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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Well, me and my boyfriend had sex like 3 or 4 days ago and he told me he got off in me, twice, 'cuz we had sex twice that day and that he got off in me both times. well, he said that he's had sex before with like 3 girls and he's got off in them and they didn't get pregnant. He says that he thinks he may not be fertile, but I'm just scared that there may be this chance that I could be pregnant. If I am, my parents would absolutely kill me. What are some of the syptoms that you get right after you get pregnant..like food cravings?.. things like that? is there a big chance that I could be pregnant. answers asap will be appreciated very much!!!
The Answer
You had unprotected sex, that means there is definately a chance you could be pregnant.
Unless your boyfriend has had a doctor tell him he is infertile, there is also a definate chance that he is a commplete idiot who would think just because he has never seen a whale, they must not exisit. The likelyhood of a healthy young man being infertile is very slim and needs to be checked by a doctor. It is not something he can just realize on his own because he hasn't knocked anybody up yet. He's been luckky. You better hope that luck holds.
You should not sleep with him agian. Mostly because he is either an idiot, or a liar who knows that it is unlikely he is inferitile and just told you so to either make you feel better or to get into your pants. If you going to take this huge risk of becoming pregnant, at least try for intelligent babies.
If you choose to sleep with him agian, which I certainly don't recommend, use condoms.
You most certainly could be pregnant now, but all those 'signs' are different from woman to woman. Some will crave food, others will get morning sickness, others will have sore breasts and some will have no symptoms at all.
The only way you will know for sure is when your next period comes, or doesn't come.
If it doesn't, you can pick up a pregnancy test at your local drug store. Read the package carefully and use it correctly, most are only accurate when you are 3 to 7 days late.
Learn from this experience and educate yourself about fertility and sex. Also, don't sleep with idiots.
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The Question
15/F
I found out today that guys dont like talkative girls. The radio had a disucussion on it, and my class had a discussion on it too. Guys find that "unattrcative" in some cases. I talk alot, im known for that. I dont want to change the person i am to impress guys, but im hearing that guys really dont like that. I have heared it before and im still hearing it. I dont know what to do, i dont like being quiet, i have the larger then life personality. What should I do? Thanks :)
The Answer
I feel like I need to put this into context for you.
What you found was not that 'all guys dislike talkative girls' what you found out today was that 'A classroom of teenage guys will agree with the statement that they dislike talkative girls when it is suggested to them.'
So what is the trouble with being talkative? Nothing. What people, guys included, don't like, are other people who ignore them, don't listen to what they have to say and aren't interested in listening. The trick to be 'attractive' is often to be attentive. Listen to what another person is saying, ask questions that let them know you are interested in thier perspective and don't talk over them.
You don't have to change yourself or your personality, just take special care to listen with other people have something to say.
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The Question
I kno the title sounds bad already.. but i met this guy he's the sweetest guy ever like he's perfect in every way and i think i fell in love with him. we had to stop seeing eachother because his ex girlfriend of 2 years came back to him so they tried again n it ended as soon as fast as it started and we recently started talking.. on the phone texting (he lives about an hour away) well now that his ex girlfriend's out of the picture and she's moving so she'll be farther away i think we were gonna try something again but now im worried he's got another girl behind my back.. i figured out they've been talkin on the phone.. hangin out.. he threw her a party.. and everything flirting obviously and idk what to do.. i dont want to confront him because then i seem "stalkerish" and "obsessed" which in reality im def. not like that. but i dont want to get hurt again. its been one of those we'll talk all day one day n he wont talk to me at all for the next 2.. and when he's not talkin to me im pretty sure he's talkin to her =/ please help i need advice!
The Answer
He's just not that into you.
He is also 20 years old, which would make a relationship very difficult, if not impossible.
Don't waste your energy worrying or 'confronting' him. There isn't even anything to confront about! You just like flirting with him is all.
Go find someone who wants what you want, and is really into you.
