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Thanksgiving dinner with boyfriend ex-girlfriend
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. I invited his whole family to my home for Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday. His brother is married to a much older woman who has a daughter my age (43). My boyfriend and her dated for a brief time, he says no sex but kissed. My boyfriend's brother and his wife invited her to come along to my home. This was the first time his family was at my house and I had a very difficult time dealing with her being there. I felt I was put on the spot by having to have her in my home on this special occasion. I do not feel there is ANY chemistry between my boyfriend or her, but I feel he should have protected me by saying it may not be a good idea for her to attend. I was so upset, trying to keep it together the whole time while preparing dinner. My hands shook, I got upset to my stomach, and was barely able to eat. I blew up at my boyfriend in a private talk in the bathroom. Did I over-react? Was it appropriate for her to be there? My boyfriend feels he did nothing wrong. Is he right? Thank you for your advise.
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Yes, you over-reacted.
No, it wasn't appropriate for her to be there without an invitation from YOU, the hostess.
No, your boyfriend did do something wrong, he invited someone you don't know to your home on an already stressful occasion and made you very uncomfortable. I would expect him to at least acknowledge he made a poor judgment call, even if he honestly didn't think it was 'wrong'. He should be able to admit that he should have asked you before extending the invitation to another individual, ANY individual.
Now, the only reason I say you over-reacted is not because he was right in what he did, but simply because your reaction was so extreme. You aren't doing YOU any favors by becoming that upset. You made a bad situation worse by blowing up at your boyfriend during the event, when honestly, you should have blown up at him at a more private moment, preferably before the dinner to hopefully get it out of your system and put him on his best behavior.
So, I say you over-reacted not because you were wrong (you weren't) but because you should aspire to handling such things much better.
If the relationship was brief and there is no chemistry any more, it's not so unthinkable that your boyfriend thought it would be harmless and polite to extend the invitation to include her. Although this was a bad choice, it's not necessarily a cardinal sin. Talk it out with him again trying to remember that: He made a dumb decision, but not an evil one.
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