TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q:
Hi everyone, I'd like to hear your perspective(this question is especially for girls but guys are welcome to answer too). My problem is that I feel disgustingly and frighteningly ugly. My own reflection upsets me when I look in the mirror, and I find the idea of sex really scary. I've tried it a couple of times, but the guys I've been with have been really greedy and impatient and made me feel even uglier. They kept on going on about how pretty other girls were, and I think they just wanted me because I'm so insecure. Has anyone else been through this , and come out all right the other end(e.g. in a happy relationship, or just happier with themselves). Some days I don't even want to leave the house, I feel I look so bad.
Thanks in advance(22/f BTW).

Everyone experiences bad feelings about themselves, but I have a feeling that yours is more than just a typical insecurity problem.

When you think you are ugly and other really bad thoughts about yourself, it really makes you feel like you only deserve the guy whose first in line for you and that's what I think happens when you end up with guys who are impatient and don't even talk about how beautiful you are instead of their past girlfriends. You feel that you deserve any guy who is willing to take you when that's not true.

The root of your problem is that you feel so ugly, that you will take any guy that will take you first. And when this guy is bad in any way, you convince yourself that it's ok for him to treat you like this because you feel like you don't deserve better. So you keep taking the bad from these guys because you are nothing to yourself. You have to decide for yourself what kind of woman you really are. You are probably nice, caring, loving and gifted as a person. But you judge yourself from your appearance and that's how you defined yourself.

When you start to meet men that are mature and seriously into you, it won't come down to the way you look. It will come down to the woman you are to them. If you find yourself continuing to meet these guys that only want sex and are impatient with you, stop looking in the place you've been. Start telling yourself that you truly deserve better because you are a better person.

Take your friends for example. You probably have a few friends who are overweight, or have an imperfection that really effects the way she feels about herself. But you are still her friend, not because of the way she looks. Probably because she's a caring person who really is a friend to you.

First, stop having sex so soon in relationships. If you feel that a guy you're with is pushing you, get rid of him. You can and will find better. Don't continue to convince yourself that a certain guy is your only hope because he's far from yor only hope if he's not treating you well like you deserve. The truth is that if you really learn to love yourself and make everyone respect you, then everything will be better than ok in the end.

I think that you should try some kind of counseling for this problem too. It can't hurt and you'd probably find yourself recieving a lot of good feelings and encouragement from it. You can probably get some really good ways to feel better about yourself and to truly find what you are capable of doing.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: This is without a difficult situation, I have been in love with her for allmost 22 months. one night early in our relationship she told me about some her past she said she had an abortion at 17 with a guy she loved because she was not ready to bring a baby into this world at a young age..then told me she only had sex with 3 men total......for 12 months she has changed her story and has told me of so much more...at least 25.... I finaly snaped and asked her for ALL THE TRUTH now she does not want to talk about it..I cannot think of any other subject..I have assured her WE WILL GET THRU THIS..I will help her to burrie the past but she still just looks at me with sadness..if i do not know every thing i cannot love her like i need too....HELP PLEASE bounty

If she's changing the truth around, then maybe she's hiding something bigger that makes her fear what you'll think of her or she's ashamed of what's really happened in the past so she's trying to make it as small as possible.

Whatever the reason is, you can't promise her that her past will be burried and gone because the past can't be rewritten or taken back. You have to tell her that you can't continue dating her if she's not going to be up front of what really happened. At least let her know that you don't need details, you only need the things that will matter now.

You also have to assure her that you know you may not like what you hear what's happened in her past, but you can and will have to deal with it. And hopefully you will and if it does bother you too much what's happened with her, then do her and yourself the favor by calling things off.

Another option is that she may not be ready to be with another person again. Maybe she needs some counseling because of the abortion. You should try asking her if she's sure that she's even ready to be with someone new.

