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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
[veerry long)
so my friend 'sue' is dating a boy named 'kyle'.
they've dated before but he cheated on her.
theyre now back together.
he makes her so happy.
and yeah im happy for her and stuff.
butt when i walk up to them in the halls she looks at me like im stupid/annoying? its confusing.
my friend 'josh' came up to me and started talking to me...
this is how it went
josh:wow. sues become a real bitch ever since her and kyle got back together.
me: yeah shes changed alot ever since he came back in the picture.
it got out to her.
and she asked me if i really said that.
i told her yes.
and shes taken it way out of proportion
we yelled at eachother ALOT.
and now were not talking.
me her and some friends were all suppose to hang out tomorow for halloween but that doesnt look like its gonna happen anymore.
welll anyhelp on what i should do?
shes blaming me for hating her boyfriend.
and being jelous.
and shes been a total bch to me.
annnd i made a promise to her about never cutting myself again.
and now she said she doesnt care if i do it or not. idunno
The Answer
She HAS become a real bitch lately hasn't she now?
She doesn't care if you cut or not now? What a scummy, evil little no-good twirp. You ought to have slapped her across the face.
Well, no, of course you shouldn't have slapped her, but I can't express strongly enough how much this is NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU CANNOT GO ABOUT FEELING AWFUL BECAUSE YOUR 'FRIEND' IS A SELF-ABSORBED EVIL CHILD.
Continue with the not talking.
It might be a good idea to apologize for hurting her feelings and for yelling at her after things have calmed down. (We never want to hurt anyone's feelings and shouting matches are always BOTH people's fault). So, it would be mature and proper of your for apologizing for those two things, but don't go any further then that and even if you two are civil and polite to one another in the future, don't forget this incident. This girl is NOT a friend. She is a drama-love monster who can only seem to think of herself.
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The Question
Okay, so i'm 14/f in highschool , freshie!!! haha, okay so anyway. at my school we have a freshman play and only freshman can try out. Well, this is my first play. In middle school you could do the musical, my friends did that but I can't sing so i didnt. My friend can't act. She sucks. Well I've never told her this(That would be mean!) But everyone knows that if your charecter is a name (Like Stacey, Jill, Laura etc) it's a bigger role then not a name (Nurse 1, Student 5 etc.) Well my friend got Fan 2. Shes mad at me because this is my first play and i got a 'lead'. she seems to think that if i didn't try out she would have gotten my part. However we don't know this for a fact. But, shes all mad at me. Am I wrong to not be bothered by this? Like, all the good people are cast and if i quit then i'm letting down a lot of people. On top of that...I don't want to quit. I want to do it. I want to start acting. She inssits shes not mad but i can tell she is and shes telling everyone that she is and that its all my fault. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO LIKE SABOTAGE HER! I guess i'm good if i made it without experience and only one class. What do you think?
The Answer
Let it go and ignore it.
She is telling you she isn't mad. That means she probably knows she has no right to be mad.
You can't know exactly what she is telling other people. That is just gossip. But more importantly, they can see through her insults just as clearly as you can. It's about her pain and insecurities. Not about anything you did.
Just be her friend. She is dissapointed and hurt. It's understandable that might lash out a bit. Forgive her and move on with your life. Let her get over it on her own. It sounds like she knows she should.
Also, don't get a big head babe. There is very little space in community level theatre for ego. A big ego will make sure you don't get cast agian. Humble yourself and remember 'There are no small parts' because there AREN'T. It takes everyone, EVEN Fan 2. So don't waste time thinking about good you must be. Work hard instead.
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The Question
let me start off by saying I am a 20 year old female virgin. I been wanting to have sex for a long time but I just never found the right guy or the right time to have sex but I KNOW I AM READY.
I met this guy about a yr and a half ago. and I told him that I didnt want to have sex with him anytime soon. He undetstood that, so we just did foreplay. I know it was a bit stupid becasuse when you do foreplay, other things come over you. It was all good at first but then he started asking me if he could have sex with me and i told him no, but like most guys, he kept asking me over and over. I havent did anything else with him since Oct 2007. Now that im back n school this semester, he wants to start up again even though i told him that I DO have a boyfriend. I told him no again, but now he is claiming that he wants to continue to talk to me.
This august, I met a man that I am currently dating. I have been going with this guy for about 2 and half months. he is not a virgin, obviously because he is 25. I think im starting to fall in love with him. I never told him because I dont know how he would respond. He is starting to ask me over and over if I want to have sex too. But even though I am ready, I just refuse to go through with it and I dont know why.
my questions are...
Should I continue talking to the first guy (not sexually), just keep in contact with him?
