, etc. But I can tell you one thing I know for sure, being forced to work at overcoming it in a certain timeline, with the pressure of someone being disappointed in me. Not wanting to make it sound like I am using this to share about God but I am only telling my story and He is involved. I prayed to Him about my problem and actually got an answer. I was graduating HS at the time and knew my anxiety would be a problem in adulthood. I wasn't told the whole answer, just one step at a time and I was given all the time in the world to successfully complete one simple step that was not a big stretch for me. Like the first step was for me to smile briefly at a stranger as I passed them while walking. And I was literally terrified of doing that, but I personally wanted to get better so I worked at it and when ready, prayed again for the info on the second step and so forth. It sounds like the boyfriend has no clue what to do that will really help. It could make things get worse for you. Years later, I found a book in the library written by a psychologist turned author and was shocked to read about social anxiety and the remedy he wrote, was everything that I heard from God in prayer. I guess God really does know us well. Whats great, is that it isn't a race to get anywhere or to be better or what society considers perfect. Other than suggesting you check out author and psychologist David D. Burns who was at the forefront of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) in psychology. He has a website called feeling good. https://feelinggood.com Hope this helps a bit.

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I attend LSU and tuition is due on Monday. But I only have 40 cents to my name. I don’t have money for the full fee nor to start a payment plan with $1.6k. It’s a lot that goes into my circumstances but I’ll do my best to shorten it.

I was praying for a full ride scholarship but god hasn’t answered my prayers yet. I decided on my top choice school who offered no scholarship at all, because that was the only school on my heart. Settling will never be in my language when it comes to my education. I went through k-12 unsatisfied with the education that I was being provided and that made me set a standard to not go into my career with a less than ideal education all because I had to settle. So I thought that maybe god would qualify me financially to be able to afford to attend. I would be able to afford school at my top choice as opposed to my other options if it weren’t for me not being able to take out the offered loan that would cover the rest of the cost. But none of my family can take out that loan because of bad credit and lack of efficient income to pay it back. My single parent make less than $1000 monthly. Yes I have the full Pell grant, unsubdisized, and subsidized loans they are all maxed out. I promise my back is against the wall here.

I wasn’t able to afford to leave for college in August. I spent September- November trying to find a job so I could start the next semester but didn’t get a job until December. Regardless of what I didn’t have I pleaded with god and let him know that I had to leave for college the next semester. My family was nearly made homeless in September and October and my home is unfit. I’m talking infested with rodents and unclean. I couldn’t take it and I didn’t need living in uncleanliness to become too normal. My hometown is rural, with poor resources. I was very depressed there and that’s not the place you want to be stuck in for years more when you really want to leave.

I tried everything. I tried to start a GoFundMe to help bridge my huge gap, I tried to see if countless resources were willing and able to support me, I got a job even though it didn’t happen until kind of last minute, I tried many scholarships, and I tried to appeal my financial aid, I opened my mind up to trying other colleges. No breakthroughs yet. My family did contribute a little towards me leaving for college but this is beyond us all. The only one who can handle this is god, and I have this traumatic fear that me trying to get my college education will fall through again despite how willing I am to make this work and despite me praying day in and day out that I’m able to stay in college.

I’ve only been in college for 3 weeks. I didn’t have my full tuition fee until a few days after I moved in on campus. I have been only eating fast food and snacks for the past 2 weeks because I can’t use my meal plan until the registration fee is paid. I have things that I brought for my dorm that I couldn’t possibly tote back home on public transportation. There have been a few happenings of what I consider as gods favor up until now but still this major thing isn’t being taken care of. I didn’t have to pay out of my own pocket to travel here, I didn’t have to pay again for an on campus housing assignment , I haven’t been starved since my dining hall stopped allowing me to eat without my meal plan working. Still this makes me worry that I somehow made it this far in my own strength and my tuition hasn’t been resolved because god doesn’t want me here or if god is really going to do something in time for me to not have my classes dropped on Monday evening or for me to not lose access to my dorm. If not here then where? During the five months in which I was waiting and trying to leave for college nothing else came along that would’ve been better. I didn’t even have any money to reapply for colleges elsewhere. Sticking to my current school literally seemed like the most doable.

I think that’s all. But please if you read this don’t give me any hate or judgment. Please know that if you suggest that I go to community college or trade school or drop out to work so I can come back someday and pay for school with saved money then the answer is no. I don’t need to hear that, I just can’t do it there’s too much going against me. I’ve heard it over and over and I seriously consider it to be invalidating at this point because I don’t even think those are doable options. Thanks anyways

