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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Ok, so me and my boyfriend had sex, and there was a hole in the condom. He said nothing came out so could I still be pregnant?
The Answer
It's possible.
Even when you use a condom, it's technically possible to get pregnant when you have sex.
Sex = possibly pregnancy. Always.
Condoms greatly reduce the risk. They do not eliminate it.
Having said that, your boyfriend wasn't exactly clear about what happened. If he ejaculated inside the broken condom, it's certainly possible and you should take a pregnancy test IF your period is late.
If he didn't ejaculate, it is rather unlikely that you are pregnant, although still feasible.
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The Question
So I'm in a relationship for the first time, and on top of that, my boyfriend was my first real, major crush. I've had a crush on him for a few months (pretty much since I met him), and we've been going out for three weeks....so these kinds of feelings are rather new to me, and I guess as for most people / teens, they can be pretty...intense, shall we say...and I'm wondering if it's better to let myself get caught up in it and completely enjoy the experience or to stay attached to the earth and realize that as a teen, I'm a naive, hormone-flooded being and keep in mind that teen relationships are usually basically purely for fun, and therefore not take to seriously what I think I feel at any point, because it probably isn't "really true."
The Answer
FEELINGS are real. Seriously. They just are.
You are not doing yourself any favors if you start denying yourself the right to FEEL whatever the hell you do!
Of course, it's important to be able to see those feelings in the greater context of your life. For instance, sometimes I feel like punching my brother, but in the greater context I really do love him (and he is much bigger then me.) Sometimes we label a feeling wrongly, and say we 'hate' something when we really don't.
But staying away from those traps is about paying attention to your feelings and the rest of your life, not about denying yourself the right to feel.
So my vote is for both. Let yourself get swept away. That is what romance and good books are for! Taking us above our petty little lives and giving us something that feels essential. But also know not to take yourself too seriously and say or do things you know you’ll likely regret.
You don't need to shut off your heart! You aren't heartless.
You don't need to pretend you aren't a sea of raging hormones! You are.
You don't need to pretend that you aren't learning and discovering and experimenting with relationships. You are and you should be!
You don't have to pretend you a brainless love fool either. You aren't.
The very fact that you asking this question, means are capable of striking that balance between heart and mind. You might mess it up a bit, but hey, you're a teen. You have time to prefect it and there will be other chances.
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The Question
I have decided that I want to stay a virgin until I'm married. My virginity is special to me. I've gone out with a lot of guys and they all end up wanting to be touchy and I'm just not into that. I don't want to be used. I want to be pure and be able to show my husband (when I actually get married, of course) that he really is a special person and that I cared enough to wait for a long time for him.
My problem is that I don't really know how to tell a guy that I refuse to have sex. I don't want to outright say I want to stay a virgin or that I'm keeping my virginity for my wedding night. That just feels too PERSONAL to me and the only time I would tell somebody is if we were in a serious relationship together and he needed to know.
I'm pretty young and I'm afraid to just say no and leave it at that, I guess. Even if I told a guy that I was waiting for marriage I think they'd think I was joking because of me being so young.
I guess my question is...
How do I tell a guy that I don't want to have sex without giving out too much personal details as to why?
The Answer
Although I can appreciate that you feel a bit vulnerable stating this, I think you need too.
You have to be able to say, clearly, to someone you are interested in, what your values are and where your boundaries are. Anything else will breed misunderstandings and miscommunications.
It doesn't need to be a soul-searching discussion where you bear your life plan to a guy, but it does need to be an honest moment of communication. "I've made a choice. I'm going to stay pure for my wedding night. Staying pure to me means not doing ."
If a guy pressures you to explain why all you need to explain is that is your CHOICE. You don't have to go into details about why you made that choice if you don't feel comfortable doing so, but you do need to understand that confidently stating that choice is the right thing to do.
If you aren't confident in direct in stating your choice, guys might not take you seriously. Not being able to simply say 'No. This is my choice and it's going to change.' is NOT taking YOURSELF seriously.
You shouldn’t be ashamed of this choice or try to hide it. If a guy is less interested in your because of it, that’s a good thing to know, even if it does hurt you for a while.
Lies of omission are still lies, and NOT a solid foundation for a relationship. You MUST be able to state this clearly and confidently if you want to find a partner who will respect and share your values.
