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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
okay so i know we've all done it at one point or another, but see i met this boy...
i really like him but hes definitely the type of guy liked by EVERYONE and he knows it, and he loves to play mind games. he doesn't seem to be looking to commit, but hes also not a player he is the sweetest when it comes to girlfriends. its getting the gf status thats hard. i know that he likes me and im sure he wants me...thats not the problem. the problem is that i dont want to just give in to him so easily because i know him, and he WILL get bored. if we kiss, go out, hook up, w/e then in a week he'll be like 'alright were friends right?' and i want more than that. so i know this is really not the way to get someone...but i want to play his game. That's why i need advice...
what can i do to make him want me on a more serious level??? how do i play these mind games and do you think they can work? and please no lectures about how wrong this is because honestly its human nature to get bored if something is too easy we all do it. so in a way I'm just keeping things interesting. and besides, he does it too!
THANKS! =)
The Answer
Although you aren't totally off the mark on the 'human nature' point, mind games still don't really work. When they seem too, it's really more pure dumb luck then it is cunning.
It really is much, much simpler then that.
If someone can hook up with anybody, become the person they can have more then just a hook up with. Try to be the person who is a joy to be around, the person who is a decent conversationalist and who expands their horizons. The best relationships I've ever had have been the ones where it's a bit of a struggle to decide if you want to kiss them or keep on talking them.
If the chemistry to want to kiss is there, then it's there. It's the chemistry of enjoying one another as people you want to cultivate, and that isn't a mind game! That's just being an awesome friend, an good listener, and a generally fun person to be around.
Listen to what the other person is interested in, and try to show them something new or related to it they don't know about. Listen closely to what they say they are up to and ask follow up questions that show you are interested the next time you met. Pay attention to what conversations and games really get them excited and engaged, and initiate those! They like to talk about beat poets, hit the library or pick up some cool biographic facts on Burroughs. They want to talk hockey, read a few blogs and pick up some key phrases or forecasts for their favorite team.
Again, that isn't game playing. That's just being a good friend and expressing a real interest in another person.
It's really not rocket science, and when it comes to attraction rocket science is useless anyways. It's just about paying attention and being engaging. IF you do that, and there is chemistry, then all that is left to do is make sure they are clear about your interest, either because you flat out tell them, or because your behavior makes it clear: You wont hook up. You provide a guy with more than that, so you expect more in return.
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The Question
20/f.
I've never given head before and I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 10 months about 2 months ago. I really want to give it a try and obviously he would really like it. The thing is, I'm not so sure that I know how to give it. I understand the idea of it & I'm so used to giving hand jobs but I want to do more. Call me stupid I guess... but what do I do once I put his penis in my mouth? Is there a limit to how far in my mouth I go? Once its in, what kind of feeling am I supposed to give? Like a sucking feeling? Blowing feeling? I'm afraid my teeth are gonna bite down and that will really suck. What do I do with his balls & what do I do with my tongue? I have no idea!! Please help.
The Answer
No one here will give you graphic instructions on how to give a blowjob. At least, they shouldn't, because it's against Advicenator's rules. There are a lot of young teens here, so we don't go into the gory details you are asking for.
Just google 'How to Give a Blow Job' and you'll get more advice, tips and schools of thoughts then you know what to do with.
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The Question
Me= 17-F
Boyfriend=17-M
bf brother=17-M
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 15 months now. A year ago before his brother got his girlfriend, He complained alot saying i was stealing his brother and we only hungout once a week if that because we live 40 minutes away and talked on the internet an hour or so nightly. Since he has got his girlfriend they hangout all the time because they go to school together and she is pretty much his only friend now because he doesnt make time for his friends. He always says things to me now about how crappy me and my boyfriends relationship is just because we dont go out and do things everytime we see eachother because we'd rather stay at home and relax together. It always ticks me off and he's made me cry twice because i feel horrible. But last 3 weeks ago (the last time i saw him) his brother told us that we shouldnt kiss as much because it means our relationship is all lust and crap because he believes everytime we go to his room we stay down there and makeout the whole time...when in reality we go down there and cuddle and watch movies and just be together yes we kiss but we dont makeout the whole time we are away from eachother for 1 to 3 weeks at a time and he complains when i say i miss him when he says it right after he gets off school when he saw her a whole 10 minutes ago.