Should I start having sex with the second guy just because I am finally ready to lose my V(virgin)-card and because I think I might be in love with him.
The Answer
Unless you think you've got a great friendship with guy one (and from your question I don't think you do) then no.
There is no reason to continue to hang out with someone who pesters you for sex like he did and then wanted to continue to hook-up despite the fact you are in a relationship... It doesn't make him seem like the kind of person who will be able to have a plutonic friendship with you. That makes him seem like a dog and a drama-lover. You're better off without his friendship.
You can have sex with your boyfriend whenever you choose, but something that will certainly help you feel more comfortable when that time comes is being honest with him. No wonder you are holding back: You haven't been honest with him. That makes the normal nervousness about having sex a thousand times more intense. Tell him you are virgin. Get it over with. THEN figure out when you are ready and how you would like to proceed TOGEATHER, openly and honestly.
Sex is never a one person decision, virgin or otherwise. Both people need to know the score or it just doesn't quite work.
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The Question
i'm a sophomore female in english honors. i was in A level last year, so naturally, by moving up to honors, it was a stretch, especially to the work load.
my problem is, i can write really well (i've gotten 100s on the esasys, which count as test grades), but my weak spot is reading comprehension.
every few days, our teacher assigns us a reading and then gives a 5-question quiz, 20 points a piece. this are especially stressful for me because the questions are details from the reading that i just don't recall at all. i read the chapters as thoroughly as i can, summarize it, and read sparknotes. yet, i always somehow manage to understand the first few pages very well, but then just completely miss the rest of it. idk what happens to me, but i just zone out, and i can never concentrate on a book unless i'm absolutely in love with it. i know i must develop good reading comprehension skills in order to do well in this class, but i need some concrete advice.
please do NOT suggest...
1. dropping to A level. i have a B+ / A- average in english now (because of the test grades) but a C quiz average.
2. reading more. i don't have the time. i already have homework and studying to do as soon as i get back from school till late at night.
3. creating questions as i read along. i try, but it's very difficult to keep track of what's going on in the books.
4. getting family members / friends to read alongside so that we can discuss it. they don't have time.
5. talking to my teacher. he's not much of an extra help kind of guy, and he wouldn't be able to help me. only i can help myself.
what can i do to stay focused on the reading? i want to do well in english honors, but last year, we never did this much reading comprehension, so i'm at a major disadvantage, especially since my absolute weakness is reading comprehension.
any advice?
The Answer
Well, no, not really.
In your "please do NOT suggest" you have struck out almost every rational piece of advice a person can give you. You've basically said you have no time to do anything other then what you are doing and you are unwilling to approach anyone else about your difficulties. Unfortunately, without changing your approach (which inevitably takes a bit of extra time and effort) the outcome will NEVER change.
The only thing I can possible suggest is to talk to your friends and classmates about what questions they think will be on the test and the answers, as they seem to be more comfortable with discerning the important bits.
Having said that, I’m going to ignore your “please do NOT suggest”s for a second, and tell you how to better spend the time you have, and by devoting a bit of extra time to the maximum benefit:
Take an hour or two and go over all your old reading comprehension quizzes and look for similar types of questions. Brainstorm and write a list of the common types of questions you are asked by your teacher. These questions could fall into categories like these ones:
Interpersonal relationships: How does one character FEEL about another?
Predictions: What might have happened if someone did something differently? How could the main conflict have been avoided?
Main Idea: What is the main feeling/topic the reading discusses or invokes?
Facts: Are there important dates, places or historical events mentioned?
After you have a list of the different ‘types’ of questions your teacher asks, pick three or four of the more common ones to focus on as you read the passage. As you read, make notes whenever you come across something that is relevant to the types of questions you’ve decided to focus on.
If you find yourself zoning out after three pages and no longer making good notes, put the book down and do something else. Come back to it where you left off and read another three pages.
You do have a choice here: You can decide that this is just not an assignment you excel at, and to focus your time and energy at the ones you do and rely on them to keep your average strong OR you will need to put in extra effort and yes, extra time into discovering what parts of the reading your teacher wants you to comprehend. You can do this on your own, as I’ve described above. Or you can do this by dialoguing with other people who find comprehending the important parts of a reading comes naturally to them.
But you can’t just wish it away. Improvement takes effort and time and yes, even risk that the effort and time you put in might not pay off. However, without that effort and time and risk, improvement is unlikely, if not damn near impossible.
