Brandi_S's advice column | Page 158

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Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

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hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

I have to do a project... a timeline, short essay, etc.

But I really don't know any memoirs. I went to the library and tried searching for one on the computer...

But it didn't give me any memoirs. The searching is limited so it just gave me title of books with the word memoir in it.

Is there any memoir that you found interesting
and that I could get from a library..?

Search memoirs wikipedia. You will come to a page that has the definition of the word, and at the bottom is a list of authors of famous memoirs. Maybe you can find an idea in that list.

Lets say your mother or father, or sister, etc says something to you and then they explain what they meant, however, you still are upset so you go to this website or another one like this to get reassurance that everything is ok do you feel that you still need an explanation again from your mother, father, sister, etc. or do you put the remarks behind you and say everything is ok. And why do you feel this way. Thanks

Okay. I understand how it can be upsetting when someone says something to you that bugs you. It's good to get a little extra reassurance, but I think there comes a point where you need to just drop it and stop dwelling on it. It isn't healthy to dwell on it for a month, let alone a year.

No matter how many times you ask us, you will still get the same answers you have printed to refer to. We just have to keep repeating and repeating and repeating. Saying the same thing over and over.

Listen. Put it behind you. Every time someone says something to you that sounds a little off, put it away in a little box in your mind for later disposal. Then get rid of it. Clean it clear out of your mind.

I feel this way because I think you are just torturing yourself. You stew and stew and stew, but what does it do for you other than make you feel bad? It makes you feel bad about yourself. If others are actually aiming to do that, you are letting them win.

You will be much better off and feel much better about yourself if you stop taking things people say to heart. No matter who it is that says it. No matter what it is they say.

Hey, I'm quite blunt. My honesty is sometimes brutal. Do you fret and stew over what I say? I sure hope not- what would be the point of that? What I say to you is purely opinion, just like what these other people say to you.

The only opinion about you that should really matter is your opinion of yourself. I worry that your self opinion isn't the best, as in you are your own worst critic. I think that opinion would improve by leaps and bounds if you would just stop worrying over what others think about you.

Take a long look in the mirror. Do you like who you see? Can you find anything you like about that person? If the answer to these questions is no, then you aren't even seeing yourself. You are only seeing ugly reflections of what you think other people think you are. You aren't being fair to yourself. Hell, you aren't even giving yourself a chance.

You deserve to be happy with yourself, and who cares what anyone else has to say about it. Even me.

My mom is punishing me because i got an In danger of failing in math. She told me No Comp. for 2 weeks, I dont really want that so I go on anyway. She caught me on and started cursing about how she doesnt trust me and how I "ripped her heart out" and how I'm disrespecting her, I had plans with my best firend tomorrow which she's making me cancel and she's just mad. I don undestand why she has to be on my back about it, she should just let me be. She talks about how she doesnt want the punishment to get bad, but she's making it bad, no one is forcing her to make things this bad, she's doing it on her own.
What can I do?!

-Jordan
13, Female.

Hate to tell you, kiddo, but your mother is right. I know you aren't going to like what I have to say, but you need to wake up and smell the proverbial roses.

Let's see... math is a part of your education. Your education is highly important for your future. It's a wonderful thing that she cares about that.

Hmmm.... let's weigh it out here and see what's important...
Computer..... Future
Plans with friends..... Future

I know your future outweighs both of these things, and so does your mom. That's why you are grounded from these things, because you need to take some time to put your priorities in order and focus on what is most important for you to make it in life outside of your high school world.
She wants you to spend less time goofing off on the computer and with your friends and spend more time getting your academics back on track. She doesn't want you to be a failure in your studies because she definitely doesn't want you to be a failure in life.
She isn't the one making things this bad. You are doing it to yourself.

It's almost 60 degrees in the middle of January.This is probably the warmest winter that I can remember.I can only imagine what the rest of the year's going to be like.

Is global warming the cause,or are there other factors?

