about

Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

ok, well i really have liked this guy for 2 years, i think i love him. he knew, he hated me for it. lots of horrible stuff happened. now i'm going to a different school next year & i'm almost over him, which is good. i met a guy at this school who i really like [through the drama camp], & i really want him to know how i feel about him & how i can't stop thinking about him, but i don't want to tell him i like him, because he barely knows me. i don't want any of my friends to do it for me because i don't want to cause any tention between us. all the guys i've ever had feelings for have hated me in return & i don't want this to happen again. someone please give me some advice. i'll rate you for it if you want.

I've been through a situation JUST LIKE that one. The reason the guy I liked hated me was because I seemed to like him too much, and we barely knew each other.

So, get to know him first. Try to become his friend. Strike up a conversation about something, like, "I like your band shirt... where'd you get it?" or something like that.
Also, if you get to know him and he's mean or something, you'll be glad you got to know him first!
And if you get to know him and you like him as a friend, you can still be his friend.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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i have a friend.. well cousin. anyway, she is OBSESSED with this guy.. she is 14 and he is 17 they had sex.. because she thinks that she loves him.. anyway, she wont get over him.. and he treats her like crap! what should she do?

You have a right to be worried! If he treats her badly and they've had sex, he's (most likely) using her.

Plus, it's dangerous. It may not seem like much of an age difference, but it is. What if he became abusive? That would NOT be good.

Let her know that you're worried about her being with an older guy, and that you think that he treats her badly.

If she doesn't listen to you or yells at you saying "You're just jealous!", then they're isn't much else you can do. She'll just have to learn that herself.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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I know you don't want to listen to me whine but really, I have noone to talk to. My boyfriend just dumped me in the rudest way. He made up this horrible excuse that his parents were mad at him and he wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend. He never even told me he was breaking up. Right after that, he put his away message up that said "Oh the phone with the hottest girl ever-Shea!" (Shea is a slut and really easy by the way) Then I imed him to tell him how much he hurt me. And he said, "Yeah whatever, like you would know what pain was. Who cares about you."

I can't stop crying. Is there something wrong with me? He blocked me so anyone who wants his screenname, its: pyroboy9977.

I can't believe this. :(

There's nothing wrong with you! I'm sorry about the way this idiot treated you.

It's okay to cry, but don't make this take over your life. Don't beg him to take you back. Actually, don't talk to him at all. Don't make any of your friends talk to him. Don't try to get back at him. This shows him that you're not dwelling on it.

And as for getting over it... stay busy. Don't sit around the house and dwell on it. Hang out with friends, play a sport, or start a new hobby.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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i make such a big deal out of little things with me and my boyfriend.. he thinks kristin from laguna beach is so hot so we fight wen he watches it.. its not my fault im jealous, but what can i do?

Just remember that he doesn't know her. He thinks she's hot. That's it.

Chances are, he won't ever meet her. He can't cheat on you with her.

And, face it, he's a guy. He thinks girls are hot, just like you think guys are hot. You can't make him not think that a certain girl is hot.

AND, just because he thinks she's hot, doesn't mean that he likes you any less. When he says things like "Kristen is so hot!" just act calm, and keep thinking of what I just told you.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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ok i like this guy but he is older than me and i dont no if i should like him or give up.and also i want a boyfriend really bad i think it is because i just want someone to care about me like i care about them.im a girl and im 13.

Dating someone older when you're only a teen causes trouble. It doesn't matter if you've known him for your entire life. It's risky, not to mention dangerous. What if he became abusive? What if your parents don't approve? Many teens have crushes on older guys, it's normal. That doesn't mean that you should pursue them, though.

But I'm assuming he's 16 or something. If he's, say, 14, I think it would be okay.

If he's 15 or older, I think you should try to get over the feelings you have for him, and stick to guys your own age.

Sorry it took so long for me to answer!

