Brandi_S's advice column | Page 147

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Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

125077

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hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

I have a lot of time on my hands and am looking for some good books to read. I am not sure what to read though. I like books about teenagers going through tough times, kind of books that a teenage girl can relate to. I liked Crank and Speak. So anything kind of like either of those two books would be great. Thank you.

I, personally, am a Stephen King fan. Been a reader since the 6th grade. (Yah, younggrandma seemed to have gotten a call from the teacher on that...)

May not be your cup of tea, but just giving a suggestion.

I really like my guy friend (lets call him Sam). He and I are always together in school and everyone guessed that I like him but i never admit it. Sam and I flirt alot, we talk, we make eye contact, we trust eachother, hes there for me, he defends me, he'll try to talk to me if he sees me cry, he smiles at me when we see eachother in the hall, and hes so sweet. Now, one of my guy friends got really depressed and I tried to help him through it. It didn't work so well and Sam could tell I was getting upset over something. He once overheard me telling my best friend how I couldn't take knowing about this and how in the end I told his parents. Sam overheard when I said I had cried the night before and as soon as class ended he came to the door and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't tell him the secret but I told him a bit. Now he is bugging me to tell him more and the othe guy is really mad I told even a little bit. What should I do?

I think you should apologize to the other guy friend, for starters. He obviously thought he could talk to you in confidence, but you told not only one friend, but two, things he wanted you to keep to yourself. You broke his trust. Big no-no in any sort of relationship, friend or otherwise.

As for you telling his parents, since he is depressed, I'm sure that you did the right thing.

Sam? He may be sweet and all, but in this situation that holds no bearing. It is completely irrelevant. This other friend's personal situation is none of his business. THAT is what is important, here. Just because you like him and flirt with each other doesn't give him the right to bug you to break another friend's trust. And it doesn't give you the right, either.

If the tables were turned to him, he wouldn't want you to do that to HIM, would he? How about a friend talking to others about your deepest feelings shared in trust? Would you like some one talking about you? I think not.

So, as for what you should do about Sam? Tell him, so sorry, so sad. Gave you too much info already. Tell him you want to respect your other friend, and if he is any real friend to you, he will drop it out of respect for you.

Im 15, and used to have ovaric cysts all the time, untill two ruptured and i was put on birth control. I havent really been sexually active, ive only been fingered three times, and that was like a year ago almost.. well anyways, I always get horrible pressure and stabbing pains on both my right and left side of my stomach area... it hurts so bad it makes me feel naseuous. and back when i got fingered, it hurt so incredibly bad... I've been recently for the past 3-4 months always exhausted with low fatigue, and i cant always think straight. I always have headaches, or diariah ish sometimes a lil constipation..

I was wondering if anyone would know if they ever once had one of the three cancers, or if they just know a lot of information, that if its highly possibly that all these symptoms i have could be cancer? thankss

The best information you can get is from your doctor. They have all the information needed to see if this is a major red flag in your medical history.

If I were in your shoes, I would set up an appointment for a pap/pelvic exam. At that time, the doctor can check out how things are looking. They will take tests, if needed.

In the meantime, don't stress so much. That can't help added to you say you can't always think straight. Just take care of yourself, take it one day at a time, and get to that appointment.

I was like really into it, now only simi. How can I find an alternative? Jogging lasted for a couple weeks but after that I wanted to get high more. I'm all out, now, and i REALLY want to quit. Thanks to advicenators I was off for a week or two, now I want to get off for good. PLEASE HELP!

Try to keep in mind that when you think you want to get high more, you are letting it control you.
You have to step up and put yourself back in control.

Replacing it with something else didn't work before. Jogging alone didn't help. You got to try to get the need out of your head, weather by willpower alone, or along with some guidance.

I would suggest seeking a drug councilor to help you overcome this. They can help you keep that willpower, help you find things to better fill your time, and give you the confidence in yourself to succeed with taking back charge of your life.

Best of luck to you!

I love a guy in my class named Raul. But he is moving 3 hours away. What should i say to him becuase tomorrow is the last day for him. He knows i like him and i think he likes me. What should i say? what is i start crying again?