I just want to know why he always makes me feel like shit i love my boyfriend so much but im tired of his brother making me cry and feel like crap.
just please tell me why you think he might be doing this...
i just want to understand why hes doing this to me when, when me and his brother first started dating he seemed to like me.
HELP!
The Answer
Really, who cares WHY he is doing it?
Obviously he is both a hypocrite and an arrogant kid. His opinions never really mattered, and they matter even less since they can't stay consistent.
No one can make you feel like crap without your permission. So stop giving this guy permission to make you feel like crap.
The next time he makes a comment say calmly and kindly "Well, all relationships are different and I'm very happy in mine." If he doesn't get the message, walk away, change the subject, or simply ignore him. If he STILL doesn't get the hint say "Your comments are hurtful, I know we have different opinions so please, keep yours to yourself."
He shouldn't have the power to make you miserable. Stop letting him have it.
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The Question
I recently just discovered that right between my breasts there is a lump, and it really hurts. Its under the skin. Its extremely sore, especially when i touch it. When i touch it, or somebody else does...it feels like the wind was knocked out of me. About six months ago i had a pilodinal cyst (sp?) and im not sure if it is another type of cyst. I cannot lay on my stomache because it is too painful, and i cant stretch certain ways either.
Has any of you ever had this? Please explain to me and put my mind at ease.
16/f btw.
thank you
The Answer
Go to a doctor and ask them.
Cancerous tumors are generally not painful. Especially at your age, it's more likely a cyst.
But you need a doctor to tell you for certain.
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The Question
At universities the course numbers of your classes are in the 100s, the 200s, the 300s, etc. and a 100 level class (ie. Psych 101) is the easiest level and they get harder and harder by level. I'm assuming most universities do it some way simliar to this? Well, the university i go to requires that in order to graduate, a certain amount of your credits have to be from 300 level classes. I'm kind of worried that those classes will be super hard and having to take a bunch of them might be a problem. So, what i'm wondering is if this is pretty common among grad. requirements at most universities, or if this is just something mine does. I know some probably do and some probably don't and not all universities are the same, but i'm wondering if a requirement like this is pretty stardard or not?
Thanks!
The Answer
Most will have a similar standard in some way or another.
But more then being about their level of difficulty those numbers often also refer to what year of schooling the courses should be taken in. 100 and 200s are generally for your first year or two, and then you begin to take more 300 and 400.
It's not a bad idea to speak to other students and get an idea of what courses are really difficult and what ones aren't, so as not to give yourself a really unbearably heavy semester. But that's just good planning. Don't worry to much about the 300s. Look at it as more like the difference between a grade 9 English and a grade 10 or 11. Time will help you improve and prepare.
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The Question
So today my boyfriend was saying something about only 2 girls have ever seen him naked, one of them being me. Is it safe to assume that he has only slept with one other person than? thanks
The Answer
I would hope so, at most.
'Cause hey, he might have meant his mom!
Really, this the kind of question you really should be able to ask your partner.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. I invited his whole family to my home for Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday. His brother is married to a much older woman who has a daughter my age (43). My boyfriend and her dated for a brief time, he says no sex but kissed. My boyfriend's brother and his wife invited her to come along to my home. This was the first time his family was at my house and I had a very difficult time dealing with her being there. I felt I was put on the spot by having to have her in my home on this special occasion. I do not feel there is ANY chemistry between my boyfriend or her, but I feel he should have protected me by saying it may not be a good idea for her to attend. I was so upset, trying to keep it together the whole time while preparing dinner. My hands shook, I got upset to my stomach, and was barely able to eat. I blew up at my boyfriend in a private talk in the bathroom. Did I over-react? Was it appropriate for her to be there? My boyfriend feels he did nothing wrong. Is he right? Thank you for your advise.
