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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I live in Mid-Michigan, and I am applying for jobs all over the state.
Let's say I get an interview with a company in Detroit, which is two and a half hours away from my present location.
If and when I get asked in the interview "When can you start?" what should I tell them?
I know the things I absolutely need to do before I start, if I accept a written job offer from the company, are:
Give my boss a minimum of two weeks notice at my current company
Find an apartment in Detroit
Pack my belongings and move down there
How should I answer the question?
The Answer
Depends entirely on how long it'll take you to move and find an appartment. In some cities, finding an appartment is very easy. I'd probably guess it's not too tough in Detroit, but it others, it can be very difficult.
Four weeks, at least, six is probably more realistic.
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The Question
Hi there me and my wife have been married for 15 years we have known each other for 18 years we where high school sweethearts but this past year she has been chatting with guys on a website ashley Madison and she just recently told she has had affairs with all kind of guys on that website not sure how to deal with it thinking about leaving need some feed back
The Answer
I'm a firm believer that a marriage can survive infidelity. Many marriages do. Hell, MOST couples will struggle with some form of infidelity in their long-term relationship. That's normal.
However, going on a website deliberately to look for sexual encounters, and then having multiple sexual encounters, isn't normal. That's not a passing error in judgement, that shows a very a serious lack of respect for your marriage.
The better question to ask yourself at this point, is why stay?
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The Question
Regarding recent posts, I was wondering how the world's leading industrialised nations can be described as "pilfering rich Africa"? The joint IMF-World Bank Heavily Indebted Poor Countries (HIPC) Initiative lists 36 countries as of April 2015 who they are indeed helping in every way feasible to ease their debt-burden. 30 of them are African. Possibly someone can enlighten my 'ignorance'?
The Answer
It's myopic to suggest that colonialism hasn't contributed to the poverty, corruption and violence in African nations. Africa, as a continent, is rich with natural resources, the wealth of which is being enjoyed by a very, very small percentage of people, and largely, not the people with the darker skin. Between that growing divide between the rich and the poor - largely on racial lines - and the staggering differences in education, it's really absurd to suggest that colonialism is entirely a thing of the past. It's repercussions are still being felt around the world.
The natural wealth of Africa may not be shipped off to the British gentry anymore, but it is still being concentrated in the hands of a very few powerful people, to much of that power has roots in the systems set up by colonization.
It's also a gross over simplification to suggest that the IMF debt forgiveness scheme is a charitable act. It's not. It's a recognition that these countries are not, and never will, be able to pay back their debts. Visa will also eventually leave you alone when it becomes obvious you will never, ever be able to pay. It becomes a waste of their time. The HIPC is a scheme to attempt to force those countries to make some human rights advances and offer some social services in exchange for that 'debt forgiveness' - but it's a bit of a joke really. Everyone knows no matter what happens, those debts will never be paid. It's not charity to forgive them. It's reality. That money is gone.
The state of poverty in the developing world cannot be solely blamed on the first would countries and colonialism, but they can't pretend to be innocent either. Colonial efforts created the systems and laid the foundations that are still in place now, and doing harm. Unfortunately, just because the developed world caused these problems, doesn't necessarily mean they have the power now to fix them. Debt forgiveness doesn't make up for any of that. It's not reparations or charity. Debt forgiveness isn't happening out of the goodness of people's hearts (in fact, many commercial lenders keep taking the IMF to court over their debt forgiveness efforts). Debt forgiveness is happening because it would be absurd to pretend that money is still owing.
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The Question
Okay I know this is weird but every morning after I brush my teeth I have to use the bathroom to poop. And sometimes I don't have to/ time to use the bathroom, so my stomach starts to hurt really bad. And because of this I don't have the appetite to eat in the morning, which I want to start doing. So, what should I do?
P.S. Someone told me it could be the mint but I don't like the other fruity flavors.
The Answer
Make sure you wake up early enough to have time to poop?
I doubt this is the teeth brushing that is making you need to poop. You just woke up is all. Your body has needs it has to deal with. Not pooping when you need too will make you uncomfortable.
So set your alarm for 15 mins earlier, or more if you need it, and make sure you are listening to your body and giving it what it needs.