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The Question
ok i know there's no such thing as being a "bad test taker", but i was wondering if anyone had advice on doing really well. i'm a good student and i study hard before a test, and when i get the test i know everything on it, but when i get it back i've made the stupidest mistakes, even when i've quadruple checked. or if i don't remember a simple fact, i start doubting myself on the simplest questions that are meant to be easy points. i don't follow my gut, i don't know why.i've searched online and they say you need to believe in yourself,but i'm at a low point where if i say that to myself it's like i know i'm only trying to fool myself, and that doesn't work. does anyone have any tips on not doubting yourself or making stupid mistakes? thanks for the help!
The Answer
Why is there 'no such thing as a bad test taker'?
There are lots of things that make someone not so good at that: Poor reading comprehension is a big one. So is stress or rushing.
If you are making mistakes that you know better then making, then you are probably rushing and getting flustered. When you start to feel upset and doubtful, try closing your eyes and taking ten, very deep, very long breaths. This will help you heart rate slow down and clear your mind. But you have to really dedicate yourself too it, and not rush through it or spend the time beating yourself up. Perhaps even practice that deep breathing relaxing at less stressful times so that you know exactly what to do when you do get stressed.
Skip questions if they upset you, and come back to them at the end when you are more confident about how much time you have to commit to them. I circle the questions I skip so I can find them easily afterwards.
To check for small spelling mistakes or silly errors I check my work this way: I read each sentence, starting at the end, backwards. That way I check each word for spelling or silly mistakes. Then I read the same sentence forward, to check for gramar and punctution.
After I've done everything that way. I read it forward, aloud. I know you can't always actually read aloud when you are in a busy room, but silently move your lips with each word anyways. That forces you to actually READ what you wrote, not just blow through it and miss the same mistakes you missed the first time.
Use those tricks to make the most of the time you have and not to get flustered. Just mindlessly 'checking' your work doesn't really work well. You need to have a pattern and know what you are checking for. Because it isn't just about being confident in yourself, it's about giving yourself every reason to be confident!
Also, after you have checked it a third time, just put it aside. Even if you still have more time to do it, if you have answered every question and checked it all three times, just turn it over and put your head down. You are done. Anything else you do at that point will only upset you.
Good Luck.
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The Question
What is the normal "Chest" size for a 14 year old girl?
I wear a C cup, but there are many people with way bigger cha-chas, and what are some ways to make myne look bigger???
Thanks, and please no "they are fine the way they are," and that kind of stuff. I'm just wondering.
The Answer
There is no 'normal' when it comes to chest size at any age. Not only do people develope at different rates, but people's bodies are way different! Some people grow double D's. Some people are flat chested... it's all 'normal'.
There are no tricks or pills or diets that will make your breasts larger, but a good pushup bra can make them look larger.
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The Question
I want to know if Beck taxi drivers charge a fee by the minutes or distance in Toronto.
The Answer
By law, all taxis in Toronto charge passengers the exact same way. If I can remember correctly... it is currently $3.00 flat fee with 25 cents per .170 killometer and 10 cents per 20 seconds idling (staying still and waiting).
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The Question
In the book, do they say the songs or something...i saw the musical and i loved it!!! would i like the book? is it the same thing or different?
The Answer
The book is almost entirely different, only the most basic plot is the same. It is very political and very mature. The words to the songs are nowhere to be found in it.
Frankly, I wouldn't recommend the book at all. But I loved the musical too.
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The Question
19/f
My boyfriend always thinks I'm cheating on him. In reality, I haven't even spoken to a male in about a year (besides my dad).
He has his reasons because I cheated on around a year ago, but I guess he doesn't understand that I've changed. He is severely paranoid. If I don't answer my phone but call back less than ten minutes afterwards, he assumes I was with a guy. He always asks where I am, who I'm with, and I have to tell him where I'm going all the time (that is, IF I ever go anywhere).
The thing is, it's like he won't let me break up with him. When we first started going out, we would break up all the time and get back together. He thinks it's always going to be this way. It seems like the only way this will end is if one of us dies (that may sound like I'm going to kill him but I assure you that's not what I'm saying!)