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The Question
f/16
I went out with the highschool quarterback for about 6 weeks and during our relationship we were super close. We’d talk about everything and anything. We talked on the phone all night and we always said I love you and everything was going great! Then he broke up with me a week after his concussion. He said that the concussion messed up his feelings for me and now he only sees me as a friend. The break up was out of no where and no one else saw it coming either. I wasn’t ready to breakup with him and a lot of people including me don’t think that his break up reason was true.
I’ve see him occasionally looking at me which made me have hope that maybe we can get back together. We’ve talked as friends but not like the convos we use to have. After a couple of weeks I thought that I’d finally gotten over him but then I saw him holding hands with this one girl only 3 weeks after the breakup.
Just seeing them hurt me a lot!! To me it seems kinda fast for him to already be in a new relationship. Honestly I’m not trying to sound mean but she’s not all that pretty either. I would understand if he went for the really pretty girl but he’s got me confused on y he’s with her. A lot of people don’t even know who she is. And he’s that hott jock.
I’ve got people asking me who she is and I’m all like I don’t know… a lot of people are saying that he’s an ass and did wayy better with me. My friend thinks he’s rebounding but that doesn’t make sense or does it? I mean he broke up with me so why would he do that? There’s also a therory that he’s trying to get me jealous but again he broke up with me, unless he’s realized something in the last few weeks?? Like maybe he likes me again? I’m not sure.
But I would love other peoples opinion on this please and thank you :]
The Answer
No answer that I, or you, or your friends, or any other columnist here comes up with, is going to satisfy you completely.
There are NEVER totally satisfying reasons for a break up. Unfortunately, since it seems like this guy is being dishonest, it's even more dissatisfying.
He could be insane. It could be the concussion. He could be gay! He could think you have bad breath. He could have been replaced by an alien clone.
Same with the new girl. He might really like her. Her dad might be rich. She might put out. He might be rebounding. He might be desperately and madly in love with her 21 year old sister.
You'll never know. You'll be happiest when you are able to let this go and stop trying.
Stop talking to him. Then, stop talking about him. Then you'll find you can start to move on.
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The Question
I'm 17, female, and I am gay.
I haven't come out yet, but I recently told my close friends about a sexual experience I've had not long ago with a girl. They were interested, but strangely the question about my sexuality never came up. I think this is because I often get drunk and kiss girls, and they probably assumed that this was similar but just went further.
I have a boy friend. I know I know this sounds strange. He's 20 and we've been together for around 4 months. We've been going out on/off for almost 5 years. It's like hanging out with your best friend. I've known him since I was 8 years old and we have a laugh together. Recently he's told me he's falling in love with me again and has even told his friends that we're back together (which is a big deal to him).
I know a lot of your advice will be to break it off with my boy friend before any one gets hurt but i'm afraid that it's too late for that. I care deeply about this guy and yes, we do have sex but for me, it's like an extension of friendship. It doesn't really do anything for me. I want to continue going out with him. I am 100% in this relationship. I am committed to making him happy, and he is to me as well.
I will continue to have sexual relations with girls whilst with my boy friend. For me, this is just learning more about my sexuality and it doesn't really feel like cheating. I wouldn't have another relationship or anything like that. My boy friend knows that I am attracted to girls and we have discussed our "boundries" - he said that he doesn't mind that much about girls because his jealousy stems from insecurity about himself, and he can't compare himself to a girl.
I hope that made sense.
I would like to come out to my friends. The thing is, I haven't known I'm gay for very long at all. But I'm the kinda person who tells her friends everything. Should I wait longer? Should I not tell them because of my boyfriend? My friends have met my boyfriend and they see him occasionally at parties and stuff. They wouldn't tell him I know that for sure. I also know they would be 100% supportive and are probably expecting it.
You all think I should tell my boy friend don't you. *sigh*. Do you think he might not mind if I make clear I want to continue our relationship?
Thanks for any advice - sorry this was long!
The Answer
You do need to tell your boyfriend if you intend to sleep with others during your relationship. Period.
There is no ethical way to avoid that.
If you aren’t comfortable coming out to him, then let him know that you can’t commit to a sexually monogamous relationship, but you do want a romantically monogamous one (if you do).
To not inform your boyfriend of this choice would be betraying him, misleading him and endangering him! Eventually, you would probably have to flat our lie to him, and that is not the makings of a devoted relationship. That is the making of a disastrous mess.
There is no way he is just going to ‘not mind’. ‘Doesn’t mind much’ is very different from ‘Not minding at all’. He is still going to be a bit confused, and wounded and maybe even a bit angry. He is going to have trouble understanding why you want to be with him, but identify as a lesbian. He is still going to be insecure when you explain to him that you are not sexually attracted to men, and see sex with him as an extension of friendship.
And yeah, if you are in a ‘relationship’ with this guy, you are going to have to be that thoroughly honest. He is going to want to understand.
