|
ugly feelings
Hi everyone, I'd like to hear your perspective(this question is especially for girls but guys are welcome to answer too). My problem is that I feel disgustingly and frighteningly ugly. My own reflection upsets me when I look in the mirror, and I find the idea of sex really scary. I've tried it a couple of times, but the guys I've been with have been really greedy and impatient and made me feel even uglier. They kept on going on about how pretty other girls were, and I think they just wanted me because I'm so insecure. Has anyone else been through this , and come out all right the other end(e.g. in a happy relationship, or just happier with themselves). Some days I don't even want to leave the house, I feel I look so bad.
Thanks in advance(22/f BTW).
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey, First off I am 31 so well past the teenage mark...lol
Well I think all women feel this at different points in their lives. However I think that you are feeling something alot more severe then average. From a clinical standpoint it almost sounds like you may be suffering from dysmorphia (sp?) I have worked with clients who suffer from this and I think that maybe you should talk to your doctor about it as this is a real disease, look it up on the net and see if what your feeling looks similar, you will come out the other side of this and when you feel at your worst keep in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what you consider unattractive others may see as stunning. Sex is directly linked in women with how we feel about ourselves, we cannot be turned on or excited about sex if we feel fat or ugly.
Please visit your doctor and talk with him/her about all this and if it is dysmorphia there is help.
I hope this helps you and if you have more questions please ask.
]
Hey! I know exactly how you feel. I don't look at myself like that anymore. I think that everyone looks down at themselves every once in a while. I will tell you what I did as a young adult and then you can decide if you want to try it. First of all, you have to quit putting yourself down. Beauty is only skin deep. In this situation you are your own enemy. Do this one thing every morning and every night. Walk by a mirror, and no matter how much you want to say something bad, tell yourself something nice and don't think about it. Take a day off of work, go get your nails done, get a fresh hair style, and if you got the money, go try a new wardrobe. Sometimes people can get stuck in a way of life that they are not happy with and if you change it then you can possibly change the perception of yourself. Boost your own ego cause sweetie that is one thing we don't need a man for, a man is just a plus.
]
ok, I'll be turning 24 next month... I must say when I read what you wrote I was like awwwww, I really did feel so sad for you... I have been there. And am proud to say that I changed my life around, am married to the love of my life and couldn't be happier and no, im not a size 2 either... size 16 to be exact, and now when I look at the mirror, I loveeee what is looking back at me and NO ONE could ever take that away from me again. Only you can change the way your life is right now, no sitting around waiting for it to get better, cuz it never will. 90% of the problem your having is all in your head and that wont change until you think differently. So here's my advice to you... If you don't like the way you look, change something about your apperance that you think will make you look even more pretty even if it's changing your toe-nail polish...something that minor. Start wearing make-up, part your hair a different way... Don't stand in front of mirror anymore and say im so ugly, feeling sorry 4 ur self. take a shower get all pretty-d up and right before you leave the house take a quick glance in the mirror, smile and be confident at that beautiful face lookin back at you. another thing, having sex with a guy and then him tellin you about how these other girls are prettier...that's a big NO all he wants to do is lower your self-esteem enough so that maybe you'll keep having sex with him because he is a loser. If all these other girls were so much better than you why aint he with them? see what I'm sayin... You deserve to be with a man that can treat you the way your supposed to be treated and you can't find him if your waisting your time on these losers that are as you say greedy and impatient and sooooooooooo not even worth YOUR time. My e-mail is lost_carolina@yahoo.com would love to talk to you again. I hate to see someone suffer the way you are now... Cross over onto my side, where you can wake up, look in the mirror and love what you see looking back at you, where you can wake up in the middle of the night and your man is right there holding you, being confident, loving the person that you are, and most importantly...being happy to be alive.
]
It's not just looks that matter...it's what on the inside that really counts. Also, for one thing, you shouldn't have SEX just to have it. You should wait until you get married. I know that in your added information that it said that you don't want any "teen advice" but sometimes having teen advice is good. You should wait until you get married because that's the best gift your body can give a man. When you get married, what are you going to tell your spouse when he asks you if you'r a virgin!? Just wait until you find the man you love and that you think you're ready for having sex. Trust me on this one. If you need anymore advice you can e-mail me-- summer_lovr304@yahoo.com
-Hope I helped
Anna
]
Hi there, I have a formula that may help. Why don't you say to yourself "Im sexy, hot". This might not feel like it for you but give it ago. Have you ever seen the movie Austin Powers? The actor Mike Myers is not that attractive himself really, and even though its just a film, have you noticed how good he feels about himself. Typical guys go for girls usually because they feel good about themselves. Of course nowadays guys go for looks, but just remember that its who you are that counts and not what you've got to other or have. Hope that helps. Daniel.
]
A certain amount of insecurity is normal for almost every individual but to the extent you seem to have it is something I would see as a cause for concern.
There is a condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which causes the sufferer to feel fat/unattractive even though this is not the case. It's not an uncommon condition, especially in this day and age and in severe cases, sufferers either get rid of all mirrors in their home or go to great lengths to avoid looking at their reflection in any way. It is also common to obsessively degrade your looks to yourself.
It might be that you just need an injection of self-esteem but by your description, I would imagine it to be quite likely you suffer from BDD. If you think it's possible this may be the case, have a quick look at the information available on the net and get it confirmed by your doctor. Unfortunately, I don't know what treatment is available but your doctor will be able to make a recommendation, whether it is medication or counselling.