If you are worried, talk to a doctor, but really you probably just need to go to the bathroom when your body tells you that you need too. Lots of people also find it uncomfortable to eat right after they wake up. The simplest solution to that is, again, to wake up earlier.
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The Question
I want to apologize if this ends up being a little long, but please take the time to read it if you can. Let's say that you had a friend (a 27 year old man) who you cared for very much who's behavior towards his ex girlfriend is starting to worry you.
We'll call this guy by his first initial, D. D basically stole this girl from his good friend, P after having not shut up about her or left her alone for a while. It was a little creepy the way he'd talk about his friend's girlfriend and the way he'd look at her, but whatever. They ended up getting together eventually anyway.
You got the feeling that D didn't think he was good enough for this girl, who we'll call A. While they are both attractive, A is kind of out of D's league. D is boyishly good looking in a way that not everyone sees. Also he's gained quite a bit of weight and started dying his hair a weird color. A is jaw droppingly beautiful. She's very different and interestingly looking and has gorgeous features, but is very, very modest.
D was always paranoid that A was going to cheat on him or that she was only dating him because she was too modest to know that she was out of his league. He was always worried that she'd eventually realize that he was prettier than he was and she'd dump him for it. To be honest, I think she already knew, but wasn't as shallow as he was and got sick of him worrying so much about it.
I knew it wouldn't work anyway. They were too different. A is a devout Christian while D is a staunch,militant atheist. A is more conservative while D is very liberal. And they have different values and goals in life. It was bound to fall about eventually, the only question was when.
A broke up with D a couple of weeks ago when her ex boyfriend, J came back. J is a lot like A and is definitely more in her league than D. He is, like her, jaw droppingly beautiful. To say that he is movie star handsome would be an understatement. He's a Christian, he's more conservative, and his personality, values, and goals are more like hers.
It's for the best that they broke up, but D is unwilling to stand for it. I've tried to tell him that he's better off because they were too different and because she's kind of a player anyway, but he won't let her go. He calls her all the time and gets crazy, tornado pissed when she won't answer. He asks her friends where she goes all the Tim, specifically with J and then shows up at those places and begs her to come back to him. He shows up at her house all of the time and stands outside of her window while she's asleep just to be near her.
He made a comment once about how he wished he was stronger and more in shape so he could use his muscles to keep A and J away from each other. D's not a big guy. He's about 5'7 with no muscle and a lot of fat. J is over 6 feet tall and would be all skin and bones is t wasn't for his muscles. He's got some good sized ones and if he and D ever got in a fight, J would win. Even A would have a chance at taking him if they got in a fight.
The comment he made implied that he'd beat J and intimidate A out of leaving him if he could. I don't think he ever actually physically hurt them, but I know he's thought about it and wishes he at least had the ability to do so.
Does D sound like a stalker? If so, what, as his friend, can I do about it?
The Answer
That behaviour is criminal. Not all crimes will be called 'stalking' but it's definitely criminal, and would be covered under harassment or called by other names.
If he shows up on private property at night, someone should call the cops. They will help explain to him why this is not acceptable behaviour. Phone calls and social media posts should be documented and kept - to help the police understand what is going on, and just in case it escalates.
Following, or showing up, in public is a bit harder to address, but she should still report it. It might be best for her to speak a women's advocacy group or to the police (on a non-emergency line) to find out what her best options are when she feels he is following her in public.
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The Question
If Greece's economy was that bad then why would it be such a big deal if it and potentially even Portugal left the Eurozone? And why doesn't the media give as much press for struggling African economies, or is it just cause Europe, the U.S., and Asian countries want to cover up the corruption they contribute to in Africa? But somehow I should feel more anguish over Greece, which has been bailed out numerous times, than African nations where politicians get bribed for their counties' resources, inhibiting growth? If not for the slave trade and colonialism, how wealthy would all of Europe even been today? Africa is rich, it just continues to be pilfered...
The Answer
As bad as colonization is, and was, it isn't reasonable to compare the economic reality of the Eurozone to the continent of Africa. The African Union has no shared currency, the Eurozone does. That may seem like a small difference, but it's a huge one. It means all those countries came together and agreed to something as huge as a sharing a currency. So fundamentally, they also share that debt, If Greece leaves, it could leave all those other nations holding their debt.