He might decide he can’t live with it. But that doesn’t mean you get to not tell him or lie to him or leave out the gory details. You can’t keep these kinds of secrets and say you are in a relationship. If you hide who you are from him, and your sexual choices, at the same time as not even respecting him enough to let him know you have other lovers… you are just having an affair with a sex buddy and a friend. That’s just friends who fuck, it’s not a relationship in any traditionally understood sense. So you can’t ask him to be cool with it, unless you explain your position completely and thoroughly.
Come out to your friends however and whenever you wish, but don’t fuck around behind your boyfriends back. If you do, you’re self-discovery will eventually lead you to realize that that behavior makes you kinda lousy.
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The Question
18/f and boyfriend 20/m
Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and a half. Yes, this is quite a bit of time. Yet it seems recently we have been getting into arguements frequently, and it's usually over something silly. and I know relationships consists of arguements every now and then but this frequent is strange to me. Although sometimes I admit I get a little irritable and snap back at him but I think one of the problems is seeing him so often. I have a feeling he's depend on me and doesn't hang out with his friends like I should. I shouldn't be pushed to see him everyday. I really don't know how to tell him (although i have already told him he needs to hang out with his friends too) but the thing is.. we don't go out alot. For one, he pays for most of his stuff and is trying to save up for a phone (yes a cell phone) he has to pay for his phone and bill. I almost feel bad because his parents kinda just kicked him out and told him he needed to be independent. I don't blame them though because he's 20 and he's used to being dependent on his parents.But anyways.. I'm wondering what do I do to make things work. I thought about a break but I tried that before and he flipped and thought it was a break up and kept asking like how much time and how often do i call you and we ended up just putting that aside. I feel like all our problems are pushed aside and nothing gets solved and I have confronted him about it and we's "SAY" we'd fix them but things never change. I don't know what to do, things are just getting harder and harder. Any input or ideas?
The Answer
Stop talking about this and simply make the change you need: Make plans.
Stop trying to make him understand, he isn't getting it. Stop giving a damn if he hangs out with his friends or not. This isn't about what you think he needs, this is about what you KNOW that you need.
Take the time away from him that you need, and polietely, but firmly, expect him to deal with it.
Tell him you are sorry, you can't hang out on Tuesday because you going to have a girls night, and on Friday you are... i dinno... playing board games with your mom. Maybe Saturday afternoon you are going to do some baking because you always wanted too, so you are busy then too.
Book yourself up with personal activities and socialization. Work with him to book 3 or 4 times a week to hang out and enjoy one another's company. Plan activities for those times and don't just sit on your asses.
Firmly remind him that this isn't a break, this is simply the fact of your lives: You have other responsibilties and interests besides him, and you've been neglecting them for too long.
Will he be hurt and throw tantrums? He might. Just stick to your message that you still care for him, but you need to take care of yourself as well, or you will end up resenting him.
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The Question
ok, so me and my boyfriend sorta recently started kissing, not lke make out or anything just like that just pecks but anyways..
every now and then when he gives me a hug he will like not grab but kinda touch/grab the top part of my butt. i dont really have a problem with it, like every girls boyfriend does that and they dont mind. but something in my head is making me think too much. do you think he only likes me for my butt or something or its just a boyfriend thing?
like today he did it and i go woah! just grab my butt and he goes i like your butt then kinda grabbed it again.
do you think he just likes me for that or its just something hes doing.
please write back. im trying not to think about it to hard but it gets kinda difficult i need help
thanks in advance
The Answer
It is probably just something he is doing, because butts of fun and attractive.
However, if it makes you uncomfortable, tell him to cool it. You are only at the pecking stage so it makes sense you don't want to feel like you are being gropped.
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The Question
I have this girlfriend that was 11 and had a 15 year old boyfriend that she kissed and i'm going out with her and it kinda grosses me out that she went out with a 15 year old so what should i do?
The Answer
Get over it, or find another girlfriend.
The older you get, the less often you will be your partners first. There will often be others who came before you, and you don't have the right to hold that against them. You need to be mature enough, and realitic enough to let the past be the past.
She was eleven for goodness sake! Are you going to hold the fact that she played with Barbies and didn't know what mitochondria was against her too?
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The Question
Hi,
I am a 23 yr old female. I met this guy a few weeks ago, and we kinda hit it off. We text a lot, and met for lunch a few times. I'm pretty sure he's been flirting with me. More or less joking around, making fun of me in a flirty way... I'm really interested, but I found out he has a girlfriend of like 2 years. I'm not really sure what to do, I don't want to try and pursue anything and be the "boyfriend stealing whore", but I really like him. A friend of mine said that if there wasn't a problem in his relationship, he wouldn't be flirting with me, but I'm not sure if that logic is accurate. Any insight you can give would be greatly appreciated.