The Answer
Yes, you over-reacted.
No, it wasn't appropriate for her to be there without an invitation from YOU, the hostess.
No, your boyfriend did do something wrong, he invited someone you don't know to your home on an already stressful occasion and made you very uncomfortable. I would expect him to at least acknowledge he made a poor judgment call, even if he honestly didn't think it was 'wrong'. He should be able to admit that he should have asked you before extending the invitation to another individual, ANY individual.
Now, the only reason I say you over-reacted is not because he was right in what he did, but simply because your reaction was so extreme. You aren't doing YOU any favors by becoming that upset. You made a bad situation worse by blowing up at your boyfriend during the event, when honestly, you should have blown up at him at a more private moment, preferably before the dinner to hopefully get it out of your system and put him on his best behavior.
So, I say you over-reacted not because you were wrong (you weren't) but because you should aspire to handling such things much better.
If the relationship was brief and there is no chemistry any more, it's not so unthinkable that your boyfriend thought it would be harmless and polite to extend the invitation to include her. Although this was a bad choice, it's not necessarily a cardinal sin. Talk it out with him again trying to remember that: He made a dumb decision, but not an evil one.
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The Question
I am a married woman and i am also bisexual, my husband and I have a open relationship.
I met this woman a year ago I was so attracted to her and we started having sex shortly after. We used to meet at my home at least twice a month to have sex, every day she would send me messages saying have a wonderfull day or I miss you very much. I also spend money on her doing little things such as putting gas in her car paying her cell phone bill ect.
Now I noticed that she barely calls me and when I do call her she tells me some excuse like I am busy working perhaps next time.
What really bugs me is that she does not want to have a conversation as to what the problem is, she says she does not have to explain me anything.
It is very difficult to communicate with her. I told her that she is selffish and only thinks of herself and that she is only using me.
She became very angry and is now saying that she does not want to have sex anymore with me. I have tried to apoligize to her by calling her but she just does not care to listen I even went to her home to apologize and she would not let me in to talk about the situation. She just said go home and looked threw the window and said I don't want to see your face.
That really made me feel really bad and I went home.
I told my husband about the way she treated me. He said she was never your friend to start with she only wanted to have sex in exchange for something and made me believe that she is really me friend. I really liked her alot and I really thought that we could have sat down and talked about it but she does not communicate at all.
The Answer
To assume she was never your friend, or that she simply wanted something from you is not very fair.
Unforcunately, I'm inclined to agree with this woman: She doesn't owe you an explination, and she doesn't need to communicate if she doesn't want too. She's made herself very clear. Whatever the arrangement between you two was, it stopped working for her. Now she is upset and angry. Maybe she would be less upset if the two of you talked it out, but if she doesn't want too, then she doesn't want too.
That is part of the trouble with 'secondary' relationships in an open relationship: your partner might not realize it's a relationship at all, so they don't feel the same obligations to communicate or explain that they might otherwise feel.
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The Question
17/f
Over the last year and a half one girl has basically ruined my life. She has assaulted me twice (ruined both grad events so far this year) and turned everyone against me. I don't have many friends, I can't go to parties.. it's just a bad situation. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I FINALLY told the principal last week because of the last assault (I am pressing charges) and now she has been expelled (the school board, not the principal.. she has a bad history as it is).
Except now her friends are all trying to make me feel guilty. They're telling me she is dropping out (not finding another school even though she has that option) and she is going back into using hard drugs. They're telling me about how she has no home (lives with a friend) and now no chance to get an education. This isn't my fault. I didn't tell her to ruin my life, I really didn't. I haven't said anything back to her friends. They're trying to pressure me into telling the principal that she needs to come back to our school. I don't want her back! I don't want this pressure either though. What should I do? Thanks..
The Answer
Take a deep breath, and endure.
Her getting expelled, and even more so her choosing to drop out, is HER choice. You didn't give her some mind altering drug that made her attack you. You didn't somehow ban her from every other educational facility in the state. You didn’t shoot her up with drugs. She's making those choices and those choices suck.