I hope I helped, and if you need any more help, feel free to leave a question in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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There this guy that I like and he likes me too ( we might be going out soon.. he told me he wanted to ask me an important question after I came back from vacation ) and it's just kinda been bothering me in my mind like ( cause I'm kinda preppy/girly )," What are we gonna do whenever we hang out together out in like public like the mall? He'll want to go into Hot Topic and stuff and I'll want to go into Hollister and Abercrombie..." and I feel very outta place around his friends and stuff cause they're all in black and skater clothes and I'm sitting there all in like Hollister shirts and stuff. I really want to go out with him, that's just been nagging in the back of my head for awhile now. And it's just whenever I hang out with him I have SO much fun and if we do have some stuff in common like I do like alotta punk bands and stuff and etc., I just hate how everyone out there will freak out basically ( at least at my school ) if punks are dating punks/goths or preps aren't dating jocks and preps and stuff, I mean why can't people just let people date people? =/ Please help!!





Love,
Labeled Love =/

Labels are stupid, and this is a prime example why. You shouldn't be limited to being friends with/dating a certain "Group" of people just because of one stupid word SOMEONE ELSE used to label you.

Forget everyone at school. If they need to worry about other people's personal lives, they obviously lack one. If people say something negative about it, ignore them. It's none of their business.

And about the "feeling out of place" thing... well, this guy likes you for who you are, and his friends should accept that. If you hang out with them, they probably do.

About the mall thing... You two can make an agreement that you will go in his stores, if he goes in yours, and you can't spend too much time in each store!
Plus, there are so many more places to hang out than the mall! Movies, the park... so many possibilites!

You sound happy, so go out with him and have fun! Who cares what everyone else says?

And it's great that you don't let labels rule your life!!

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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Hi. im not writing this question for people to tell me im unique and crap, but lately, ive just been feeling bad. I think im ugly. People always tell me that im ugly. its just my face..i mean my nose is just so weird that i feel so self conscious and whenever im with my friends it hurts me so much always seeing guys all flirting with them and stuff. ive never been asked out, and people always tell me that im ugly. i know its mean, and only sometimes i feel pretty. i know that if i feel beautiful, i am beautiful, and being confident is bueatiful, but i dont want that crap. i need some way to make me feel better about myself....any suggestions?

Kids are so mean these days. You wanna know the real reason they call you ugly? That's because they're insecure with themselves, so they put others down to make themselves feel good.

Ways to raise your self-esteem? Be yourself. Wear what you feel best in. Be nice and considerate to others, and when I say this, I mean that you should not stoop to the people who call you ugly's level. The only true self-esteem comes from yourself, from within, not from putting down other people. And SMILE. Be happy! Hang out with friends, do things that make you happy!

You're not gonna get anywhere with that "I'm so ugly" attitude, so get rid of that. Instead, praise yourself. Like, when you get up in the morning, say to yourself, "You know what? I look GREAT today."

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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I get choked up asking this, but I need answers. My mom and dad have been married for 2 years. But last night, I was over at my dad's best friend, Bobby's house. Then the doorbell rang so Bobby went to get it. It turned out to my dad barefoot and cying SO hard. My mom wasn't with him, so i was scared that something had happened to her. He kept yelling "That unfaithful bitch, that unfaithful bitch!"
Then my dad and Bobby went into a back room so I couldn't hear them talking. I'm really scared. My dad isn't talking to me, and he stays all cooped up in the house and doesn't go to work and he makes me cook all the meals. He hasn't stopped crying yet and I'm SO scared!He hasn't told me the problem adn i really want to know! What happened last night? Why is my dad so sad? Where's my mom? When will my dad get over this? PLEASE HELP! I'll rate 5's for great answers.

It sounds like your mom was cheating on your dad, and he just found out that night. I'm not jumping to conclusions or anything, that's just what it seems like.

The reason he isn't talking to you is (Probably) because he needs time to think. I'm sure it wouldn't be easy to tell you about whatever happened. He also needs time to get over the pain he's going through. Don't push him to tell you what happened: Give it time.

Does your mom have a cell phone or e-mail address? Try contacting her in those ways, if you can. If you can't, then you'll probably just have to wait.

Ask Bobby what's up, and tell him that you're worried about your dad. He might not be able to tell you, so don't ask a lot. Ask once, and if he won't tell you, drop it.