Trust is a huge key in a good relationship. And you won't be able to keep your relationship stable with this girl without the trust. And you are aware of that. To me, it seems like this girl needs therapy to deal with her bad past and learn to create a good future for herself because she might hate herself for this bad past and things could get worse for her. But just because she might go into therapy, it doesn't mean that you can't be there to support her.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Well, thing is ALL my friends have such great bfs and I just get so jealous and mad because I would love to know that someone really really cares for me. Im sick of spening my friday nights alone. I just dont understand. I try a lot to make my hair look so nice for school and I dont wear pounds of make up (just liner, mascara, and gloss. sometimes shadow)and i think im just going to say screw it all and just not even try anymore. im like 15 and i have never been asked out in my life which then makes it obviously that i never had my first kiss, date, and bf. sometimes my friends ask about my "exs" and i lie and say, "yea i only had one bf didnt last too long." and then change the subject. Im a friendly person and im no slut and im not over-weight(no offense)im actually quite skinny. but yea i just dont understand. and im getting really depressed about it.
thanks for helping.
EM

I understand that you might feel angry because you havn't been on a real date or had your first kiss, but true love is likely not coming your way when you are 15.

It's not about the make-up you wear or the fact that you wear it. It's not about your weight, or any of that. It's more on the kind of girl you are. When you truly like someone, you probably have a tough time showing it because you might be less outgoing than your friends are.

What you should really worry about is finding other friends to spend Friday nights with. Or asking one of you friends if she can make some time for you. Just say, 'hey, let's do something together this weekend' and then she probably will make the time for you.

You aren't giving up, you just have to choose to wait for love to come and get you because you are too busy having fun with friends.

Not having passed boyfriends isn't something to be ashamed of. It doesn't mean that nobody wants to be with you, it probably just indicates that you don't put yourself out there and flirt until you get someone.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So, there's this boy..and he's perfect for me. I've had a crush on him for a while now, but I've always been kind of shy about flirting, and letting my intentions be known. And then there's my best friend, who is the complete opposite. She's outgoing, and loud, and cute, and flirty, and has the added advantage of having been friends with him for years. She's not that into him, but he's completely in love with her.
Now, you're probably thinking, 'well, she needs to talk to her best friend, and then she needs to talk to the boy.' That would be wonderful advice, if my best friend and I were still as close as we used to be, but she's going to Catholic school next year for Highschool, and so we've sort of drifted apart.
I really want to be with this guy, but I don't know how to make him see me, and not just my friend, without completely becoming her. Which I refuse to do. Help please??

You can still be outgoing and flirty without becoming your best friend. You aren't just the quiet girl, you have a loud volume too, you just have to learn to use it better.

You should try firing up a good conversation first. Try remembering or thinking of something he's into and talk about it. You might be comfortable with starting a conversation about your best friend, and you can until you feel better about saying anything to him. So when you want to be noticed by him, tell him how much you'll miss your best friend and get a conversation going. I know you might be thinking, 'ok, the last subject I want this conversation to be on is the girl of his dreams' but this is so you can have a conversation that's easy and doesn't have too many ackward moments.

Then when you feel better about talking about other things, you can start talking about your intersts.

What you really should do is talk to him every opportunity you get. If you see him daily, talk to him daily. That way, it will be like a daily routine the both of you have. Before you can truly show someone you're interested in them, you have to be in your comfort zone. You have to feel comfortable around them.

The most important part is to really be the person you are around this guy. If you are cheesy and dorky, don't hide it. Let it come out. Don't be afraid to say what you want or say what you feel on certain topics you both talk about. You'll be really surprised how good you'll feel when you have a guy who truly adores you the way you are.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: This girl who's my best friend recently broke up with her bf. I found out a few days later from another friend that she really likes me(i'm a guy btw). Well, I like her too, but I don't think I like her as much as she likes me. Now, her bf is kinda...how can I say this-madly crazy over her, and when they broke up he started doing some crazy things, like cutting. Well, she decided to get back together with him out of pity, but she admits that she doesn't love him like she used too, and she would much rather be with me. But, I'm really not that into her enough to be in a serious relationship. However, I really don't want to see my friend with her bf 'cause I don't think he's really the best guy for her, so I decided to take a chance and pretend to like her as much as she likes me. This totally complicates things even more, i know, but it was the only thing i could think of to keep her away from him. Now she doesn't know what to do, and I don't know what to do. I know this is just typical high-school drama for most of you, but I(we) really need your feedback on this.

If you know for sure that you don't want anything more with your best friend, then don't get with her just so she'll stay away from her ex-boyfriend. She has to learn to make decisions like that for herself and all you can do is tell her to stop seeing him even when she doesn't do it. When she comes to you for advice, tell her that all you can tell her is to leave him for good.

If she knows for sure that this ex-boyfriend is hurting himself over her, then she needs to let his parents know or someone that can help him. You're right when you say that he is not the best guy for your friend, but she has to decide that for herself.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Does anyone know a good way to tell who your real friends are? because i have a feeling that alot of my "friends" are backstabbers. Is there a way i can find this out without being too obvious? thanks so much!