The only other way I see this is if I were to cheat on him, because he would never cheat on me. After all these years, I'm surprised he hasn't. But I don't want to cheat on him! I love him so much, but I'm so tired of being in a relationship. Just looking a guy makes me sick. I can't do this anymore.
Well, yesterday he was upset with me as usual, so I just shut my phone off all day. He assumed that I was cheating on him.
I know this isn't the right way to go, but it seems like the only way out. BUT I don't want him to believe a lie, thinking that I cheated on him.
Then again, I don't want to go through all the effort of trying to convince him. I'm just sick and tired of it. In my heart, I want to be with him, but I know he won't change. I can't live like this anymore (no, I'm not suicidal).
Maybe we'll have a chance together in the future, but we probably won't be the same people as we used to be. Plus, I'm a jealous person by nature, and I will go crazy if he is with other people.
So, how do I go about this? Or what would you do if you were me in this situation?
Thanks in advance.
The Answer
Dump him.
The subtext of this entire question is that you want the hell out of this relationship. You might not be ready to admit just that yet, but you do. The relationship is already over in your mind. You are getting ready to move on.
Sadly, this has become a case where you must be cruel to him to be kind.
He has define 'sucess' as being in a relationship with you, no matter how painful, unpleasant or flat out stupid it is for you two to still be togeather. It isn't your fault that he has come to very dumb decision, but it is going to make dumping him that much harder.
And that is what you need to do, just end it. You are way too young to tie yourself down to such a toxic relationship. Cheating wont get the job done and frankly, cheating would be a lie and an excuse that would eventually leave you feeling shitty about yourself. Better to be honest and be the best you that you can be.
You don't have to convince him that you are not cheating, and you don't have to convince him that breaking up is the right thing to do. In fact, stop trying to do either of those things. He is nuts. He'll never see it your way.
Instead draw on inner strength and be secure in your own decision to better your life by removing him from it. Don't waver or pretend there is hope in the future. There likely isn't. Don't try to be his friend if it only causes trouble and pain.
Take your time with it. I know you probably are't ready quite yet to accept that this relationship is really and totally over, but when you are, just tell him the truth in the most honest and straight forward way: It's done. The chance to change is in the pass. It is just over now.
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The Question
I've just realized something. I think I have something against Hispanic guys. All the relationships that I have been in with Hispanic guys I found the guy to be too clingy, no mind of his own, and ALL of them have kissed me on the first date, extremely sensitive and take offense easily thinking everything is "their" fault.
The Hispanic guys I'm talking about are the ones who were raised by parents who bring the culture into their household (whichever it may be: Mexican, Brazilian, El Salvadorian, etc).
An important thing to note is that I have nothing against Hispanic girls (I have many girl friends who are of that nationality)
I just can't stand Hispanic guys as boyfriend material.
Am I racist? Should I be worried?
PS. I really truly honestly don't mean to offend anyone.
The Answer
If that is a enough to qualify you as a racist, then I imagine almost everyone on the face of the planet is a racist.
The best thing you can do is keep an open mind and be willing to accept that not all generlizations are true. As a general rule, I don't like to date guys who live at home. I have found them to be irresponsible and irrational in thier expectations on my time. Is that a totally fair thing to say? No, not at all. It's an unfair generalizations, but never the less, it is my experience and would make me hestitant to date someone in the future who lives in thier parents home.
That doesn't make me evil. You aren't evil either. All you need to do is be aware of your bias and accept that although that is a perfectly ligitimate personal reason to choose who you date, to allow it to extend beyond that or to talk about experience as through that is true with all hispanics would be racism.