The Answer
Your friend's comments are generally true, but they are also incomplete.
The complete thought is this:
If he was a mature, respectful guy he wouldn't be dealing with problems in his relationship by reaching out and flirting with someone else. That is not the appropriate response. That behavior reflects very, very poorly on him.
Sure, often we can't help it when we feel that spark, but people in relationships have an agreement to let the spark pass not to cultivate it.
If he IS flirting with you, then he is a bit of jerk who is betraying his girlfriend in a small way, and paving the way to betraying her in larger ones. If he IS flirting with you, you are setting yourself up for drama, and a partner who thinks this kind of betrayal is okay.
If he ISN’T flirting with you, then you are reading too deeply into his normal behavior and setting yourself up for pain and disappointment.
Either way, you can take this course of action:
Stop flirting back. Don’t laugh or be coy if he makes a comment that you think is kind of over the line. He’ll get the picture very fast and stop flirting with you if you just stop responding eagerly. Hang out with him less often if the frequency of getting together feels inappropriate to you OR if you find yourself unable or unwilling to discourage the flirting attention that concerns you.
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The Question
Please do not judge me, or lecture me, just advice. 18/f
well i have this friend m and he is so sweet to me, and we text every freakin day, and he is always begging me to hang out with him, and if i ask him to come see me at work...he does :)
he's told me that he liked me, and is always texing me first and tells me im cute...blah blah...seems like things are going good right?...wrong, he has a girlfriend.
i always am asking him about her, like should'nt you be paying attention to her and not texting me, and he'll just be like nah, shes fine, or your funner to talk to anyways...and stuff.
well ive hung out with both of them, and she is ALL over him every time.
it bugs...
and he'll end up texting me the same night.
but i honestly dont know what to do.
i like him a lot...and i know he likes me, but i dont know what to do about his gf...???!!!
her own brother even thinks she's crazy...
should i go for it, give it time, leave it alone...anyone been in this situation???
The Answer
Leave it alone.
As cool as this guy might be, he is also an asshole and a dog. He's flirting with you while he has a girlfriend. He told you he was into WHILE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.
It doesn't matter if his girlfriend is a raging lunatic or a monstrous bitch. He is still betraying her and not even a raging lunatic and a monstrous bitch deserves that. Nothing she does can change the fact he is behaving like a self absorbed asshole.
So, don't go for it, because that would just be rewarding him for behaving badly, and it will be teaching him that you are okay with it when he treats girls like shit.
A guy who cheats with you will probably cheat on you.
HOWEVER a guy who you allow and encourage treating his girlfriend like shit, will treat you like shit too, even if he never cheats. That's a guarantee.
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The Question
Ok here's the thing I met this guy A.J online through a game that we both played. Anyways we started out as friends, well I thought we did, but A.J started liking me quite early on, while I had a crush on best friend. But liking my friend in that way started to diminish the more time I spent with A.J. Long story short after I had stopped crushing on best friend, A.J and I started this major thing. We got together and he told me that he loved me and i eventually told him that i loved him. Well it turns out that he had gotten back together with his ex while he was dating me. He told each of us that the other was his best friend nothing more. we found out and confronted him on it. He chose to continue dating her. I tried to get rid of him from my life, but I couldnt. At first it was just to find out why he did it, then it moved to trying to convince him that he made the wrong choice, then friends, and then we were kind of in limbo. We talked more then he and his gf. He told me that he still loved me and that he made the wrong choice that he only loved his gf more as a friend and he just doesnt want to deal with her temper that breaking up with her would cause. So i sort of believed him on that matter and since she was in a different country it was very easy to fool myself. but it was really starting to get to me that he was still with her. then i got to know her and she's nice and i felt really guilty and so I confronted him on the matter and he says he really doesnt know how he feels about her, but he does love me. I want him to make a choice about this and stop toying with the both of us, but he can't or wont. we still talk but for me it seems like he's pushing me away, but he says im being silly that he loves me. I just really don't know what to do about it, from the way we talk since we first broke up i've always gotten the feeling that he liked me better then her, that he only went with her cause he didnt want a serious relationship and with her it wouldnt happen, with me it would since we were in the same state. I love him still but this is really destroying me, i either just want him completely out of my life or completely in it. Could you guys tell me what you think about my situation, sorry it was so long or a bit confusing. f/18
The Answer
You are probably right about him pushing you away: He is pushing you away each time you start to demand he behave like a respectable and decent person. He doesn't want to behave. He just wants what he wants without the baggage (her temper, or your expectation of decent behavoir).