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The Question
where can i find accurate future predictions that are personalized online (i don't mind the automatic ones...like a programme)... i don't want the psychics and wot not because they are very inaccurate and they follow the leads you give them... i once went to a fortune teller and i made her contradict herself a thousand times, making a complete fool out of her.... but there was this once where i went to this palm reader and she scared the crap out of me... she told me how many siblings i had and the names of my mother and a father and other personal stuff that no one on the face of this planet knows about..... anyone knows?
The Answer
I'm curious, if you know that psychics are inaccurate and work off of clues and generalizations or ‘cold reading’ techniques, what exactly are you looking for? A computer program that can tell your future?
Has it occurred to you that palm readers, like psychics, have a plethora of techniques at their disposal, from lucky guesses to going through your coat pockets and purse... Believe whatever you want too, but if you are going to be skeptical, be an equal opportunist skeptic. Palm reading, and tarot card reading is what is called a ‘physic prop’. By focusing on something tangible and a pretend expertise with the object a physic can be far more convincing then if they were simply there spewing facts and talking in an airy voice.
I have to tell you straight up, the idea that a palm reader saw your parent’s names on you palm is just ludicrous. No traditional school of palm reading claims to achieve that kind of precision. If that was real, that was a ‘physic power’, not achieved through the practice of palmistry.
Here is a great article to read. It’s called Psychic for a Day: http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/psychic2.html
Certainly, you can say that just because many physics and tarot readers and palmistry experts have been thoroughly debunked and exposed as frauds, doesn’t mean that they are all are. It doesn’t. It just means that they probably all are.
Even if they are not, do you really think a computer program or a tarot reader who has never even laid eyes on you is going to be able to tell you future? Does fate seem like something you can purchase online?
And you will pay for it. OH, will you pay for it. A quick google search will show you millions of people who say they CAN predict your future based on your e-mails and your credit card number.
Don’t be duped. See divination for what it is: entertainment, and about as real as The Hills and WWE wrestling.
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The Question
Okay so heres the deal.
Im f/18 virgin and im leaving for college this sunday. Anyhow it just dawned on me that i should probly get on the pill before i leave seeing as things could happen.
*i know i dont have to go to the gyno to get the pill and i know you should.
*i know that your family doctor can give it to you.
*****BUT can you go to a walk in clinic to get the pill????*****
I would rather go see my family doctor but hes on holidays for the next 2 weeks. And i want is as soon as possible caus my school is out of town and making doctor app is gonna be hard.
THANK YOU!
The Answer
You can go to a gyno or to your family doctor. You can also go to a clinic, however you can't just 'walk-in'. Your first time on the pill will require an appointment, a pap-smear, and a talk about what type of pill would be best for you.
Any school clinic will let you make an appointment like this, and most larger Canadian colleges and university have their own clinics. If your school doesn't have one of it's own, your frosh package/student services/resident advisor/ect. can probably tell you where the closest one is.
Generally, all you'll need to do is show up for the appointment, show your health card, answer a few questions, get a pap smear done and you'll walk out with a trial 3-month perception. BC pills cost around $25 a month in Ontario.
HERE IS THE BIGGER ISSUE HOWEVER:
Do NOT think that being on the pill means you don't have to use condoms.
You really shouldn't be having unprotected sex with some random guys at college. Although it's great that you are thinking ahead, if you are thinking you might fall into bed with someone, condoms are of more value to you then the pill. Over 60% of sexually active young ladies have HPV, which can lead to uncomfortable warts and has been contected with cancer of the cervix. Without even THINKING of all the other dangerous things you can pick up, USE CONDOMS.
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The Question
My ex broke up with me and so I was upset and decided to just "live on." For the past 2-3 weeks he has been harassing my best friend. Before I sent a message saying "just stop, there is nothing let to say," he was sending me messages that said " you're immature, move one...blah blah blah." I never responded as he continued to blow up my phone. I figured it wasn't worth it. He dumped me out of the blue with no real explanation.
So as he still harasses my friend to this day.....I ran into him at Wal-Mart because he works there. I decided to wear a hoodie because I knew what his hours were and I didn't want to get caught up in it. I left my purse in the car under the seat so he wouldn't recognize it if I had it one me.