I don't believe in global warming. Nobody seems to remember that global cooling was a big crisis years ago. I think they like to keep the country in constant panic and uproar.
I believe that the earth has gone through many different cycles over it's millions of years.
Just think... There once was an ice age!

this sounds really crazy but i dont know what to belive in ! i have been baptized etc but i dont belive in god, jesus , any of it my mum baptised me so i didnt have a say my step sister belives in 14th century witch craft and im interested as my sister told me that there first rule is " do what u please aslong as it does not hurt a soul" and that makes soo much scence to me ! i no this sounds different wicht craft etc.... but i want to learn what the do and how to become 1 i cant ask my sister as she and i dont talk etc ... does it mean that because im baptised i cant take another religion where could i find advice on this 14th century witch craft and advice will help xxxx

There is no reason in the world you can't believe in whatever your heart desires. That's the great thing about being a free thinking human being. And being baptized has nothing to do with it. You are not bound by law to believe in any religion.
If it is of your interest, check out Wicca. It is a peaceful religion that has a lot to do with nature and all that is natural.
The world can use another peaceful person if you ask me.

seriously. why the hell does everyone have a problem with emo kids? like..i dress emo but that doesn't necessarily mean that i go around cutting myself. and even if i did, why do people notice emo people more than everyone else? and why do people say stuff about them? its stupid. half the kids are obviously depressed and i don't think people should make fun of them. then the other half just dresses this way because they really like music.
grr. it just really pisses me off.

i know that wasn't really a question, but still.

Well, in my day it was the Gothic look. And yes, society looked down upon me, because I was all about wearing black head to toe. Even dyed my hair black.
It wasn't because I was depressed, though. It was because I wanted to be different from those around me. Kind of a statement that yes, I'm a unique individual and damn proud of it.
However, as I said, society looks down their nose at people like myself. It is because we are not a part of the majority.
As they say, majority rules. If they didn't have emo kids to look down on then they have no one left but to look down on themselves. Sad but true. They can't think of any other way to make themselves feel like a bigger person than to single out those who are different.

Hi, I'm a sixteen year old female from Canada. I like to wear short skirts and shorts in classes since I find them to be flattering and my school is very warm. Last year, our vice principals always told me to change because they were 'too short'.

I have a few problems with this. If I'm not exposing too much (in my opinion) can they legally give me a detention if I do not change? What might happen if I did not go to the detention?

Also, can I argue that they only ask tall people to change since the clothing appears shorter? One day me and my best friend were walking (wearing the same skirt in different colours - accidentaly) and they asked me to change, not her. We were together when it happened.

Thanks!

When I was in school, They only allowed shorts and skirts that were no higher than 3" above the knee. That went for those with short legs or those with long legs. It actually worked pretty good that way, having a set rule for amount of leg allowed exposed. That made it so there was zero confusion of what was acceptable. This was stated in the school's rule book.
If you were wearing clothing against the rules, they would send you home to change and notify your parents.
If it were a repeat offence, or you were wearing something way out of line, then yes, they would give you detention.

okay well im thirteen tomorrow and my boyfriend is a year older than me and yesterday my boyfriend told me that his best friend which is my best friend's boyfriend kept asking him how far me and him have gone but he wouldn't tell him. then they made a bet that my boyfriend would finger me by the 27. and last night i asked my boyfriend if i was just a f**king bet to him and he was like oh how do you know about the bet? and no your not just a bet. and we only made it because he wouldn't leave me alone. and then my boyfriend told me that it was also because he feels weird because my two best friends and their boyfriends have sex and stuff and he feels weird because we haven't and he feels left out. and then i was like well what are you trying to tell me ? and he was like well maybe we should do it because i want to because i love you. and i was like no. and he was okay with it but then he kept asking why and stuff and dont i want to know what its like and stuff like that. and i was like yeah i'm curious but i'm not ready to find out. we have only been going out for almost three months. it would be 3 january 10th. and then he was like well i love you and i want to go farther with you. and i was like " okay, i want to go farther but not all the way " and he was like "would you feel comfortable with 3rd?" and i was like yeah i guess and then i found out today that my best friends boyfriend bet my ass that he wouldn't finger me and my boyfriend bet my best friend's tit's that he would. i don't know wahat to do. i don't want to let him finger me if its all just because of a stupid fricken bet. im not a whore or a slut but i'm also not prude. a little advice please?