However, when her friends push at you, there is a simpler response: It's not YOUR choice if she gets expelled or not. Tell them simply that it doesn't matter what you say, the school has made its decision. It doesn't matter if you want her back or not, you could go to the principal and bawl your eyes out begging for her to return to school. It wouldn't happen. It's not up to you. It's up the adults. The adults have made their choice and it doesn’t matter what ANY student says. Not you, not her, and not her friends.
Tell them that. They will still be whinny brats and they will still blame you, but they can't argue with that logic. Seriously, what kind of dumbasses think that the principal is going to listen to YOU over the school board. Hell, even lie to them and say you DID ask the principal to be lenient, but he said the rules are the rules, because that is exactly what he would have said if you asked.
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The Question
The other day he got very upset with me over a message he saw in my inbox from an ex bf. We got in the biggest fight about it and I had never even seen the message. He looked at it before I could and blew up about it.
I do get messages from the ex every now and then but I don't even read them, I automatically delete them. He claims that he only got on to do something I asked him to do. But, thing is, I asked him to do said thing MONTHS ago so I know that is not the reason he signed on my account.
So right now, I am in idk land wondering what to do about this whole situation. If it helps anything, im 18, him 19.
The Answer
Tell him ONCE more that you do not read the messages from your ex, but if it makes him happy you will block/ignore him. (If you haven't been reading them anyways, this should be something you'd be willing to do.)
Then change your password to Facebook and anything else your boyfriend has access too. Tell him you think what he did in reading your private messages was very wrong, but are willing to let it go this time. Remind him that if anything like this happens again, you wont be so calm about it.
If you know that you did nothing wrong, put HIS jealous ass on the defensive. Because HE did do something wrong. Tell him that you wont let him blow up at you or punish you for this. Demand he trust what you've told him and tell him you have changed your passwords to avoid this kind of mess again.
If has a problem with the solutions I offered above of ignoring/blocking the guy and then changing your passwords, then he is an insecure child and possibly a controlling jerk and you should dump him.
If he can accept that solution. Good. There is some maturity for you.
If you have any of his passwords, get rid of them.
I know it seems cute to share this kind of information, but it's not. It's just asking for drama and trust issues. Just nip this problem in the bud now and be cautious if you ever find him snooping again.
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The Question
im 14/f.okay so last sunday i gave my bf a bj. and we were texting last night and my parents were pissing me off and i told him and he was calling them names because he knows how mean they are to me. well mom took my phone away and read all the texts and the one about me giving him a bj and shes soo pissed. so on our way home we stop at his house and he had already told his mom what was going on and she said i was no longer allowed at his house because his mom lets us go up to his room alone, and thats wen i gave him the bj.
we were leaving and i could tell he had been crying, and ive never seen him cry in the 3 years ive known him. well he reached out to hug me and mom said no and told me to go he was like please but she woudlnt let me give him a hug.
then she kept my phone so now i cant talk to him or see him till monday!! and its thanksgiving and idk wat to do.
ive been crying all day and mom yells at me if i cry because she says im not hurt in any way. i tried telling her it was my life but she says its not my life till im 18 and i cant make the decision to do stuff like that now.
i dont know what to do about all of this...i need to talk to him it cant wait till monday. but ma wont let me and shes pissing me offf.
i dont know what to say to her, or what to tell my bf on monday...
she said he can still come over here, but if hes here we have to sit in the living room and he can like only put his arm around me no kissing or nething.
what can i say to her?
or to him on monday?? idk if hes mad at me or what, he'll probably blame himself even though its not all his fault...
what do i do??
The Answer
For now, say and do nothing.
Suck it up, like the mature young lady you ought to be. Cry in private and deal with it. You did make mistakes; the biggest one was giving into childish impulses and pissing off your parents. If you are going to break their rules, for goodness sake you need to be more cautious about it and don't leave evidence like text messages if you live in an environment where your phone can get snatched like that!