I don't think there is anything I can say to help. You on focused on one thing only and wanting a way to magically make it happen or more to the point, force it to happen. If God hasn't answered your very specific prayer, there likely is also a very specific reason why. No, attending LSU might not be a bad thing, but when we are in Christ, it is no longer you that lives but Christ that lives in you. What we deem as important goals, may indeed be good but God may want to place you somewhere that he needs you to be, to be of help to someone looking for help or answers. Here's a small example of mine. We have been living out of our van first out of need and now enjoying that we are rent-less. After my jig at Burger King, hubby picked me up and we drove the after block to a grocery so he could go buy an item he wanted. When he came out, the van would not start at all. We didn't have AAA at the time and hubby was panicking while I had a strange peace about it. So we slept there, Then in morning, Hubby finds a man stuck in the same parking lot with car hood up and the guys battery was dead, real dead as in needing a new one. Our van was needing something simple like a little plug in fuse which the guy gave us so we could drive him to auto parts place to buy himself a battery and we could buy another fuse. If we had not been stuck there, we would not have been able to help the man. I know school is a bigger deal in life than what I share in my story but there may be another reason that the path you are so sure is the only one for you is not happening. If you pray, ask God which way He wants you to go from here, whether to stay, and what you need to do, steps to take to make it happen. I find that the moment I stop giving the "Honey Do" list of what we want from God, and just spend time appreciating HIm and talking to Him about anything but my needs and wants, then He answers a prayer. My rapid heart beat has gone back to normal but still have the slightly erratic and high blood pressure. I have a feeling that the more time I spend with God, the more he will answer me or show me what to do and is indeed showing me some things I can garden and grow that help lower BP or He can outrightly heal my of. If there is yet another way, I am open to that. The important part is staying open to Gods way of answering our petition, even if the road, the way, or vehicle He uses to get us there is not one we want to take.

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I am a 34 year old female and I have been in a loving relationship with my good hearted boyfriend of 7 years and we intend to marry too. However, last year I met a guy when I was having some problems with my boyfriend who lived in a different city. I met this new guy 3-4 times and ended up talking a lot. We had many similarities and I think we sort of had a good and caring friendship and we resonated. We also shared a lot of secrets about our lives. However, I started having some intense feelings for him which I also told my boyfriend. There was clearly and mental and physical attraction between me and this new guy. On the 4th day of our meeting, he suddenly kissed me. I kissed him back and this continued for almost 30 mins where we were kissing each other on the lips as if we could not get enough of each other. We also hugged a lot, looked into each other's eyes and smiled in between the kisses. We caressed each other's body and we were very gentle with each other. It was the best kiss of my life and it was so wonderful. I never felt like this in my life or enjoyed kissing like that. But after that, I felt guilty, so I told my boyfriend which pained him. I also told this new guy that we will not keep in touch again. I met my bf and we worked on our relationship. I felt terribly guilty at one point and very sad because clearly I had developed intense feelings for this new guy. Time passed, my boyfriend forgave me long ago and we are again happy with each other. But till this day, I cannot forgive myself for enjoying the kiss. I still dont know what happened during those two months and I want to wipe out those two months, although I do agree those 30 mins were the most fulfilling kissing moments of my life. I love my boyfriend a lot. He tells me, you have to forgive yourself, since I have forgiven you long ago. But how to forgive myself? Its like a black mark on my life as otherwise I have always been a very loyal and devoted girlfriend to all of my ex-bfs and also present bf.

If he says he has forgiven you, then simply accept the free gift of his forgiveness. This is not like a Christmas gift exchange where each person gives the other something.
This reminds me alot of forgiveness on the Christian side of things. Not preaching, just making a comparison. We are told in Bible that Jesus death on the cross was to pay for our sins. We may be really good people otherwise, as you said you are usually a loyal devoted gf. But the human standards of good do not measure up to what heavenly standards are. Big sin, little sin, like white lies, are all counted the same. Maybe in some way, that is why it's eating at you. But Jesus says its a free gift, that all we have to do is to accept it. We are forgiven for what He counts as sin and all we have to do is ask for it and then accept it. In your case with the boyfriend, you know you are forgiven but you can not accept that gift of acceptance from him. Does this mean you don't want to be forgiven? Do you feel he or someone else should treat you to same way so that it feels more equal? What would it take for you to simply accept the forgiveness and move on? Have you ever asked yourself that. You are feeling what many feel when they decide to follow Jesus but still can't forgive them selves for their past, whether it was drinking, gambling, drug use, killing, stealing, etc....
This black mark on your life is one you are putting there. Since you were forgiven, there is no black mark on your relationship with the boyfriend. As to any relationship and your standing with Jesus, thats the only other place in your life that you could have valid feelings of guilt. When a Child does wrong and tells their parent they are sorry, the parent loves them, teaches them how to do better next time and then totally drops memory of their wrongdoing and moves on with their child, treating them well, loving them and the relationship is good. What if a child felt bad about something they did and daily told their parents they were sorry for the rest of their life because they could not get over something they did long ago when they were a child and didn't know any better. Life is school life long. We will always be learning something. We will always make mistakes but that is how we learn. As long as we do not repeat our mistakes, then we have learned and made the right choice. As long as we ask forgiveness, make things right with the damaged party and then forgive ourselves. As for enjoying something in your past, yes those memories will always be with you. I have done some things I would never do again but I did enjoy while engaging in. However, when such a memory comes up, instead of dwelling on it, I immediately tell myself that I am no longer that person, that's not what I would do or ingage in today, that I am changed, have learned and I in my case, have asked for Gods forgiveness and received it. If you're not feeling it, the only place its coming from is your own mind. Your mind is the one fighting you so treat your mind like talking to another person who is always trying to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Tell it off, state what is fact, that you have learned from it and you are forgiven so you no longer have to feel guilty about having enjoyed the other little fling. It happened, it's over, you move on.