A good way of telling whether someone backstabs a lot is how they talk about someone else to you. If you notice a friend of yours that talks a lot of trash about other people, then there is your answer for that one.

But don't try finding out too much about whether you are being talked about because you are being talked about and you have before. Everyone has backstabbed and everyone has been stabbed in the back by their own friends. The number one thing you should worry about is how they actually treat you as a friend and a person. For instance, if you are having a bad hair day or don't match in your clothes, they will still walk by you as a friend instead of acting scared of being seen with you.

It's also having the sense that they want to be around you. If you feel like you can't be yourself or have to be someone else around this friend just so they won't be annoyed of you, then that's also something you should be worried about.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay, so this guy that i`ve been wit` since we met jus` recently broke up. We were together for 15 1/2 months. He took me back everytime I cheated or anythin` like that. But, this time, he broke up wit` me. He said he loves me still, && that we`ll get back together "soon". But, right now he has "too much drama" && "not enough time" for a girlfriend. I love him so much && I want him back. This all happend 4/21. Everytime I talk to him..I cry on the phone..off the phone, or whenever I think about him. I want him back. I feel like no other guy is worth my time, but him. He`s my everythin`. I jus want to know how I would be able to start the "soon" process.

oh by the way..he`s livin` wit` lesbians && he gets mad when I talk to ANY of my guy friends. But i`m perfectly fine wit` that. I`ll stop talkin` to EVERY guy, jus` to have him back.

HELLPPp!!

i rate..GOOD! (:

I think that there is more that you need to see here.

If this guy is really worth not talking to every guy just to make him happy, then what makes you go out and cheat?

The point is that you both don't sound very happy together. You cheat on him and that's definetly not happiness. And he's not wanting to be together because of drama. That tells me that he's hiding the real reason why it's over. I know you really feel that you won't get through life without this guy, but you can and you will.

If he doesn't have time for you right now, then I wouldn't even wait for him to get time and come back for you. Why wait in misery? Move on with your life and make that guy come to you if he has time for you. I'm not telling you to run out and date just to get to him, but if an opportunity to be with another guy you like comes up, don't turn it down because this guy you are into has you on hold. Don't put your life on hold for him.

Let me tell you that no guy is worth not being able to talk to other guys. That's called being too in control of you and if he's freaking out because you interact with the opposite sex, then he's not a guy you want to wound up with.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i failed my permit test. my test had ridiculous questions like "name an adj to describe a driver" & stuff like that. i feel so stupid & i feel like the only person that would fail this. i have to go take it again, but i juss feel stupid. any ideas??

thanks!!

Let me tell you that these permit tests always ask questions that you won't know even if you study the whole book. Everyone fails a lot before they pass.

A way that me and my sister passed was by taking the test over and over and remembering the questions and it's answer so that next time it pops up that question, you'll know.

I felt bad at first when I failed too, I felt like I didn't want to go back and just wait for a long time, but my sister has failed way more times than I have before passing. So don't take this harshly that you failed, it's ok and it takes a lot of memory and tries to pass 20 out of 25 questions.

Just try writing down all of the questions and answers you remember. Take the computer test because the computer will tell you the answer if you are wrong. Don't feel bad that you failed, it always happens.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Hey, first of all, thanks so much for reading this.
My parents fight ALL the time. I feel so terrible for my mom because she raises all three kids without any of my dads help. My dad is always out working..i think. He hates spending time with the family. Also, if he is having an issue with anyone in the family, he does not talk about it. He is one of those people that does not talk about how he feels. It is very irritating because there is always tension between my parents and I can always sense it. Last night, my dad told my mom that marrying her was the worst mistake of his life. Today, (mothers day) they are not speaking. At all. I would rather them get a divorce then them staying together unhappily. What should I do?

Thanks~

What happens between your parents is up to whether your mom is going to take it or if your dad decides that he should divorce your mom to fix his 'mistake'.

I doubt that your dad meant what he said, but you have to wait until your mom decides that she's had enough with his constant bickering while trying to raise you and your siblings. The truth is that you have no control in what happens between your parents. I'm sure you'd be glad to take them to sign divorce papers but you can't do that.

