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Concerned about the content of sexual fantasy!!
Im a normal 17 yr old girl. I know rape is wrong, and I would never want to be raped, but I have recurring sexual fantasies about being raped or beaten during a sexual experience. I most certainly don't want that hapening in real life, but I continually have these fantasies which turn me on. I am worried that I am "sick" or weird. Are these types of fantasies normal?
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Time and time again, studies on female fantasies report that a staggering amount of women fantasize about rape, or semi-rape, or reluctant sex or ravishment… It’s goes by a lot of names. Reports pin the numbers someplace between 31 and 57 percent of women have fantasized about being raped.
So if you are sick, or abnormal, so are most other women. And considering that those studies are all self-reporting (that means that women have to admit that they have these fantasies) they are probably low-balling the figures.
Obviously, rape fantasies are a bit confusing as our society, very rightly, considers rape absolutely reprehensible. But there are perfectly reasonable reasons that people might enjoy the fantasies of rape.
In a society where expressing sexual desire is, well, pretty much forbidden for most women, a fantasy of rape allows a woman to feel desirable but also for it to not be her responsibility or fault. Its guilt-free sex, not something our society gives us much allowance to indulge in.
There is also the theory that it’s evolutionary; that women are biologically attracted to dominate males and that rape fantasies are just another expression of that.
Have you ever read (or seen) Gone with the Wind. It’s a classic American novel. Scarlett O'Hara is raped by her husband, but she actually seems quite pleased with the whole thing. Gone with the Wind was written by a women, and by no means should we think that because she included a rape scene and her female lead felt pretty good about, that she was condoning rape. She was expressing something that many women feel and relish: The desire to be ravished.
Whatever the reason, it’s normal. It’s healthy and it doesn’t make you sick or evil.
The important thing is to think about where your fantasies fit into your real life. I have some fantasies that I like to act out with a loving partner and I have some that are just for me and my own enjoyment. I never want to experience anything like them, but they are fun ideas.
You are, I would hope, years away from having the kind of long-term, sexual relationship where this kind of kink can be safely explored. However, in the meantime, enjoy your fantasy for what it is, a fantasy.
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Its actually alot less abnormal than most people would say or want to believe.
Sexuality comprises many things, and all aspects of the psyche and of human emotion can come into play during sex.
To give you an example, I know a girl. Good friend of mine. One of her biggest turn ons is a guy who can hit her hard enough in the face to knock her hearing out briefly. That is a pretty extreme example, shes one of the kinkiest women I know, but it serves its purpose as an example.
There are two main sides to sex as I see it. There is the sweet, intimate side of sex, and the raw, animalistic side to it. Both sides can have equal amounts of passion, but they are expressed different ways.
Your fantasy comes from an innate desire to be dominated. You might have heard terms like "alpha male" or "alpha or beta personality"
These express people's tendencies in many things. The desire to lead vs the desire to be led. You are on the submissive scale of the spectrum. Imagine that you are looking at a number line that goes from -10 to 0 to +10. Most people are between -5 and +5 (Negative being submissive and positive being dominating). You, are more like a -7 to a -10. Its not a bad thing, just an expression of how you function.
Its also worth noting at this point that women by and large tend to be more submissive while men tend to be more dominating. Opposites attract, which is why heterosexuality is so popular.
The trick is to recognize and control your fantasies. You might notice as you date that you are probably going to be attracted to more severe alpha male personalities to balance out your tendencies. Where a -5 sub might seek out a +4 to +6 dom, you as say a -8 will seek out a +8.
At some point in your future, you will find yourself in a long term relationship with someone you are sexually secure with and trust. You can start adding things to the sex every once in a while that tap into this desire to be dominated safely. You probably wouldnt actually enjoy being beaten, but being tied down by a trusted partner, or even just having your hands held above your head during sex strongly enough that you can't move them could likely provide a strong erotic reaction for you.
Just remember, safety first doesn't mean just condoms ;p
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What is normal to me is not necessarily normal to you. To me, it's not really normal, but I can accept the fact that we are all human beings and we are all flawed.
If you think it's wrong, then direct your thoughts somewhere else. If you don't think it's wrong, since it's just thoughts, well then be as you are.
--Jack
(16/m)
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I'd say you're normal. Lots of people have strange fantasies and unless you act on them [and it hurts someone else, or yourself] it's nothing to worry about.
I've heard of roleplaying that involves the staging of an attack or assault, so you're definitely not alone.
-LM
[16/f]
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