Well I did see him at the check out and I threw my hood up because i was convinced after an hour, that he was in the back. I guess he saw me but I decided to split because I didn't want him to walk over to me and start his mental crap. I just want to move on and live my life. But I guess he watched me until I disappeared so my mom said.
He knew it was me before I even took my hood off halfway to the door. To me it was a gesture "There is nothing left to say."
Was it wrong to do that? I'm not a dramatic person when it comes to moving on. I didn't want to get into it and then punch him and break his nose and then get kicked out.
Thanks.
The Answer
Don't waste your mental energy on this one.
He decided to interpret your last message of 'just stop harassing my friend' as you not being over him... so you can very confidently say that he is not able to interrupt your actions correctly. If you had tried to say a friendly hi to him to let him know things were cool, he would have thought you were in love with him. If you had kicked him in the balls, he would have thought he was the coolest guy in the world and you were a love-crazed lunatic. Lord, he lefty you a lengthy, irrational message. His perception and judgments are pretty messed up.
And besides him, and maybe your mom, who even knows what you did? Only you.
You know why you did what you did, and even though you might doubt yourself a bit, there wasn�t anything really wrong with it, so why waste your time worrying? So you were a bit dramatic. Who cares?
Do yourself a favor though, stay out of whatever fight he has with your friend. Encourage her to take the same approach you are: completely ignore him. Their fighting shouldn�t prolong your contact with him. Support HER. Supporting her doesn�t mean contacting him. Do NOT connect with him, EVER.
EDIT IN RESPONSE TO FEEDBACK:
No, I don't think your response to your friend is wrong, you just need to phrase it in a bit more of a polite way. Try saying it this way instead:
"Look, I have to ingore him now or else I'll be miserable and upset, so if you want to keep responding to his bullshit, that's okay, but I can't be involved anymore and I'd really apperciate it if you wouldn't tell me about it."
She is your friend, so of course sometimes it might come up in conversation and you should be supportive. Just don't involved.
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The Question
I have had way too many boyfriends to count. It's my problem too. Boys like me, and I like boys... but as soon as we start dating its like I pick out all their imperfections without meaning to. I'm now with my 12th or 13th boyfriend. He's really nice, but he never calls me or asks me out places, and when I call him or I invite him places, we never have anything ot talk about. He's kind of boring... I hate breaking it off with guys when they didnt do anything wrong. Is it my fault for wanting a certain type? Should I stay with him and see if things get better?
Thanks
Elise 15/f
The Answer
I'd like to suggest that your problem is not ending a relationship too soon, it's starting them too soon.
Not every guy you date once or twice should be called a boyfriend. Most of the guys I've dated never got to the boyfriend stage with me! Give yourself permission to take some time to find out if you want to see someone exclusively and you'll find that your number of 'boyfriends' is drastically reduced.
It's not your fault for wanting a certain type, it's your fault for rushing into a 'relationship' when what you are actually doing doing is just dating about and finding out what the type you want is!
So, change the way you are looking at boys. Dating is one thing, a boyfriend is something else. Seperate the two.
As for this praticular guy, just dump him now. It is difficult to dump someone when they have done nothing really wrong, but you have to remember that the perfect guy might not be the perfect partner for you. It's all about compatability and dating this person isn't working, so end it.
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The Question
Im 16f. I have one brother that is eighteen in December and one sister that is 10. Anyhow, my brother just graduated and is the jerk of the house. He is the troublemaker, he bums around the house most days, backtalks, blasts his music, does what most teenage boys do. He does have a job now that he goes to most days which is a plus on my behalf. Hes not around much anymore so hes not really a problem to me now.
But, My sister is a momma's baby, she talks to my mom as if she is still three most of the time, my mom is her personal chef and waitress when she is around, and she gets her way practically all the time. Heres where the main problem comes in, i'll give an example of something that actually happened: My sister accidently hits me with a tennis ball she is throwing around, and in defense i say "hey". My mom gives me heck because I 'yelled' at my sister, and then my sister goes 'haha' and so i gently bump her on her butt. Then my sister throws a fit (she gets mad instantly sometimes when she is tired) and starts hitting me with the tennis ball, so i grab her hand so she cant hit me, which ends up in me getting yelled at for holding her hands.
Its just so frustrating when i get in trouble for stuff i didnt do. My mom said i was backtalking to her today and got a bit frustrated at me, when she asked if i knew where the remote was and i said 'no. I havnt used it all day'.