The best that you can do is try not complaining so much about things. If she wants to eat something from a place you don't like, just eat their once in a while. But I want to make this clear: Don't let your mom's unhappiness keep you from talking about your problems or if you need advice. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't ask her for help when you need it. You matter too.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: there is this guy that i really like and we've been friends for almost 3 years. but i made the stupid mistake of telling him that i liked him and he said he just didnt like me like that. but i asked one of my other guy friends if he thought the kid liked me and he said the kid was undecided, like stuck between me and another girl. But i still like him, i cant help it.
Also on top of that my grandfather is really really sick, so i'm worried about him.
And lately my mom and i hav been fighting like dogs.
And everyday this week atleast one of my freinds hav been mad at me for something.

plez help!!!
i rate well :)
steph~~

When life starts to get too rough, you have to take things one day at a time.

About this guy: What you should do is move on and if he decides on you, then that is his decision. But don't wait on him forever. You can live without being this guy's girlfriend and it may seem ackward to continue your friendship with him, but it can be done. You didn't make a mistake by telling this guy you like him. What you did was something a lot of girls usually don't do. You were brave and confessed your feelings and that's never a mistake.

About your grandfather: Try to call him or go see him, and if you aren't able to do that, try to have your family keep you updated on how he's doing and pray for him. You can't make him well, but you can pray for him and hope that you'll be able to talk to him soon.

About your mom: Everyone has this time in their teenage lives where you and your parents are constantly on edge with each other. This especially happens between mothers and daughters. Maybe you both have been on edge because of your grandfather being sick. Whatever the reason is, try getting some alone time with her to go out to eat or do something special. I don't know if you are very open with your mom, but I think you'd probably feel better if you let your mom know what's been going on. You don't have to tell her every little detail, but at least tell her how worried you've been and stressed out you've been and she might say the same thing.

A good way to relieve stress is to talk to someone about your feelings. When you are taking all of these problems and you don't let someone know you are struggling, you'll just feel like nobody can help you and you are alone in life. Take some time to relax and think things over and if you find yourself not having enough relaxing time, then you should tell your mom about this, because everyone needs space to just relax.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Me and my sister have only one year difference
I'm the oldest one

We have a cousin who nobody in the family likes becuse she is rude and almost all the time has a bad humour .
When we were living alone she came to live with
us becuase her mom(my aunt)was giving her a hard time .Because she didn't want to take care of her baby

She had make my life a hell ,we constantly were fighting and stuff and she put my own sister against me .Me and my sister came to europe to study and we both have our own house .
We finely talk more often to each other and the relationship was great between us .
Last year my cousin came to live in the
same town as us and only 10 min away from both off us .
So I do not go often more to my sis because of her ..she talks realy
bad to me and even to my bf and some other friends of mine ..
And all this happen while my sister is standing there and she doesn't say nothing

Last night my sister invited me and my bf over for dinner so we went and to our big surprise my cousin came too.
While we were talking my sister told me that she had a big dept on her phone and the company closed her phone ..I was telling her what she could do and stuff .....My cousin just stood up and told me that maybe my sister have a high dept becuase she has to call me to much because I never has credit on my phone ...in front of everybody ...I SWEAR THIS IS NOT TRUE .
I told her that she was very wrong ..

I WAS HURT

MY SISTER DIDN'T SAY NOTHING.

My sister even broke up with her lifetime best friend because of my cousin.Her relationship with her mother(addoptive mother ,our real mother left us alone in a house when we were 12)
went from10 to 3 .Becuase of our cousin.

When they go out my sister is always the one who pays for her,she always says that she doesn't have money wich I suspect she has becuase she gets money from government and she works partime at her own house..

My sister always says she is like that becuase nobody else understand her and that she has had a rough life too ,but helllloooooo I have had a really fucked up life too atleast her mother were there to give her hard time mines left.

I have had a real bad childhood but still I dont treat people like crap like they are worth nothing,she does and my sister justified her.

Should I just let the relationship I built with my sister this past 3 years just go and not fight it??

Or should I stand up to my cousin ......in front of my sister ?

I'm really tired and I do not want to give it a try ....I have suffer a lot when we were living togheter all becuase of my cousin ...

Is this feeling right ??

I can tell that you're really bothered by the relationship between your sister and your cousin.

Your cousin does sound like a really selfish person. But, you don't have to deal with her if she's really causing all of this trouble. But you should stick with keeping in touch with your sister.

