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wife had an affair with multiple men
Hi there me and my wife have been married for 15 years we have known each other for 18 years we where high school sweethearts but this past year she has been chatting with guys on a website ashley Madison and she just recently told she has had affairs with all kind of guys on that website not sure how to deal with it thinking about leaving need some feed back
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I'm a firm believer that a marriage can survive infidelity. Many marriages do. Hell, MOST couples will struggle with some form of infidelity in their long-term relationship. That's normal.
However, going on a website deliberately to look for sexual encounters, and then having multiple sexual encounters, isn't normal. That's not a passing error in judgement, that shows a very a serious lack of respect for your marriage.
The better question to ask yourself at this point, is why stay?
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I am somewhat confused as maybe you are as to how a woman goes from an 18 year monogamous relationship, to "she has had affairs with all kind of guys on that website." I question what she means by, "having affairs with all kind of guys."
Call me a chauvinist if you want but statistically it is easier and more possible for the male of our species to have multiple affairs than the female; especially given in a one year period. To have multiple sexual liaisons within a one year period is hard for either spouse not to notice something is not right. Unless of course business takes you out of town a great deal and she had the time to do so when you are not home. Then of course if there are young children even teenagers they are bound to say something to tip you off.
What I am getting at is that you need to have your wife give you her definition of an affair. Is it more of an intellectual one meaning strictly over the web or has she actually had sex with multiple partners. You don't say and it is important to actually have the word affair defined so you can decide how to proceed.
An affair of the mind is not as bad as an affair of the body. What an affair of the mind tells you something is wrong that there is still time to work out between you. Let’s call the affair of the mind Internet sex. Internet sex is not sexual intercourse. It can be titillating and in the right circumstances with masturbation it can be sexually rewarding. The one thing it is not is cheating as we define cheating today. I would put it in the same category as watching pornography and masturbating.
Now if your wife has met men for sexual affairs then yes she has cheated on you and you have a decision to make. Do you want to save your marriage or do you want to walk away. This is a decision only you can make.
I would suggest before you make the decision to walk away at the very least you are owed a reason why your wife decided to have these affairs. Now some would say there is no valid reason for either spouse to have an affair. I do not totally subscribe to that thought. There are times for all the wrong reasons a spouse might feel an affair is better than breaking up the marriage. Neglect is one of those reasons.
Find out her reason first. If there is some validity to her reasons then decide if you are both willing to fix the problem and move forward. This requires you to be forgiving and may also need the help of a Marriage Counselor. OF course at this point the operative thought is both of you must want to do this otherwise divorce is the answer.
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This is a tough one. Have you talked to her and asked why she had the affairs?
Has communication been an issue for along time or ever?? what has happened in both your or her life that has made things go down hill for the two of you??
I think you know the answer here because obviously you know her better then we do.
Talk to her. get her to tell you why she did these things so that you can better understand first before you leave. Having closer is important with something like this if you ARE going to leave. Its OK to feel hurt obviously, anyone would at this point but she still owes you some sort of explanation here.
If your a man of few words, this might be a difficult conversation for you to have but you will thank me months down the line when you are still thinking back on this and trying to heal and pick up the pieces so that you can move on.
thats about as much advice as i can give you since you havent yet said that youve spoken with your wife. Are you still living until the same roof? do you have kids together?? if you do then if you need to yes, leave. If you dont and shes the one that cheated them maybe she should pack her bags and go.
Feel free to inbox me if you like my advice and would like more insight.
i hope things work out for you. good luck
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