Well, I would have waited until the 27th and busted him on this bet when he tried to pull this crap on me. (Just me showing my horns a little...)
But seriously now...

If he feels he has to bet with his friends when he is going to get so far with you, then he isn't worth getting anywhere near what he wants. Fact of the matter is, he obviously has zero respect for you.

If he had respect, there would have been no bets made.

If he had respect, he would have dropped the subject when you said you weren't ready.

If he had respect, he wouldn't treat you like a whore or a slut. (I'm sorry, but sounds like what he has in mind about you.)

If he had respect, he wouldn't claim false love to you to get what he wants. (Sorry, dearie. But been going out 3 months and he says he loves you? He's just saying it to get into your pants.)

If he had respect, it wouldn't matter that everyone else is doing it, because you are not everyone else.

Want to find out what he really feels about you? Tell him to piss off. You will know at that moment if he loves and respects you.

It's cruel and it's hard, but I wouldn't lie to you.

ok.. this is going to sound really stupid but i'm deadly serious. i'm 15 and i've never actually got in with a girl. I really need advice because if i like somone and want to kiss them, doing it wrong will probally screw up my chances with them. I'm not ugly and i'm not weird, i've just never actually kissed a girl :/

advice would be really appreciated.

thanks!

I have nothing more to add to what igotamonopoly has already said other than everyone has been in your shoes. I don't see how any way of kissing could be considered right or wrong.
And if anything would screw up your chances with a girl, inexperienced kissing would be far from it.

Well me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and things have been great recently. We have been through alot but we have stayed together through it all and are doing amazing. He goes to another school than I do. At his school he can go out to lunch. Well there are these rumors going around at his school that he has cheated on me twice, with two different girls. Both days he supposedly cheated on me was on a Tuesday. Every Tuesday his parents are never home because they go to bowling tournaments that day. He also doesn't have a car, but on Tuesdays his parents let him drive their truck. So he always drives to lunch those days. Well one of his friends said that he had heard that my boyfriend had had sex with these two girls at seperate times. And what makes it more ironic is that my boyfriend's friend dated both of these girls before. Now his friend won't tell me who told him and everytime I ask my boyfriend he denies it of course and said he will get the number to each of the girls if he had to so I could actually talk to them and find it out for myself. Now I don't like to jump to conclusions so I try to manipulate a situation to see if I can make a liar tell the truth. Today I told my boyfriend that I had gone to the store and bumped into one of these girls. And that she had told me that it was true and that they had sex. Of course I lied and made that story up. I said it to get a rise out of him so maybe he would be honest and cough up the truth. But he didn't and actually said he was going to go to his school and have a talk with the girl and ask her why she would say a thing like that. So I am in a difficult situation. I don't have much prove except for substantial evidence, since he actually could have cheated on me those days, but that doesn't mean he actually did. I just need help on calming my worst fears and how to handle this. I don't want to believe his friend, because his friend has been trying to date me ever since me and my boyfriend first got together. So he might not be the best source to believe. Should I push the subject or give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt?

Well, it all comes down to this simple question only you can answer for yourself. Do you trust him or do you not?
In order to have a healthy relationship with anyone, you have to have trust and honesty.
How do you know his friend isn't lying to you? Is this friend really a reliable source of information?
And now, you have gotten yourself into a bit of a pickle. You lied to him right through your teeth. He will find this out from the girl you lied about, and I promise you he will not be very happy with you.
Out of your mistrust of him, you broke his trust in you. If he asks if you lied, your best bet is to come clean about it. You don't want to be as dishonest with him as you assume he is being with you. Why should you ever subject yourself into sinking to such levels? Be the better person.
Should you push the subject? No, I wouldn't. What good will it do? It hasn't done any good so far.
However, that doesn't necessarily mean I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, either.
I think you need to sit down and really think hard on that question I told you to ask yourself.
If you trust him, give him the benefit. If you don't trust him, is it worth your heart in the long run?