My sister never gets in trouble because she is the youngest and my brother just gets told 'not to do something' even though he just does it again a while later.
It just gets on my nerves. I try ignoring my sister when she does have her 'tired/mad' times, but she usually ends up smacking me and then i have to hold her hands, if you know what I mean.
What things can i try to show my mom that she is really the instigator, and im just defending myself.
The Answer
How about asking your mom "Mom, what do you want me to do when my little sister hits me?"
Keeping asking until you get a straight answer, if she denys it say "All right, lets pretend my she hits me, if that were to happen, what do you want me to do about it?"
Your brother is a jerk and your sister in a brat. That is pretty much standard and there isn't much you can do about THAT. Your brother WILL act out and test your parents bounderies and patience and your little sister WILL get babied. Those are pretty much the facts of life.
What you can do however, is address the REAL issues very honestly and directly. A REAL issue is that your sister gets physical with you. She's ten years old. She really should be learning better. It's not your job to teach her (sadly) but it's certainly your job to assist your mother in teaching her... so, the vital question is:
How does your mom want you to deal with your sisters physical striking?
I'll tell you the first thing you should do if you want to teach her better though, don't hit her back! Ever! Not even light taps on the butt. Period.
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The Question
Sorry this will seem very vague, but I want to be in fear the guy in question ever finds this.
There's a guy and I think he might ask me out. The only problem is, I know for a fact it will only be so he can have sex with me, or he will try to pressure me into sex.
Now, I'm not asking whether I think this is what he wants. After all I'm being vague, that would be stupid. I'm pretty sure these are his intentions.
Usually I'd say no, but the only problem is I sort of like him. So should I say yes and give him a chance and if he tries to pressure me into it I say no and dump him? Haha help!
The Answer
If you know for a fact he is after something you DO NOT want, then no, you shouldn't date him at all.
Let me put it this way: I know that I don't want to have children. Period. For various reasons in my life that I won’t be specific about, I shouldn't have kids. Since I know that is a non-negotiable point in my life, I don't date people I know really want to have children. Now that I'm in my twenties, it wouldn't really be fair to get into a serious relationship with someone who really wanted to have children, when I know it is extremely unlikely that I will agree to that.
If you know that you don't want to have sex, and you know he really does, then no, you shouldn't date him. Period.
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The Question
So on saturday, i was sleeping over at my friends house. She was like do you sleep in your bra? i was like well normally when im sleeping over with friends i do. and she was like i heard that sleeping in it gives you breast cancer. Because it like pushes it up, so all the cells in there start to push up, and they will like clot up over time to form a cancer cell.
i don't know, is this true? Because i don't wanna get it!
The Answer
No. It wont cause cancer.
However, sleeping in bras can reduce the circulation of your blood and cause back pain. You are better off not sleeping with one on. At the very least, wear something without an underwire.
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The Question
I feel like my dad is treating me the way that his parents have treated me. To back track...
His parents and my parents were born in a time where boys are good and girls are useless. My mom hated the sexism in that. When my older sister was born, everyone was like well, okay. Then when I was born, my dad's parents were like, grr, she's a girl. So they never bothered to come and see me when I was a baby. I'm afraid that my dad's kind of catching onto that.
Nowadays, he's always telling me to take care of my business by myself. I mean, yeah, I guess that's good but listen to this. I don't want to sound spoiled or anything but. . .
When my sister was still in high school, he took care of keeping all her report cards, awards, test scores, etc. He also took care of finding out information about colleges she was interested in, planned out when she should take what SAT, etc. He planned out everything for her. Now that I need to start looking into colleges and everything, he's telling me, I'm not going to do this for you. You look stuff up yourself. Here's what I did for your sister when she had to so if you need an outline, here it is. Oh, and by the way, you take of your own stuff from now on.
I mean, yeah, he takes me to places if I need to go and helps me with math questions. But other than that, he's just telling me to do things on my own because he's not going to bother doing so as he did for my sister.
Yes, I know I should get over it and embrace this as a "learning" experience but at the same time I can't help but wonder why he's so helpful to my sister yet tells me to do stuff by myself.
The Answer
He is a different person then he was a few years ago when you sister was your age. Obviously, that means he'll be a bit of a different parent. (There are almost 18 years between the eldest and youngest in my family. Trust me, parents change thier tactics and style from kid to kid. Sometimes you get the bonus of this. Sometimes you get the brunt.)