If one African country defaults on their IMF loans (and many, many countries have - not just African ones - and have been bailed out, or forgiven or had their debt restructured) it certainly has an impact, but it doesn't undermine the currencies of neighbouring nations to any great extent, or embarrass the politicians and effect the politics of 19 other nations - including some very powerful ones.
What is unique about Greece is that it's part of that Eurozone - one of the most wealthy and peaceful areas in the world - most other nations that have defaulted have been at war when they had to do so.
Places with ongoing struggles will never get the kind of a media attention that an immediate crisis like Greece will get. You can say it's unfair - it is - but it's also human nature. We slow down and stare at the car crash, but we can't take Global Warming seriously because it's happening slowly and is kind of boring. We freak out about a total preventable measles outbreak at Dinseyland, but don't hear much about yet another preventable malaria outbreak.
You're not wrong about anything you've said about Africa, or the effects of colonization, but none of that changes the the problem that the Eurozone is currently facing. It's easy to say things like "People are starving in X! Isn't that more important?" but that doesn't matter much to the people in Greece who are facing the loss of their savings, of jobs, of pensions, of public programs, of their homes. For better or worse, how big a problem is to you, will almost always depend on how close to home it hits.
So by all means, continue to work and educate people on the problems faced by nations in abject poverty, but I'd suggest you not use the crisis in Greece as a jumping off point. Telling people "Hey, others have it worse" when they are legitimately frightened and terrified, isn't a good way to draw attention to your cause. Greece is in serious trouble. It's perfectly fair that Greeks are frightened and that people in neighbouring nations are confused and scarred too. Other people having it way, way worse, doesn't take those feelings away.
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The Question
I hate putting this under love life. But I wasn't sure what else to do.
I've been struggling with this thing since March. I am a 19 year old female, college student. This spring I went on spring break with friends in Florida. We went to a club with fake IDs and, yes, I'm a college student, I got pretty drunk. I've only blacked out three times in my entire life and I've been drinking since 16 and I'm almost twenty. The last night of spring break, in that club, I blacked out. Kind of. I can remember bits and pieces. I remember meeting a guy and dancing with him and that I thought he was cute. At some point I left with him. Which is completely unlike me. My friends were freaking out and so scared, they called me hundred times. I don't remember texting them this but I replied to their messages and calls with "I'm fine, meet you at home". The next thing I remember after leaving the club was vomiting violently in a toilet in either a house or a condo. It was horrible. I remember the guy picking me up off the floor. And I remember laying in a bed. I think I have flashes of having sex but I don't know if they're real. Before this night I had only had sex with one guy, my boyfriend of two years but we had recently broken up. I remember being in a car and walking up to the house where my friends and I were staying. I definitely remember this next part. I was laying on a table in the backyard of our house, behind some trees by the pool. I remember something inside me and it hurt. I don't know what it was.That's the last thing I remember. When I woke up the next morning my vagina was bleeding and sore and it hurt really bad. I knew I had had some kind of sexual intercourse. I just didn't remember if I wanted to. I felt so embarrassed and didn't tell my friends. I was so mad at myself for putting myself in that situation. and I hate that I can't remember if I told him no or fought him. im almost positive I wouldn't have willingly had sex with a guy I just met. I went to the doctor to get tested for STDs and pregnancy and I was okay. I didn't tell the nurse any details. But that night still eats at me. I haven't told anyone and I don't know what I would say. I don't think I can call it rape, but then why do I feel so violated?
The Answer
Yes. That is called rape.
You were blacking out. You weren't capable of giving any sort of consent. You definitely weren't capable of giving the clear, enthusiastic consent that is necessary.
You don't have to 'put up a fight'. You don't even have to say no. If you are INCAPABLE of saying Yes, then it's rape.
You were incapable of saying yes to this guy, and he knew it. He saw you vomiting, and blacking out. He isolated you from your friends because he knew that you were not capable of making a coherent choice or giving actual consent. He might not have known what he was doing was actually a crime, but he choose to commit the crime anyways. Ignorance of the law is no defence. He choose to rape you, even if he is a fucking moron asshole, who doesn't know that what he did is rape.
