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Did I fall out of his favor?
I feel like my dad is treating me the way that his parents have treated me. To back track...
His parents and my parents were born in a time where boys are good and girls are useless. My mom hated the sexism in that. When my older sister was born, everyone was like well, okay. Then when I was born, my dad's parents were like, grr, she's a girl. So they never bothered to come and see me when I was a baby. I'm afraid that my dad's kind of catching onto that.
Nowadays, he's always telling me to take care of my business by myself. I mean, yeah, I guess that's good but listen to this. I don't want to sound spoiled or anything but. . .
When my sister was still in high school, he took care of keeping all her report cards, awards, test scores, etc. He also took care of finding out information about colleges she was interested in, planned out when she should take what SAT, etc. He planned out everything for her. Now that I need to start looking into colleges and everything, he's telling me, I'm not going to do this for you. You look stuff up yourself. Here's what I did for your sister when she had to so if you need an outline, here it is. Oh, and by the way, you take of your own stuff from now on.
I mean, yeah, he takes me to places if I need to go and helps me with math questions. But other than that, he's just telling me to do things on my own because he's not going to bother doing so as he did for my sister.
Yes, I know I should get over it and embrace this as a "learning" experience but at the same time I can't help but wonder why he's so helpful to my sister yet tells me to do stuff by myself.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Parents want the best for their kids. They want to see the best of them in us. What your father probably sees when he looks at you is an independent young woman who is capable of taking on the world. Never doubt your father's love for you. He may not show it as much because he wants to be a tough guy on the exterior but deep down he has that soft side. One of the biggest things parents do is always be concerned for their children. He sees you as adult and feels that there is less worry with you then there is for your sister. He sees himself in you that's why he is more tough on you. Talk to him. You will see how much he loves you but also wants you to do great things because he knows you are capable. Don't lose that focus that you will do great things in life.
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Now I don't know your family, but it may be that your sister turned out to be dependent on her father. Imagine having everything taken care of for you, then you are thrown out in the real world alone. You wouldn't know what to do. Maybe your dad has realized this and is trying not to make the same mistake again. I don't think he hates you.
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He is a different person then he was a few years ago when you sister was your age. Obviously, that means he'll be a bit of a different parent. (There are almost 18 years between the eldest and youngest in my family. Trust me, parents change thier tactics and style from kid to kid. Sometimes you get the bonus of this. Sometimes you get the brunt.)
YOU are a COMPLETELY different person then your sister, and you have no idea what motivated his support of her. Maybe it seemed like she wouldn't take control of her life unless he held her hand through it. Maybe he felt insecure about his OWN knowledge, so really, he didn't mean to be helping her, he was making himself comfortable with the process... you really have NO idea WHY he behaved differently.
You are never going to know unless you ask, and you'll never get an honest answer unless you ask an honest question. Don't whine. Don't whimper away about "Why wont you help me!?" instead, ask him for his advice. What did he learn when he looked into schools for your sister? What does he think of different living arrangements or degrees? ASK HIM, not for help, but for the information you know he has. That will engage him in your search.
You might also ask your mom what she thinks it different about your search from your sisters. She might have a good idea on how to breach the subject with your dad or what's different this time around. The most important thing though, is just not to be so self-involved. Don't think it's all about you! Parents are people too! They change. They have their own interests. They get stressed. They get bored. They get fed up. They do some things for no decent reason. Don't jump to the assumption 'he doesn't love me!' when a much similar, and more likely explanation is that he has a different perspective and attitude then he did before.
Try to engage him by showing him the information you collect and talking about your decisions and asking for his advice.
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