Tell him how you feel and how much you will miss him. Tell him you would like to keep in touch with him. Other than that, anything else you say should come from your own heart and mind. That's what makes the things you say more meaningful.

If you start crying? It's ok. Don't be embarrassed. You will miss him, and that shows.

A few years ago i went away to a ball camp held by a local college, that had the players as the actual camp counselors.
To this day she still plays ball, but she is a senior now, and they only have about 4 home games left. I email her sometimes, and i meet up with her after the games to just catch up, but its not that often.

~~~The Prob~~~
I think that im in love with this woman! I even broke up with my girlfriend of almost 1 1/2 because of the way i feel about her... the thing is, i dont even think she has a clue. Everytime I seee her I think about telling her how I feel, but age, sexual orientation (yes im gay) they all play a factor in this. Like i said, she only has a few home games left, and I dont know if I should tell her, or just go through life not knowing the answers to anything!

Someone plz give any advice!

I think you should consider saying something. You never know how she feels unless you ask.

If you don't ask, you will go through life wondering "what if" and "what might have been."

Sure, there is a chance for rejection, but there is also a chance of not being rejected. You will never know if you let your chance to find out pass you by.

Hi. I'm 14 years old and a female. I have gone to the same camp for years. Everyone basis how good their experience was during the summer on how far they went and with how many people. I too, took part of this. I hooked up with six people and gave one of them head and hand, but everyone did that. I ended up pissing off the wrong people and they called me a whore despite the fact that many had done the same thing. I left camp and it was rumored that I got kicked out. Now, when I went back to school, they got a lot of people who weren't even there and have created their own elaborate versions of the story and are mean to me. They openly talk about it during class even in front of the teacher during my presentations and such. I now know what I did was wrong but how can I get people to stop?

Uh.. and these people starting this crap didn't take part in this weird ritual? Hmm... I would say they did if that's how they consider making going to camp a "good time."

To hell with them. Let them say what they want. They are idiots, and are probably sluts themselves but want to rank you. You don't see yourself that way, I'm sure, and that's all that really matters.

If they get away with having such topics for open discussion during class, your teacher is an idiot too, who has no business teaching children.

Lesson learned:
It doesn't always pay to go with the flow. Don't follow the crowd, lead yourself- no matter if others follow or not.

Who talked you into basing YOUR good time at camp by how many sexual acts you preformed? Now you know better, and that's what is most important about that.

ok i have an ex-best friend who im just ok friends with now (we got in a huge fite, she basicly dumped me as a friend, diff. story). since shes told me shes missed me like once or twice but the whole best friend thing just never got started again. i dont know if i want to be best friends again...but if i did (considering we've tried it kind of before) how would i tell her?

Before you make a decision about weather or not you want to fully open your heart back up to this friend, make sure you feel you can fully trust her not to hurt you again. Having a best friend then dumping them for another friend is a very hurtful thing to do to some one.

If you decide to re-claim her for your best friend, just tell her that what's in the past is in the past, except for your feelings towards your lost friendship, and you would like to put the pieces back together as if the fight never occurred.

ok so i just started sleeping with this guy. But there is one problem! He is never able to cum during after ANYTHING! i've tried a couple things to make him cum, but they just don't work. Is there something wrong with what i may or may not be doing or is it all him?

Ok, I have to say something here... Just because a guy masturbates doesn't mean there will be no cum later. Don't listen to the person at the bottom of the page. None of that information is based on fact. Sorry. ( EDIT: not Thew, but the girl who's answer is gone).

Here's the thing: he isn't getting to the point of orgasm. No orgasm = No cum.

I can't tell you if it is him or you. That is something private you should really talk to him about.

I can tell you that something isn't working to turn him on enough. I, nor anyone else other than him, can tell you what excites him.

Or... Maybe he's off in la-la land?

Okay, before my boyfriend left back for base [he's a marine], he gave me his cell phone. Mine's a piece of shit, and we're both on cingular, so I just put my SIM chip into his old phone.