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The Question
well, i am 23 , he is 28. We've met 4 years ago, got married; however I 've noticed and people told me that he likes to pay attention to the girls who are 15-16 years old, especially thing that turns him on is a school uniforms ( we talked about that). So i decided make him happy, bought uniform, weared that and yes, he was excited. However! Not at the wedding night, not at the anyother time he never get intimate with me unless i start the game and will play hard . And of course, what I do in this game just trying to make him happy and it works.However what about me? Yes, people say I am pretty : blond, blue eyes, slim and fit, but by living together, without any affection my selfesteem dropped so much, i do not feel beutiful myself, however i really trying to make our intimate lived interesting, always comin up with something fun and romantic, but it not working. I never had an orgasm in my life and he not really care. He just keeping looking at the internet pictures at teenagers, he is 28! believe or not , at 23 i am feeling too old for him. Is it normal? How can I change? /tried to talk to him so many times, even i've got depression because of that, he still not really care. What can i do?
The Answer
You aren't the problem. Your age and race are not the problem. The only mistake you are making is putting up with this for so long without demanding open communication and some rational compromises.
Find a therapist you can trust and work on your negative feelings about your body. Remmeber: It isn't his FAULT that you feel this way. You have to take some control of your own feelings. However, he is making a lot of selfish mistakes as well, and only once you take responsibilty for your own feelings and have them under control, can you really start to calmly and respectfully discuss those issues and make choices as far as what you are willing to live with, and what you aren't.
Pronography becomes a serious problem when ones most important relationship suffer from it. Fetishes become a problem when one can longer enjoy any other kind of sex. HE has a problem and because he has a problem, your marriage has a problem.
You will need to talk to him about this, but first, talk to a therapist and to help you get your thoughts in order and to learn how to approach him in the best possible way.
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The Question
Im really having a tough time understanding why any state would want to raise the dropout age to 18, my teacher always argues that they should raise it from 16 to 18 and now he wants me to come up with good reasons and i can not think of even one. help? please and thanks
The Answer
Pros:
Higher legal drop-out ages have been successfully linked to lower drop out rates in Canada and several states.
More years at high school has, obviously, been linked to higher adult earning potential.
Studies in 2004 and 2005 estimated that a higher compulsory school age lowers the likelihood of committing crime or ending up in jail AND substantially lowers the chance of a person requiring social assistance.
So you see, the idea of raising the minimum school age isn't all about doing it 'for your own good', it's about the greater good of the society as well. A country should want to have capable citizens.
The Cons of raising the drop out age are, as far as I know or have read:
Keeping students in school longer does not guarantee that they will graduate.
Enforcing this new law might become a finical burden on already poor school boards.
Really though, just googling “raise the legal drop out age” will give you all the information and thoughts you could ever need.
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The Question
Ok, let me just say that if any of you are going to judge me, just stop now, and leave. I dont need your opinion on me choosing to be bi.
So, I'm 15/m and I've come to the recent realization that I'm bi, or at least I think. I've had gfs before, and it was any normal relationship, just the same. But recently I've been noticing guys just as much as girls, and them I met Nick. Now, I met Nick online. I've never actually met him in person, but we've talked for hours on the computer, texted, and I've even seen him on cam so I know he isn't some 60 yr-old man. Well, over these 4 months that I've been talking to him, I've been developing feelings for him. He's adorable, caring, and has this amazing personality that I've come to love. I want to meet him, since he lives about 20 minutes from me, but something is holding me back. I dont know if it's being caught, seeing as how no one knows I'm bi. Or if I'm afraid of being bi and meeting Nick would be the realization. Also, if i should meet him, how do I ask my mother of all people to give me a ride to go see him?
Oh, one more thing, he's turning 20 next week, and im only 15.
Wow, hope you can help, please.
Thanks, Anthony.
The Answer
Choosing to bi? I think you might make more people upset by saying your sexual orientation is a choice then by having one. Most people who identify with any queer label will fight to death to have the fact respected that they were BORN with their sexual orientation, and NOT that it is a choice.
Please understand, I'm not insulting you at all, I just think it's important for you to understand the culture you are choosing to identify prefers not hearing about it being a 'choice', because well, scientific studies strongly suggest that it isn't.
