I want to stay a virgin but how do I tell the guy I'm going out with?
Question Posted Sunday August 31 2008, 4:59 am
I have decided that I want to stay a virgin until I'm married. My virginity is special to me. I've gone out with a lot of guys and they all end up wanting to be touchy and I'm just not into that. I don't want to be used. I want to be pure and be able to show my husband (when I actually get married, of course) that he really is a special person and that I cared enough to wait for a long time for him.
My problem is that I don't really know how to tell a guy that I refuse to have sex. I don't want to outright say I want to stay a virgin or that I'm keeping my virginity for my wedding night. That just feels too PERSONAL to me and the only time I would tell somebody is if we were in a serious relationship together and he needed to know.
I'm pretty young and I'm afraid to just say no and leave it at that, I guess. Even if I told a guy that I was waiting for marriage I think they'd think I was joking because of me being so young.
I guess my question is...
How do I tell a guy that I don't want to have sex without giving out too much personal details as to why?
WittyUsernameHere answered Monday September 1 2008, 8:21 am: Honestly, you should throw it out there immediately. If a guy loses interest because of that, then there are obvious incompatibilities between you and him.
More for the sake of clarity in the relationship than anything else. Personally, I would hate to go several months into the relationship before finding something like this out.
TaYlOr18 answered Monday September 1 2008, 12:08 am: Ok,
you have to be firm and steady with your answer. If you aren't serious, they wont take you seriously. If they like you enough they will respect your decision. And about the "why thing", that's none of their buisness. Tell them that you want to wait, and if they truly are the right one, they won't need to know your reason. They will respect your overall decision in itself. :]
Razhie answered Sunday August 31 2008, 5:46 pm: Although I can appreciate that you feel a bit vulnerable stating this, I think you need too.
You have to be able to say, clearly, to someone you are interested in, what your values are and where your boundaries are. Anything else will breed misunderstandings and miscommunications.
It doesn't need to be a soul-searching discussion where you bear your life plan to a guy, but it does need to be an honest moment of communication. "I've made a choice. I'm going to stay pure for my wedding night. Staying pure to me means not doing <insert boundaries here>."
If a guy pressures you to explain why all you need to explain is that is your CHOICE. You don't have to go into details about why you made that choice if you don't feel comfortable doing so, but you do need to understand that confidently stating that choice is the right thing to do.
If you aren't confident in direct in stating your choice, guys might not take you seriously. Not being able to simply say 'No. This is my choice and it's going to change.' is NOT taking YOURSELF seriously.
You shouldn’t be ashamed of this choice or try to hide it. If a guy is less interested in your because of it, that’s a good thing to know, even if it does hurt you for a while.
Lies of omission are still lies, and NOT a solid foundation for a relationship. You MUST be able to state this clearly and confidently if you want to find a partner who will respect and share your values. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
kristen22 answered Sunday August 31 2008, 10:55 am: Props to you for wanting to wait!! That is the most awesome thing...to know that you want to give all of your self for your husband. I think whatever guy your dating from now up until then SHOULD have major respect for that...if he respects you. If you dont want to tell them why your waiting, a simple "I'm just not ready yet" should suffice. If they keep pushing the subject then it's time to let him go. A guy that respects you will also respect your wishes and not try to push you into doing anything your not ready to do. Best of Luck! [ kristen22's advice column | Ask kristen22 A Question ]
tootsierollsweet999 answered Sunday August 31 2008, 10:53 am: Wait till they started being all touchy, and tell him your not ready but say it like you mean it. Just ne honest, because it really does sound like your not ready either due to the fact your so young.
Good for you though, for wanting to keep your virginity. I'm a born again christian and I fallow the same belief in atleast this.
If the guy cant understand, then he just wanted you for your body and not anything else. Kick him to the curb because he's not someone you wanna be around.
**Dont just randomly bring this subject up in a conversation, wait till the mood strikes.
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