Your dad will get over this with time. It may be a long time, it might be a short time. It depends on the person.

Continue to love and be there for you father, he needs that right now.

I hope I helped, and feel free to leave a question in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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Whats the difference between a therapist and a physiciatrist? Like an example. And i was wondering what kind of jobs i could have for being like a counsolar.. a professional counsolar. And what i have to major in. Like what do i have to have absolutely good grades in school? Thanks

A psychiatrist is a licensed doctor, meaning they have been to medical school and have a medical degree. A psychologist does not, but they have a PhD. in psychology. If you want to be a counselor, then you probably mean that you want to be psychologist. To be a psychologist, you usually need to major in Psychology and Sociology. Good grades in everything else help a lot, too, but you should be taking college prep courses (if you're in high school). I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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My boyfriend is 16 and he has a anger/authority problem. His name is John. He has been to the jdc 5 times and boot camp 3 times. I was just wondering if you think that will eventually cause a problem in our relationship or if it could cause him to get violent with me?

14/f P.S. we have been together almost 2 months now.

It's possible. If he has a temper, he might lose control and hit you. He must have a serious anger problem if he's needed professional help (the boot camp, etc).

Believe me, you don't want to be in an abusive relationship.

I think it would be best for you to end the relationship before anything bad happens, because just being in a relationship with him is risky.

Also, tell someone you know and trust about the situation so they can help you cope and stay safe.

If he hurts you, or threatens to hurt you, call the police ASAP.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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Well, my sister is 16, and she's pregnant by her 20 year old boyfriend. I want to help her, I really do. She is about to turn 17 next month and she wants to move in with him. However, my mom told me that she wasn't going to let her and not to tell her that because she would get upset. So, I don't wanna upset her about it, so I am keeping my mouth shut.
I try to help her the best I can. If she wants something to drink, I'll get her something to drink, if she wants something to eat, I'll get her something to eat. However, it seems like whatever I do isn't good enough. She always complains that its too hot, or too cold, or she doesn't like it. She has the biggest mood swings ever. She cries constantly; when she's not crying she's screaming.
I just want to help her out so much. She's young and we have birth defect problems in our family. I want her pregnancy to go well. I just don't know how to help.

Signed,
Wants-To-Know

Pregnant women are naturally emotional. It's not her, or your, fault. It's probably stressful for her, too: being a teen AND pregnant.

Maybe if you get her something to eat/drink, be more specific. Like, if she asks for a soda, ask "What kind? Do you want it with ice?" Just remember that that it's not your fault.

You can also be there for her. Let her know that if she needs advice or just someone to talk to and get support from, you'll be there for her. Let her know that you love and care for her.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave a message in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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Hey,
My friend *Chrissy* and has been lying to her parents about her boyfriend *Jack*. See Chrissy is 12 and gonna be 13 in December. So when i was at Chrissy's house she told her cousin that she had a boyfriend and they were making out. Chrissy trusted her cousin so she didnt feel like her cousin was gonna tell. Of course her cousin told her parents and her parents had a fit, not because she was seeing someone, but because she's been making out with Jack. So they told her to stop kissing or she cant go out with Jack. I just recently talked to Chrissy and she said that she's gonna complain to her shrink about it cause kissing is a normal thing in life, it's just her parents think she's too young to date. She's fed up on being called little and young so she has been lying to her parents and making out with Jack all she wants. Should i stop Chrissy? or should i encourage Chrissy to tell her shrink to tell her parents that she needs to learn her own lessons in life? But the hard part is Chrissy wont listen if people tell her no in this situation cause she REALLY loves Jack- nothing could keep them apart. What should i do for Chrissy?! help!!

*Jill*

You have a right to be worried about your friend. I think you should stop her. Twelve is way too young to start kissing, ESPECIALLY making out. In most situations, making out leads to other things, like sex. Tell her that her parents aren't trying to pick on her because of her age; they're trying to help her and prevent her from making wrong choices and doing something that she'll regret. Tell her that she shouldn't lie to her parents because they'll most likely find out about what she's doing anyway, then they'll (most likely) MAKE SURE that she won't see Jack.