Look at the very simple facts:
He two timed you.
He has a girlfriend, but he is telling you that he loves you.
Thats pretty scummy behavoir. That's betrayal. If he will betray a nice girl, and you let him get away with it, someday he'll betray you too... well, he'll betray you agian.
Get him completely out of your life. He's a self absorbed little boy and a low life. Block him online and ignore him in person.
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The Question
Well there's this guy, let's call him Joe, and there's a long (I emphasize LONG) story behind it.
ps: me = 18/f and him = 22/m
We have recently, quite quickly I might add, become friends. Possibly more. We met at a bar, cliché I know, and we went home together that night. There was no sex involved because at the moment I didn't feel ready. He repescted my wishes and spent the night. He facebooked me the following afternoon asking me if I wanted to join him in his Sunday night karaoke ritual, with his friends. Cautious of the consequences, I agreed to go with him, after all he did seem nice. At that point I said "screw it" to the '3 day rule' or the 'dont say yes you'll look needy rule' and surprizingly had a blast with this guy.
We have hung out quite a few times since, this was 3 or 4 weeks ago. The thing is, he had just come out of a relationship that had been going on for quite a few years and she broke up with him out of the blue. Hints to why he went out clubbing that night (he's not a big partier). This left him pretty bumed out, and we talked about it as friends. We had both expressed how awkward it could be but we decided to talk about it as friends, simply because we BOTH wanted him to get over her. He continues to express to me that he is not ready to start a new relationship yet and I completely understand, and repect his decision. The thing is, when we hang out we act as if we're dating, even though he keeps telling me "I just want to be friends for now". Like, whenever he drops me off or walks me home, there's always the goodbye kiss(es). I love the way he makes me feel, I've never felt this way before. When I'm with him I feel like nothing can go wrong. When I talk to him, on facebook chat, or msn or the phone, I get this felling like I'm alone in the world with no distractions and we can just talk, and I feel 'safe' and, well, loved, in a way. I know this is sounding soo cliché but it's true. I'm not going to go to the extent to say I love him, because I don't think I do..as to say I would not say it back if he were to say those three words to me. I like him alot and I know that nothing is going to happen right now. I am willing to wait for him to get over his ex and 'test the market' as he calls it yet if someone just as good, if not better, comes along, I won't let my feelings for him stop me. He has also made this point clear to me, that he doesn't want him to stop me from finding my 'better half'. The thing is, I don't know if I'm actually looking for anyone at the moment. With exams comming soon, I don't have much free time with work and all but I don't know, he sort of changes my mind. It's like they say, it will find you. I am willing to take things slow, while he 'recovers' but I don't know how slow he needs me to go. We are basically becoming friends with benefits, and I don't want to get to that stage because once you're in, you'll never get out unless one of you becomes in a relationship. Gosh, all this talk is getting me frustrated. To describe our situation as best I can, I would say the good old fashion for of dating. When you date guy #1 one day, guy #2 another day, guy #3 some other day, and then guy #1 again the next. Well, he's #1, as in we keep 'dating' as in going on 'dates' and well I have this gut feeling that it is going to remain this way for a while. Although it's great because I don't have to worry about being exclusive at this point and I can still have my partying fun without worrying what he thinks or what I may feel like doing, such as kissing another guy, I still feel that I should be. I know it's weird becuase I know that he wouldn't think twice about it but I really, genuinely care about him. It's not just a physical attraction, he's not 'Canada's hottest male' here, he's just an average Joe, you know..but I still care about him, alot, and I wish he would realise just how much I do. Like I know he cares about me as a friend but I don't know to which extent. We've talked about our feelings because we needed to clear the air on a certain subject but he never stated how he felt, he just said he didn't want to be in a relationship right now and that didn't mean there wasn't anything for us in the future. To me this is hope, but I could totally be over analyzing his claim of "shit i don't want to hurt her feelings and I love what we have, i'll just say this.." I know that I am probably fooling myself while remaining with this guy who says "we have something special between us, I just don't want to be in a relationship right now" simply because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings and risk losing the benefits to our friendship, if not completely. Like I said before, I am willing to wait, and I have a feling he knows this and may take advantage of it but I really don't care at this point.. I really like him and I don't care who knows, I simply need help to coop with this situation of "OMG!". How does one get by with this on their shoulders, day after day, with little hope of improuvement. Advice?
The Answer
Although I respect your choice to be miserable with someone who has flat out told you he isn't going to provide the kind of secure and loving relationship you want... I have trouble accepting that a 'great guy' would use you like this.