I was totally on board with you until you said he was 20 years old. That is a big problem. First off, as he is over four years older then you (and especially since you are two males) it would be illegal in most places for you to have any sort of sexual contact with him. Secondly, that is a bit too much of an age difference for ANY relationship. Two years closer and I'd say fine, give it a try, but five years is simply too big a cavern between you two to yell across. You both stand to get hurt, you especially, because romantic communication between a 15 year old and a 20 year old is pretty much impossible. I'm sure you will disagree, never the less, that is the reality of it.
Frankly, I think that is probably the biggest reason you are afraid and tentative about this meeting. Deep down, you know that although this crush is wonderful and you have learned something new about yourself, you are not ready to move forward with this self discovery yet. You might be ready to accept that you are bi-sexual, but not ready to actually engage in the behavior. That is okay. I would STRONGLY suggest you take some more time to get comfortable with this idea rather then jumping into a liaison with this guy. Especially since, as I noted before, the likelihood of this particular pairing working out is very, very slim.
Take the time to talk to other people around you who identify as queer. Join a sex positive group. Confess to your closest friends whom you can trust. Give the identity a try before you dive into the relationship aspect of it. Don’t rush yourself. Take your time.
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The Question
ok so me and my ex boyfriend, we had been split up for just about 3 weeks. And we still had somewhat of a friendship. Well i stay after for cheerleadin conditioning, and he stays after for basketball conditioning. So when we were all just about to leave. Somebody comes up to me and tells me, supposedly he has this "picture" (naked picture) claiming
its me. So at first i just brush it off. Cause i know its not true. My thing is, you wanna see me with my clothes off, you gunna see it in person, i dont send pictures like that. So i immediatly knew it was a rumor, and i wasnt worried about it. But just about six more people come up to me and tell me that he is saying this girl is me. So this is when i became pissed off. You trynna play me?
and we had been dating for four years on and off, and im thinking you gunna do me like this? So i went home.and i approached him at school the next day. He got mad, and went off. So i yelled right back him. He claims he never said any of it. But i can never beleive him, he never tells me the truth about ANYTHING, so when its him against six other people, who am i gunna beleive? not him, right? so he thinks i was wrong, for coming at him the way i did. I think i had every right to do that. When people are coming up to me, saying your starting shit, of corse imma be mad, and of corse imma confront you about it. How do you feel about it? Was i wrong?
The Answer
Well yes, you were wrong to get into a screaming match with him.
Although it IS embaressing and it is a nasty rumor, without solid proof that he went around saying it, you should have simply let him know that you would appercaite him setting the record straight with these people who seem to be misinformed, rather then fighting with him.
If he DIDN'T say it, and it is possible that he didn't, then these people are confused, and it's completely right of you to expect him to clear things up with them.
It would have been better for you to have told him something like "Look, people are talking shit. We both know it's a lie. I want you to tell the truth about this too." He might have kept on lying about it anyways, but at least then you would have given him the chance to be respectful, rather then just blowing up at him.
I'm not saying he didn't desereve your anger or your approach. I am just that is was not the best way to get what you want from him.
Perhaps now, the best thing to do is to apologize for yelling at him and tell him that even if he didn't do anything wrong, it's obvious that these six people are confused about there being a naked picture of you out there. As this is very hurtful and embaressing you are sure that he will want to do the right thing and tell them that they made a mistake.
If he refuses... then he is an asshole.
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The Question
14/M
After I ask a girl out (hopefully I get a response yes) what do I say?
-I'm not gonna say "awesome thx so much" Im not that stupid, but I'm not smart enough to think of what to say next. Any advice is appreciated.
***PLEASE RESPOND USING CORRECT GRAMMER***
The Answer
The VERY best way to ask someone out, is to have a date and activity in mind. It saves you awkwardness and trouble later if you can just say "Great! How about this Friday? Dinner at 6pm?" or something to that effect.
Having a plan, even if it doesn't work out for the girl's schedule, it is the very best way to let her know you are serious and excited about spending time with her.
