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September 12, 2005Answers:
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I'm a raw and living foodest. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is I only eat foods that have not been cooked. I do this because it maintains all of the nutrients and enzymes intact and is much healthier. I'm not here to try to convert anyone. I think you can reach maximum health by eating all kinds of foods fixed all kinds of ways. This is simply my life choice. What I'm here to do is help educate people as to what is happening to thier food. Did you know that the pharmaceutical companies have lobbied to have a law voted on called "Codex Aimentarius" that will take away our freedom to take suppliments? It has already been implemented in Europe. Of course it is still ok for them to put steroids, antiboitics and harmones in our foods. Have you wondered why there is a great influx of people acting aggressively and out of character? I'm here to help guide you through this mess. If you want to eat meat...eat meat...just get chemically free meat. I'm here to help you understand what is happening to you.
advice
My boyfriend was sick previously for a couple of days. One of the nights that he was really sick I happened to be with him. I didn't leave him all night, I was constantly making sure he was okay and if he needed anything. He told me he appreciated this a lot. The downside of me being with him that night is that he got me sick too. So, all day today I've been pretty sick. You could see it in my eyes how horrible I felt. He commented on that a few times throughout the day. I constantly told him I felt pretty bad. He said sorry. Tonight I called, told him I was feeling very sick. He was watching T.V and was kind of ignoring me, so I just told him I'd call him back with an 'I guess' at the end- hinting how I wanted him to stay. He didn't.
It kind of bothers me how I was waiting on him hand and foot and not letting it bother me that I was practically a butler for him for a night, but he couldn't do a simple thing such as stay on the phone and comfort me.
Is this selfish of me to want comfort and attention from him?
First of all it is not selfish of you to expect a little loving care when you need it. The problem here is, and this is very unfortunate, but men just don't nurture us in our time of need as we do them. As a matter of fact a lot of men will disappear when you are sick. They just want no part of it. The unfortunate fact is they learned this behavior. Think about it. When they were sick growing up their mother hovered around and took care of them. Their father, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found. Where was your father while you and your siblings (if you had any) were sick when you were young? I bet he was anywhere but helping your mother take care of you. You can try to get him to be more helpful to you. Don’t get angry with him for this will only drive him away. If you can get him to bring you a bowl of soup be very grateful for it. Ask him sweetly if he can do this or that for you. Never use the argument that you helped him when he was sick so he should be willing to help you. You will get nothing from him at that point. People hate it when someone uses their good deeds to elicit something out of them. It nullifies the good deeds that you have done. Be patient with him. You can slowly wake him up to your needs.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
I basically just want to know what people think about this and whether I'm the one with the problem! Last night my male housemate asked me if i wanted to watch a film so i agreed even though it was about 11.30pm as i couldn't think of anything else to do. I started falling asleep in front of it and then waking up and not understanding what was going on so i decided to go to bed and i told him that. So he started saying how the evening had started off really well and now it had been spoilt and how i had agreed to watch it with him and i was breaking my promise. He kept sighing and just acting really unreasonably and going really quiet and pissed off. So i just went upstairs and told my other female housemate that i was not going to be made to feel guilty about not watching a film because its ridiculous. So he came upstairs and started yelling at me so i yelled back and it got totally out of control especially as all this is over a film!! So then he said that no one had ever upset him to this extent before and how he used to feel comfortable living in the house and now he won't anymore. Then i decided to go and talk to him because i dont like going to bed in the middle of an argument. He was just like don't worry i forgive you. So now its my fault!! WTF?? then he went and stayed at his friends house because he didnt want to sleep in the house cos of what happened. Does anyone else think this is strange? Or is it all my fault as he seems to think? I know maybe i shouldnt have yelled back but it really upset me! Thanks guys.
