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Guy seems interested, but is taken.....
Hi,
I am a 23 yr old female. I met this guy a few weeks ago, and we kinda hit it off. We text a lot, and met for lunch a few times. I'm pretty sure he's been flirting with me. More or less joking around, making fun of me in a flirty way... I'm really interested, but I found out he has a girlfriend of like 2 years. I'm not really sure what to do, I don't want to try and pursue anything and be the "boyfriend stealing whore", but I really like him. A friend of mine said that if there wasn't a problem in his relationship, he wouldn't be flirting with me, but I'm not sure if that logic is accurate. Any insight you can give would be greatly appreciated.
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Your friend's comments are generally true, but they are also incomplete.
The complete thought is this:
If he was a mature, respectful guy he wouldn't be dealing with problems in his relationship by reaching out and flirting with someone else. That is not the appropriate response. That behavior reflects very, very poorly on him.
Sure, often we can't help it when we feel that spark, but people in relationships have an agreement to let the spark pass not to cultivate it.
If he IS flirting with you, then he is a bit of jerk who is betraying his girlfriend in a small way, and paving the way to betraying her in larger ones. If he IS flirting with you, you are setting yourself up for drama, and a partner who thinks this kind of betrayal is okay.
If he ISN’T flirting with you, then you are reading too deeply into his normal behavior and setting yourself up for pain and disappointment.
Either way, you can take this course of action:
Stop flirting back. Don’t laugh or be coy if he makes a comment that you think is kind of over the line. He’ll get the picture very fast and stop flirting with you if you just stop responding eagerly. Hang out with him less often if the frequency of getting together feels inappropriate to you OR if you find yourself unable or unwilling to discourage the flirting attention that concerns you.
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