YOU are a COMPLETELY different person then your sister, and you have no idea what motivated his support of her. Maybe it seemed like she wouldn't take control of her life unless he held her hand through it. Maybe he felt insecure about his OWN knowledge, so really, he didn't mean to be helping her, he was making himself comfortable with the process... you really have NO idea WHY he behaved differently.
You are never going to know unless you ask, and you'll never get an honest answer unless you ask an honest question. Don't whine. Don't whimper away about "Why wont you help me!?" instead, ask him for his advice. What did he learn when he looked into schools for your sister? What does he think of different living arrangements or degrees? ASK HIM, not for help, but for the information you know he has. That will engage him in your search.
You might also ask your mom what she thinks it different about your search from your sisters. She might have a good idea on how to breach the subject with your dad or what's different this time around. The most important thing though, is just not to be so self-involved. Don't think it's all about you! Parents are people too! They change. They have their own interests. They get stressed. They get bored. They get fed up. They do some things for no decent reason. Don't jump to the assumption 'he doesn't love me!' when a much similar, and more likely explanation is that he has a different perspective and attitude then he did before.
Try to engage him by showing him the information you collect and talking about your decisions and asking for his advice.
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The Question
I am 24 years old and am currently at a point in my life where I don't think I can be friends with my life-long friend of 19 years.
I have stood by him, even though it was hard, despite all the terrible decisions he's made with his life. He has 2 DWI's, lost his car, lost his band because of his drinking, lost many friends, slept with a friends girlfriend whom he is currently still with. He faces jail time, and could quite possibly lose his job. Needless to say, he's almost lost everything.
The other night my girlfriend and I went out with them, trying to put things behind us. Well, he decided to just disappear and abandon his girlfriend there. She was understandably upset and we took her to his house, where her car was. In the end, he was extremely angry that we helped her, and accused me of telling her lies and badmouthing him. Also saying I'm trying to "get between them."
In a nutshell, 3 people have one account of the evening, and he has his. It's completely wrong. He's desperate, possessive, and not fun to be around anymore. He doesn't want help, and gets defensive claiming people should mind their own business, etc, despite being his best friend.
It only got worse... He actually blindsided me for helping her, punching me in the nose from behind me. It became a physical confrontation and was obviously a act of complete desperation since he claimed we were making the situation worse and were trying to "make him look bad."
I've tried helping but he isn't receptive. I'm not perfect either, and make plenty of mistakes, but every time we hang out it feels like a gamble. I'm tired of it. Is it selfish of me to move on with my life?
The Answer
Is it selfish? Sure, in a way it is. But so it not giving your entire life's saving to starving children in Africa... A bit selfish but also sensible and self-perserving.
When a relationship disolves to the point you find yourself being a person you don't want to be when you are near them, it's just time to call it quits. When a relationship disolves to violence, it's definately time to call it quits.
You aren't obligated to call him and say 'Yo, I'm never speaking to you agian because of this, this and this.' but you also not obligated to be avaliable to hang out, or to be his 'best friend'. Try being just an aquaintance for a while. If he has an explination or apology to offer, accept it gracefully and with as little personal involvement as possible. No more advice, no more assitance, no more arguments. Take what he offers, if he ever offers anything at all, and let the rest of it go.
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The Question
Every time I smoke a cigarette I gag.
Not every drag, but a couple times per cigarette.
What does this mean?
Is something wrong with me?
The Answer
There is nothing wrong with you.
There is something wrong with CIGARETTES.
Inhaling smoke makes people gag. It should make people gag. We aren't designed for it. Gaging is the proper physical response to inhaling smoke.
It's a good thing that your mind and body still know to reject smoke and refuse to breath it deeply. The only thing that is different about you then other smokers, is that they have managed to train thier bodies into thinking that inhaling smoke is a-okay.
If you are having any other issues with your airway, trouble breating while exercising or sleeping or trouble drinking or eating, then you should see a doctor and have your airway and throat checked. However, if the only time you have an adverse reaction is while inhaling smoke, that is just your body doing percisely what it ought to do.