If everything happed exactly how you explained it then it is strange. It sounds like he was trying to strike up an argument with you. Is there something that he's been wanting of you that you have not wanted to be,do,say,etc... Have you two argued recently and you won the argument? There’s just no overt reason for his behavior unless he has an ulterior motive. He wants you to be guilty so you will feel obligated to do, say, agree, be on his side, etc…In other words, he is being very manipulative. Or, it could also be a symptom of a disorder called Borderline Personality disorder. These people have a habit of accusing people of doing things that are untrue. They live in a delusional perception. If this is the case, he really believes what he is saying. He thinks you’ve wronged him and there will be nothing you can do or say that will change his opinion.. He had a vision of how things were to go and you didn’t tow the line, so to speak. There other symptoms of this disorder, like, irrational behavior (which last night falls into). They go off the handle over the littlest things. Out of the blue you are in trouble for something that makes no sense (like last night). If this becomes habitual you may want to look the disorder up on the internet and investigate how you can cope with it. For the most part it is incurable because these people will never admit they have a problem and it is always someone else’s fault. They never take responsibility for their behavior. It boils down to…this behavior of his was uncalled for and inappropriate. Don’t let him push you around and don’t fall for his shenanigans. Stick up for yourself but do it with a calm and even voice. Don’t let yourself be drawn into what could be taken as an argumentative tone. They are good about turning things around on you and if you can keep your head and remain calm this will be very difficult for him to do.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
Okay. Long story short. I have religious Mormon friend. Religious as in very, very religious. Anyhow, we got into a discussion tonight at "impure thoughts" He seems to think it's a "selfish want" to think impurely about others. I said that it's impossible to be rid of them, that by repressing it them you are not getting rid of them, just concealing them and they will just build up. I said that what you need to do is deal with them and get them out of your system.
Now I feel really bad about the things I said. I guess it's because I should respect the fact he's pure rather than encourage him not to be. lol. I feel bad for him as I feel he is a little misguided and placing unnecessary restraints on himself. Does anyone agree with me on what I said to him? Is it impossible to debate with religious people? At the time I seemed to make a lot of sense. But now I'm thinking and maybe he is right. Should we avoid discussions like this in the future? Does someone with some experience with religion have an religious answer to this?
Thanks.
This is a complex issue and one that cannot be adequately answer on a site such as this. I’m going to try to give you a simplified answer. You are both right. He is right because if you develop a thought pattern of positive (pure) thoughts then it is healthier for you. Your body responds to thought patterns. Negative (impure) thoughts can also affect everything from how people treat you to your success in life. People can create hypertension and other diseases by maintaining a negative (impure) emotional thought pattern. Have you ever heard of someone who gets so mad that they have a stroke? This can actually happen. So, maintaining a positive (pure) attitude will create for you the life you want. You will be more successful in life. People will respond to you, in the majority of instances, in a more helpful and happy way. You will notice that people who start off with negative (impure) attitude will calm down eventually if you are positive (pure) with them. Now you are right about it being difficult for negative (impure) thoughts from popping in your head. The reason is because people are out of practice in thinking in positive (pure) thoughts. It takes practice. Our environment is bombarded with negative (impure) feedback. Just look at what is happening in T.V., movies, books, magazines, school, etc. Just listen to the conversations people have among themselves. They use phrases like, “I can’t”, “it’s impossible”, I won’t”, it will never happen”. It is all around us. Once you become practiced in negative (impure) thoughts it is near impossible to stop it. It is extremely addictive. So, unless you start strengthening your mental capacity to develop positive (pure) thoughts you will be bombarded with negative (impure) thoughts. There will be nothing you can do about it. But if you want to change this for yourself simply accept there is a possibility for change. You see body builders strengthening their bodies by working out. Their muscles become larger and stronger. Well, if you practice positive (pure) thoughts your ability becomes larger and stronger. This is what Mormons do. If you don’t want to become a Mormon there are other ways to achieve this goal. You can start meditating/praying. This can clear your negative (impure) thought patterns and help yourself to achieve a world you’ve never thought possible. Since this issue is complicated and I am unable to hit on all of the complexities of this issue adequately here I’ve included some websites for you. There are numerous books, websites and scientific research dedicated to this issue.
http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/negativethinking.htm
http://arjournals.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.psych.53.100901.135217;jsessionid=nbfrFcrhrY19?cookieSet=1&journalCode=psych
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro99/web3/Bibbo.html
http://www.jfinternational.com/psy/positive-thought.html
http://www.silvaultramindsystem.com/
http://www.successconsciousness.com/weblog/sc_blog.php
http://www.ccnm.edu/CE/creativemeditation.html
I hope this helps.
