about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

Alright.. so there's this kid.. and i was going out with him, and i liked him a lot.. except he got mad at me a lot because i was doing stuff with my friends, and not him. so we fought a lot, but i still really liked him. (when we weren't fighting) so anyways..we broke up a few days ago, because this was on his away message "if your name is emily, call me" and my name IS NOT emily. :( and i asked him what he was doing (we were talking online) and he said he was "sitting here playing halo and talking to BRITTANY!"..And of course..my name isnt brittany either..and he wouldnt talk to me..so i just said k well whatever i think we should break up, and he replied with "agreed." i still like him A LOT. and hes soo fun to be with..but i know he doesnt like me anymore..what should i do? play hard to get? talk to him? what? i dont know what to do. i like him soo much.. thanks. (13\f)

M,17;

Whatever you do, don't call him, don't initiate a conversation with him, don't talk to him on the net don't do anything with him!
Right now you should go in to ice queen mode.
The reason I'm saying so, is because you have to teach the guy a lesson (or not). He's either trying to make you jealous by "talking" to a lot of other girls, and pretending to have just forgotten about you, or he's a complete jerk, and you'd seriously be better off without him.
If he's trying to make you jealous, he may crawl back in a few weeks, and then you'll get to lay down some rules and make him be sweet to you... if he's a jerk then he'll be off dating next week, and you should just leave him behind, no matter how hard it seems.

It's kind of hard to tell if he's a megajerk player, or just trying to make you jealous. I'd go with the second one, even though jerks are more common. But anyway, hope you don't get hurt

-K

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im 14 and going into the 10th grade and ive never kissed a guy. and all my friends all have lost it. and i feel like im being left behind. and when my friends talk bout it they ask me hats the most uve done w/ a guy and i cant say anything cuz i havent even kissed 1! what should i do?

First of all, I'm 17, and I haven't "lost it" OR kissed anyone yet. There's nothing Wrong with you, it just means you haven't met someone you've liked well enough to have a relationship with, or maybe just haven't gotten around to kidding. there a heaps of 14 year olds who are the same as you. I don't want to sound rude (but I'm obviously going to anyway, so don't take it too bad ^.-) but your friends sound sort of slutty. What's their point? So fëcking what, you haven't lost your virginity... is it "cool" to lose your virginity? I think it's STUPID to lose your virginity to peer pressure!
Maybe if you really do think you're being left behind by your friends then it's for the better. If they're so far ahead of you then there's sure to be some people right alongside you, and they're probably the people you want to know better. The ones who don't care that you're still a virgin, who don't even ask about it.
Just as a parting thought; you've got to live sometimes. There has to be a first time for everything you want to do in your life. But you also have so much time in which to do things. There's a balance between "seize the day", because you could die in a car accident, and "take it slow", because everybody knows that people make stupid mistakes they regret. You just have to decide when you're ready - don't let other people tell you.

-K

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-My mother's a whore who doesn't care to sleep wit several guys within days, married or not
-My father used to serial cheat on her, ever since the first 3 days of their marriage, and now she's gettin revenge
-No one could give a shit about me, so their shipping me off to another country
-Their pretendin to care, and sayin they want me to stay, though i'm not stupid, they both want to make me suffer(if i live wit my mom, i live wit her 2 BF's, and if i live wit my dad, i live wit his GF
-I don't know anyone in the Dominican Republic, what the hell am i supposed to do there, where the hell am i supposed to go to high school, and where the hell am i supposed to live, my own family members can't decide were to put me, since none of them want me there
-There's SOOO much more pain in my life write now, there wouldn't be any space to write it
-I have a serious addiction to cutting myself, and i think i may even be developing an addiction to pills, i mean, why wouldn't i be depressed
-And i know it's not a sex question, but it's a popular topic, and i just want to know, is there anyone who cares, anyone who can help me, anyone who can tell me, why haven't i killed myself, what the hell do i have left to care for, and what in the world am i supposed to do with my piece-of-crap-for-a-life
-I've tried proffesional help and advice, it seriously doesn't work
P.S.:plz, no wiseasses, i really don't want to deal wit that right now, cuz ur not gonna get a pleasant reaction

Sincerely,
Life Falling Apart(13/f)