The reality is that your sister does not see what kind of person your cousin is. So if she believes that nobody understands her and wants to pay for everything she needs, then leave that to your sister. I know it really aggravates you that your sister won't stick up for you, but that is her fault if she wants to side with your cousin over you. She will eventually see what kind of person she really is. I think what keeps your sister taking care of your cousin is the fact that she's family and she doesn't really have that much around her like you do.

But what really matters is that you talk to your sister about having your times together. Asking her if sometime it can be just you and her going out for dinner or a movie or something else. And your conversations don't have to revolve around your cousin. What really matters is having a stable relationship with your sister without your cousin getting in the way. And if your sister doesn't care about making that time for you, then you'll have to wait until she decides that you're important and for her to call you.

I think at this point, you shouldn't try going places with your cousin for the way she talks badly about you. That way you can avoid the anger you feel toward her and have the urge to scream at her in front of everyone.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok heres the deal...My bf and i have been going out for almost 3 months and hes totally awesome... ya and one of my best friends is a really good friend of his too so us three we hang out a lot together and stuff b/c i feel more comfortable when one of my friends is with me and my bf (dont ask im really weird) and lately i feel like she has been hanging out with him A LOT and shes always talking to him and blah blah blah... and on her aim profile its like (lets call him bob) shes liike BOb: oh my god you are sooo cool soo many insiders..and other stuff that she says ya you get it.... and then she lists me next and stuff but doesnt put as much on there sooo yaaa and there are also other people trying to steal him away from me im 100% positive...and she always says oh ya i think this persons trying to steal him away from you ooo watch out! and it makes me sooo mad b/c i feel she is too or b/c shes jealous and stuff i dont really know. And i feel he has more fun around her than me and it makes me really sad b/c i dont know if he still likes me or not and i reallly wanna know i need sooo much help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~me~

I understand why you feel more comfortable with your best friend around while you are with your boyfriend, but why not have a different friend of yours go with sometimes?

The thing is that you'll always have other girls who will be attracted to the guys you are dating. What matters is how your boyfriend responds to it. If you really feel like your best friend is getting too close to your boyfriend, then the only choice you have is to be with him alone or bring a different friend.

She might be more open when it comes to her being around people. She might be louder and happier and more outspoken when she's around people. When you are the loud one, you'll get the majority of attention by the people around you. I doubt that your boyfriend has more fun with your best friend. She's just louder than you are. And you might be a little silent because you are around a guy you really want to impress.

Even though it's hard, you could try explaining to your friend that she needs to back off a little bit. Not in a rude way, but tell her that you feel like she's the girlfriend instead of you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i don't like my boyfriend i like my best friend. he lieks me to but i don;t know what to do my boy friend is obsessed with me and i wouldn't want to hurt him i care for him just not as much as my best friend. and now that i have a boyfriend my best friend is a little mad at me. even tohught my best friend had done the same thing to me before knowing i liekd him i feel so guilty doing it to him i just want him i like him so much and i dont want him to loose feelings for me, what should i do? i dont want to be easy because then thatmakes him loose feelings but should i play hard to get? pleaseeee help

Don't worry about laying hard to get or any head games. If you don't want to be with your boyfriend, then call it off and go after your best friend. It won't make you look easy, it's just learning what guy you really want and getting him if you know he's the one you want to date.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok. i`ve been knowing thiss guy.. since 6th grade and i`ve fallen for him. *since 6th grade* but i was a fat girl and he wasn`t so he didn`t like me. we were kool, kinda friends i guess, but you can tell he didn`t like me cause i used to ask him out all the time. well throughout middle school, my like for him got stronger and stronger. and i lost weight during summer b4 9th grade. well in 9th grade, he started talking to me more, and more. and we evolved a friend ship. he had a girl friend, but she could nvr do nething durin the weekends, so i used to do stuff with him all the time, and he used to cuddle with me. well they broke up and we started talkin, and he asked me out on his birthday. well we broke up but even tho we were broken up we were still actin like we were goin out. he had another g/f and he cheated on her with me and was still tellin me he loved me, and i cheated on my b/f with him. well now he has no g/f and i have no b/f and we tell each other tht we arent goin to get one. but i dont understand why WE D0NT G0 BACK 0UT. i mean we tell each other we love each other, and spend each minute with each other, everyday @ school and everyweekend. but he is goin off to a school next year tht is like 5 hours from here. only gonna come down once a month, but idk. we`re at the end of out 10th grade year. and we have been talking since october of 2004 so almost 2 years. but we don`t go out but we act like we do and everyone at school thinks we do. please i need advice.