Now, like an idiot he lost the charger for it. It's a Motorola RAZR. I'm not sure what the little numbers are because like I said, he just handed me the phone. [He upgraded & got a new one, that's why he gave me his old one.] Now, since he lost the charger, I have to buy a new one. Does anyone know how much it'll cost? My mom said if it's super expensive, I can't have it. So then I'll be pissed because the phone will be a total waste. Thanks.

♥T!NA

When I looked online for the Motorola store, the two types of Razor phones they sell have chargers that can be bought for around $25. You may find one cheaper at a local store that supplies these products and accessories. Take your phone with you, they can tell you exactly what you need.

i'm really sensitive and whenever someone says something that hurts my feelings i get really really upset and sometimes ill even start crying. i really hate it because i feel so stupid and i feel like a freaking baby. does anyone know any ways to get me to stop being this sensitive? thankss~

One way to stop being so sensitive is to train yourself to think this way:

"I don't rightly care what other people think about me. I am happy with who and what I am, and that's all that REALLY matters. Their opinion is theirs, and they can keep it, quite frankly."

A saying a teacher taught me in high school:
"Don't let the bastards get you down."

For a long time I have not been the typical friend happy wild and crazy party person a lot of people are I am quite boring at times actually but I am a good friend and I can be fun with the right person doing the right things. It is just that sometimes I think that I don't want a lot of friends any way because a lot of times they can cause drama or it's just another person that knows dirt about you that you have to be reminded of everytime you look at them Right now I have associates but no close friends and sometimes I feel lonely. Is it okay to be a loner or not?

Nothing wrong with being a loner, other than the loneliness involved.

I would say that it wouldn't hurt to try to find one friend you can connect with. Some one who you can give your trust, who will listen, who will respect you and your feelings.

There is no reason you should ever feel you have to have oodles and gobs of friends to not be lonely.

A saying I once heard: It is better to have one true friend than many fake ones.

i have a crush on this guy and hew is leading me on majorly
sep teh problem is
he has a girlfriend
what should i do?
because it is so annoying when he leads me on and it makes me like him even more each day

He has a girlfriend. There's nothing you CAN do.

The guy is obviously a complete jerk for playing such games with you while he is with some one else.

Goes to show how much he respects her. I promise you don't want to touch him with a 10 foot pole. Reason being, if he treats his present girlfriend like this, how do you REALLY think he will treat you? Exactly the same, honestly.

Not worth it. Move on to some one who will respect you.

so me and my friend are trying to plan a rave party. so far we're thinking a pitch black room with strobe lights and disco balls and techno music and glow sticks. any ideas on food, drinks, anything else? we were thinking kool aid (idk why we just associated it with techno)

Glow sticks and kool aid... get some clear plastic cups, put the glow sticks in them and fill with, say, green kool aid. The glow sticks should make the green liquid glow really nice.

Background information: i've been with my b/f for over 6 months, my best friend HATED it cuz she liked him too.. but shes the one who set us up.
Now shes been dating this guy for about 3 months, and hes kind of controlling. She doesn't understand why her friends think this. He got mad at her because she and I went out on a day that she was supposed to be with him.. but she tried calling him for like 2 hours before we left and he never answered or called her back until after we had already left. We offered to meet up with him and hang out (though i dont like him) but he got mad at her and went out with his ex.
I also told her that this really sweet guy she likes also likes her. And she told her boyfriend i was trying to set her up. I NEVER said i wanted her to date the other guy, i told her he liked her.
Also, the guy she is with was telling us hes been with numerous girls (he doesnt know how many, he was on drugs when he was with most of them)
Am i being over protective of my friend? She can't even hang out with me or her other friends without him. He also comes to see her at lunch and gets mad if she has other things to do and cant spend time with her (we have open campus for lunch)

Am i right in telling her she can do better than this guy? I'm really concerned because when i was in a relationship like that, it turned into an abusive relationship and was really hard to get out of

Good for you for looking out for your friend. Of course you are right, you tell her this because you care about what happens to her. She is very lucky to have you.

Sadly, the only way she is going to see the situation that she's in for what it really is, is when she opens her eyes and looks at it from outside the box. It seems, from what you say, that she is denying the truth by refusing to face it. Only she can change that.