First of all;
Professional help can be worse than no help at all sometimes. I've always found that when you go to some professional who deals with these kinds of things all the time it's just really screwed up and dead. First, they have a nice friendly chat with you, but it's not normal talk. They don't really care who you are, because they're trained not to get attached to the people they talk to. They're trained and that's what makes it so dead. Their chat revolves around you, they don't tell you who they are often. Anyway, after they've "assessed" your situation, and your life at home they go in to problem solving mode, and everything will be alright soon. It's a serious bunch of shit, and you're never alone in not getting a thing from a professional counselling session.
I just thought I'd start off by letting you know that it's alright if you've been to professionals and not come back a happier girl.
Secondly - you wanted to know why you haven't killed yourself. Don't take anything I say as right, because chances are that it won't be anywhere near, but everything is a little bit of use when you feel like nothing matters anymore. I think the reason you haven't killed yourself is that you hope things can get better. You're 13, and you don't want to be gone yet. You know that your life isn't everything that it should be, or anywhere near that, and you want to live to see it get better. You're alive because you're smart enough to know that the future exists, and the chances are that if will get better.
You're addicted to cutting yourself. You have passed the first "stage" (I'll try not to sound like one of those professionals, o.k.? I'm 17, I'm a screw-up, I'm trying to get over it...). When you're trying to give up an addiction, the hardest thing to do is to admit that you're addicted, and commit to stop doing it. I think right now, your cutting is something to make your pain visible. You're doing it because of the stress that surrounds you, eats at you, and makes you so miserable. The first -step- is to get away from it. I think that the best thing you can really DO right now is to do your best to make sure your parents send you off somewhere. Have you got any friends that you can stay with? Be kind of careful when you're looking for a place to stay, because 13 year old girls can tend to be vulnerable in the big bad world. What I'm saying is that there are situations that you could go into that are a whole lot better than where you are right now. Wherever you go, you will find a way to make new friends, better friends that you might even have now, because you'll be that much better at picking them out of the crowd than you were 3 (or however many)years ago when you started at your current school, and made friends with some of the leeches that just won't go away now.
Anyway, to try and keep it a shortish kind of long - GET AWAY FROM IT! It's the best thing you can do. It will let you think, it will hopefully get you away from the cutting. Another thing for the cutting is physical exercise just to take your mind away from it. Any time you feel like cutting, do 20 sit-ups. Either you'll end up too stuffed to cut yourself, or maybe it will have passed by then. The pills are a different story. I'd recommend going to see a doctor or a pharmacist or someone "professional" :( If you've got a drug addiction, get rid of it now, because the only thing it will do is keep your life shit, and help to screw it up over and over again. Perhaps if you went to a shrink again they would prescribe anti-depressants, which might also be useful for stabilising your mood.
"what am I supposed o do with my life" kind of question - Make it better is my most straightforward answer. It's your life, and it's going to take your sweat and blood (Urgh, bad phrasing) to make it better. It doesn't mean it's your fault, that it's gone crap, but eventually things even out. Bad things happen, and you have to do a lot to fix them, good things happen, and they make you happy when you haven't done anything to earn them. You're the best possible person to help yourself out of the hol, because only you know how deep things are, only you know what makes you happy, how you can change everything to make things work out.
Depression is like falling into a pit-toilet out in the bush somewhere, and then just kind of sitting there, getting 'shitty' (oh yes, a pun!) about what's happened to you, and waiting for someone to come rescue you. Some people show they're depressed pretty well, and sometimes they've brought friends along in a campervan who go "where's larry?" and come find you, and get a rope. Other people keep feeling sorry for themselves, and a few die down in the pit, lonely, and depressed. In my book, the real heroes, the people who know where they are, realise they're in the bush and their friends aren't there to dig them out, keep trying to climb the shit brown walls, until two weeks later, they find the maintenance-man's foot holes, climb out into the sun stinking of shit, and go jump in the lake (ok, well I can't think of a very good end to the story, but the meaning is in it already)
It's up to you to decide to climb out of the shit-hole, and you're the one who has to find the foot holes. Simple as that, however complicated it may be. When you're out of there, your life is up to you, but it will start to look a whole lot rosier after you've had a shower, and decided what you want to do. Life is about change - Change is one of the worst things people can go through sometimes, and sometimes it's the thing that saves their lives, makes them truly happy.
I for one really care about you, and anybody like you because I know pain, and it's the same for everyone, and I know that the kind words of a complete and utter stranger are often the best thing in the world. -Even if they do write like a 1000 word essay on it - sorry! :)

And I truly hope that's where I came in, along with everyone else.
-K

I thought after answering this that maybe I could help you further if you wanted someone to just email. The email I post about is me@sadloser.com , and if you email me there I'll reply with a hotmail. I don't like posting my hotmail up because it just screams "spam me"...