Why would you want to be with a guy who cheats? It doesn't matter if you were helping him cheat, don't convince yourself that he wouldn't cheat on you.

You are no different from the girl he cheated on. The reality is that you are better off without this guy and you should try not getting involved with guys who already have girlfriends. You wouldn't like it at all if a girl was trying to get a guy who was your boyfriend.

I think you are taking advantage of the attention you're getting now because you lost weight. Being pretty and thinner doesn't mean being meaner and trying to get all of the guys. Besides, this guy started looking your way when you lost weight, don't you think he's only accepting you for that one reason? If you gained yoyr weight back, do you think he would talk to you? I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but you need to be careful with the guys you are hooking up with.

It's common sense that if a guy cheats on his girlfriend with you, he is a cheater and he will eventually do it to you later on when another attractive girl comes his way. Don't settle for a guy, take the time to getting to know a guy who really respects you and getting the guy you truly deserve.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ya see,she is goin out with this guy named Kevin.she like him and we almost got in a fight at school but michael stopped us.ya see things r different so she aint really my bff cuz shes called me a name

I'm sorry, but you need to tell me what your original question was to me everytime you respond because I have no idea what question of yours that I answered.

Q: Okay so I met this guy at my cousins wedding reception two weeks ago. I had a really nice conversation with him and found out he has a good job and he similar values as me. When I got him alone he acted like a perfect gentleman and said all the right things.
My main concerns however are that he is 6 years younger than me (he is 22 and I am 28). I think he's still in his party phase. I'll let you be the judge. Well earlier he and his friends went upstairs to the bar in the hotel to pick up girls. He came downstairs and was bragging to everyone that he got the number off the hottest chick in the bar. Also he was hanging out with a guy who made a rude comment about an overweight girl.
I'm debating about whether or not to ask my cousin for his number (she gets back from her honeymoon tonight). I just wanted to ask your opinions first if you think he's relationship material.
Also before I forget he lives about 5 hours away from me.

I think you're right when you say that this guy is still in his partying years. I take it that you are out of that phase which tells me that he's not dating material for you.

I don't see any harm in giving things a try with this guy, but honestly he sounds like he's not ready to settle down yet. I know that's not alot of advice for you, but I think that he's not ready to settle yet.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 14/f
SO me and my boyfriend Lets call him Cody were going out for 2 months and he made a promis to me to never break up with me in the beggining of our relationship, things were perfect. and he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that i was everyhting to him....but that all changed 5 days ago when he broke up with me......and i am heart broken and i just lost the love of my life. and did i mention he said we could be friends with benifits and he still wants to be bestn friends and hang out and go to movies together and yesterday after track practice we were hanging out waiting for our rides and he kissed me 3 times and he is all over me, he hugs me way more than he ever did when we were going out, but then i ask him if he still lvoes me and he tells me no,and he said he would give me anotehr chance near the summr and that i could count on us going back out and yesterday we had a track meet and i was crying the whole time, and he saw me crying and he just kept looking at me like i was some stranger in his world and he never came and said anyhthing to me like its gonna be alright or nothin like that, and after the track meet i asked him why he kept looking at me and he said because i wanted to know why u were crying and i was like well looking at me is not going to do you any good, you could of came and talked to me if u wanted to know, and he huged anoehr girl and i saw and i am really sad/hurt/heartbroken....i just dont know what to do? please help me figure it out.....and by the sounds of it, is he playing games? does he want me back? does he want me back but is scared to?
you can talk to me on AIM at BahHumBug357

thanx any advise would help. i am totally devidtated to the point were i am not eating bc i am sick to my stumach.
please help

-Ali Rae

I know you may have really liked this guy and he probably really liked you, but he's acting different.

If he is talking about how he wants to be friends with benefits, you shouldn't even try to hang around him. In case you aren't aware, that means he wants to do things with you sexually without any commitment. Which is not something you want. I know that you don't want that because you have feelings for him.

The truth is that he doesn't want you back. He doesn't want love or commitment. It's not that you are the problem, he doesn't want what you have to offer because he wants no strings attached.

