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Am I crazy irrational here?
I will keep this short. I broke up with my bf of 3 years because his life was on pause and he was making no steps to move forwards, no commitments to himself or our relationship and everything felt like it was just hit a wall.
The agreement was that we still loved each other but he agreed he needed to fix his life before we could be together. I told him he could do whatever he wanted, and he reassured me all he wanted was to be with me and make it work. He had a lot of distraction, adhd and other issues related to mental health that he had been avoiding working on for years and I finally said I couldn’t do it anymore unless he got help. He promised he would work hard to get us back on track that he only wanted to be with me.
Now two weeks later I find out he’s now sleeping with someone else. I know rationally that he’s free to do what he likes, but I can’t help but feel disappointed that this is what he chose, probably another distraction, than actually dealing with his issues. It makes me want to throw in the towel and any hope he had made of us getting back together.
Am I crazy for feeling this way and doubting all his words and promises now that I know he’s already sleeping with others?
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Mostly when couples form an agreement, they do it to help the relationship. It's not as if you told him you were dumping him because you found someone better. You were mature and said that his attitude towards life affected others around him and he needed to improve. wanting your partner to become the best version of themselves is an act of love.
I'm so sorry you found out he started doing that. I'm sorry to say this but at least you know who was more loyal to the partnership. You are not crazy for doubting his promise at all, you were faithful, and he broke all of his promises. You have every right to feel anger, resentment or anything you feel. 3 years is not a joke, 3 years of your time, energy and space were spent on him and he paid no mind to all the memories you two share. He has no respect for you and you deserve someone better than him, someone who doesn't suck in your positive vibes and drains you. I wish you all the best in your journey, give yourself time to heal.
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You did say something to the effect that he could do whatever he wanted which he may have grasped onto as you giving him permission to do what he felt like doing or not doing which means he likely felt it was a free card to do whatever he wanted. I may be totally wrong but he probably wasn't strong enough in character to do the adult things and take care of his issues while proving how dedicated he is to you. Yes, I may be older but when I remarried I had to find someone better than the man I left. I was verbally abused before and now knew what a warning sign would look like. I think you just got yours. So I spent a lot of time with him before marrying him because I was looking to see if he would be consistent to everything he said, or not. He was consistent and proved himself trustworthy. It's been 15 years and he has always been trustworthy. I can tell by observing him and how he consistently still looks at me like when we first met. And still treats me like a princess. For an example, he has remembered what things I like so if he's out running an errand and see's something he knows I'd like, he gets it for me. I don't have to ask. It might not be expensive jewelry but then he knows how picky I am in that and would rather check out the jewelry section at a second hand store where they have seriously under-priced something and called me over to see if I like it. I have a ring and watch I adore, that I have gotten that way. Enough about me, but I was trying to give you a good look at what it is like, not just saying I love you, but acting it out. Having sex with a new gal, proves he doesn't know what real love is, he only understands sex and the gratification of it. So if you want him for only a sex partner, have at it. If you want love for you only, a real commitment whether married or not, he doesn't sound like it. So, you are not crazy, torn between what you want versus what he said.
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