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ok well my feet are shped very "dis-formed" lets say. they have webbs between them just like a duck and when i wear flip flops with all my friend i feel left out. they really make fun of me. what should i do??

signed,
duckie

Wear full shoes around your friends. I'm so sorry if the next bit sounds like a sick joke, but I'm serious...
TAKE UP SWIMMING! You'd be awesome! Everybody at the pool would be your buddy if you used your 'talents' for what they would be good at. It's not always a bad thing to have a deformity. Many people born with an extra finger take up the piano. As long as it's not something that's going to affect your badly, then it's not so bad.
If your friends really take the piss out of you - if they're really being mean about it, then you're probably in with the wrong friends. That's not the spirit of friendship, it's the attitude of a shallow clique.

Hope you can find something good in the problem that isn't really there :)

-K

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My friend was forced to take a drug test by his mom and it he failed now shes callin his friends and tellin their parents to drug test their kids shes gonna call my dad soon and have my dad test me i want to know if its true that if you dont do marijuana often that it will clear out of your system faster than if you do it constantly?

It probably clears faster if you don't smoke it all the time. Unfortunately there are some tests that can detect marijuana up to a month after you smoked it.
I don't want to sound like a nagging parent, and if you're going to rate me down for it, stop reading and just don't rate, but...
I would really recommend not smoking marijuana ever. Sure, your parents might have done it in their youth, but it's different now. It's not because you shouldn't do something your parents did. Since your parents smoked it, people have cultivated the stuff big time. They've bred it, and purified it. That's what's so bad about today's marijuana. It's like hundreds of times stronger than what your parents did, and because of that it can SERIOUSLY fuck you up. My father's a psych nurse, and probably like 95% of his patients are druggies. It's not that they're druggies because they are depressed or something, because they get better, but then go screw themselves up on marijuana, and go psycho again. Anyway, please try not to screw up your life. Marijuana, THC is a drug that will really fuck you up, and it's not only short term.
There are other ways to have fun. If you do it because other people say you should, those people are losers, and I hope you can see that.

Sorry for the speil
-K

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Hey there! How do you become less addicted to the computer and the internet! Hehe, its really weird because even when I have so much things to do, I still find myself on the computer and wasting time. What to do?

Decide what you want to do with your life, and think about it any time you find yourself on the computer. Print something out, and pin it up above the screen so you see it no matter what. If you're addicted to an internet game, trash it, and don't re-install it. If you're seriously bad about it, give the disk to your parents and tell them not to let you have it for a month or something. Physical exertion is a good way to forget about stuff. When you're addicted, you tend to get adrenaline hits from doing whatever addicts you. Sports helps to release the body's "natural drugs" which include adrenaline, and so you feel good having done it.

-K

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just answer me this:
1.what r the first things u notice in a girl?
2.what r sum turn ons?
3. what r sum turn ons?
5.what type of attitude would u find best in a girl
6. what is your fav. in a girl like hair color and eyes?

thanks just wondering because its just some little facts that would be great to kno ;P

1. (In order of encounter) Eyes, nose, hair, posture and figure (although figure is often just observation, and doesn't matter so much - might to other guys), neatness, voice (This is one of the most important features - I remember thinking "oh, she's pretty" for a few moments about a girl, until I found out her name was "looiese"...Louise's accent - SERIOUSLY off-putting), intelligence (Counts a lot for me - wouldn't at all for others)

2. (I'm not sure if you're talking sexually here, or just something that would be attractive) Eye contact - You know when you kind of lock eyes with someone and your guts turn to jelly stuff? Flirting... Knowing how to smile - Soooo important. Good figure factors in. Well applied makeup - not "look perfect, while still natural" crap, but special things, like glitter or shimmer, it can really make you look like an angel.

3. (I'm guessing that's meant to say turnoffs) Being ditsy (too stupid for comprehension, and over-vocal). Being badly presented - Real killer, if you don't know a girl, and you see her walking around looking like a tree with twigs in her hair, and dirt under her nails... you tend to stay away, simple as that. Smoking. Having a "slutty" appearance, or manner - 'reputations' (rumours) don't count for much because they can be so wrong about people. Drug taking would be "turn around and walk away" grounds, even for a supermodel.