I know that you are in a lot of pain from this break-up, but it happens. Sometimes it's better to find out now that he's not the one for you. It can only make you stronger as a person to handle guys. Besides, you are young. You aren't meant to find love yet and the truth is that this guy is a jerk who only wants the physical stuff in relationships and not emotional.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok when it comes to guys... Im like horrible. Well for starters im 16/f just to let you know.
Anyways Im so confused... ok theres two guys... the first one is my ex. Now with him he cheated on me and then broke up with me... but he told me that he still likes me. But when it comes to people if you break my trust theres a part of me that cant let it go and I know thats bad but he really did hurt me. Well anyways Im pretty sure I dont like him anymore. I think its mainly because he doesnt know how to keep a promise like he'll tell me hes gonna call me and he NEVER does, so Im so confused cause now I'm just like w.e I dont really like you but I never told him that. And Im trying to make it seem like i dont like him like that anymore but I dont know how... ok well thats my first problem, now heres the second theres this other guy and what i like about him is hes the other way around if he says hes gonna call hell call me and when he doesnt hell text me and will be like im sorry ill call u even if its late just so i can say i called you. BUt the problem with him is that I think the only reason hes calling me is so he can forget about his ex, who like completely broke his heart and he told me all about it so i feel as if he wont get over her, and that i know too much about him to like him.

Well, let me just say that you are not horrible with guys. You are not the problem.

I think that even if you did have feelings for your ex-boyfriend, you shouldn't try getting back with him anyway because of him being untrustworthy in a lot of ways. What you need to do is tell him that you no longer have feelings for him and you aren't willing to try things again. That way you don't waste his time anymore trying to get you back. You should do this as soon as you can so that you can get this first problem out of the way.

As for this other guy: If he's talking about his ex-girlfriend a lot, then that is a big sign that he's not over her and not ready to be with someone else just yet. A lot of times when people just come out of relationships, they try dating sooner because they think it will erase the feelings for that past person.

So I think that you shouldn't try with any of these guys. You can find someone whose reliable and faithful in other guys. Maybe you should tske some time for yourself to cool off from these problems you've been having and wait for a new guy to come along.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i feel like love doesnt work for me. i've went out with alotta guys this year but i feel like none of them are rght for me and i think im about to give up? i need sum advice of how to be better in relationships that way i wont give up on boys so easily
i rate high!

Your feelings of wanting to give up are normal and it happens a lot when you've gone through so much with guys and feelings.

It's not about you. It's about how old you are and all of the hormones that are running around through you. Love isn't something that works for certain people. Love happens between anyone.

When you are dating young, there will be tons of guys who aren't right for you and it's good that you eventually find this out. That's what gets you a little more prepared for finding love when you are older. You get more of an idea of what kind of guy you like and you start to know sooner whether a certain guy is right for you or not.

To ease these feelings, give yourself a rest. Theres nothing wrong with taking a break from dating and just being a single girl who has friends. I think as soon as you truly get a rest from all of this, you'll feel better when you get back in the dating game.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Sorry if this is semi long.

It seems as though my best friend is replacing me with someone else. We used to do so much together and have so many great memories and great laughs. Now, it seems like shes doing it all over again, but with a different girl. They went on a trip together and talk about it nonstop..now they are so close. It's like I'm not even there and shes starting over with someone new. It's depressing to see them together, like me and her used to be. We had a big fight not to long ago, but we made up..or so I thought. Tonight we went to a party and it was a blast, but it was like she was ignoring me. She was only hanging out with her new "best friend". I really don't understand what I should do. I miss her, but when we were having that fight, it was like I was the only one trying to keep it together. Why can't we all just be friends? Should I talk to her about it? Or should I just let her and the other girl be friends and get out of the way, then just loose the friendship we had?
Thank you so so much if you can help.

Surprisingly, this happens a lot to friendships. You think that you'll be friends forever with someone you really have something with, but then that person starts to change and it just leaves you confused and upset.

It's really hard to go through that and you may start convincing yourself that you'll never have a friend as good as her, but that's not true. You'll have someone similiar to that best friend except better because they won't change into someone different if they are a true best friend.

I doubt that your friend is doing this on accident. If she's been ignoring you, then I'd say that she's clearly avoiding you. Which is really rude, but you can definetly find someone else just as good as she was except better.

So my advice to you is to get out there with different people and leave this old friendship like she has. If she wants to pick it back up, then let her be the one to come to you. Besides, she is the one who left this friendship first.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.