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I want advise to give my friend who was caressed by a boy once and she allowed it once now she's living with a burden of doing that she thinks that she's a monster a bad person and little did I know she also hates her self

Any answer I give will seem to side with what most people would say is religious. However, you did ask for advice and I will give the best I know from my own experiences in life. First my background, I am a Christian as a teen, in late thirties due to not reading enough Bible to know better or spending enough time with God in prayer, I was easy prey to the Devil who pretended he was God and I fell for it. I got involved in some Pagan practice and New Age which may not sound bad but it takes place of making God first in your life. Now as to your friend, what she did may sound to most people in the world as no big deal. Lots of people would not be feeling like she does. So is it bad or not? That depends on which side of the camp you are in. Some people would say they are neither, not a Pagan or on the devils side, and also not a Christian. That would mean a person was trying to ride a fence, thinking that the only neutral zone. Unfortunately, with God is doesn't work that way. At the end of our lives, we will have to account for the type of life we lived. Look at it this way, think of a court of law. The bible says all have sinned and that is true. Telling a white lie may not seem bad but people have come up with beliefs that as long as its really not hurting any other person, it's okay. A court convicts people of their crime, like stealing, burglary, killing someone, etc. So we have led ourselves to believe that the bigger the crime is when we have to do the time, but if its small, we don't have to pay at all. So I have told many white lies in my past, even today I still do things that would be considered a sin, even though small. But with God, since all sin is sin no matter the size, we can't enter Heaven when our day comes. God is Holy, He never ever would say a half truth or white lie. So I can believe in what the Bible says, because God does not lie. That is one example. Okay, it sounds like I am just talking religious stuff to have someone become saved as the world would say. Hang in there, this is all part of my point and you will have to find a way to convey this all to your friend or even decide if any of this applies in any way to you or others you know. In a court, if a wrong doing of any size got you a conviction, what price would you have to pay to make it go away. Usually a person spends some time in jail or is sentenced to pay a certain amount to be free of their debt. With God, he loves us so much He already has paid the price by the shedding of blood of Jesus his son and the death on the cross. How does this apply though to your friend? Hang in there and keep reading, I can't do this all in a short neat package.
So what we learn is that no matter how much time we spent in jail or how much money or community service we did, there is nothing a person can do to wipe away anything we do that we instinctively know is a sin, even if like me, I was fooled, led astray, but I wasn't making a bold choice against God. So I did as we are called to do, acknowledge we have a sin we can't erase but know that Jesus blood is the only thing that can erase that sin. By the way, God loves us, even when we are still sinners, and unaware that he created our souls and the bodies we have that house our souls. I asked for forgiveness, thanked Jesus for the fact that his blood can erase my sin. His death also is important, because through his death, he has bought us back from the world of sin and we can be accepted into the family of God, adopted in, all we have to do is ask to be cleansed of our sin and ask God to take control of our life because if I were truthful, I'd have to say, I do a very bad job of taking control of my life, doing the right things. I know that the guilt your friend feels in intuitive, she feels dirty, feels it was wrong. Some people would try to just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and determine to muddle through it somehow by ignoring it, trying to put it out of their minds. And when that doesn't work, go to counseling, and when that doesn't work, because there is nothing in the world that can cancel out sin, a person gives in and goes all the way, taking drugs or drinking to try to forget or perhaps taking ones life in an extreme move. However, the only thing that takes away the sin is Jesus blood. So your friend has a choice to try hopelessly to find a way to fix it and feel better or to trust Jesus, God who made us and loves us. Boy this surely sounds like I am trying hard to win a person for Jesus. Just know that God is a gentleman and will never force a person to choose to accept what he did for us. God will always wait until we talk to him first. If your friend does ask Jesus to take away all her sins, past and present, they will be taken away. However, I must warn that the enemy, Satan will try to use her mind to see if he can win a battle. She may think, I still feel guilty, or hear her mind, (really the devil) saying see, you weren't rid of your feeling of guilt, because God doesn't exist or are you sure you are really forgiven and have your sin erased, cus you don't really feel different, right? That is something that happens to all the forgiven and all the believers pretty much every day. I do pray for Gods protection for my mind every day and also before I go to sleep. If I forget, I often will have a bad dream of doing ungodly things in my dream and wake up feeling awful but then remember I forgot. So first, cleanse the house and then put a safeguard in place, meaning take care of whatever thing she feels guilt about and then asking God for his protection thru the day and also at night. The bible has many stories about Jesus healing peoples bodies, such as the blind or a lame person, but He is equally concerned about the health of our souls, so this is not a small thing to try to ignore. If there are further questions, either of you can go to to blue column and choose 'search advice columnists, look for me, 'dragonflymagic' and click to get to my column where you can then ask your question and send and only I will get it instead of it going to the whole group.

I thank God for watching over you and your friend, the guardian angels protecting you and pray that much blessing will come your way.

Dragonflymagic

Dragonflymagic

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