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The Question
19/f
(Sorry this is kind of long)
My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years now. I just completed my first year away at college, while he stayed at home but is working.
He was always against me going away to school. Obviously he wants to keep me all to himself, and I'm afraid that if I were to stay at home and commute, he's going to be a big distraction and take away the time I need for school and studying.
Even though we're more than an hour away from each other, he was REALLY against me going out. Like, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere, even if it was just me and my girlfriends. The only friends I have are my roommates and some of their friends, so they're not even really my friends. Plus, none of my high school friends go to this school. My friends are really bummed that I have never gone out with them. but he doesn't even like the few friends that I DO have.
He even interrogates me every time he calls (where am I, who I'm with) and I'm not even allowed to talk to any guys. He even checks my phone and sometimes holds on to it when we see each other. If you're wondering why he's so controlling, he kind of has a reason why because I had cheated on him in the past. That, and because a lot of guys are always after me and he knows, but I don't even pay attention to them. He also thinks that EVERY SINGLE GUY likes me but that's not the case! My close guy friends and I identify each other as brothers and sisters pretty much!
Well, he has the nerve to wonder why I have NO FRIENDS here!! I go to a huge party school, it's a big 10 school with one of the biggest campuses in the nation, so there are like 45,000 people here. But how am does he expect me to meet people if I can't go ANYWHERE??
If I were to commute to school, I will pretty much have ZERO friends. It's hard to meet people if everyone commutes and you don't live with or around each other like how it is in the dorms.
Please don't say things like it's my fault or tell me to leave him. I still want to be with him, but I would like to know what to say to make him trust me and allow me to go out.
We get into fights about these issues ALL THE TIME but I feel like this will never be resolved.
Btw, I'm not socially retarded or anything. A lot of people like me and I can easily make friends, but it's like I'm not allowed to. I have to like creep around just to go have lunch with some of our guy friends and I hate it.
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!
The Answer
Here is your problem: You want him to allow you to go out. Even better, you want him to WANT to allow you to go out.
That is not going to happen. Not ever. If he hasn't figured out, after three years of loyal loving, that you are trustworthy, he never will.
Fortunately, he is not your parent or your parole officer. You ARE allowed to go out. You are choosing not to go out. You are choosing to be lonely and miserable. You are choosing to let HIS problem and HIS bad behavior dictate how you live your life.
I'm not saying you are a bad, bad person hun, but it IS your fault that you aren't living the life you want to living. He hasn't tied you up in the basement. You are free to choose, and right now, you are choosing to be unhappy and unfulfilled.
If you want to change that choice, then do so.
The proper response to his abuse, and we both know what he is doing is abusive and controlling, is this:
"Hun, I'm going to start going out and enjoying myself with my friends. I am sorry that this upsets you and makes you nervous; however, that is your problem. My problem is that I am lonely and I am going to fix that by seeking out new friends. I'd would appreciate it if you start working on your problem with trust and trying to control me because if you can't behave in a more supportive and trusting way I'm afraid this relationship is going to fall apart."
There are three possibilities here, and only three:
One: You remain miserable, lonely and under his control. You keep fighting with him about this, but always do things his way despite your arguments.
Two: You stand up for yourself an state clearly what you WILL do ("I will have friends and go out.") and what you WILL NOT do ("I will not cheat.") and what you are willing to tolerate from him. Through respectful conversations and steady, honest communication from you, he realizes that he can trust you and stop his manipulative and controlling behavior and you both live happily ever after.
Three: You stand up for yourself ect... and he tries harder to control you. He shows up. He threatens you or your friends, perhaps even himself. His calls become constant. He does anything he think he can do to get you back under control. You either fall back into option One, or the relationship ends.
Of course, you should simply break up with someone who treats you this way, but if you donâ??t want too, well, that is your choice too. Make the choice that will make you happy.