There is no 4?

5. Ouch, more difficult than it looked at first. Understanding, if that's an attitude. Supportive. Motivated. The worst thing is for a girl to like herself too much.

6. Eyes. Hands are nice, soft hands, nice nails. Nails don't even have to be long actually, just shapely and not in bad nick.

Hey, if you leave feedback, I'm curious to know why you wanted to know this stuff ;).

-K

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sorry this is so long

(15/f)

alright well I like this guy but he's known to just get w/ girls for sex and I know that that's true w/ some of the girls he's been with but not all of them.. I like him a lot and I always think about him and like he's one of the only guys I love to hang out with that I like... if that makes any sense... and well he was smoking in front of me and I was like THATS DISGUSTING and he was like ... well then I'll stop, just for u.. and well when ever we hang out he always like rubs my back and is really flirty and when I was drunk he helped me around (not taking advantage of me in any way) bc I couldnt walk very well and he like made sure i was ok and stuff and then the next day he asked how i felt and made sure i was ok... and well he told my brother that hes liked me since the 7th grade and he normally doesnt like girls for that long, he just fucks them and leaves them and hes always like.. i love hangin out w/ ur so awesome and its a lot of fun, and now i cant keep my mind off him and i hate being away from him...... ok well should i take a chance with him if he likes me? or just let it go?




once again... im so sorry its long..

If you really like him, take a chance. It doesn't come around very often. If you don't want to be hurt, don't take the chance. It sounds to me like he's one of those smart players who just spends a lot of time and effort setting things up. Just because a guy doesn't take advantage of you when you're drunk, it doesn't mean he doesn't intend to. It just means he's intelligent enough to know it's not on, and that if he is nice to you then, maybe he'll "get lucky" later. Of course you could just be the one girl that his lechery is not the focus of.

My honest opinion - if you want to have fun while it lasts, try it. Be prepared for it to be a letdown.

Long questions are fine by the way ^_^ It's useful just to know how the asker thinks if nothing else.

-K

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I know girls will judge another girl on their clothing, but do guys care if your not wearing abercrombie or hollister? (I know I sound very shallow thinking all guys judge on stupid things but its been bothering me) It just doesnt seem right that guys dont need to wear amercrombie but girls seem almost required to or they're pushed out. Another question, do guys prefer strait hair over curly? thanks in advance, I'll rate for anyone who can give me a decent answer.

17 year old male's answer:

I don't think it really matters to guys whether or not you wear labels. The ones who are shallow enough to care are the ones you probably wouldn't want to know about anyway. The important thing is that you appear to take care of yourself, and that whatever you wear suits you, and fits you.

I like straight and curly hair. I don't like inbetween though... Maybe not curly actually, wavy is a better description. Curly X_X Don't... :)

-K

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how do you make your own graphics like banners and stuff? with liek what program?
thanx

Photoshop is the most well known. It depends on what platform you're running, and on what computer. If you're going to do anything more than hobby stuff, it's worth talking to a computer tech person about RAM and video cards.
The site somebody already gave you offers only a 30 day trial of photoshop. It's a pretty expensive program, like maybe $200AU for an academic version. If you want something for free, search for "freeware" at tucows. http://www.tucows.com/downloads

-K

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Hi. I just uploaded a new picture on my advice column. In the corner it says "vampirefreaks.com" Is this allowed? Because that is the only picture I have of myself.

Thanks ahead of time.

BTW If you need to see my user name is X_Amanda_X

I don't think Advicenators is going to care, but if you're still worried, or you don't like the text being there, you could just use paint to crop it out, and upload the pic again.

-K

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whats the difference between going out with someone and hooking up with someone?

Going out is usually someone you already know, and you've arranged in advance to go out with them. You might meet them somewhere or they might pick you up from your house.
Hooking up with someone is something I would see as between strangers. Usually people who you "hook up" with aren't very permanent, but they can be sometimes, if you happen to meet someone genuinely nice. As other people have said, "hooking up" is usually a single night thing.