Perhaps you couldn't prove it the standard necessary in a court, but it was rape. You feel you were raped, because you were raped.
The truth is, there is no position you can ever 'put yourself in' where you deserve to raped. You ALWAYS deserve not to be raped, no matter how blackout drunk you are.
Get some help. Talk to a counsellor or a therapist. You deserve support and care.
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The Question
If a girl has oral sex in her ass hole then go in to the pussy at the same time what std can she get
The Answer
You can only get an STD from someone who has an STD.
So if she had and STD, the person performing oral sex on her might be at risk of catching it. Or, if the person who is performing oral sex on her has an STD, she might catch it from them.
If someone in engaging in oral sex, and has contact with the anus, and then moves to the vagina, either with their mouth, or a toy, or their fingers or penis, that could cause an infection. Most likely, a urinary tract infection or yeast infection. Those infections can be cured with antibiotics prescribed by a doctor. They are very uncomfortable, but will go away IF they are treated with antibiotics.
It is never a good idea to take anything from the anus to the vagina without fully cleaning it first. It's not kind to do that to your female partner. You need to take her health and comfort seriously and not transfer things from her anus to her vagina.
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The Question
Hi there.
I have a crazy problem.
I'm nearly 17, a girl haha and the guy whom I'm going to be dating soon is 31.
Is that too old?
He doesn't have kids and isn't a freak like that, I've known him for a very longn time and we've always had a connection.
Would that make people uneasy?
What should I do??
Coz me and him definitely have a future :)
Anyways,
Thankyou
From:
Ella xoxo
The Answer
It may not be legal where you live. If it's not legal, then you definitely shouldn't date him. Also, he should know that already, because going to jail or getting a sex offenders list should scare him shitless, unless he is a total moron.
Even if it is legal (and it might not be!) it's still a horrible idea. It's a horrible idea, because a thirty year old who sees a 17 year old high school student as a viable romantic partner is probably not a safe or responsible person to be in close contact with. That is not a reasonable thing for a 30 year old to think.
That has nothing to with you. You could be brilliant. You could be Aphrodite herself. You'd still be an 17 year old goddess, and a 30 year old guy who thinks you are a viable partner is still someone I would have serious concerns about.
It’s not your maturity or ability to handle the relationship I question: It’s his. What is so wrong with him, that he thinks dating a 17 year old is a good idea? I am 30 now. If one of my friends said he was going to date a 17 year old, I'd tell him to seek therapy. He should, if he is healthy and sane, being looking for a very different kind of relationship, then the kind he can have with a 17 year old.
I dated older men when I was in my 20s. It was legal, and it was generally a bad idea. I was a bad idea because: One, the lifestyle I wanted was very different from what 30 and 40 year old want and Two, most of the men that age who are attracted to dating a twenty-something, were the immature, emotionally incompetent people who are not chasing women their own age, because women their own age had learned not to put up with men like them.
The older men I dated, were attracted to me because I wasn't as confident, experienced, or able to make the same decisions about my life and relationships as they were. They liked me being less than them, and the liked that I wasn't experienced enough or confident enough to call them out when they acted like shitheads.
Of course that won’t be truth of all older men dating younger women, but it will be true of most, and at 17, you don’t have the experience to be able see those glaring warning signs.
You are not his equal in this world. You can't be a partner to him. He wont be able to treat you like an equal. He may well use that situation to take advantage of you or to treat you very poorly.
It's a bad idea. It really is. I worry deeply for you if you go ahead with this. It's so risky emotionally for you to get together with such a huge age difference and I've seen in my own life, and in the lives of my friends, how these things tend to because very unequal and unbalanced very quickly.
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The Question
I am a 24 year old woman, who has decided that she wants a baby within the next 2 or 3 years. Currently I am not in the financial position to have one in the nearer future.
Considering that I will be graduating within a few months, I think that 2 or 3 years is realistic (do not dissuade me). We should both be working, starting our careers, and living together by then.
The problem is that my 26 year-old boyfriend of four years says that he does not plan on ever having kids. Yet, he constantly talks about wanting a future with me, and I cannot see myself without him. If I left him I think it would absolutely wreck the both of us.