I am 16 years old and a Junior. I received my transcript and realized I didn't do so well and I will just say that I am not proud of the grades I got (I mainly got Cs, Ds, and some Fs), however, this year my grades are dramatically better. I am now getting As, Bs, and Cs. But, now that I am finally doing better, do I still have a chance getting into college? I know my college choices are limited, but do I still have the chance? And if not, what could I possibly do to save myself to get into college? Like if I kept those grades up all during my Junior and Senior year will that keep my chances of going into college?

Thanks for your time!

You can always go to college. Now, you may eliminate the possibilities of some schools (you know Harvard is out of the question), but there are many out there who will accept you as long as you pay to be there, and you keep your grades at a certain level. (You can flunk out of any college.)
Your choices aren't as limited as you think. I'm from Kansas, and I know I could have attended KSU if I wanted to go. And KSU is a good school with good curriculum. People go places from there, I promise you. My grades weren't that great in high school either.
Just keep those grades up, because your education is always important.

I was just wondering, because I know a lot of people make friends online and then meet up offline, and I've done it myself quite a few times.
Do you think that the type of forum or chat room you meet people on helps determine whether they are really who they say they are or how likely they are to be a paedophile?
For instance, do you think it's less likely that someone you've been talking to on a Christian chatroom/forum would be a paedophile than on a secular one?

Well, flat out, when you are talking to someone online, you never know who they really are unless you actually know them.
For instance, if you look at my column, you see my picture, my age, my gender, my occupation, etc. Now, all of that stuff is honest, I am who I say I am.
BUT... how do you know that for sure? What if my picture was really somebody else? What if I'm really a 67 year old male who works in a machine shop instead of a 28 year old female who is a homemaker?
Like I said, I promise I am who I say I am, but you don't know that for sure. You can't know that for sure.
That's a way predators get to you. Lie about who they really are.
Predictors feed on chat rooms where people are real trusting. Youth/teen chats, even christian chats. A lot of them will try to make you think they are just like you. Then, when they have your trust, they start prodding you for information.
NEVER give out any personal information that could allow a predator to know who you are, where you live, or how to get ahold of you in a private setting (such as calling you, or meeting you at the park).
Don't give anymore information to anyone other than MAYBE your first name (never your last name) and MAYBE your age.
When talking to people you really don't know personally, it is always better to protect yourself than to be a victim.

okay so I have no eyebrows.

Can you dye the hair around your eyebrows to make you have fuller eyebrows?

I've seen it on America's Top Models and on Extreme Makeover, I believe? There's hair around your eyebrows that are not dark but there..

So if I go to a salon type place.. could they fix my eyebrows?

They are pencil thin and way too close to my eyes.

Even people have noticed it. I want my eyebrows to be up higher but hair only grows on the bottom ?

I'm not asking if I could dye my eyebrows.. just the light colored hair around it to make fuller eyebrows.. Yea?

I did a search, and discovered someone asked a similar question on Yahoo!answers. Seems she got some pretty good information. It is about eyebrow fillers.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060804164747AAB5kFt

I am pretty sure that a salon can do something for your eyebrows. You may have to call around to find someone who actually deals with eyebrow filling.
I know you aren't necessarily asking about dye, but never do that yourself. The chemicals in dye can blind you if it gets into your eye.

My friend Mimi (size 6, but looks like a 4) went to a flea market and a woman was trying to sell her jeans. The vendor says to Mimi in a sheepish voice “I have jeans I am selling. You are a size 10, my daughter is a size 10.” That night when Mimi went home she told her friends what the vendor said and her friends said to her: “The vendor just wants to sell her jeans, she would say the same thing to a size 2.” My question: Do you agree with Mimis friends?

Yes I agree with Mimi's friends. The vendor is just trying to pawn off a pair of jeans on someone. Either that, or she is like me. I can't judge someone's size by looking at them.

My mum is positive the boy next door to us will 'harm'(touch) my brother. He's 13 and my bro's 3. I've known this boy for about 5 years now...and I haven't suspected him (although i don't relly talk to him much). He has 2 older brothers and his mother is one of my mother's best friends.