I'd recommend going out with someone ;)
-K

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this isn't really a ? but a survey for guys. what do guys like best in a girl
looks
blonde or brunette?
color eyes?
height?
skinny or average weight?
populararity or just a nice average girl?
i'll give everyone who answers everything a 5.

thanks Kate

The answer to these questions is REALLY subjective. There is no "majority vote" if you ask me. Every guy will like completely different things.
If you're asking because you want to attract a particular guy, find out what he likes. If you're just asking because you want to be "more" attractive... There are only a few pointers. Be neat, the guys you want to attract are the ones who don't live in the dumpster... Be interesting, but don't be too "self-interested", then again there are guys who like that too. Be approachable, or flirtatious if you will. The most important one; BE YOURSELF, and have your own personality. "Be yourself" might be a stupid way to phrase things, but being yourself means not trying to be anyone else. Not trying to be like Elle McWhoeverSheIs, or "that cool girl from the big brother house". People respect others who act as themseleves, and it's a lot easier to do!

Now, if I must answer your original question... 0;)

Light blonde long hair, straight nose, long face, blue/green eyes, reasonably tall, average weight, either popular or not, depends on the group though. If she was in a terrible try-hard clique I'd stay away probably.

Unfortunately, here is where it gets complicated;
Certain combinations I really like, others, even with elements of the good combinations, don't work.

Dark brown/black hair, puffy nose, average face, brown eyes, average height, average weight (although weight doesn't really matter that much) Popular or not, same as before. Popularity really wouldn't count.

Light brown hair, interesting nose (crick, or bump or something), "hawk-like" Sharp features. You know the outside edges of the eyes the way phaerohs did them? Well, eyes more like that (Semi chinese, I guess). Any colour eyes, Most heights, Slim "Delicate" build. Any popularity.

Hope my answer isn't too long ^.-

-K

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theres tis girl who is totally obbsessed with me, shes attractive looking but i dont really think that it would work, and besides i already have a girlfriend. i wanna tell her that i dont like her but she cried cuz i wouldnt tell her if i liked her so i dont want to totally crush her heart so is there a way that i can tell her i dont like her without her getting crushed into amillion tiny peices

First of all, "the specialist", you're the idiot for posting without an answer, just to criticise a valid question.
Now to the real question;
I think the easiest way out is to have a friend tell the girl who's crushing on you. Don't have your girlfriend do it, as someone said she might start a girl-fight, or even go into relationship sabotage antics. Try to pick someone who will break the news softly, but still make it clear. There's a good chance that she won't believe them, but if that's the case, tell your friend to refer her on to you. Even if she does want to hear it from you, it will probably hurt less, and it will be easier for you.
If you think there could be a chance you'd want to know her, or maybe leave things open for if things turn sour with your girlfriend, you could do two things. You could tell her it wouldn't work out, because you've got a girlfriend at the moment. That would probably leave her hoping. You should make sure that she doesn't go in for the relationship sabotage though, because some girls will. Make sure that if she does, you let her know that she's got ABSOLUTELY no chance if she's the reason you and your current girlfriend break up. Another thing you could do is befriend her. Just because she's crushing on you, it doesn't mean you have to get rid of her. Maybe the next best thing for her would be to become a really good friend. You never know who you'll end up knowing, and maybe when she knows you better, then she won't want to be your girlfriend anymore.

Good luck
-K

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I need a way to lose weight really fast like 2 weeks...How can i do this???

Hey, I'll answer this question with what I said for somebody else just a week or so ago (you really should look things up to see if it's been asked, this is a common question)

In two week, it's definitely possible to lose a lot of weight. The main point to my answer is DON'T OVERDO IT!. Don't take this as me saying "don't do it"
Just be aware that there are some serious problems with jump-starting an exercise campaign. To state the obvious, your best hope of losing weight is to do as much exercise as you possibly can. But it's not as simple as going down to the gym, and working out all day. If you did that, you could probably lose a lot of muscle weight, through torturing the poor little buggers, and end up spending the next 4 days recovering in bed, groaning about how achy your stomach and legs are, believe me, I did a whole day walking around an oval last year, because I was starting to look more than anorexic, spent 3 days regretting it, and I'm only young.
So that's my first point. Don't start out too big. Do as much as you feel like you can do, and as soon as your body starts complaining, take a good break. If you seem to tire quickly, I'd say don't go over 5 workouts between breaks in a day, because your body is obviously protesting. After a few days of a good intensity without hurting yourself, you'll find that it's getting a LOT easier.
My other big point is diet. No, the word diet doesn't mean "stop eating" ;). I'm not even going to suggest you eat less, unless you believe that you currently eat way too much. What I'm talking about is food value. It's no use for losing weight, exercising if you put more energy into your body than you get out. You would gain muscle mass, but you would also have the same amount of fat, or gain it. The point is to put in less than you use up, so that your body has to burn its fat stores in order to supply you with energy. But you can't just stop eating, because then you don't get the nutrients, which fat cannot provide, and your body starts to eat up little bits of its self to compensate for what you're missing, making you sick. Make sure you eat plenty of fruit, and vegetables, try to cut down on sugar. Red meat is O.K., as long as it isn't fatty, because it is protein. It is one of the only foods that will provide "Heam" Iron, which is easiest for the body to absorb, and required for healthy blood. Chicken tends to have more fat than other meats, and nothing you can't get elsewhere. I could continue on about nutrients for quite a while, but if you're really interested, it's pretty easy to find information on the internet. Don't believe miracle diets, they're usually a bunch of crap, and can be dangerous. My last point : Drink lots of water. It will mean sweating doesn't dehydrate you, it will lower your body temperature, meaning you can burn more energy, and it will generally help to flush junk out of your system.