LULABELLE
whats the fastest way to get rid of a white head(like a pimple)
What you do is soak a face towel with hot water (as hot as you can stand). Lie down and cover your face with it. When the towel cools down, do it one more time. Then, you lightly try to squeeze it with clean fingers. If it doesn't pop you can repeat this process a few more times but if you can’t get it to pop stop. It shouldn’t be hard. If you feel light pinching it is ok. There should be no nail indentions on the skin. If it pops easily yea! Whichever way it goes, popped or not, you want to lightly cleanse your face, then use plenty of a solution of 2.5% Benzoyl Peroxide (Oxy or Clearasil) on your entire face. The final step is use an adequate amount of oil free moisturizer over the entire face. You will end up with excellent complexion.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
Hi,
I am 19, blonde and VERY pale. I consequentially can't find any decent colours of make-up - if I wear anything too pale, I look wishy-washy as I already have fair hair and skin. If I wear anything darker, I look gothic and I have nothing against goths but that's not what I'm going for :) Does anyone have any suggestions for some natural-looking make-up? Or some colours that may work? I have grey eyes, if that helps.
Thanks!
P.S. This has to be suitable for work, as I am a nanny and don't want to scare the children in my charge lol! On the other hand, some ideas for going-out make-up would be good too :)
I use to be a makeup artist in New York. No one can give you good advice on makeup unless you are in front of them. The best advise I can give you is go to a local department store. In the cosmetic department there are all kinds of makeup lines that can give you the best advice for free. The makeup lines I know of that you could go to are, Mac, Clinique, Perscriptives, Este Lauder and more. Just walk around and look at the lines and see which one speaks to you. You could also go every day and have them all make you up. You could then decide which one you like the best. Have fun with it.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
18/f
Ok I have a like dark brown color of hair but i have a little bit of blonde in it too. It is medium length. I was just wondering if anyone could tell me what color of highlights would look good in it? I rate high to all.
What I suggest you do is go and get it professionally done the first time. Ask questions as to the colors and brands they are using. Tell them you are from out of town and you want this information so you can give it to your hairdresser at home. Then you can go to a beauty supply house and purchase these colors on your own and save money from that point forward.
LULABELLE
what are some jobs that get quite alot of money, a job for a girl.. like for a career..
I know this isn't an answer you want to hear, but here it is. You should not be focusing on how much money you will make. What you should concentrate on is what do you want to do with your life to generate money. Investigate what interests you most. Go to some job fairs and find out what certain types of jobs entail. What ever it is that you settle on will be what you do for the rest of your life. What is most important here is what do you enjoy and how can you make money doing it. Once you discover this, the money you need will follow.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
I’m 13, in the 8th grade, and have a guilty pleasure. I’ve been raised in an intellectual household, with both parents having a Ph.D. Generally, I don’t watch T.V. So I was at my friend’s sleepover birthday party with 7 other girls, and she rented the First Season of the O.C. We watched 4 episodes---and I liked it! I feel kind of guilty, because I know that technically, the show is for advertising and eye-candy with a plot. But I can’t help it. That blonde what’s-his-face that stole a car and set a house on fire is really good looking. And it keeps me at the edge of my seat. Now I’m addicted! What should I do? Am I shallow for liking this?