The funny thing is that he constantly jokes about me getting pregnant. For example, I was speaking to him on Mother's Day, and he said, "You might be celebrating Mother's Day this time next year."
On a more serious note, he has asked me if we had a child if I would consider vaccinating him or her. I told him that of course I would. He was satisfied with my answer, and told me that if I had answered the other way he would have had to break up with me. The two of us also experienced a pregnancy earlier this year, and after we found out that I definitely wasn't, I asked him if he had a full-time job if it would be such a bad thing. He said, "Absolutely not."
I know that I need to have a serious talk with him. This is very important to me. Is it likely that I could talk him into planning to have a baby with me within the next 2 or 3 years?
The Answer
I don't think you should ever try to 'talk someone into' having a baby. That's the sort of opinion you need to respect without trying to pressure someone into.
You boyfriend, has given you a whole bunch of signs that he is open to having a baby, so you are right that it's time to talk to him seriously about it and see where his head is at when it comes to kids. If he truly doesn't want to be a father, you need to respect that, even if it ends the relationship.
But, he's sending some signs that he might be open to it, so it's time to have a very serious talk.
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The Question
I am a 26 year old female and i am 5'2 and I deweigh 167 pounds and my doctor told me the last doctors visit that I still needed to lose 40 pounds even though 3he years ago I was 205 pounds so I have already lost over 40 pounds in years time. He wants me to get to 140 pounds. If anybody could give me some tips on how to lose the weight it would be great. The problem is that I recently decided to get on the depo shot and i am afraid that after I lost all this weight that I will gain it all back because one of the side effects to the depo is weight gain. I really don't want to gain all that weight back that I lost. How do I prevent from gaining that weight?
I also take adderall for adhd because I currently go to school and it helps me focus but it has also helped me lose allthat . My question is will the adderall counterreact the depo?
The Answer
Depo shouldn't account for more then a 5lb gain, and only a minority of women experience that side effect. The majority of women don't gain weight on it. It's not a side effect that every woman experiences.
It's not worth stressing about. Focus on the same healthy eating choices that you would regardless of the shot, and you'll be fine. If you do gain all the weight back, then don't get the shot a second time, but it's probably wont have been shot that 'caused it anyways, because gaining 40lbs because of the shot is basically unheard of. That would be an absurdly rare reaction, if it's even possible at all.
As for drug interactions, you should ask your doctor or pharmacist, but I don't know of any issues with Adderall and Depo Provera. I'd be surprised if they had any effect on each other.
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The Question
So I have a twin who doesn't really have any friends because she's super shy and quiet.
We go to different universities and recently it was our birthday.
A friend from my uni suggested me and her do something to celebrate our birthday like a nice meal out.
Only thing is my mum said I should bring my twin to the meal. However I know its harsh but I don't think I'll have as good a time since she's quiet.
Like we're 20 and its not my responsibility anymore for her to make friends is it? I've been doing so all my life-making friends then she tags along and I've had enough!
What should I do?
The Answer
You should find a way to celebrate your birthday that includes your sister.
Really. I've got seven siblings. I'm not besties with most of them, but on their birthday I'd make sure I'd acknowledge that and spend some time with them if I was able too.
Maybe this meal suggested by your friend isn't the right time or way to include your sister, but seriously, you need to suck it up. It's not your responsibility to make friends for her, it is your responsibility to be decent and sisterly and celebrate her birthday with her.
If you are looking for excuses to reject your sister utterly because she has a different temperament than you do, stop that. You are becoming adults now, so it's time to figure out how to be kind to the person she actually is and stop whining because you think she wants all your toys. She probably doesn't want you to make friends for her, but she probably does want you to be make time for her, on the birthday you share.
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The Question
I recently joined Facebook on Friday. Since joining I friend requested some of my cousins. Two of them added me, four if you want to count second and third cousins, but two others on my father’s side and one other on my mother’s side haven’t added me. I’m worried that I did something wrong. All of my aunts and uncles quickly added me as well.
