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how do i tell him?
okay so..im14/f and my boyufriend is 16. and over holiday break, his family went on vacation. they went on an 10 day cruise on the carribean. jealous? ya, me too. but while he was gone, new years happened. and i did something that i couldnt regret more. i hooked up with his best friend. but i couldnt really help it. we were at a house party. and it got crazy with liquor. and i drank. a lot. i was really wasted and out of it. but the point is, i have a very guilty conscience(?). i know that i wont feel okay untill i tell him. but how do you tell the person that you love with all of your heart that you cheated. how do you cheat on them in the first place. i feel dirty. hes the only person that i have ever been intimate with, and i know that i love him and he loves me back. its so hard to live with guilt. and i feel like a tramp. once again, how do i tell him. btw, hes incredibly strong and im sure he would hurt one of us. most likely the friend. what do i do to stop everything.
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You are my age & getting drunk? tsk tsk, you deserved what you got then. I know you're not gonna wanna hear anything I'm about to say, but if you're going to start drinking & espically getting drunk..at 14. You deserve to get dumped by this kid. I mean the poor kid goes away for a little while, & you can't even behave. You should be ashamed, seriously. I don't know what time of family you have, that lets you drink at such a young age, but where I live, you're known as a major slut/loser. Thats another thing to be thinking about. Since its the new year, maybe you should have a couple resolutions.
Anyways, what you just wrote, about how you love your boyfriend & how you'd never do it again, just tell him that. & just say, how it was an accident & you were stupid. & say, you have every right to break up with me. but, i really don't want you too. because i obviously care alot about you, that i told you what i did, because i want us to be honest with eachother & i just really care about you.
& junk like that. if you're lucky he'll accept the apology. & relize everyone makes mistakes.
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hey, i recently did the same thing to my boyfriend. now let me tell you that it was not easy at all. i just told him that i was drunk and that it was the biggest mistake of my life. i also told him that i love him very much and that he has a right to be mad at me and break up with me[i told him i hope he doesnt tho]. it was hard for him to forgive me at first. eventutally he did and now were back together. since your guy is usually angry it might be harder for him to accept the fact that you cheated. good luck =].
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my questions- was his best friend drunk too? did he pressure you into it? or did you start it?
first off, cheating is a terrible thing & i'm sure you're aware of that.. i can tell that you're sorry and that's probably the only good thing about this situation.
since you obviously HAVE to tell him, sit him down, wait until he's in a calm, serious, and happy mood, and just lay it out. explain that you were extremely intoxicated and you would never ever do it if you were actually aware of what you were doing.
but before you tell him, you might want to have a talk with his best friend to get your stories straight to avoid any further complications. this is a very sticky situation, and you wouldn't want to make anything worse so just make sure you know what you're talking about.
one thing that struck me as kind of scary is that you said he would most likely hurt one of you.. if it's even a question that he might ever harm you, i wouldn't even bother with him. now i could understand him hurting his friend, but not you, ever.
the chance that he will forgive you is very slim, but if you really have a strong love and if he thoroughly understand that you were drunk and didn't know what you were doing, then there's hope. just make sure he knows that you would never do anything like that again, that you truly love him, and that you honestly were 100% unaware of what was going on.. good luck hun!!! =D
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In response to your feedback:
You said that there was no sex... Well, your question is stated as though there was.
You said your boyfriend cheated on you worse... Nope- don't say that in your question. Says you cheated on him.
You said his best friend wasn't drunk... Well, that makes him an even worse friend, now doesn't it?
Well, first off, I'm sad to hear that you are drinking and getting drunk at the age of 14. Holiday or no holiday. Now you see why alcohol and minors doesn't mix. It makes you do stupid things.
Since you cheated on him with his best friend, you need to tell him. I'm sure it would sound better coming from you than from his friend if you want to keep him your boyfriend.
Be honest with what happened. Let him know you were drunk. It is a valid excuse, I suppose, but not a very good one.
You are going to have to realize he has the right to be mad. You have completely broke his trust. You threw his heart to the floor then stomped on it when you reached the point of zero self control.
You feel guilty? Good. You should. Guilt isn't a bad thing.
If he is the type of guy who would hit you in a fit of rage, then you need to go separate ways anyway.
As for if he hits his friend... well... maybe I shouldn't say this, but I know I sure would if I were him. What kind of a best friend is he to have had sex with you? Drunk or not?
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Well this is always a hard thing to do. Start by telling him you love him and then tell him the truth. You can include that you were drunk and you are sorry but don't use being drunk as an excuse if you make excuses he won't believe how sorry you are. After you explain it to him remind him it is not his friends fault it is soly(sp?) you fault. You are in the realtionship not the friend. You are the one who cheated it is you that can only be held responsible. Sorry to say that but it is true and I have a feeling from what you wrote you know that. But that may let him look at it from another point of view and keep him from being extremly angry with his friend. Point out also that you are telling him, it shows you love him and want him to trust you and you want to be honest with him. Just try to not make excuses, being drunk is not an excuse its a factor.
Good Luck!
HOpe i helped!
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Well when people drink they get stupid. That's a fact
and your only defense. Lets hope he realizes that.
I would like to ask if the friend was drinking too?
If he wasn't then he should have known better.
Since it was his best friend you really will have to tell him. If you don't he will or could use it to blackmail you into things.
As a rule I would say don't tell another person something like this just to ease your conscious. It doesn't make it better when you hurt them. But since
it also involves someone he considers a friend, you probably will have to tell him about it.
If you think he will hit you, tell him over the phone and give him time to cool off before you see him. Usually you would want to tell it in person but keep safe if you think he will get mad enough to hit you.
I hope it all works out for you. :)
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