Let him blame himself. It's both of your faults. Both of you choose to do something you knew would royally piss off your parents. You took a risk and you got caught. These are the consequences of that risk. Don't lie to yourselves and pretend you didn't know it.
You CAN wait till Monday, and you better, because if you get caught again you are only going to get yourself in more trouble, and I don't think you are thinking clearly enough about this yet to manage to be sneaky enough anyways.
Calmly and maturely accept the situation. Tell your boyfriend what the rules and boundaries are in your house now, and enforce on him how you are both going to obey them! Because your mother is right with this much: As long as you live in her house you will have to follow her rules, and for the next little while she isn't going to give you the chance to break them at all. If you try to take that risk again, you are going to get into deeper trouble. You are fourteen. Your mothers can separate you, but neither you nor them want to start that war. The only way to avoid that is to abide by their rules.
Now, I’m not saying your mom is the prefect parent. She might be an unholy monster. But she is still the parent and these are still the rules. The rule of 'no sex in my house' and even 'no kissing in my house', is not an unfair one. I'm 23 and my mom still has a 'no sex in my house' rule. That's her right.
The sooner you show her you can accept those rules and deal with them respectfully, the sooner she will either relax there... or give you enough space that you can start taking the risk of doing things that really piss her off again.
It’s not just about who is right. It’s about what works and what will get your closest to what you want. So, behave yourself.
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The Question
I am a 17 year old girl who is questioning my past. I have heard about people who were abused and forget the entire thing, and was wondering if this was a possibility for me. I am extremely afraid of sex and have anxiety about men. I hate hearing footsteps behind me because it scares me. I am also afraid at night that there is someone in my room. I sometimes have dreams about groups of men chasing me. I used to self-mutilate a few years ago and I also had an eating disorder.
I am asking this question because I heard that these are things that abused people do, and because people in my support group for eating disorders have asked if I was abused after I talked about some things. Is there any way to find out, or any other clues I can look for? Thanks =]
The Answer
Only you will be able to find the answers to these questions, HOWEVER, I will strongly caution you to NOT take the word of layman and just anybody about this supposed abuse.
Self-mutilation, eating disorder and the anxiety you describe do NOT have to have a situational cause. That means, there doesn't have to be a 'reason' or something that 'happened' to trigger them. They can just be, biologically and neurologically, the way you are. Human beings are animals, and animals experience fear. Human beings are complicated animals, who come up with complicated ways to experience and deal with fear, but we don’t need necessarily need a past experience to fear. Fear comes to us naturally, it’s doesn’t need a good reason.
In the 1950s therapists and psychiatrists weren't as aware of the power of suggestion and through some practices 'discovered' memories of abuse in thousands of people who were never actually assaulted or abuses. Our minds can be amazingly convincing at rebuilding scenarios and memories if the suggestion that is must have happened in strong enough. Unfortunately, many people still believe the myth of ‘repressed’ traumatic memories, but the truth is that situation is very, very rare in real life.
Modern doctors pretty much agree that memories of child abuse are VERY, very rarely completely forgotten and then remembered later. It just doesn’t happen in life like it does in the movies.
Read this information from the American Psychological Association on memories of childhood abuse. It should give the real facts, not the common myths.
http://www.apa.org/topics/memories.html
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The Question
my boyfriend of seven months today has been hanging with this guy that so happends makes me want to barf i hate him last year he played me like a real player and did to all my friends. i hateee himm not to mention hes a bad kid drugs im guessing and GIRLS. so my boyfriend is hanging with him and already i notice a difference from him and i get mad everyday and the trust thing is weakeining and it kills me i want to tell him to stop hanging out with him and my friends said they understand my delmea but when i ask him why was here there at that time he wont tell me he goes cuz or something that makes me want to fucking punch him so im going to tell him how i feel about it and that if hes going to make me feel this way everytime then well im gone sorry i dont know if im sounding selfish or what i just dont know what to do and I REFUSE to cry over it im holding back as tight as i can but you know what there will be a time where i cant take it. someone help me and quick its like 4 now and hell be at my house so i can talk to him in a couple of hours if not then well know why he didnt come over *the kid i hate****
The Answer
You might have a good reason not to like this guy, but your boyfriend might have good reasons to like him. Your reasons don't get to be automatically more important then his.