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The Question
Hie,i am a lady aged 25 years of age and I have known this guy for almost two years now he the same age as me, and weve been seriously going out for a 6months, the thing is before I met him he had a girlfriend he has been going out with for three years now and this lady is fifteen years older than him and she has a son the same age as he is. He says he wants to save money for us to be together by june next year and that he does truly love me, He is always telling me to be patient and to be strong until he leaves her coz he says he can't just walk away from her just like that, after all that she did for him since we are in a foreign country. he says that he sees a future and a life with me. and for the past four months i have been so patient and strong, he has done almost everything for me and he takes care of me, financially and emotionally, I gave him my virginity on our third month and i did it because of my love for him and somehow I expected things to change, but he is still with her, the worst part being that when the lady found out about our affair she started calling my parents telling her i was interfering with her relationship and now my dad has lost all his trust in me somehow I feel like he has disowned me in a way and when i told my boyfriend that i could be pregnant he just changed, he says he's not ready for any baby and the worst part is he says he can't handle me and her coz we are weighing him down, so he said that he needed space and the worst part is that he is now seeing her now more than ever, he even kisses her in my presence and now I dont know what to do,its as if he doesnt care anymore, what should i do?
The Answer
I call it the three-month rule.
If a person cannot find the strength to make a major life change in three months, they probably aren't going too. In my own life I've found it to be a good general rule: I will wait for three months, no longer, for a friend or partner to make a signifigant change. If they don't or can't after three months, then I am done waiting.
You should have stopped waiting months ago. Espcailly in light of his treatment of you now. He isn't going to leave her. He isn't even making strides towards leaving her, and as long as this situation stays this way, you will continue to be in pain.
Tell him it's over. Do not take his calls or see him. Ask your father's forgiveness and for your families support is staying away from this toxic and evil man. Pray that you are not pregnant.
Things can only get worse if you stay with him, and only better if you leave.
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The Question
First of all.. I'm a virgin. I'm 21, and I'm having some vagina issues. Anyone who gets grossed out, don't read any further.
I'm itchy HORRIBLY down there. It's inflamed, and burning. There's no discharge at all, but it's red, and concerning me.
My question-- what could it be? I'm well-aware that people on here are probably not physicians, but it would be great to have some feedback. Maybe even a suggestion on what it could be, or if anyone has ever gone through it and found proper treatment.
I will say, that just because I am a virgin, I have a boyfriend. We've messed around a bit, as far as fingering and oral sex.
I've done a bit of research, and found that some things like shaving, fingering, soaps, and even the heat of summer, can cause a yeast infection. Any of these could be possible. But I'm scared it's more. I feel like I've worked too hard being a virgin to be so irresponsible to catch something.
Help?
The Answer
It's probably a yeast infection.
There is no real reason for it to be something else.
You need to see a doctor.
A yeast infection isn't something you 'catch'. It's something that spontaneously happens. In the absence of any other information, the simplest explanation is usually the right one. The simplest explanation is that you have a yeast infection, something that any virgin or non-virgin can get.
However, you must see a doctor at this point. Because you have never had a yeast infection before, you need a doctor’s verification that that is what is wrong. You've also let this go a bit too long. If you are in as much pain as you describe, it would be best to get your medication from a doctor, not an over the counter remedy. An over the counter cure might not be enough to do the trick at this point.
Again, there is no reason to think it is anything but a yeast infection. That is the most likely and simplest explanation. You’ll probably get a few more of them in your life, so just take a deep breath and go see a doctor.
NOTE: Do not take cortisone. Like most antibiotic and steroids, cortisone can actually cause yeast infections. It is not the treatment for yeast infections. At all.
Do not drink cranberry juice. Well, you can if want too but it wont do shit. Cranberry juice is for urinary track infections, which it doesn’t sound like you have.
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The Question
I recently studed my dog. The feamle became pregnant and had six puppies prematurly. Sadly none of them survived. Am I still owed the stud fee?
The Answer
It varies. Really, you should have a contract that deals with this sort of thing. If you are breeding dogs as a business, you should treat it as such and outline these details in a contract.
However, generally no. No puppies tends to equal no stud fee, or at least, a drastically reduced one. Most breeding associations say that if no puppies survive past the first few days of life, no stud fee is owed. Some money might go the owner of the stud if they boarded and fed the female during breeding, or to cover any vet bills that they the stud owner paid. Similarly, many breeders refund at least some of the stud fee, or provide another session of breeding at no cost to the owner of the female.