You can tell her that it would be better if her and Jack didn't make out because if her parents find out, the relationship is OVER.

EVERYONE goes through the whole "I hate being called little!" stage. It's a part of life. Let her know this.

If she complains to her shrink, he/she will most likely say the same thing I just did. But, it might be good if she talks to her shrink. It might make her come to her senses.

Wait a minute... she says she wants to learn her own lessons in life? If she says this, it means that she knows that what she's doing is wrong. Tell her that, too. Ask her why she would make out with him behind her parent's back if she knew it was wrong. Ask her if she knew that she would be risking the whole relationship when she lies and does those things behind her parents' backs.

And she LOVES him? Nah. I think she likes him a lot, but I don't think she loves him. Love is a strong word, too strong to be felt or said by a preteen/young teen. If she says she loves him, I don't think it's true love. She's only 12.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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How exactly is being anorexic bad for you? People has said that if you're anorexic your body loses all these nutrients but what are the actual like 'symptoms' you get if you're anorexic. Besides dizzyness and fatigue.
Thanks I'll rate 5 for any decent answers!

Anorexia is bad for you because you lose nutrients, like you said. Anorexics usually become weaker because of that. If it's a girl, they usually skip periods. For more, look on this site:

http://www.hipusa.com/eTools/webmd/A-Z_Encyclopedia/anorexiasymptoms.htm

But I'll explain another reason why it's bad to be anorexic: You gain all of the weight back. Once you starve yourself, you don't get many nutrients, so your body goes into "starvation mode", and it sucks up every single nutrient it can get.

For instance, if you're anorexic, but you eat a cracker one day, your body will suck every single nutrient possible from that cracker, and it will store the nutrients (and everything else, too, like fats and sugars, because you need them too).

So, once you start eating normally again, your body will continue to be in starvation mode (your body will continue to store fats and all of the other things in foods), and that makes it easier to gain weight.
That's what my doctor told me, so I know that's how it goes.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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*13 f*

A~ex b/f
B~b/f

last night i got a text msg from B saying "WTF u n A enjoy each other...i didn't do nething to you your so fucked up" i called him asking wut he was talkin about n he said that i was cheating on him with A but i'm not! n i never have...but i think he still believes that i am when i'm not...i'm pretty mad at him for saying i was fucked up...should i break up with him n stay friends? or should i give him another chance even tho he said i was fucked up? HELP!

I think that you should break up with him. A guy shouldn't ever say that to you, it's pretty disrespectful.
Also, your boyfriend should trust you. A relationship without trust isn't worthwhile, because in the long run, it just won't work.

You deserve a guy who respects you and trusts you, not a guy who accuses you of doing things you haven't and who calls you bad things.

You can try telling him that you would never cheat on him in a calm way (and also ask him why he even got the idea that you cheated on him in the first place), but if he doesn't believe you, then you should just break up with him, in my opinion. I think that you deserve better than this guy, but it's up to you if you want to ask him what's up and save the relationship or if you want to just break it off now.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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does the & hearts ; ( ♥ ) thing work on xanga?

Yes, but you have to switch to Plain Text (click on "Rich Text" on the corner to switch modes).

I hope I helped and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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I'm not sure what to do but i think my best friend might be being sexually abused by her dad...and i dont want to come out and say it but at the same time if it is true i dont want herr to be getting hurt! soo please help me out it wouold be greatly appreciated

You have the right to be worried. You NEED to ask her about it, there isn't another way to be positive if she's being abused or not.

When you two are alone, tell her this:

"Hey, ____ (name), I've been worried about you. I've been suspecting that your dad has been sexually abusing you. (Tell her the reasons why you think that she's being abused) Is this true? If it is, you can tell me. I can, and I will, help you."

Let her know that you're there for her through this time, if her dad really is abusing her. Also, be calm when you approach her about it.

If she really is being abused, you need to tell somebody. Sexual abuse is against the law, and it is serious. Even if she asks you to not say anything to anyone, you need to be a good friend and get her help.

If she isn't really being abused, then just say:

"Oh, sorry. I was just worried, that's all."