I don't know where she got this idea...but she said she saw the boy, one day, touch my brother's private. My bro wasn't wearing a pampers. I'm sure she's totally over reacting because she does this quiet ALOT! Also..it could be her mind to protect my brother because the night before she saw a baby and the baby's cousin raped her! I don't know what to think now...although I highhly doubt the boy's gay!!!

I don't want to change her mind..cause she'll come up with some stupidness to tell me. Now she doesn't want the boy to play with my brother...and she doesn't want to carry my brother to his mom's b-dai party. I know it sounds stupid for me to act like this...but my brother need friends too....what to do?
Leave them? I don't want the neighbour to hate us!!!!

I agree with everything Mallamun said.

I just want to add, that although your brother needs friends, he is only 3 years old. This other kid is 13. It could be taken kind of weird that a 13 year old is buddies with a 3 year old.

You say she is over reacting... but what if she isn't?

ok this is probably a weird question but i really dont have any one to turn 2 but theres this boy who ive been liking for 4 months now....in december me and him hung out and on that day we held hands and even made out a few times but we arent going out we werent going out back then either...i told him how i felt more than once but he still insists that we remain friends and now its getting to the point were i cry because of this one boy and i cant stand to see myself not with him but then again i dont want to feel this anymore i dont want to like him anymore how do i stop liking him ?

It's good to like people. However, it sucks that you can't just stop liking people.
You might try staying away from him for a while. Find different friends to hang out with. Look for another guy to like. Stuff like that.
Basically, the only thing you can do is to steer clear of him, and find something to do to take your mind of the infatuation you have with this guy.
Be patient and give it time. It takes a while to get over hurt feelings.

for the past 5 days my stomach has been upset. but over those 5 days ive started throwing up alot using the bathroom alot and getting dizzy also. everytime i stand up to go to the bathroom i feel like im about to fall because i feel so dizzy. my dad says to just drink lots of fluids but that doesnt seem to be helping haha ive been taking pepto-bismol and dayquil and nightquil. any advice on what i can take for my dizzyness (its the dizzyness like when you first get up in the morning and everythings off track)

thanks in advance

Sounds to me like you may have some sort of bad stomach flu. Since it has been for 5 days, I would advise you go see a doctor about it. It may be something serious.
As for the dizziness, It may be caused by the DayQuil and NyQuil. Do you have a bad cold? That is what those medicines are for. If you don't you shouldn't be taking them. They are to relieve coughing, sneezing, and congestion. Not upset stomachs. Taking medicine you don't need can only do more harm than good.
Try to see how you feel in the morning after not taking them all day the previous day.
The Pepto-Bismol is okay to take.
I still say that if your stomach problems have been going on this long you should see a doctor. At least call the office and ask what you should do.

okay so..im14/f and my boyufriend is 16. and over holiday break, his family went on vacation. they went on an 10 day cruise on the carribean. jealous? ya, me too. but while he was gone, new years happened. and i did something that i couldnt regret more. i hooked up with his best friend. but i couldnt really help it. we were at a house party. and it got crazy with liquor. and i drank. a lot. i was really wasted and out of it. but the point is, i have a very guilty conscience(?). i know that i wont feel okay untill i tell him. but how do you tell the person that you love with all of your heart that you cheated. how do you cheat on them in the first place. i feel dirty. hes the only person that i have ever been intimate with, and i know that i love him and he loves me back. its so hard to live with guilt. and i feel like a tramp. once again, how do i tell him. btw, hes incredibly strong and im sure he would hurt one of us. most likely the friend. what do i do to stop everything.

In response to your feedback:
You said that there was no sex... Well, your question is stated as though there was.
You said your boyfriend cheated on you worse... Nope- don't say that in your question. Says you cheated on him.
You said his best friend wasn't drunk... Well, that makes him an even worse friend, now doesn't it?

Well, first off, I'm sad to hear that you are drinking and getting drunk at the age of 14. Holiday or no holiday. Now you see why alcohol and minors doesn't mix. It makes you do stupid things.