The best thing you can do is to be there for her. You can keep trying to reason with her and hope she sees it, but it may not work. It may just get her upset with you.

im so confused. i want to be a pediatrician and my dad said it would take like 10 years. he says i would have like 4 years in college, then 4 years in med school, and then 2 years on the job or whatever. is that right? how do i know what classes i need to take in college and what im mostly worried about is what classes i need to take in highschool to have that job.

The best thing you can do is to go to your school guidance councilor. They will do everything they can to find out everything you need to know about steps you need to take to reach your goal. They know what classes your high school has to offer that may help.

That's a part of what they are paid for, so take advantage of the help. They want you to go to college and will do what they can to see that you get there, and achieve your goals.

over the weekend my best friend and i had the hugest fight we ever had, and weve been friends for 7 years now and i love her to death, but im tired of her taking advantage of me and taking me for granted. if im her BEST friend she should treat me the BEST. and she doesnt, so we made up at school today, but over the phone shes blowing me off again.. how do i get her to understand how selfish she is with out upsetting her *she upsets real easily*

A best friend has a duty, of sorts. They should listen to you and respect you and your feelings. ALWAYS.

She needs to never take advantage of you or take you for granted. She needs to realize how lucky she is to have a TRUE best friend. They are hard to come by, believe it or don't.

As to getting her to understand your side without upsetting her, I don't think there is much of a way around that if she is insensitive enough to get so upset over you telling her how you feel. The best thing you can do is point out the issues and hope she opens her eyes. Only she can change her behavior.

My advice? Tell her how you feel. Be straight up honest with her. Before you even start, tell her you have something important to say, and you would like to have the respect of her listening and not saying anything until you have said your piece. Get it all out on the table. If she doesn't like how you feel, that's really her own too bad. At least you may feel better for getting it off of your chest.

The best way to do this is in person, outside of school. Meet somewhere private, such as one another's house.

Stick to your guns. Don't let her walk on you like that. You aren't a rug meant for feet wiping. Best friend or not.

I do this thing at my school called GOLD. Its like a girls only leadership developement thing and it is basically a chance for all the 8th grade girls to get together and learn about highschool. Well I am a group leader so i will have about 30 8th grade girls in my group and i need some ideas for a group name. Usually we just have cheezy names like last year we were the beach babes and we go through oriental trading and got them surf board name tags and flowers to put in their hair. This year we want to do tie-dyed bandanas but don't want to be the rainbows but want a rainbow kinda theme. Any ideas for a name? Usually lame names don't matter but i think the rainbows kinda crosses the line because they are at the sensative age and all. Any suggestions?

Tie dye makes me think of the peace. Kind of like a hippie chick thing. I don't know, I can't explain it. It just makes me think that. (I love tie dye and peace!)

You are a group of girls, so... Peace Lilies?

Just a thought.

i wasn't sure what category to put this under... i'm sorry. but, i was just wondering if there is any advice you can give me on how to grow. i'm 16/f. my cousins take these hormone shots, but they said that they couldn't give them to me because I started puberty when i was 9. is there anything that might help me grow a little bit? because i'm 4"11 and I don't have a problem with being short, it's just i'd like to grow a little bit because i have to like hem every pair of pants i get. i know that there's nothing i can have that will make me grow 5 inches quickly, but maybe like 2 inches more??

When I walked into high school at age 14, I was 5'4". When I walked out of high school at age 18, I was 5'7" and still am.
You may hit another growth spurt, yet. That would really be the only thing you can hope for to grow taller. There isn't anything you can do to make it happen.

I just found out today and I saw my mom'm boyfriend is going to live with us. The thing is I don't want him here. I really don't want to see him. What am I going to do. How am I going to deal? I don't like how I feel.

It comes down to this- your mother is entitled to happiness. Does this boyfriend make her happy? If so, then try to deal with it keeping in mind that she is happy in her situation.

However, it's hard for me to be able to see your side. You don't say why you don't like him and why you don't want him to live there.

Maybe you can edit your question and give some details so we can all better understand your position, then check back for edited answers.

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