So go ahead and tell your boyfriend how you feel, but after you do you need to listen to how HE feels, even if you don't like it.
It's on you to decide if this is worth being miserable and dumping him over, or if it's something you can let go with your boyfriends reasurence. It's not selfish to feel something, but it is selfish to accuss his or demand he feel the exact same way you do about this guy. His feelings are just as valid as yours and he is allowed to disagree with you.
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The Question
what is the most meaningful thing anyone has ever said to you when you were at such a low point in you're life? i would really love to know what people say to others, something that they will keep with them forever. any advice that helped you get through some rough times, because right now i'm going through really hard times.
The Answer
"You're the strongest person I know. You are like Humphty Dumpty. Someone knocks you down, and you just put yourself together again and say "Come on! Give it another try! I've put canons on this sucker now!"
"I'm lucky to know you. You made me stronger."
I know, it's silly, but it's the nicest thing I've ever been told.
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The Question
is it possible for someone else to change you who are? my best guy friend has been going out with his girlfriend for three years and he completely changed and i think she changed him. the thing is i always hear people saying "you can not change someone, you can only change yourself" but i know this is not how he wants to be because i have talked to him about it so many times. she pretty much made him lose all his friends, including me (we were friends for four years..) because she wants to be with him 24/7 and he said he feels bad saying no to her. i hate how he is when he is with her, he is so different than when i knew him before he went out with her. it's like he only wants me when she is not around, and that does not fly with me. i just don't understand, like am i wrong for thinking she changed him?
The Answer
Perhaps better to say, you can't change someone else without their permission.
'Blaming' someone else for a change in your friend is as pointless as it is misguided. If he didn't want the change, he could change back or resist it. If he REALLY didn't want to limit his other friendships, he wouldn't. Him feeling 'guilty' isn't her fault, it's his fault for being a pussy.
So yes, you are wrong for thinking she 'changed' him. She's probably just been her own, naturally clingy self. That might not be pleasant, but it doesn't make everything her fault.
Besides, it's been three years. He was going to change over that length of time. That is a given. People change a lot in three years, especially as teens or young adults. If this is the way he's chosen to grow, then that is his choice. By all means, tell him what you think of it, but don't blame her, take him to task on his behavior, not his relationship.
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The Question
Okay well my family and I were shopping in down town toronto. My mother and brother split up to do shopping together and then it was just me, my dad, and sister.
Well there was this old homeless guy we keep passing and my sister and I felt huilty since we had grocery bags hanging from our arms and we keep passing him. My Dad told us not to give him money cuz "he already gets enough from the governemnt for being old" but when he wasn't looking, my sister threw three dollars into his hat.
We went into this building to wait as he went to the bathroom and then this guy that looked homeless walked inside started swearing at us like crazy and he kept saying fuck you fuck you to us for giving the guy money. Some people aorund us were really scared and we just stood there taking it in because we weren't sure if he'll take a knife out of no where and stab us or something.
After he was done ranting, he went into an elevator and left and then my Dad came back form the washroom a minute later and my sister and I just pretended like nothing happened.
But I just feel really scared right now and I don't know what to do. I probably watch a lot of scary movies because I keep thinking he's going to find us. If he really is homeless, we wouldn't have gave him money too! My sister said that she saw him once when were crossing the street but he wasn't asking for spare change or anything!
The Answer
I can pretty much promise you that he doesn't have the presence of mind to find you. He probably wouldn’t even remember your face if you walked right up to him today. I’ve lived down here for years and walk by everyday, along with thousands of others, and the regulars in my area don’t seem to recognize me at all. Really, they have bigger concerns then young girl’s faces. I’ve been harassed over a slice of pizza, been called every vile name in the book, grabbed at and sneered at by some people on the streets here, and yes it is scary, but it’s not personal. No one has every shown signs of recognizing me or following me. It’s just not personal.