I can’t think of what I could have done wrong though? Most of them I haven’t spoken to in years, since our grandmother passed away 2 years ago, but we’re still blood. My aunt’s ex-husband even added me. I know that we’re estranged, but that’s because I wasn’t on Facebook and had no real way of getting in touch with them. I’ve been wanting to get closer to my cousins for awhile now. One of them told me that he’s definitely up for that, and I have his phone number now, although he’s busy right now because he and his girlfriend are expecting their first child.
Should I ask them if something’s wrong. Am I looking too far into this? My best friend told me that maybe they just don’t use Facebook much, and that’s why they haven’t added me. One responded to one of her father’s photos for father’s day. I’m worried that she’s purposely avoiding me. I'd rather not get my other cousins into this by asking them what they all really think of me.
The Answer
You need to let this go. If you can't accept that some of your family members - people you haven't spoken to in years - maybe don't want to be your friends on Facebook, then you aren't in a healthy place to be using Facebook.
I am friends with some of my family members on Facebook, but not all. We live different lives and some of us use Facebook in ways we don't want to come back and haunt us at the dinner table at Thanksgiving. Some don't use Facebook much at all.
You are looking into this way, way too much.
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The Question
I am 24 and my boyfriend turns 26 in July. He is weird about having kids. For example, when we seriously thought I was pregnant the only reason why he wanted me to have an abortion was because he didn't think that we were financially stable enough for a child.
After we found out that I wasn't, I asked him whether or not having a baby with me would be that bad, if he had a full-time job and could support all of us. He said, "No, not at all." Just before mother's day this year, he joked, "You might be celebrating mother's day this time next year." Other times, he says he's never having kids.
While having a baby is out of the question for us right now because we cannot financially afford one, I would love to have his baby one day. Probably sooner than later, after we are more financially able to support ourselves.
The problem is that my mother is not a particularly loving mother. She is the type who wants to be the center of attention. I never had a cut or bruise on me from her, but she did hit me, and do things that I swear were done to hurt me. Over the years she has made up lies in an attempt to alienate me from other members of my family. When I call her out on them, it's as though they actually happened, and she gets angry at me for telling her that they are lies. Every time she had to do something for me, it was a complaint, and she is unhappy that I am a full-time student who hasn't held a job in over a year.
He really had no example of a good father either. Up until he was 9 years old, his grandfather alive and he would play sports with him. That's one of the reasons why my boyfriend loves to watch baseball, football and basketball so much.
His biological father was a heroin addict, who left him when he was two years old. For the next few years, up until he was 15, when his dad finally passed away, he saw him four times in his life.
Can we still be good parents, without a good example?
The Answer
Yes. You can still be good parents.
My paternal grandfather was, by all reports, a terrible human being, but my father is one of the best men alive.
Just like some people can still be BAD parents - even if they had great examples - it's entirely possible to be a good parent without a great example. You have already made the first step to being great parents: You are talking about it and taking it seriously.
Don't worry too much. Every parent screws up, but people who want to be good parents and are willing to work to figure out what that means, they screw up much less then others.
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The Question
I've always known that my husband was a little jealous when we were dating. He didn't want me texting other men or flirting, I completely understand that. Those are also my limits. We have only been married for a little over six months, and the growing jealousy towards my mother is starting to make us fight very badly. I am an only child to my mother, and at first she was clingy, but that isn't the case anymore. I spend maybe one day out of the week going to town with her, maybe to eat, and other than that I talk to her maybe twice a day. She suffers with bad anxiety, so if I go out of town, I shoot her an "I made it alive mother" text, which is just another thing that annoys him that I do for my mother to ease her mind. She is my best friend and more like a sister to me than a mom and it really hurts me and puts me in a awkward place when he throws fits about me seeing her or talking to her. If I'm not working, I am always home when he gets home from work, If he wants me to cook, I cook.. I try to please him in every way but right when my phone rings and its my mom, there goes our entire night. He has also done this if I go out of town without him to see family. He will call me the entire time I am there, and the one time I don't answer, I'm ignoring him and have no time for him. I love this man so much and I don't want such a petty thing to ruin our relationship. Please offer any advice that may help
The Answer
You have two problems here.
The first is that your relationship with your mother is taking a lot of time. Talking to her twice a day is a lot. If you are spending a long time talking to your mother instead of sitting down to a meal with him, or cancelling plans or activities with him, then he has a legitimate beef.