The good business practice is that you are owed no stud fee, or a much smaller fee just to cover your boarding and your time.
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The Question
Recently my judgement took a turn for the worst, and I had unprotected sex several times rather than wait for my boyfriend to get some condoms. And now, at the early age of fourteen, I might be pregnant.
This doesn't shock me because I knew what I was doing, but my parents will absolutely die! I've always been their perfect daughter. Really, I'm convinced they only like me because I bring "bragging rights" to the table. So I'm genuinely afraid for when I have to announce what will surely make them hate me.
And that's not even the half of it. What about my aunts, uncles, and grandfather, who are all more than a bit old-fashioned?
Most importantly, I worry for my younger cousins, who are all under 10 years old. They like sand castles on the beach, Hannah Montana, and animals. :) They have always looked up to me as a rolemodel, putting me first in front of their own mothers as the one who decides what they do and say. I was flattered before, that they would think so highly of me; now I'm worried of what they'll think when they see my stomach grow bigger and bigger and wonder why I, unmarried and still a kid, am having a baby. I don't want them to follow in my footsteps or, once they're older, be ashamed of me.
I know I could just have an abortion and put an end to all my worries. But I've decided to take responsibility for what I've done and raise my baby, with help from its father and perhaps my grandmother, who is a very understanding woman. :)
I don't want to lose my family. They're the most important thing in the world to me. But I don't know how to do this without them completely ignoring the fact that I was ever alive. Help? :(
The Answer
YYou sound like a rational, caring person. That is quite an achievement, especially at fourteen.
That means your parents are probably not ogres. They'll accept you. Oh they will be angry and they might kick and scream for a while (and you should give them a bit of space to do so) but in the end, I bet good money they will be on your side.
As for your more distant relatives, they will be upset and disappointed too. They will probably grumble and gossip. However, when they are faced with your humble maturity and self-possession as well as the big beautiful eyes of a new family member, they’ll probably come around too.
And your cousins: Give them a bit more credit. Children have an incredible ability for understanding. Just tell them the truth. Tell them you made a mistake. Tell them it isn’t a great situation. Tell them you are going to do your best with the bad position you’ve put yourself and your family in. Tell them you hope they will make a better decision then you did. You can still be a great role model. They will understand. Children are not monkey-see monkey-do. When situations are explained properly, they learn properly.
All your concerns are good ones and real ones, but I think, based simply on the extremely mature and collected way you phrased this question, that your family members are probably not complete idiots. If they can meet you half-way, you will all be fine.
Give your family the space to be angry and disappointed. Give them the opportunity to be a bit distant and upset. You’ll wear them down with constant maturity and dedication. You’ll win them over with your dedication to be as mature and competent as possible.
Give them the chance, and listen to them very seriously, while they discuss options (including abortion and adoption, even if you have already decided against these things, you owe it to your parents to hear their opinions). Listen to how they perceive the new family unit functioning and be ready to do everything you can to met their expectations of you. You have a hard road ahead of you if you keep this child at your age. You absolutely must face it with humility and a complete openness and gratitude to your elders. No matter how competent you are, you still need them, and by you bringing a child into the world at your age, you have given another baby to raise. Remember that and respect it.
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The Question
So ive been with my fiance for awhile and i really want to get married. I already have baby fever. I am moving 400 miles away from my family to live with him which to me would be a big deal if i was him. Hes going to college as a freshman everytime the topic comes up he says he cant. He is capible but doesnt want to. I dont know why he doesnt want to get married but it sucks. Can anyone help me. Is it me? Should i not be moving? What else can i do to show him i want to get married!!
The Answer
You are being pretty insensitive and a bit self-involved.
As big a change for you as moving is, going to college is for him. His friends, his time, his job, his money are all going to change. EVERYTHING is going to change.
It would be stupid, just plain fucking stupid, for him to have a child while attending college full time. Not only is it unlikely he could afford it, it would certainly negatively impact on his education.
Getting married, at the same time as going through another major life change (ie, going to college) would also not be very bright.
How old are you two? 'Cause if you are older teens and he is headed off to college for the first time, you need to get your hormones in check. Having a child right now, before he completed school and before you’ve both saved a bit of a nest egg, would be financial suicide, and getting married at your age doesn’t give you a very good chance of a long and happy marriage either. Couples who wait until they are a bit older, are more likely to stay married.