You unfortunately discovered the reason why I don't give money out on the street. The sad truth of the homeless situation in most large cities, and definitely in Toronto, is that most of the visible homeless are mentally ill. The Canadian system is surprisingly effective and helpful at keeping addicts and the other more ‘physically’ ill people off the streets, and absolutely atrocious at providing support for the mentally ill. Studies have found that almost 70% of TOs homeless population has a lifetime diagnosis of a mental illness. This is actually a good thing to keep in mind in any major city: It is more likely then not that a visibly homeless person is mentally ill.
I don’t mean to add to the stigmatization of either the homeless or the mentally ill. But I think as a young woman consider a way to move safely through the city it’s something you should keep in mind. I do understand the guilt, but the price you can pay trying to alleviate that bad feeling can be very high. You are far better off to write a cheque, or volunteer then you are to give cash handouts. It’s better for the system, and it’s safer for you.
Take this as a learning experience and let it go. This guy probably yelled at a half a dozen people that day alone. Although it made a real impression on you, you probably made no impression on him at all.
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The Question
This is probably better off answered by those in the "real world" or at least with real jobs...
Anyway, I'm 18 years old and I really want a tattoo... the tattoo I want is the word "love" and a heart on my wrist - it would be very small and nothing eccentric. Just black lettering and the outline of a heart. No color or anything.
The reason I want that tattoo is because I used to self-injure, and if you google "To Write Love on Her Arms", you'll understand.
My only problem with getting it is that I plan on going into teaching and I'm not sure how professional it would look to have a tattoo that I won't be able to cover up.
In all honesty, I'd rather get the tattoo on my foot/ankle area, but it wouldn't make sense... would it... since the cause is to write love on her ARMS...? I'm not quite sure what to do.
I know not to get the tattoo until I'm positive about it since it's permanent, but I just wanted opinions. I especially want opinions of more professional people who have been in the work place and know whether or not having a visible tattoo, especially one that can't be covered at all, would make a difference in getting hired (more specifically, the tattoo I actually want).
Help? Thanks!
The Answer
This really is something you need to consider in terms of the area in which in live and the types of communities in which you want to teach. You might also ask a teacher you know if visiable tatoos are against policy at your school. Someplaces they are, and some they aren't. It all depends.
I live in a large, multi-cultural metropolitan city. A tattoo like the one you are describing would not affect the perception of an individuals' professionalism too greatly in my area, however, I live in one of the more socially liberal places on this planet. If you want to teach at private schools, religiously mandated schools or even schools with more conservative communities then you are very right to be concerned about the stigma attached to a tattoo.
There is one other thing I’ll throw out there for you to consider, and that is the very personal message you are considering making public. Imagine an engagement ring. It’s a very lovely, very important symbol of a personal message between you and one other person, HOWEVER when you put it on the ring finger of your left hand, it is no longer simply a personal message of love. It’s a public message that implies a whole host of things you might not be intending. Many people joke about the way they are treated differently once they are wearing a ring, even by complete strangers. Of course, most people love that public attention when it comes to being married.
‘Write love on her arms’ might not be as well known a public symbol as a wedding ring, but it’s still a public symbol. If you put a personal message out there, to be interpreted by the public, they might not understand it the same way you do. With a tattoo, you’ll need to accept that for the rest of your life, people might interpret the message very differently then you personally have and there is nothing you can do about that ‘cause you put the message out there.
Now, I’m all for tattoos, but I think it’s really important to understand the power of symbols, especially those which are understood by others, because when you adopt a symbol of personal belief or opinion publicly, you can’t control what others might think of it. That goes for wearing a religious pendant around your neck, or a rainbow flag outside your door, or a politicians pin, but those things you can remove if the interpretation others have of them is uncomfortable to you, like you said, a tatoo is permenant.