Have- err, fun

-K

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Hi there, thanks for taking the time to listen to me complain because no one else wants to hear it...

Im 17 and have never been asked out, had a boyfriend, had a boy as a friend , or any other possible boy-girl relationships you could think of. The older guys seem to like me which scares me a lot because when I went to ST Thomas, a 29 year old was hitting on me and asked me if I played pool (hence a date). I think a black kid likes me and hes very nice and all but hes just not right for me. The problem is, even when I meet someone who is ever slightly interested I get all sick to my stomach and am so excited. 100% of the time I am let down, such as the time when I met this physical therapist who was flirting with me and then I saw him again and he seemed lijke he didnt even know me. It was heartbreaking too because I waited two weeks and all i thought about was "friday, jack will be there! friday friday friday. I think i spent tooo much time thinking about it and now im so sad again.. I know hes too old for me anyways, but I seem so pathetic. People tell me Im smart and pretty, like uh my doctor, and uh my MOM and random waitresses. One time I was leaving the YMCA and some lady told me i looked like priness di, which i dont think so i have brown hair and hazel eyes, lol but anyways my best four friends dont have boyfriends either and we never have. its not like we are giving ourselves out. no one takes us for a ride. Usually I find a guy I like at school and try and find out more about them, and im dissapointed to find out theyve had sex, or drink all the time, or smoke pot, or are just plain boring! Sometimes I find myself trying to ignore them but yet i cant. I thought maybe life would be easier as a lesbian because so many girls love me as a freind and even they tell me im pretty. Ive been capatin of soccer and lacrosse numerous times because everyone (girls ) love me. It sucked when I thought one of the girls was hitting on me and i was scared! But i Know thats not the sexuality I am, and I guess thats just me being stupid again. I see myself falling for the older guys, around 20-26ish and for some reason its hard for me to even have interest in guys my own age. Maybe its because of the bad expeinces ive had, since most guys my age are all about sex, smoking, drinking, and anything else I can imagine. I just want a good guy who is a legal age to go out with who likes me for who i am. Im so sick of hearing "oh the right guy hasnt come along": when I see these perfect couples at school or the mall. Life is tough sometimes.. Im also worried about my car and if guys wil try to use me for it. Id be really sad to find out if Jimmy likes me and I like him but really Jimmy only loves my mini cooper convertible :( my aunt thinks im going to be hurt by that kind of stuff... i dont know! i am sooo confused