Thanks
Cheyenne
No, you’re not shallow for liking the show. These shows, like soap operas, are addicting. They develop story lines, which raise your serotonin levels and cause those additive feelings. They pick actors that will appeal to the majority of people’s sexual fantasies. Again, raising chemical reactions that create the desire to see the show again. The advertising surrounding the show is associated to it. When people are out shopping and see something that was advertised during the show, they may not remember the reason they have the impulse to try the product. But, try the product they will. Also, there are times when the commercial is catchy and people choose to buy because of that. Advertising preys on our emotions. We are visual beings and we think visually, not in words. Though we do talk to ourselves most of the time these conversations in our head are accompanied by visions. There are several good books on this subject which I include here: Subliminal advertising In American broadcast media, by Stephen A Jones, 1978, The Age of Manipulation: The Con in Confidence, The Sine in Sincere, by Wilson Bryan Key, 1992, and Pocketbook Power: How to Reach the Hearts and Minds of Today’s Most Coveted Consumer-Women, by Bernice Kanner, 2004.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
I have a question about men. I want to have children some day but havent found the right guy yet. When I do find a guy that I like, what are some signs that could tell me whether or not he would make a good father?
Also, is it a bad sign if the man is already in his mid 40's and has never had any children? Is there still a chance he might want kids at that age? I am 26 and know a guy that is 45 and I think he likes me, but he has never had kids.
As for the guy who is 45, it could be that he can't have kids. Or, he doesn't want them. It could be that somehow he just hasn't had them. There are probably other reasons I have no idea about. But, it is awfully suspicious. You could ask him sometime. You could say something like; how did a wonderful guy like you never have kids? Everyone asks this question all the time. People (men/women) ask me this question. There really is no way you can know for sure whether or not someone wants children or not w/o asking. You could make indirect comments for example; if you see a child you can say, “Oh, I love children”. And see how he would respond. But, he could love children, but not want them. People are pretty open these days about this and you might as well find out up front before you spin your wheels on someone who doesn’t want them.
As far as attributes for a good father. Look for someone who is patient, understanding and rational. What I mean by rational is; someone who doesn’t get upset over small unimportant matters. Children enter this life with insatiable curiosity. They do things unwittingly all the time that would disrupt the flow. He has to have a good sense of humor about things and be able to ride it good-naturedly.
Good luck in your quest!
LULABELLE
In the 5th grade, I called my friend a biotch because she was being one. The problem was I didn't really know what a biotch was. Then she told her mom and her mom got mad. Now I am going tricker treating with her tonite and she said that her mom was not mad at me anymore. But I am still nervous! What do I do? Should I tell her mom it was all a mistake or should I wait for her mom to bring it up?if she does talk about it, what do I say??? please help me~!!!
i will give a 5 to anyone who trys to answer this 1!!
~m
I wouldn't worry about it now. Her mother isn't mad at you anymore, I'm sure. I'll also bet that she realizes you didn't understand what it was you were saying. I wouldn't bring it up again. Go and have fun.
LULABELLE
ok well I have this boyfriend and we've been together for a long time and i truly love him and all but lately i've been thikning and i've gotten really confused because i care so much for him but i keep thinking that i can't make him as happy as i could be making him and that there's so much that i'm doing wrong. also i've been having alot of doubts i mean i keep thinking of dumping him not for the sake of me but for him. it upsets me because i'm confused about my feelings for him. it upsets me that i'm even getting thoughts like this. he is the most important thing in my life and i don't want to lose him and i love him but i just don't "feel" it anymore. i'm just not as interested in him but typing this makes me cry and it's really complicating things for me and i know it shows, and that's why my boyfriend has been asking if i'm happy with this relationship lately. i love him i do but i don't know if i'm in love with him anymore like it's not interesting or if i'm moving on though i don't want to.
P.S if it helps any i have to take meds for depression.
please help i don't want to make a mistake..