Your second problem, is that however legit some of his irritation may be, is that he is ALSO a controlling and abusive person with a bunch of utterly illegitimate behaviours. At this point, even if you make an effort to make sure you are more respectful of your time with him, and don't allow your mother to intrude on that, he's probably not going to be satisfied. He is just that resentful and demanding.
Marriage counselling is likely your best bet. However, you really need to consider the way this man is attempting to control you with anger and resentment. That is the kind of disrespect and abuse that can kill a marriage. You may need to do some work to create a better balance with your mother, but he has a lot of work to do to become a healthy and loving partner.
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The Question
Hello I'm 13 years old and I have been through a fake relationship 2 years ago and it effects my courage and feelings today. There are many girls that went to my school and are going to my high school that I could have asked but I'm afraid. I think ill either be turned down or dumped. I am not a bad guy but my ex brought the bad out of me. We were friends for 6 months and I was already obsessed with her. Me and her always wrote notes to each other and we flirted alot. Then I gathered my courage before Christmas break and asks her out on the notes and she said yes. After that she never hugged me or touched me. Then she came to me a week later saying that my so call friend named chance said our relationship isn't real and I said why do you believe what he says and she cried and walks away. I talked shit to chance even though he was a football player and I confronted him. He said what she said he said. Then they went to see a movie with the school and I stayed back at school.and people came back telling me chance as holding her hand and I was pissed. I went to MacKenzie in 3rd hour the next day and dumped her and she said I already dumped you when I held chance's hand. That set me off. I said you were never worth my time you worthless bitch and walked away as the bell rang. She cried for the rest of the afternoon. A year later I find her on facebook and I decided to say hi and start as friends and she cussed me out and I don't respond.i look at her page and find her kissing like 50 different boys in sexual positions bit not doing anything but kissing. So I call her a slut and she cried again. She even put me on blast about our old relationship. I'm afraid of asking til this day for that very reason. She also said she'll get her boyfriend who I a wrestler on me if she sees me again.please help.
The Answer
Block her, and stop talking to her.
You called her names, and where mean, for no reason. You may not be a bad guy, but you certainly choose to act like one, when you tracked her down on Facebook and decided to attack her.
She may have cussed you out, and that is rude, but what you did was pointless, deliberate and malicious. Never do something like that again. If someone is rude to you, and doesn't want to be your friend, be an adult and walk away. Don't start stalking and attacking them on Facebook. That is NEVER an appropriate response to anything anyone ever does to you.
She doesn't want you in her life, so stop intruding. Block her. Ignore her. Stop talking to her. Don't talk about her publicly. You are not her friend. Neither of you want to be friends. Move on.
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The Question
20/f
I have been dating this really sweet guy for a few months. But my mom won't accept him cause she thinks I deserve better. In her head she thinks I'm something special just because I'm pretty,quite intelligent and study medicine. He may not go to college,but he is hardworking and he really cares about me. The main reason she won't accept him is that he wears hearing aid,which to her makes him disabled. I honestly couldn't care less about that,just because he lost his hearing due to an accident doesn't make him a bad person. Also she minds because he is from a village and I'm from a city. She thinks he wants to take me away from them and trap me as a housewife. In short,she demonizes him because of some prejudice and she has never even met him. I tried talking some sense into her but she sticks to her opinion.
The Answer
Why are you taking her seriously?
She's not being serious. She's being a bigot and you know it.
Stop trying to argue with her. She's not being serious and you know it. You can't argue with a bigot. The truth doesn't matter to her.
Give up - for now. As long as she isn't openly disrespecting you and trying to interfere with your relationship, just ignore her. She is not behaving reasonably or respectfully, so you should ignore her. It would be nice if she supported you, maybe one day she will, but until that day, don't give her credit and power she doesn't deserve.
