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My brother's girlfriend controls our lives!
In a family of six, it's pretty hard to be the center of attention all the time, but yeah, my brother is. He used to be into drugs, he was suicidal for a little while, he was arrested for aggravated assault (threatening with a knife), and just random, angry breakouts he's terrible at controling. Well, my brother has a girlfriend, who he, for a reason absolutely NO ONE understands, is "in love with". He's 16 and she's 17. She is probably one of the most annoying people I know. I don't even understand it because I know a lot of people that have a like personalities with her and he hates them. His "love" for her is absolutely unexplainable. Now, my parents are divorced and my dad's planning on moving to another state to be with his fiance soon, which is great because I would absolutely love too move, as would my dad. Honostly, I believe if it was just my dad, his fiance, and I living together, we would make a near perfect family. But, something is stopping my dad from moving. My brother said that he will not move and leave his girlfriend behind. After what I said earlier, plus the fact that my dad is the only on who can control him PLUS he HATES my mom, I think it's pretty obvious that if my dad moves away, my brother is gone. He'll probably end up running away and going to jail somehow. My dad doesn't want him to get in trouble and he doesn't want the extra stress to be put on my mom. Basically, the only way he will move is if he comes with us. Which he won't do because he would be leaving his girlfriend. So technically, his girlfriend has complete control of the outcome of this situation without even knowing it. Now, as much as it sounds, i'm not wanting them to break up just for my benefit. I really believe he would be a lot better off without her. She calls him in the middle of the night and if he doesn't pick up, she freaks out and gets a ride to our house or thinks he's mad at her or something. Really, he's been working a minimum wage job anytime he's not in school to pay for his car and HER cell phone plan that he bought her! Of course he would be exhausted from working that much! She has to spend every waking moment with him, whether he's tired or not. He's really suffering from sleep deprivation. I just don't know how to make him see how bad she is for him. He gets really touchy on that subject about whether or not we like her so he would probably rip my head off if he found out the whole family was talking bad about her and trying to get them to break up. I just don't know how to go about it all. Help is much appreciated!! Thank you!!!
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I am going to explain my situation and maybe you will understand. my parents divorced (we all lived in Ohio) and my dad decided to move to Missouri. I have a 1 year old son and my moms boyfriend had been beating me so i had to drop my friends and move with him. I work full time, raise a child, and have a boyfriend that im in love with you cant blame his girlfriend for the problems. she is probaly just worried about him when she calls and likes seeing him because shes in love with him. my little brother moved to missouri with us at first then he started rebelling threating to make him self get kicked out of school to run away back to ohio etc. your brother will do the same thing. to get here to see his girlfriend. your brother will have to start not hating your mother to stay there. if he doesnt want that your dad is gonna have to force him to go but hes going to just rebell
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Okay, don't blame the girlfriend.
There are two reasons why you need to stop blaming her, both out loud and in your head.
ONE:
Although she might be a total monster, she isn't the problem here. The problem is also not one you can fix. The problem is that neither your Dad nor your Mom are putting their foot down and being a parent and telling (a twerp of a 16 year old!) where he will live and what he will do, as is well their damn right.
So, remember this isn’t your fault or this dumb girls, it’s your parents, the both of them. They lost control of this situation a while ago, and although they might be doing their best, they clearly aren’t doing enough if their temperamental son gets to dictate the living arrangements based on his dysfunctional relationship.
TWO
Blaming her and hating her isn’t going to help. It will only drive your brother away and make things worse. Unfortunately, in the end, it will be up to your parents to fix this mess, but the best thing you can do as his little sister is just love bomb the dumbass. Find a way to enjoy spending time together, even if it’s just watching a TV show. Tell him about your problems and stress, and then ASK him about his. Tell him you worry about him ‘cause he gets so tired. Often the best way to show someone that they aren’t be treated well by someone else in their life, is to treat them like gold.
However, in the end, remember that you don’t have any control of the outcome here. Your parents are the ones who have to make the hard decisions and live with the consequences. You are just along for the ride. So, make that ride as enjoyable and rational as you can by letting go of your hate and bitching about this silly girl, and by embracing your relationship with your brother as best you can.
Even if you can’t move, even if he does run away and get worse and worse and worse, I promise you, you will never regret sharing time with him and letting him know you care about him and his well being.
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