Well, you have to get over not wanting to make a mistake. That is how we learn is from our mistakes. It is how you take your mistakes that is important. You need to take them in stride. Don't worry so much about this and think about what it is that you want. Your boyfriend is sensing something is off and that is why he is asking questions. It sounds to me like you do love your boyfriend but you are not in love with him. You hurt so much over it because you still love him and you feel you will be betraying him and he will be so hurt. Here is an idea for you. Why don’t you do a trial separation? Tell him you don’t want to break up with him, but you need some alone time. Tell him it will be good for both of you to take a brake from each other for a little while. Time it for however long you think it will take you to figure things out for yourself. Once you’ve taken a break from him it will be easier for you to collect your thoughts and feelings.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
ok well i think i have social anxiety disorder because when ever people whisper i always thnk there talking bad about me and i always think that im getting negativly judged everywhere i go its weird then i get all self concioncion and then now i never go out and i always think my friends are mad at me and i dont know whats wrong with me...HELP!!
if you give good advice then i rate fives no smart alecs and
also im 13/f
You need to get some professional help. If this progresses untreated you could find yourself in a lot of trouble down the line. There can be physiological reasons for these symptoms as well as mental. You need to get yourself a good physical done to know where you stand. I hate to think of you suffering this way. Some of the things you can do on your own are pretty simple. You need to change some of your eating habits. Cut processed sugars out of your diet. Sugar is actually a drug. It sucks all of the vitamin C out of your body. Ancient mariners never heard of scurvy until they were introduced to processed sugar. I’ll explain how sugar is a (legal) drug. Imagine, if you will, how they go about getting the drug cocaine. What they do is they take the leaves of the coke tree and boil them down to a fine white powdery substance. How do the get sugar? They boil the cane juice down to a fine white powdery substance. What’s the difference? The whole country is addicted to it. As an experiment sometime when you are with one of your parents shopping see how many things you can find in the store that doesn’t have sugar in it. You will be surprised. I think sugar has an adverse reaction on people. I also think there are people out there, you being among them, who are chemically sensitive. This means that all of the chemicals, sugars and additives need to be limited in your diet. Quite eating sugary foods and replace them with fresh fruits. Start eating more fresh organic fruits and vegetables. Give up eating white bread and replace it with whole wheat bread. Add raw nuts and seeds to your diet. There is a lot of nutrition in these little powerhouses. Limit the amount of beef, cheese and milk that you eat. If you do these things your symptoms will lessen maybe even stop. I will include some websites for you to check out.
http://www.gojuvo.com/gojua.html
http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.com/rawfood.htm
http://www.naturessecretsinhealth.info/eighthealingforcesofnature/
http://www.beyondveg.com/billings-t/selected-myths/selected-myths-1a.shtml
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
ok well i have been deprest for a year now but i also self harm i cut,bang my head and bit my self i di all this because it helps releave all the pain but fot the past 3days i havent eaten or drank anythin because the site of it makes my heave and be sick i dont know what to do anymore please help i am femail aged 18.
please note that i have dyslexia and have looked over it again
Please believe me when I tell you what I’m about to tell you that I mean you no harm. I’m not trying to be mean or hurt your feelings. What I’m about to say is in hopes of helping you. I have dyslexia and ADHD. People who have these conditions are usually highly intelligent people. Did you know Einstein was dyslexic? He couldn’t read until he was 12 years old. What you are doing now is extremely self-destructive. You need to get yourself to medical attention right away. You are going to dehydrate yourself. You are in a life-threatening situation and you need to attend to it right away. No one on this forum is going to be able to help you. Please, get professional help. If you can’t afford it, I’m sure there is a hospital where you are that will let you walk in. What you are doing and what is happening is not good. I care what happens to you. Let me know what you do.