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The Question
The other night my roommates had a party and one of their co workers was over. I went to bed and the next thing I know is he is coming g into my room asking if he can sleep in my room because his shoulder is out. Feeling sorry for him I said yes but made it clear that I was not gonna have sex with him and that he needed to stay on his side of the bed. The next thing I know he is kissing me and touching me and I told him to stop and said no but he just kept going so I tried to stop him but he them held me down knowing that he was stronger. I kept up with asking him to stop and saying no but of course he kept going. He then pulled down my pants and pinned my legs to were I couldn't move. I tried kicking and my pleas became more but he just kept going. He was telling me I was teasing and that I liked it. Even though I wasn't teasing and I didn't like it. The thing that made him stop for awhile was my daughter waking up. I was able to get up and put her to sleep again making sure she was safe. He followed me and still tried to ha e sex with me. Finally he stopped trying and went to sleep but I feel dirty and ugly and that I put myself in that situation. I don't know what to do or were to turn. All I see is it happening. I can't sleep or eat. I can barely function
The Answer
If you are in the US, you should call 1.800.656.4673. That's the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline, and you'll be able to talk to a trained person from a sexual assault service provider in your area.
He sexually assaulted you and raped you.
You didn't 'put' yourself in any situation. You were a human being who can fairly expect NOT to be raped, even if you danced around naked screaming about sex. You said no, very clearly, and repeatedly. You were raped. There is NOTHING you can ever do that means you deserved to be raped.
Tell your roommate that this coworker may never, ever enter your home again. Not ever. If that person ever enters your home again, you should definitely call the police. You have a right to be safe in your own home, and to never have this person in it again.
You can also press charges, and if that is a path you want to go down, you can talk to people at the hotline about that too.
Don't be alone and isolated anymore. Your daughter needs her mom to get help and be supported right now. Call the hotline, get some help.
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The Question
I am 23 year old female dating a 27 year old male, We have been together for over a year and a half. I am growing very increasingly frustrated at his lack of time management. He is NEVER on time for anything, in fact he is always at least 30 minutes late. He will tell you he is ready at 1pm but really he isn't till 130pm. This is every single day, and while yet I have learned to tell him a half hour early most of the time, sometimes I can't. I have a very busy life and I work a lot, so when I have a day off I want to plan and do something fun, but it always seems to get ruined or delayed because of him. What does he do that makes him late? He sits on his ass watching tv and lies that he is ready and then rushes to get ready when it's already too late. I have had the most anger building up over this, we have had many discussions and arguments about him being late. I have told him he makes me feel so disrespected and how my time off is important whether it is 30 minutes late or not, I am always waiting on him. He always makes small lies about where he's at, saying he's right on the road on the way there yet he is just leaving his house.
What more can I even do before I finally become so miserable I have to break it off with him. How do you break up with someone you love just because they are never on time and you can't rely on them. Some days I am patient and it's not a big deal but other days I have so much anger and frustration it makes me a person who I have never been. I'm probably mostly writing this just to vent, since I shouldn't message my friends anymore because they can only hear it so many times lol.
The Answer
The only other thing you can do is make sure he knows this could be a deal breaker. Don't fight, or argue. Pick a moment you aren't pissed off to let him know that this problem is big enough for you, that it has you asking yourself if you can continue on with this relationship.
He'll probably say he is trying, or that it's not a big deal, and that's fine, he can say whatever he wants. Try not to argue with him, because what is really important is that he hears you clearly: It doesn't matter WHY he is this way. It doesn't matter if he doesn't think it's a big deal. You think it's a big deal, and it's a big enough deal that you are considering ending the relationship over it.
It's not 'giving him an ultimatum' - it's just the truth. If he doesn't choose to change this, there is a very good chance you will choose to end this.
That's really your last hope. Let him know clearly that if this doesn't change, it might kill your relationship. Maybe he thinks it shouldn't or doesn't matter, but he needs to understand that what he thinks doesn't change how you feel.
No one is perfect. You always have to accept certain irritations and limitations from the people you love, but when you can't accept it anymore, then the love starts to die.
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The Question
Can you tell me all about the mailing lists on blogs and how exactly do you earn money from it? Like do you add your bank account to it, if so, how? Thank you..........
The Answer
You are a scam artists dream target.
Please, stop investigating ways to make money via websites and mail lists. If you want to pursue this, you need to do a great deal of work really educating yourself - not asking advice questions to strangers online. Right now, you don't have a good enough grasp of the fundamentals to protect yourself. If you are hoping to make money quick, you are going to end up taken advantage of.
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