It doesn’t matter if he is technically ‘capable’ of getting married. I’m technically capable of buying a house, but it would be a very bad idea when you look at the larger context of my life.
You need to take some lessons in maturity and life-planning from your boyfriend. If you can’t wait until he finishes school, then you should probably go date someone who is in as much of a rush as you are.
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The Question
Im a normal 17 yr old girl. I know rape is wrong, and I would never want to be raped, but I have recurring sexual fantasies about being raped or beaten during a sexual experience. I most certainly don't want that hapening in real life, but I continually have these fantasies which turn me on. I am worried that I am "sick" or weird. Are these types of fantasies normal?
The Answer
Time and time again, studies on female fantasies report that a staggering amount of women fantasize about rape, or semi-rape, or reluctant sex or ravishment… It’s goes by a lot of names. Reports pin the numbers someplace between 31 and 57 percent of women have fantasized about being raped.
So if you are sick, or abnormal, so are most other women. And considering that those studies are all self-reporting (that means that women have to admit that they have these fantasies) they are probably low-balling the figures.
Obviously, rape fantasies are a bit confusing as our society, very rightly, considers rape absolutely reprehensible. But there are perfectly reasonable reasons that people might enjoy the fantasies of rape.
In a society where expressing sexual desire is, well, pretty much forbidden for most women, a fantasy of rape allows a woman to feel desirable but also for it to not be her responsibility or fault. Its guilt-free sex, not something our society gives us much allowance to indulge in.
There is also the theory that it’s evolutionary; that women are biologically attracted to dominate males and that rape fantasies are just another expression of that.
Have you ever read (or seen) Gone with the Wind. It’s a classic American novel. Scarlett O'Hara is raped by her husband, but she actually seems quite pleased with the whole thing. Gone with the Wind was written by a women, and by no means should we think that because she included a rape scene and her female lead felt pretty good about, that she was condoning rape. She was expressing something that many women feel and relish: The desire to be ravished.
Whatever the reason, it’s normal. It’s healthy and it doesn’t make you sick or evil.
The important thing is to think about where your fantasies fit into your real life. I have some fantasies that I like to act out with a loving partner and I have some that are just for me and my own enjoyment. I never want to experience anything like them, but they are fun ideas.
You are, I would hope, years away from having the kind of long-term, sexual relationship where this kind of kink can be safely explored. However, in the meantime, enjoy your fantasy for what it is, a fantasy.
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The Question
Hi, well this is my first time to ask a question on this site, but id like some advice.
My girlfriend has this chello lesson/play every other day just about and well shes the only girl in her group, the rest are guys... and i wouldn't mind if they just did there lesson and left, but usually after a lesson they will go do something together afterwards
well, I also have never met these other 3 guys so it annoys me really... i don't want to sound like a jerk or anything but its like me hanging out with 3 different girls, and not inviting her.
but then again she has to... so bascially the only thing i can do is attempt to ignore it but its tough. Selfish?
If i talk to her she just gives me , Oh its ok don't worry, i didn't bring it up directly but mentioned as she was talking about something else
17/m/us
The Answer
Not selfish or jerky, just a bit insecure.
You don't need to make this a big deal. Expecting her, or even asking her, to not hang out with these three guys, would be wrong. It would be controlling and untrusting. It sounds like you know that.
However, asking her if you can hang out with them once and met the guys, that’s perfectly fair.
Saying "I think you shouldn't hang out with these guys 'cause I wouldn't hang out with three girls" is bullshit, and pointless. If you were in a situation where you say, took a dance class, you would probably have a whole bunch of female friends you hung out with ;) Her class here, has just worked itself out as her knowing a few guys.
However, saying "I really want to meet these guys 'cause they are your friends and it would be nice to know who the hell you are taking about when you mention ‘em." that would be cool. You can let her know that you care and are interested in her friends. You can let her know that although you are a bit insecure about her hanging out with these guys, you are willing to trust her and give them a fair chance too.
You can choose to deal with this like that, and use it as an opportunity to show her how mature you can be, rather then something to fight over.
Have the balls to bring it up directly, and have the sense and trust to realize that if she says its fine, then its fine. If you can’t trust her on that, you shouldn’t be dating her.
Of course, asking her to meet them and to be included every once and in a while, is totally fair.
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