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The Question
I'm really like this girl who is in my school ok but I'm really nervous to ask her out as i dont know her and im not in her class.So I was thinking of getting my cousin to do it as he is in her class and I was wondering to girls find that a bit weird.SO MY QUESTION IS DO GIRLS HATE IT WHEN SOMEONE GETS THEIR FRIEND TO ASK THEM OUT FOR THEM?
(I wouldn't do it myself as i couldn't stand getting rejected like that)
The Answer
I would hate it.
I did hate when I was teen, and now in my twenties I'd find it absolutely unpardonably.
A girl feels a few things when that happens: The first one is confussion. She might think it's a joke, or not serious. She might think the friend is just acting on thier own, and she can't be sure you are really interested, or how interested you are. She'll probably say no simply because she is confused and uncertain about what is going on.
'Cause really, if a guy doesn't even want to talk to you, how interested can he really be?
Sorry hun, if you want to really be treated like the human being, with human feelings, you are going to have to face her like another human being. If you don't, you'll never know if you got rejected for yourself, or just because of the way you delivered the message.
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The Question
Ok so I dated this guy two times and eventually I came to my senses. He was EXTREMELY awkward and completely insensitive. He had pretty much no emotions. He didn't even care when I dumped him! However, I did notice that he began associating with my friends and my brother, who is also a friend. He was getting on my nerves, not because I felt like he was "stealing" my friends, but because I felt like he was waaaayyy more involved in my life then he should be. It was weird, and most of my friends thought he was extremely annoying. Especially my brother. Well, this guy pretty much had no friends except for mine, and none of mine had his lunch period. So he'd sit with my brother because he thought they were "friends". Now, my brother ran away two weeks and one day ago today, and I am pretty sensitive about it because he was one of my closest friends and we had a great relationship. Well, the other day, my ex JUST notices he's gone and starts annoying everyone and asking where he is. For some reason, this pisses me off (sorry for the language). Not only can I NOT STAND this guy, but now he is pretending like he was my bro's best friends and all caring JUST NOW after two weeks and one day of him being gone! I don't know why it ticks me off so much, but I feel like slapping this kid. Do I even have the right to feel this way? Does anyone understand or should I be ok with this? I just don't know why this upsets me so much. I don't get why he would care, my brother's business was certainly NOT his. I don't know what to feel... Help?
The Answer
You always have a right to FEEL whatever the hell you do. You just have to remember your feelings don't give you the right to behave any old way you like.
You don't need to be okay with this. Your brother has run away and this guy is an insensative lout. Only a zombie would be perfectly okay with this. Just don't be violent or overly cruel. If this lout approaches you, glare at him, tell him you don't want to talk about it and to please leave you alone. Be has firm as you need to be until he gets your message.
My thoughts are with you and your family. Take care of yourself.
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The Question
i am 20 year old male and i been with My girl foralmost three years and we have a baby on the way but a year and some time ago i cheated on her with this girl and we messed around twice WITH protection and she got pregnant the baby is now five months and and every since she was pregnant i asked for a dna test and she refused to give me one saying things like no and she would think about it i saw the baby once when he was a month but i say pic of the baby and the baby have my nose and my lips so what should i do should i jus take care of a baby that i dont know is mine because i dont want to seem like a bad person i really am trying to but the female is making me feel like see is hiding something
The Answer
Take care of the child emotionally and in any other way the mother will allow. Visit, provide small gifts, be avalible for helping out and do what is asked of you by the mother.
The child COULD be yours, so that much is right.
Do NOT pay child support, sign anything regarding parental rights, or give her any money until you have a paternity test. Be prepared to pay for the test yourself.
Be clear with her: You are willing to take her word on this and treat the child as your own, but you expect a paternity test before you enter into any more of a legal situation with her or the child. Basically, she doesn't see a dime until she consents to a paternity test. If she tries to take you to court for child support, she will quickly find the court will support your position.
In the meantime, it would be a good idea to set aside some money from each paycheck for the child. If it is yours, you'll be required to pay the child support for the months you've missed so far.
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