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The Question
hi. you always give good answers so I wanted to ask your advice. here's my problem (sorry its long):
i'm going to be a freshman in HS next year. i tried out for cheerleader and made it, and i'm really excited because i love cheer. i've also been asked to be on varsity gymnastics. i kinda dont want to, because i've been doing gymnastics forever and im kinda sick of it. plus it will be a lot of work to do cheer and gym, not to mention im taking all pre-ap classes. but i know the coach will be really disappointed if i dont do gymnastics and i'm scared to tell her i dont want to. and part of me does want to do it, because some of my best friends are and it might be kind of fun. we'll have a really good team next year with a good chance at state. plus, if i quit gymnastics now, it would be pretty much impossible to go back to it if i changed my mind later.
so here's where it gets complicated. at my school, we can't have more than one athletics period. so in order to do gymnastics and cheer, i would have to change my schedule halfway through the year. first semester i would do cheerleading, and only go to the before-school gymnastics practices (7:00 am - ugh). but second semester (when gymnastics season starts) i would change to 1st period gymnastics and not go to cheer practice at all. it sort of works out, because cheer is basically over after football season (we only do a couple basketball games and they end in february). After february, cheerleaders really don't do anything.
so now for the problem. i really, really want to be head cheerleader. and i know our sponsor and a lot of the girls want me to, too, because (not to sound conceited, but) i'm like one of the only cheerleaders that can motivate people to work and be fair and postive and encouraging. most of the others are just bossy or negative or lazy. and i really want it to be a good year for our squad. BUT.. now some of the girls are saying that they wont vote for me if i do gymnastics, because the captain should be there the whole year. which i can sort of understand, but i WILL be there during the time we're actually cheering. once i start the gymnastics schedule, they wont be doing anything at cheer practice anyway. and i think the people who are saying that are the ones who want to be head cheerleader themselves (the bossy mean ones).
soooo... what should i do? forget gymnastics so i can have a chance at head cheerleader and keep things happy and positive? or do gymnastics and let someone else be head cheerleader? please dont tell me to do what i want, because i dont know what i want! i just want someone to tell me what i should do. haha. thanks!
The Answer
Talk to your coaches and ask thier advice. It seems to be that at least for this first year, doing both might be a good idea, and fun.
Although I don't know the culture at your school, as a general rule I can't imagine that a freshman has a very good shot at captian, no matter how great and positive she is. It simply wouldn't be precieved as being your 'turn' yet, and you would be lacking in at least some experience that the older girls will have. Best to respect that, and be realistic about it, even if thier attitudes are not what you would wish them to be.
You have a few more years left to work at being captian, likely a better change next year anyways and a some learning to do in order to be a great one. Right now what you should focus on is keeping your options open and exploring all avenues.
If you don't feel quite ready to give up gymnastics, talk to both the coaches about your plan to do both and make sure they are on board. If they are and think it is possible, give yourself one more year of gymnastics. It will only make you a better cheerleader anyways.
Of course, if you REALLY just don't wanna do gymnatics, just be friendly and honest with the coach.
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The Question
prom is on saturday. i am going with my boyfriend. the plan after prom was to go back to my friends house and everyone in our group would sleep over. last night i told my boyfriend the plans and he was like ok thats fine. then a couple seconds later he was like "actually, im going to jake's house after prom we can get alcohol and ride around and stuff". i didn't really feel like arguing so i just said alright. i told my best friend about it today and she was mad and texted him saying "good job youre ditching your girlfriend to get drunk". normally i could care less if he wants to go out with his friends and get drunk or whatever. but its prom night, the only night we have an excuse to sleep in the same house together haha. would it be wrong to tell him not to go to jakes? or should i just let him?
The Answer
Look, you don't get to 'tell him not to go' or 'let him go'. You aren't his keeper, you are his girlfriend.
What you DO get to do is express your own feelings and wishes. Let him know that you would rather that you both go to friends rather then get some booze and ride around (I'm going to ignore that fact that that statement sounds praticularlly dangerous, and illegal).
Respect the fact that it's a big night for him too, and the last big time he gets to hang out with all of HIS friends. Make sure the plans you end up making have something in them to make you both happy.