LULABELLE
this may take a while but please help
when i was younger i was sexually abused by my grandad (my mums dad), the i got sexually abused by my brothers friend then i lad i used to no tryed it on with me and he frightened me and i said not but he forced me to do things with him it did not used to bother me but now i cant stop thinking about it and it up sets me and when i was about 7 my mum nearly died of cancer i lost my auntie and my grandad ( my dads dad) through cancer my mum and dad have split up and now my other grandad (mums step dad) is having strokes everyweek and i think he is going to dye i am getting my life on track just got a new job and every thing but my past is getting in my way i cant even go out and have fun any more and i think i wil lose my job if i let this stuff get in my way what can i do to try stop thinking about this please help me.
The reason all of this is coming up for you right now is because you are undergoing a lot of stress right due to people dieing and having strokes, etc. This emotional stress is reminding you of how you felt under other stressful times in your life. You really need to surround yourself with people you can talk these things through with right now. Alanon is a great place to start. They will direct you to the best group for you. They are free as well. Another method to finding something is put in the words “sexually abused” and your “home town” in the Google search engine. There should be some local organizations that will be able to help you. You have been through the ringer. I wish these things had not happened to you. I have no words to describe adequately how I feel about someone who takes advantage of their position to torment a child. I wish you the best of luck.
LULABELLE
just a quick question. i feel really dumb for asking this, but its been bothering my for a long time so what the heck. if you drink a lot of water (I MEAN A LOT) will it make your stomach stretch out and stuff? Because one time i heard about how those people who enter eating contests drink like gallons of water to make their stomachs stretch and able to hold more food. So i drink like up to 12-16 cups of water a day (4-6 bottles of water) to keep from eating everything in my sight and make my stomach full. but if it makes my stomach all stretched out than ew...does anyone know?
You're water intake should be 50-66% of your body weight in ozs a day. That would mean a person weighing, lets say, 100 lbs should be drinking 50-66 ozs of water a day. You may be drinking a little more than necessary, but, it won't hurt you. Those guys you are hearing about are doing it all in one sitting. That is not good for you.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
a few months ago i painted my bedroom this elaborate pinkish orange color and its beautiful but its sooo vibrant. not to sound gothic, but im not a VIBRANT kinda girl. i love the color but.. i need to off-set it a little with a darker color bedding or curtains.. any suggestions?
Yea, off set it with colors like chartreuse, brown and orange. Look at the Ralph Lauren colors. There is a lighter version of the Ralph Lauren blue that would work. A little trick I learned here. If you ever find a Ralph Lauren color that you like simply show it to the sales person and they can mix that color in a cheaper brand. Youâ??ll have a Ralph Lauren color w/o paying the price. Anyway, I know this may sound strange, but pick up a few paint samples in colors you like and take them to the room and see for yourself what will work and what wonâ??t. Take a sample of your bedroom color with you. Once youâ??ve decided on a color scheme you can use these same chips to find bed linens, pillows or anything else you want to adorn your room with.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
im in tech class and i have to define weather terms but i can find any websites ive tried dictonairy.com and google and askjeeves can anyone help me?
Hi, here are some websites for you. I think the last one is the best one. Good Luck!
LULABELLE
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/1102/wxdefs.html
http://www.glossarist.com/glossaries/science/earth-sciences/weather.asp?Page=2
http://edheads.org/activities/weather/we-glossary.htm
i am currently living with ym best freind. been that way for a month and a half. recently her fiance came back from out of the country and is living there now too. well i have been looking for a job but in my small town, jobs are hard to find. i have looked everyday and everyplace and still nothing. but the past 2 weeks she and i have been jumping down each others throats. every little thing and one of us flips out. like she flipped b/c ravioli stained aplastic bowl and i put soap and water in it so it WOULDNT stain but it still did and hse said it was my fault. so its a constant thing. and watching her and her fiance, they run around the house making out and have no respect for me at all in teh house. they run around grabbing each others "private parts" for lack of better words. and i am fed up with them having no respect for me at all. and when i confront her about what is bothering me (them making out bothers me b./c my boyfreind is currently out of state with his family.) she gest all defensive and says "its my house, i will do what i want i dont care. when your in love you wont carew what others think." so i cant get anywhere b.c she will coem back with its her house. so i dont know what to do i am backed into a corner. i mean granted my boyfreind wants me to move in with him in new york with his family...but i am not sure i want to give up my family...what should i do?