I think you are smart girl, and I think you are dead right: He knows he is using you. If he wasn't using you he would have been honest about his feelings one way or another. If he wasn't using you he'd take ownership of the situation and not allow you to 'wait' for the impossible to happen. If he wasn't using you he'd hurt you feelings a bit now, and loose the benefits, rather then keep up with the benefits you knowing he is going to hurt you a hell of a lot more later.
He is trying to make his behavior look good by dressing it up in compliments and encouraging you to ‘find your better half’, but that is a bit like wrapping a brick in pretty gift-wrap. You can put it under your tree and it looks nice, but come Christmas morning it’s still just a brick. Just because he says nice things, doesn’t mean he is doing nice things. Just because he doesn’t know he is being a selfish ass who is playing with your heart, doesn’t mean he isn’t.
This guy is screwing with your brain. I can't give you advice on how to bear this, because it's should be bearable. It should be intolerable. You are smart and confident: You know what you want in a romantic arrangement and you know he isn’t going to give that to you soon, and maybe not ever. Eventually, this will probably will become intolerable, but first, he is going to keep playing you, offering you excuses, emotionally baiting you and leading you on.
You are probably fooling yourself, and he's probably fooling himself too. That's fine. Enjoy it well it lasts, but don't kid yourself. You know the path you probably on with this guy, and it's not the one you want.
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The Question
im a 20 year old male and i live in Canada
im dating a 14 soon to be 15 year old girl.
i wanna know if this is wrong? and if i have a problem.
i didnt think i did, but all my friends say i do.
so now idont know
i really love this girl
The Answer
You have a problem called Canadian law.
If you are having any affectionate touching with this young girl, then you are breaking Canadian Age of Consent laws. Any kissing, caressing, and god-fobid sex, can be interpreted as against the law in Canada until she is sixteen.
Sure, there are some gray zones in this law, but with your amount of age difference you are NOT in the gray zone. It is simply illegal for you to have any sexual contact with her at all until she is sixteen. You face up to five years in prison if you do.
There are lots of other reasons why this is a problem, but that is big one.
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The Question
is it possible to get pregnant after you give a guy a hand job...and then finger yourself?
The Answer
Yes, it's technically possible.
It's a bit unlikely, but it CAN happen.
Whenever sperm makes contact with vaginal fluids, you run a risk of pregnancy. It's just that simple.
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The Question
Ok, I had a school dance on Friday night. Now, in all the school dances i've been too, I always end up with a boyfriend by the end of the night. I know it's not exactly a good thing that that happens, but it happened again on Friday. The thing is, I've known who this guy was for a long time, but I'd never really begun talking to him until Friday. He's pretty cool, but my ex, who is now dating my best friend, is the one who hooked us up. We were just kind of hanging out when my ex came up with this big plan to hook us up because he thought we liked each other. Now, my ex really likes to play match maker, but he only gets people together because he keeps bugging them about it and eventually it gets so annoying they give in. Well, my ex SAYS this guy actually liked me and wanted to go out with me, but i'm not sure who's idea it was. So basically, I don't know if this guy actually likes me, or if my ex just annoyed him into liking me. Help?
The Answer
ASK the guy.
Seriously. You are dating him now right? So you should be able to talk to him about these sort of things.
Tell him what you are worried might have happened and ask him straight up if he was actually into you or if your ex just bullied him. That is the ONLY way to ever really know.
If you can't ask your boyfriend, a simple straightforward question about his feelings, then it's not really a relationship worth having anyways.
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The Question
it seems like every boyfriend i've ever had always ended up breaking up with me for their ex girlfriend or another girl. what am i doing wrong?
The Answer
You probably aren't doing anything wrong.
I would bet the only mistake you are making, is not dumping them first OR getting involved with a guy who you know is still seriously attached to someone else.
This is just life. Yes, it sucks and yes, it hurts. But it's just life.
No one really knows as a teen exactly what they want from a relati onship. Some people get really, really lucky and grow togeather as they figure it out, but most don't. Most break a lot of hearts as they try to figure it out.
Don't dispair. Flakey guys are just flakey guys. It has nothing to do with you. Just learn from the experience and try not to get involved with people when you see those danger signs next time.