It's okay to be upset, and it's important to let him know your opinion on the matter, but you don't get to decide for him, and you have to respect his wishes even if you disagree with them.
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The Question
23f - i was going to therapy for 4 months. i uncovered memories of abuse. i found it really hard to open up. my therapist started to get frustrated with me. i did start going for comfort - i admit it. however i didnt open up mostly because i was scared. i told him a lot considering how closed i am with people. he told me maybe its too soon. i felt like he was pushing me too hard and i felt guilty about it. im just find it really hard to express myself in words - i do it better through writing. anyway i decided to stop going and i told him. he told me that i could find another therapist but maybe i will turn into a permanent client cycle i.e. get to the same point and stop therapy. he said maybe i need to take a break.
i will always have problems with expressing myself. its just me. so what should i do? wait a month and go back to the same therapist - taking into consideration how frustrated i made him? i mean he was happy to see me go. i thought maybe i could write to him how i feel before therapy and then read it...
or should i start therapy all over again with someone new? its just so scary of having to go through that all again.
or should i just stay away until i think i can be mroe open? i dont know if i can be... then again maybe me that this therapist didnt click.
im so confused.
The Answer
Find another therapist.
It's not 'starting over', it is moving forward... just with someone else. The same way that going into fifth grade with a new teacher is not starting fourth grade all over.
You've discovered some valuable things about yourself in therapy, but it's obvious that this therapist (sounds like a bit of jackass) is not someone you find suporting you as move forward.
His idea, that you are entering a 'client cycle' is no more fair or supportive then your idea that you will always have 'problems expressing yourself'. These things are negative, and self-destructive... not what therapy is about!
You've moved as far forward with this praticular therapist as you can. Find someone else. Don't look for someone who tells you what you want to hear, just look for someone who does a lot of listening and asks questions, not someone who you feel has passed judgement on you.
Certainly, try harder to make therapy work for you by being open and honest, but do it with someone else.
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The Question
Hello, I have been on a vaction to another country and they have a very wierd culture because when my father and I were there and the children were forced to hold thier urine. I thought that this was very dangerous and sad. But the Man of the house said that it was a form of discipline and to teach the women and children respect. Half of the children were crying in pain from having held thier urine for multiple hours without a break. Has anyone ever heard of this religion. I have been looking for an answer but ahven't found one yet.
The Answer
I don't know what religion they might have been, however, I think it's very important to realize this is not so much a religious issue.
This is a practice, and likely a cultural one far more then a religious one. The same religion can be expressed very, very differently in different cultures. It's more likely that what you saw was cultural behavoir in thier part of the world, rather then something that thier religion says they must do. (Regardless of the fact they might feel it is something thier religion demands).
So this isn't really, in my opinion, a religious issue or a 'cult' issue. They may or may not be members of a cult, but it is more likely a cultural issue of very poor education and of child abuse.
I was shocked, while I was google searching to see if I could find any information for you, to find out that this was a common sort of idea of punishment in quite a few families, even north american ones. But regardless of the reason it is practiced (religious or cultural) it is damaging to the human body, can cause infections and bladder and kidney problems.
I doubt you find out the religion that this praticular family practiced online or from anyone here. They could practice almost any religion really. It probably makes more sense to look at this as a cultural problem and a failure to educate people about the human body and human rights then to try to chalk it up solely to religion.
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The Question
Ohkayy.This boy ive been dating for 3 months has been lying 2 me a lot here lately but Im totaly in love with me.He tried 2 cheat on me a couple of timess.Well this boy I dated fer over a year cheated on me with sumbody and then just broke up with me.wel I never got over him I still love this boy more than ever.and he just called me last nightt.and told me he really liked me and wants 2 get back 2 gether.!Well i have no clue what 2 do I love them both very much.Do I stay with who Im with or this other boyy.?Im so confusedd......
The Answer
Just stop dating cheaters or liars all togeather.
Definately don't date them a second time.
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