There are some things that are not clear here. Do you have a family in the town where you are living? If so, why don't you move back home with them for a while? Is there a problem here that makes it difficult for you to do this? If you can move back with them you should at least go back until you get back on your feet and get a job. Your right, you shouldn't go to New York and move in with your boyfriend and his family. It is really strange living with another family and it might interfere with the relationship you are developing with your boyfriend. You really will feel you have no privacy. You can't have a disagreement with your boyfriend w/o it feeling strange. It is usually not a good idea to do that. You do need to move out of the situation you are in. Your so-called best friend is not respecting you and your needs at all. She has no understanding of what roommates are about. If you ask (or let) someone move in with you, then you need to be ready to take his or her needs into consideration. Ok, so it is her house. Does she own this house? Or, is it simply that the lease is in her name. Are you paying rent? If your answer to the last two questions are yes, then you have as much rights as she does in the house. You are a tenant also. She is bullying you regardless of your answers to the questions. In either instance she can’t just throw you out in the street. That would be against the law. She would have to go to court and give you a 30-day warning. You might look into your tenant laws in your state. But, all of that should be done when you are completely desperate. If your not paying rent, then we are back to your finding someplace else to live. She isn’t being fair to you and she isn’t being a friend. She is a selfish person. Oh, and by the way…people don’t act like that in front of other people when they are in love. I‘ve had roommates before and they have been totally in love. I’ve never seen this before. They’ve not come out of their room for days, even weeks, but they don’t grab each other in front of other people. There is something wrong with that. I wish you didn’t have to endure it. I guess it simply boils down to…you need to change your living arrangements. I doubt, based on the information you’ve given, that she will be willing to do anything any different.
Good Luck!
LULABELLE
I am currently in the dating stages of life (like many people). I have dated about 5-10 people and i am a nice guy who is just the plain average guy. But everytime i date someone i always end up being broken up for some "bad boy" or someone who is along those lines. I am starting to think that a normal guy can't keep a girlfriend without having to become a total jerk and steal peoples girlfriends. i am just wondering if anyone would tell me what could i do to stop this in the future. i was thinking of starting to date someone and i dont want this to happen again.
I don't understand it either. There are these dating shows on T.V. One of them is called Elemidate. I watch this show in total amazement sometimes because the guy or girl picks the bitchiest/jerkiest girl/guy there. The winner is the one who out insults, aggravates, agitates, instigates and pushiest. They want to see people fight over them. I don’t get it because these are the very people who will make your life miserable if you are in a relationship with them. What you see them do is how they will treat a person if they were in a relationship with them and if anyone thinks any different they are wrong. Why would anyone want to encourage this behavior? You rarely hear about these people hooking up permanently. No small wonder. Bad boys are exciting and it is addictive. They keep women wondering what is going to happen and they keep them on edge. This raises serotonin levels, which can be addictive. People keep going back because they love the feeling that it brings up. The problem here is there is no permanence to this. These people can’t hold it together for very long which is why they stay illusive. They break up with them and go back to them to keep them off balance. They don’t want anyone to know that there isn’t much there. Don’t worry. You are the perfect catch. As you get older people will start to figure it out. But, sadly others won’t and will have a lifetime of misery. What do you do in the meantime? Stay true to yourself. Come up with fun and different ideas for dates. Dates don’t always have to be about dinner and a movie. Find out if the person you like has any special interests like art, hiking, boating, plays, football, basketball…the list could go on and on. Mix things up every now and again. Also, ask her if there is anything special she’d like to do sometime. Most of all, just be yourself. Everything will work out, I promise.
Good Luck
LULABELLLE
I'll try and condense this. There's been this guy who I've been chatting to online for years (nearly 3) and we are really, really close and truly do love each other. We are planning to meet soon as well.
