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how to leave my bf
19/f
My boyfriend always thinks I'm cheating on him. In reality, I haven't even spoken to a male in about a year (besides my dad).
He has his reasons because I cheated on around a year ago, but I guess he doesn't understand that I've changed. He is severely paranoid. If I don't answer my phone but call back less than ten minutes afterwards, he assumes I was with a guy. He always asks where I am, who I'm with, and I have to tell him where I'm going all the time (that is, IF I ever go anywhere).
The thing is, it's like he won't let me break up with him. When we first started going out, we would break up all the time and get back together. He thinks it's always going to be this way. It seems like the only way this will end is if one of us dies (that may sound like I'm going to kill him but I assure you that's not what I'm saying!)
The only other way I see this is if I were to cheat on him, because he would never cheat on me. After all these years, I'm surprised he hasn't. But I don't want to cheat on him! I love him so much, but I'm so tired of being in a relationship. Just looking a guy makes me sick. I can't do this anymore.
Well, yesterday he was upset with me as usual, so I just shut my phone off all day. He assumed that I was cheating on him.
I know this isn't the right way to go, but it seems like the only way out. BUT I don't want him to believe a lie, thinking that I cheated on him.
Then again, I don't want to go through all the effort of trying to convince him. I'm just sick and tired of it. In my heart, I want to be with him, but I know he won't change. I can't live like this anymore (no, I'm not suicidal).
Maybe we'll have a chance together in the future, but we probably won't be the same people as we used to be. Plus, I'm a jealous person by nature, and I will go crazy if he is with other people.
So, how do I go about this? Or what would you do if you were me in this situation?
Thanks in advance.
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I'm glad you are deciding to end this relationship. Once that trust is gone, the relationship could never last. Your guy thinks he has legitimate reasons to worry, so he's going to keep worrying no matter what you tell him.
Sit him down and tell him everything you told us. Tell him you're tired of having to prove yourself after having done nothing wrong. Tell him he is smothering you with his constant neediness and insecurities. Like you said, he'll assume that you are cheating on him, but you don't have to prove yourself. Tell him you're done whether he wants to believe you or not.
I know that this break up will make things better for BOTH of you. You don't have to deal with all the phone calls, you can actually go out and have fun, and you can talk to another guy without him freaking out. Meanwhile, he doesn't have to constantly check up on everything you're doing.
Stay strong. If he tries to get back together like you said, tell him your mind has been made and that's that.
Good luck and I really hope every thing turns out all right.
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i think that this guy is wasting your time. if he calls you all the time and always has to know what your doing, where you are, and who you are with he doesn't trust you enough to know that you aren't cheating. i think that since you honestly don't want to be in a relationship right now, break up with him and when he asks why tell him the truth. that he doesn't trust you enough to know you aren't cheating and that you don't want to be in a relationship. if i were you i would break up with him. best of luck.
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I'm going to start out by saying this is a very unhealthy relationship. Relationships and love are meant to be built of on trust, not fear, jealousy, or curiosity. From what I understand, there isn't much trust between the two of you.
I personally think you need to get out of the situation. If he gets as jealous and angry as you say he does, that may lead to other abusive acts. It is a tricky thing to try to say, but jealous people can be so filled with anger and jealousy that they would do anything to feel better.
As to how I think you should get out of the situation; I really think you need to just make a clean break. You may love him, but is the love you think you have at 19 (I'm not saying you don't love him), but is that love worth the pain, and emotional upheaval? You need to sit down with him, tell him exactly why you are leaving him, lying would make him evem more angry, and tell him that maybe you guys can have another chance in the future, but you really need your space and sanity now.
Hopefully I can help you.
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My ex was like that when I tried to break-up with him the first like 4 or 5 times and he was always very very jealous. I got to where just seeing his face made my stomach churn and I just couldn't stand feeling so trapped anymore. I broke up with him at a football game and he went ballistic and tried to get me to take him back all weekend. I stood my ground and told him that I just felt trapped and that maybe we would be together later, but that we just weren't supposed to be together right now. It was hard on him and he kept kind of stalking me for a while, but I just had to put my foot down and even though I didn't want to hurt him and I cared about him I had to let him go.
You shouldn't lie to him though and make him think you are cheating because that is going to hurt him really bad. I understand why he is jealous because you cheated and once someone has cheated on you it is extremly hard to get that trust back. If you feel as though you really don't want to break up with him then just sit down and talk to him. Let him know that you really don't want to hurt him but if he doesn't change then you are going to have to move on. Tell him that you can't handle him not trusting you and that you really want it to work, but if he doesn't trust you it won't. If that fails then put your foot down and let him go.
Hope I Helped.
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Dump him.
The subtext of this entire question is that you want the hell out of this relationship. You might not be ready to admit just that yet, but you do. The relationship is already over in your mind. You are getting ready to move on.
Sadly, this has become a case where you must be cruel to him to be kind.
He has define 'sucess' as being in a relationship with you, no matter how painful, unpleasant or flat out stupid it is for you two to still be togeather. It isn't your fault that he has come to very dumb decision, but it is going to make dumping him that much harder.
And that is what you need to do, just end it. You are way too young to tie yourself down to such a toxic relationship. Cheating wont get the job done and frankly, cheating would be a lie and an excuse that would eventually leave you feeling shitty about yourself. Better to be honest and be the best you that you can be.
You don't have to convince him that you are not cheating, and you don't have to convince him that breaking up is the right thing to do. In fact, stop trying to do either of those things. He is nuts. He'll never see it your way.
Instead draw on inner strength and be secure in your own decision to better your life by removing him from it. Don't waver or pretend there is hope in the future. There likely isn't. Don't try to be his friend if it only causes trouble and pain.
Take your time with it. I know you probably are't ready quite yet to accept that this relationship is really and totally over, but when you are, just tell him the truth in the most honest and straight forward way: It's done. The chance to change is in the pass. It is just over now.
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What i would do is sit down and talk things out. it'll all work out in the end
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