I hope your friend is okay and that everything turns out well.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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ok my guy friend wants my help and im not sure what to say to him. His girlfriend whom he loves alot theyve been going out for like 8 months is treating him like dirt. They broke up for awhile then got back together. Im good friends with his girlfriend and shes always looking for other guys and says her boyfriend is ugly. Yet she claims she loves him. Shes a bit of a brat, and anytime something goes wrong thats not her boyfriends fault, she acts like shes mad at him when he did nothing wrong. I feel so bad for him because he LOVES HER. I told him if I was him Id dump her, but he said he didn't want to. I don't know how to help him. Any advice, I rate!

Your friend doesn't deserve to be treated like that, and that's what you need to tell him.

Say "______ (Name), I know you still like ______ (the girlfriend's name), but you don't deserve to be treated like dirt! When you're in a relationship, your girlfriend should treat you well and make you happy, not treat you like dirt and bring you down!"

Also, tell him that someday he will find someone better who he loves, and who REALLY loves him back, and shows it by treating him well!

I hope I helped and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!

♥ Manders

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I need adive
I am going to be in 8th grade next year and I'm looking forward to it very much. Over the past year, my music choice has changed from pop to punk/emo and I wanted to change my look to go along more with my music choices. This year, I have felt more comfortable with this idea ,but I was just told that my friend Kaitlin is moving to California. Kaitlin is one of my best friends and shares the same style and musical choices as me. Now I don't feel as cofident with dressing like this. Please give me advice.
-Becca 13/f

I've been through problems like this, so I'll speak from experience.

I've always heard from people that you shouldn't gain confidence from someone else.
It's sort of like if you become more confident because you got a boyfriend, and then when you guys broke up, you lost confidence. Except in this case, it's a friend, not a boyfriend.
What I'm saying is that you shouldn't gain self-esteem from someone else. Self-esteem comes from you. No one else can truly give you self-esteem.

My question is... Are you dressing like this to please your friends, or are you dressing like that because YOU want to? If you're dressing punk just because your friend is, then it's not you. In my opinion, not being yourself is like living a lie. But if you're truly dressing like this because YOU want to, then I think that you should keep being yourself.

I remember talking to my sister about this kind of thing, and she told me this:

"When you get older, people will appreciate you more if you act and dress like yourself, rather than if you follow the crowd and dress like everyone else."

So, just be yourself! If that style is you, then you should continue dressing like that. If it's not, then dress how you want to dress.

To gain confidence, just think "Well, I'm better than these people because I have the guts to be myself, and I won't follow the crowd because THEY want me to! I am my own person with my own life!"

If anyone ridicules you for your style, you need to realize that they have no life, and they're so insecure with themselves and they don't have the guts to be themselves. You're above them!

And you know your friends love you and are always there for you, right? ;o)

I hope I helped and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥ Manders

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I have a friend and she is one of my best freinds and she is really nice when hanging around me but when she starts hanging out with one of these popular girls at school she starts calling people retards and idiots and gay. we hate this one girl at school and we talk about her because she gets on our nerves. after that, the next day right after she has talked about her she goes behind my back and hangs out with her how do i get to know if she goes behind my back and talks about me and just hangs around me because she wants to tell people what i say and stuff that i do????

To me, this girl seems insecure. She wants to become popular and put other people down to make herself feel better, even if she hurts her friends in the process.

Talk to her when you two are alone. Ask her why she's doing those things to you. Also, let her know that you're worried about your friendship. Ask her if she cares about your friendship anymore.

DO NOT try talking to her when she's with the "Popular" people. Also, be calm. Don't yell at her or anything. And don't be too harsh.

If she's not willing to change, then she isn't a true friend. You deserve a friend who is good to you, not a backstabber.

I hope I helped and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!

♥ Manders

EDIT: Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm flattered!

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HELP! Everyday I wake up to find 2 new gerbils in my cage. Why do my gerbils multiply so fast?! - from ToNy XD

Because if you have a male and female gerbil and they love each other, they will have little gerbil babies.
Hope I Helped!
*Manders*

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