Since you cheated on him with his best friend, you need to tell him. I'm sure it would sound better coming from you than from his friend if you want to keep him your boyfriend.

Be honest with what happened. Let him know you were drunk. It is a valid excuse, I suppose, but not a very good one.

You are going to have to realize he has the right to be mad. You have completely broke his trust. You threw his heart to the floor then stomped on it when you reached the point of zero self control.

You feel guilty? Good. You should. Guilt isn't a bad thing.

If he is the type of guy who would hit you in a fit of rage, then you need to go separate ways anyway.

As for if he hits his friend... well... maybe I shouldn't say this, but I know I sure would if I were him. What kind of a best friend is he to have had sex with you? Drunk or not?

oh my god og my god oh my god please anyone help i cant even type my best girl friend just committed suicide last night, i'm freaking out. i just heard this morning, she lives two streets away from me, i'm 16/m. she's 15/f. wow i really dont know what to say shes my only friend that ever listened to me and actually cared and i feel like im one of the main reasons she killed herself. she had tons of problems, and lots were with ppl i talked to and stuff. i duno what to do, oh my freaking god. i cant believe this. please help i seriously think i was the main casue of her wanting to die

Whoa there...
First, my deepest sympathies to you. This is a terrible loss for you.
I know you are very upset right now, I would be too. But I'm telling you one thing for certain, and that is it isn't your fault.
You were her friend, and I can't possibly see you being the cause of her suicide.

Read this link, it may help you understand the way you feel:

http://www.angelfire.com/hi5/memories0/id8.html

Here is a link for the same site. It is a message board/ chat room.

http://griefgroup.home.att.net.master.com/texis/master/search?cmd=recent&s=MB#pvtframe

Scroll to the bottom of the page. Type in a user name in the spaces below the bar that says you can type your message there.

I hope you find someone to talk to that will help you through your grieving process.

Just remember, your friend had some problems. She chose to do what she did. You are not to blame.

It may help to talk to her family as well. But you need to find someone to talk to for sure.

How many people feel that we should be allowed to post our questions without being deleted, once, twice, or a thousand times. There is another website that allows one to post as many times as you want. MODERATORS YOU REALLY SHOULD LIGHTEN UP.

I came in on this at "additional info."
Now, how about this:

From the way you word the second part to your question, makes me think "hmmmm... I think I know this person from previous questions..."

If you are who I think you are (and I'm sure you are just that person) then you have read my advice before, and if it sunk in, you know EXACTLY who I am.

1. I have answered your questions many a time before.

2. They have been most often the same in one since or another. I want to help you but am tired of repeating myself. You don't seem to listen or really even care about what advice I, or any other columnist on this site give you. Why should we waste our time on your redundant questions? You just seem to ignore what we say the first time around, rate us all 5, then ask again. You are wasting our time, energy, and effort.

3. When you reword questions, you just change a few words around. We are not fools here. We are not so completely stupid that we didn't understand the question- we obviously chose to ignore it.

4. You ask questions that have so many names and conversations involved they hurt my eyes to look at.

5. When you want to post a question for everyone to answer, you can't decide to ask it privately. Why not just choose to ask it privately to begin with? It is against the rules to ask it both ways.

6. As for questions that get shuffled to the bottom, it won't go unnoticed forever. Especially if it has no answers. I know I have noticed them and answered them. I try to help you the best I can but feel as though you don't think enough of me to really read what I write. Then, you post the same question, or something eerily similar, as if I hadn't answered it yesterday. That offends me. I'm quite positive I'm not the only one who feels that way.

You need to realize that you are by no stretch of the means the only person that comes to this site seeking advice.

As to your question in my feedback:
"Can I post the same question more than once on a few private columns or do I have to just pick one columnist to ask"

No. To answer a private question, you are only allowed to ask one columnist any one question.
You may ask a few columnists a few different questions, but they cannot be the same question with different wording.
If you want to get several opinions and tidbits of advice, you must ask the pool.
You need to be sure you read the information in the link I am putting below. It will tell you all the rules about asking questions.

http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?t=1

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