But here's my dilemma. He was going on today about some girl who he is really worried about because a guy has been pestering her. He was asking me what to do about it and kept going on about how he thought the guy was objectifying her and she deserved someone great. I finally asked him whether he liked her and he confessed he does have a bit of a thing for her. This is not the first time this has happened either - 6 months ago he liked another girl and it started lots of problems for us. Then he thought he was just confused and it wasn't really a crush at all.
I can't help but think that he would drop me in a heartbeat if a girl liked him back in real life. The other girl he liked told him she didn't like him, and this one doesn't seem to either. I feel somehow I'm just there as a backup. Do you guys think I'm being paranoid? I know we aren't together and I'm really not usually so defensive - I encourage him to have female friends! But I feel really torn up inside over the fact that he likes this girl when he tells me every night that he loves ME. I understand that guys are always going to be attracted to girls even with they are with someone else, but it's really depressing me and I don't know what to do. Should I say something to him? Am I justified in feeling this way? Is it alright for him to do this?
Thanks a lot for your help.
I want to start this off by saying that it is not my intent to hurt your feelings. I am going to ask a few questions that may not feel good to you but my reason for asking them is to help you think about what is going on and figure things out for yourself. (1) How is it that you could be committed to someone that you have never met? The reason for this question is that it is my experience that people aren’t what they seem to be over the phone or especially on line. You really don’t know whom you’ve committed yourself to. Just last week here in Atlanta they arrested a guy who has been communicating with young girls on line. It was a sting operation and he arranged to meet what he thought was a young girl. It was really the police and he was arrested. Just be careful here. Don’t go and meet this person alone. Take some friends with you. Tell your parents about this person and where you are going. (2) How can you be in love with someone you don’t really know? I know you think you know this person because you have been communicating with him on line for nearly 3 years. I can’t stress this enough…people don’t tell the truth on line. I’m not saying that this particular individual isn’t telling the truth, but how do you know that he is? (3) Have you considered the fact that this guy tells you these things about other girls because he wants to get a reaction from you? Some people like to control others by keeping them emotionally off balance. When a person is off balance they don’t think straight and don’t make the best decisions. It could be that he wants to keep you off balance so that you will surely meet him. The idea is this; you are so worried that he wants to be with another girl that he sees daily that you rush to meet him. Your thinking that once the two of you meet everything will be all right. We are back to question one. (4) Why has it taken three years for you two to meet? Could it be that he has been in prison all of this time and he is now getting out? Prisoners have access to computers and can get on line. I know this seems like I’m trying to scare you and you would be right. I don’t want you walking into a situation that is life threatening. (5) How did you two hook up? Under what circumstances on line did you two start communicating? A lot of times people who prey on young people hang out on sites young people hang out on.
Please take a step back and take a few deep breaths. Relax. I’m only saying these things to help you. I could be completely wrong. I could be completely right. We don’t know right now. Whatever the case I would feel better about the whole thing if you were to let someone know what is happening. Especially when and where you two are to meet. Don’t let him take you to some secluded spot alone. Let him know that you are bringing some friends along to meet him. If he doesn’t like this idea than I would turn him in to the authorities. I’m not so sure you shouldn’t do that anyway. If you turn this info into the authorities now they could check him out and you’d be sure he is everything he said he was. I’m just worried about you. If every suspicion of mine is wrong, I still worry about how it is such a sensitive and lovely person such as yourself would feel the need to commit herself to someone she hasn’t met. You should be seeing other boys until you meet this one. Worrying about whether or not this person is attracted to someone else is the least of your worries right now. Take care of yourself. Believe in yourself and know that you are a very special individual who has a lot to offer many people. Enjoy the world around you and the people you see everyday. Don’t let something bother you that you have no control over. Please, please let your parents know what is going on. Give them a copy of my response if you want. Contact the authorities. They will check things out for you. I care about what happens to you. Please keep in touch.
LULABELLE