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The Question
In a family of six, it's pretty hard to be the center of attention all the time, but yeah, my brother is. He used to be into drugs, he was suicidal for a little while, he was arrested for aggravated assault (threatening with a knife), and just random, angry breakouts he's terrible at controling. Well, my brother has a girlfriend, who he, for a reason absolutely NO ONE understands, is "in love with". He's 16 and she's 17. She is probably one of the most annoying people I know. I don't even understand it because I know a lot of people that have a like personalities with her and he hates them. His "love" for her is absolutely unexplainable. Now, my parents are divorced and my dad's planning on moving to another state to be with his fiance soon, which is great because I would absolutely love too move, as would my dad. Honostly, I believe if it was just my dad, his fiance, and I living together, we would make a near perfect family. But, something is stopping my dad from moving. My brother said that he will not move and leave his girlfriend behind. After what I said earlier, plus the fact that my dad is the only on who can control him PLUS he HATES my mom, I think it's pretty obvious that if my dad moves away, my brother is gone. He'll probably end up running away and going to jail somehow. My dad doesn't want him to get in trouble and he doesn't want the extra stress to be put on my mom. Basically, the only way he will move is if he comes with us. Which he won't do because he would be leaving his girlfriend. So technically, his girlfriend has complete control of the outcome of this situation without even knowing it. Now, as much as it sounds, i'm not wanting them to break up just for my benefit. I really believe he would be a lot better off without her. She calls him in the middle of the night and if he doesn't pick up, she freaks out and gets a ride to our house or thinks he's mad at her or something. Really, he's been working a minimum wage job anytime he's not in school to pay for his car and HER cell phone plan that he bought her! Of course he would be exhausted from working that much! She has to spend every waking moment with him, whether he's tired or not. He's really suffering from sleep deprivation. I just don't know how to make him see how bad she is for him. He gets really touchy on that subject about whether or not we like her so he would probably rip my head off if he found out the whole family was talking bad about her and trying to get them to break up. I just don't know how to go about it all. Help is much appreciated!! Thank you!!!
The Answer
Okay, don't blame the girlfriend.
There are two reasons why you need to stop blaming her, both out loud and in your head.
ONE:
Although she might be a total monster, she isn't the problem here. The problem is also not one you can fix. The problem is that neither your Dad nor your Mom are putting their foot down and being a parent and telling (a twerp of a 16 year old!) where he will live and what he will do, as is well their damn right.
So, remember this isn’t your fault or this dumb girls, it’s your parents, the both of them. They lost control of this situation a while ago, and although they might be doing their best, they clearly aren’t doing enough if their temperamental son gets to dictate the living arrangements based on his dysfunctional relationship.
TWO
Blaming her and hating her isn’t going to help. It will only drive your brother away and make things worse. Unfortunately, in the end, it will be up to your parents to fix this mess, but the best thing you can do as his little sister is just love bomb the dumbass. Find a way to enjoy spending time together, even if it’s just watching a TV show. Tell him about your problems and stress, and then ASK him about his. Tell him you worry about him ‘cause he gets so tired. Often the best way to show someone that they aren’t be treated well by someone else in their life, is to treat them like gold.
However, in the end, remember that you don’t have any control of the outcome here. Your parents are the ones who have to make the hard decisions and live with the consequences. You are just along for the ride. So, make that ride as enjoyable and rational as you can by letting go of your hate and bitching about this silly girl, and by embracing your relationship with your brother as best you can.
Even if you can’t move, even if he does run away and get worse and worse and worse, I promise you, you will never regret sharing time with him and letting him know you care about him and his well being.
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The Question
my boyfriend broke up with his ex five months ago and they dated for 2 years. one night he admitted to me that he misses her somethimes.well im worried that im the rebound chick he says that he cares about me and wouldnt hurt me well im not sure i can fully believe that.me and him has only been together for a month.im not sure what to do.
The Answer
As you get older, it becomes less and less likely that you will be your partner's 'first'. There will have been others before you, maybe even serious relationships.
This requires communication, trust and respect. You need to communicate with your partner, and them with you, about your feelings and your past experiences. You have to trust that your partner is being honest with you about thier feelings, and you need to respect thier opinion and beliefs about themselves.
If you can't do that, then you either need to only date people where you are thier 'first' or, you need to get some counseling to learn those skills and work on your insecurities.
Accepting that you aren't the only person who ever walked into your partners life is part of being in a mature relationship. It's not about 'sharing' them with the past, it's about respecting them enough as a human being to recongize they have a past and are entitled to all the relationships and feelings that it includes. If you can't manage that with this guy, then you should end it, and find someone you can trust.
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The Question
i've already talked to my neighbors and complained about their dogs but he does nothing, i am looking for something to stop those dogs from barking i'd like for it to go through the fence & have a remote if possible. where would i be able to find this?
sites or stores please & thank you
The Answer
Call the cops and complain.
Sending something on to your neighbors property, to either annoy, or harass or harm thier dogs would be all kinds of illegal.
So, call the police and place an annoymous complaint about the noise.
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