I know this won't help, but if it makes you feel any better, Jennifer Love Hewitt has BDD and if she can be as pretty as she is and still think she is ugly, that should reassure you that you aren't as ugly as you think you are.
]
Hi
I'm 34 years old and I can TOTALLY relate to what you are going through.
When I was in my early 20's (I'm ashamed to admit this), but I let men use me. I was over-weight, unhappy, and had a very low self-esteem.
I learned the hard way that sex is not love...not even close!! After an "experience" with a guy..sometimes a complete stranger, I would feel even more horrible about myself. Why was I letting guys use me? BECAUSE I LET THEM!! I honestly didn't think I would ever find anyone who would love me. I mean come on...I was the invisible fat chick.
Then I took some steps to improve the way I saw/see myself. I had gastric bypass surgery, and lost over 200 pounds. I also decided that low self-esteem was something of the past. It wasn't going to be me anymore.
I am now a successful person..working and going to school (something I NEVER would have seen myself doing as an adult). Although I'm not in the complete self love phase, I feel like a worthy human being, who is a productive member of society.
I began to really respect myself, and demanded that of any man I got involved with. I met my husband five years ago, and he is the man of my dreams. He respects me, loves me, sees me a very worthwile person.
So yes, it is possible to hike yourself up...and be happy. Everyone is their own worst critic. What you may see as ugly, others may not.
Self-confidence is such a HUGE character boost. Even someone that is considered less attractive can come across as very intriguing due to the confidence they exude.
Until you start to like yourself and realize your self worth, you can not expect someone else to do that.
You could try taking a self-esteem/confidence course, or sometimes seeing a counsellor is also beneficial.
Just always remember that you deserve to be happy, and be treated with respect and love. Don't settle for anything less. Try to like yourself..you'll be much happier if you do.
Take care,
Brenda
]
Everyone experiences bad feelings about themselves, but I have a feeling that yours is more than just a typical insecurity problem.
When you think you are ugly and other really bad thoughts about yourself, it really makes you feel like you only deserve the guy whose first in line for you and that's what I think happens when you end up with guys who are impatient and don't even talk about how beautiful you are instead of their past girlfriends. You feel that you deserve any guy who is willing to take you when that's not true.
The root of your problem is that you feel so ugly, that you will take any guy that will take you first. And when this guy is bad in any way, you convince yourself that it's ok for him to treat you like this because you feel like you don't deserve better. So you keep taking the bad from these guys because you are nothing to yourself. You have to decide for yourself what kind of woman you really are. You are probably nice, caring, loving and gifted as a person. But you judge yourself from your appearance and that's how you defined yourself.
When you start to meet men that are mature and seriously into you, it won't come down to the way you look. It will come down to the woman you are to them. If you find yourself continuing to meet these guys that only want sex and are impatient with you, stop looking in the place you've been. Start telling yourself that you truly deserve better because you are a better person.
Take your friends for example. You probably have a few friends who are overweight, or have an imperfection that really effects the way she feels about herself. But you are still her friend, not because of the way she looks. Probably because she's a caring person who really is a friend to you.
First, stop having sex so soon in relationships. If you feel that a guy you're with is pushing you, get rid of him. You can and will find better. Don't continue to convince yourself that a certain guy is your only hope because he's far from yor only hope if he's not treating you well like you deserve. The truth is that if you really learn to love yourself and make everyone respect you, then everything will be better than ok in the end.
I think that you should try some kind of counseling for this problem too. It can't hurt and you'd probably find yourself recieving a lot of good feelings and encouragement from it. You can probably get some really good ways to feel better about yourself and to truly find what you are capable of doing.
-TheTeenGirl
]
Hey!
Everybody developes these feelings at a point in their lives. I know I have!
If you want to feel better about yourself, try to make some changes in your appearence. Ask your hair dresser what they think a good look for you would be. Consider layers or getting bangs. You can style your hair more by purchasing a ceremic straightener. Straightened hair looks great with layers by the way! Then you could try a little make up. There are usually make up artists in the mall in the beauty sections. They are better than you think! If the make over turns out good, buy the products she used and try putting it on yourself.
After that, find a nice outfit or wardrobe that makes you feel comfortable with your body. This all might be a little pricey but hey, if it will make you feel better about yourself, that's all that counts. And plus, you only live once :]
Not to offend you if you don't need them, but if you need exercise tips, come straight to me!
I hope you feel better asap. Buzz my column if you want more advice!
]
Aw, I think you should learn to love yourself, and wait until you find the guy who will always be telling you your beautiful, and will make you happy to wake up each day!
I dont really know what to say to you,
but I just want to let you know you are beautiful!
I dont even need to see a picture, because looks dont matter, and I really think that your sweet and most likely sincere and genuine, and thats why boys try to take advantage of you.
Its normal for you to find sex freaky, and scary, because its not like its ment to be, but it wont be when you find the right person :)
I hope I helped.
<33
]
I think everyone goes through a time in their life where they feel insecure about themselves. I know I have. I realized that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Just because some guys don't think you are beautiful doesn't means others won't.
In the end I became happy with myself and I also have a really loving boyfriend now. So that helps a lot. Even if I didn't have a boyfriend I would still have high self esteem because I have confidence in myself. I'm not saying that you should be conceited but I am saying that you have to know for yourself that you are beautiful. That way when a guy comes up to you and says that you are ugly you will know that isn't true.
]
More Questions: |