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Do I call this rape
I hate putting this under love life. But I wasn't sure what else to do.
I've been struggling with this thing since March. I am a 19 year old female, college student. This spring I went on spring break with friends in Florida. We went to a club with fake IDs and, yes, I'm a college student, I got pretty drunk. I've only blacked out three times in my entire life and I've been drinking since 16 and I'm almost twenty. The last night of spring break, in that club, I blacked out. Kind of. I can remember bits and pieces. I remember meeting a guy and dancing with him and that I thought he was cute. At some point I left with him. Which is completely unlike me. My friends were freaking out and so scared, they called me hundred times. I don't remember texting them this but I replied to their messages and calls with "I'm fine, meet you at home". The next thing I remember after leaving the club was vomiting violently in a toilet in either a house or a condo. It was horrible. I remember the guy picking me up off the floor. And I remember laying in a bed. I think I have flashes of having sex but I don't know if they're real. Before this night I had only had sex with one guy, my boyfriend of two years but we had recently broken up. I remember being in a car and walking up to the house where my friends and I were staying. I definitely remember this next part. I was laying on a table in the backyard of our house, behind some trees by the pool. I remember something inside me and it hurt. I don't know what it was.That's the last thing I remember. When I woke up the next morning my vagina was bleeding and sore and it hurt really bad. I knew I had had some kind of sexual intercourse. I just didn't remember if I wanted to. I felt so embarrassed and didn't tell my friends. I was so mad at myself for putting myself in that situation. and I hate that I can't remember if I told him no or fought him. im almost positive I wouldn't have willingly had sex with a guy I just met. I went to the doctor to get tested for STDs and pregnancy and I was okay. I didn't tell the nurse any details. But that night still eats at me. I haven't told anyone and I don't know what I would say. I don't think I can call it rape, but then why do I feel so violated?
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Sigh. This guy's life is hosed because he had sex with a drunk college girl. She was probably climbing over him all night, but now its "Oh, I was drunk, I don't remember anything".
She will get some "advice" from the "counselling" center on campus, and they will go "Rape! Rape! Red-blooded release the hounds Rape! W00T!" and you know what? Under a lot of recent legislation this series of incident s *is* rape. Legally.
Guys - DO NOT have sex with drunk college girls. Doesn't matter if they are unzipping your jeans right there on the dance floor. Don't do it. This story happens *all the time*.
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I wouldn't call that rape, if you simply drank too much on you're own free will,and consented to going with this guy and having sex with him while under the influence, then no. If he had drugged you in some way, then it would be considered rape, but drinking on your own and having poor judgment while under the influence is not considered rape, as he didn't cause you to become intoxicated, you did that on your own and went with him willingly, drunk or not, thats not illegal.
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Yes. That is called rape.
You were blacking out. You weren't capable of giving any sort of consent. You definitely weren't capable of giving the clear, enthusiastic consent that is necessary.
You don't have to 'put up a fight'. You don't even have to say no. If you are INCAPABLE of saying Yes, then it's rape.
You were incapable of saying yes to this guy, and he knew it. He saw you vomiting, and blacking out. He isolated you from your friends because he knew that you were not capable of making a coherent choice or giving actual consent. He might not have known what he was doing was actually a crime, but he choose to commit the crime anyways. Ignorance of the law is no defence. He choose to rape you, even if he is a fucking moron asshole, who doesn't know that what he did is rape.
Perhaps you couldn't prove it the standard necessary in a court, but it was rape. You feel you were raped, because you were raped.
The truth is, there is no position you can ever 'put yourself in' where you deserve to raped. You ALWAYS deserve not to be raped, no matter how blackout drunk you are.
Get some help. Talk to a counsellor or a therapist. You deserve support and care.
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Whether or not you consented to sex, he still raped you. You were drunk and not in the right mental state to consent to anything at that point.
At this point, if possible, you should still press charges. Do you remember anything about what this guy looked like? He could do this to another unsuspecting girl, so you should try to report it if you can.
You mention that you're struggling with this experience. I recommend that you go to a counselor to discuss this problem. He or she will help you work this out and get over what happened to you.
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