Thanks again,
17,f,ny

Hey,
It's hard to have gotten to 17 and still have no relationships to speak of. You want "A good guy who is a legal age to go out with who likes you for who you are". It's one of the easiest things to ask for, and you're nowhere near some of the people on here who just seem so picky that you wonder if they'll ever find someone that they can care for. I think you already understand that things go both ways. To keep a good guy, who likes you for who you are, then you would have to like him for who he was - not want him to be someone else. I'm losing the point here, aren't I.
People who can't be bothered thinking about problems will usually come up with an answer like "oh the right guy hasnt come along", as you've found. It's just bullcrap. The right guy never "comes along". That doesn't mean that there isn't a right guy. It doesn't mean that you won't meet, or find the right guy. They NEVER "come along". Someone on here quaintly put it as 90% of guys are jerks and players. Only 10% are the real sweethearts. I put it more to the 95% jerks, and it's true. I often mean-mouth my own gender, because there are just so many guys who are so STUPID. They don't know what they've got, don't even try to understand. Unfortunately for the other gender, it's mostly the 95% who hit on you, because they're the ones who don't see anything wrong with dumping 4 girls a week, some of the sicker ones seem to have goals to meet in that respect. It's very easy for a lot of players to put on the "sweet caring 'good guy' " act, and that makes it hard to find the good guys without ratting out at least a few of the players. The good news is that most of the players are easy enough to brush off, for a girl whose doctor calls her smart ^.- The players are out for one thing. They want to have fun, or benefit at your expense. This means either sex, or just general turmoil with your feelings, you can run across some REALLY creepy guys. The point is that if they think that you aren't going to fall for it, they won't keep trying very long. They might try to pull the joker card of "love", but if you can really see through all the crap, you'll see how much they really, really want you to take that card. Take it, and rip it up into little shreds :)
So, the best way... maybe the only way you're going to find a guy who really cares is to give yourself as much time with the guys as possible. You have to find him, or give him a chance to notice you. Being beautiful can sometimes work against you with shy guys. And often enough, it's the shy guys who haven't had a million girlfriends before you. If you notice someone you like, and it doesn't seem like there's much chance of him feeling important enough to ask you out - break the stereotype. ASK HIM OUT! It's not as big a crime as people think it is. Most people who follow the stereotype haven't even bothered to think about it for themselves. But when you're serious about trying to find a nice guy, he has to know that you like him as much as you want him to like you too.
Your car shouldn't matter. You already know that. It's fine if the guy you find likes your car. He should never like your car more than you, and he should never just be with you to take advantage of the petrol you have in the tank. If you're with a guy, and he seems to be leeching, asking for one ride too many... he probably is. Sometimes, players keep up longer relationships for convenience. It can often make them more sincere, but behind it all, he's only thinking of himself, and you seem to be able to see things like that.
So, to go back: You have to be seen, and you have to observe the guys, and maybe, just maybe you'll find a nice one.
17,m,Aus

Being in the same situation, I'd be happy to talk through email...
If you want to talk, send something to me@sadloser.com (no, I'm not kidding ;) I don't use it often, because it gets spammed horribly. It's probably because I post it around the place.
I'll reply from a hotmail address.
Ok, on second thoughts, i just checked the sadloser account, and the site isn't letting me in. If you want to talk, private question me, and I'll give you my hotmail, then delete the question a few days later.

-K

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hey
basically i have till september to loose about a stone. (12 lbs) i dont have much money to join a gym, ive been eating healthy stuff everyday like salad, pasta, fruit i drink mostly water for like 2 years and i have barely lost anything.
i really want to do this as im starting college soon and i want to make a new start. i walk everday for about 1/2 hour i walk my dog regulalry and where i work has loads of steps and i climb them at least 10 times a day. and nothing seem to shift the pounds. i am really determined to do this as i am only 5 foot 3 and i weigh roughly 12stone so i am not exactley slim. any one with any good advice on how to loose pounds quickly and fairly cheaply will get rated 5's lol.
please help me
emma* xoxox

Ok, You've got the most important thing pinned already. You're a healthy eater, and you excercise moderately. I'd hazard a guess that you're pretty busy apart from the time you already take to walk every day, so what you really want to do is make your time more efficient, rather than spend longer exercising. If you're worried about your weight, and not your shape or level of fat, then it's going to take a bit longer to get weight off. The reason is that muscle is heavier than fat, so losing fat won't offset the gain you'll probably make in muscle. If you're concerned about your shape, then you'll probably appear to slim down. Having said this about weight, you'll almost definitely be able to lose 5 kilos (oops :) 12 lbs...) before September.
What I consider the most important principle in weight-loss is the "in/out" equation. Even when you're eating healthy food. Your body will only burn fat if it >needs< to. This means that you have to be hungry, have to need energy that isn't there, for your body to burn up its reserves. This means putting less energy in than you take out. Basically, try eating less. It's an easy concept, but you've really got to watch snacks. It's not easy to be hungry, but you eventually get used to it. I wouldn't recommend the kind of diets that go on big dieting binges. Be hungry, but never be too hungry for too long, or you'll end up losing concentration, and you won't stick to your weight-loss program for long enough to make a good enough difference.
Heart rate is the next important factor. When your heart is working hard, you burn more energy. In reality, studies have shown that you burn the most energy when your heart rate is allowed to come to rest, then forced up by exercise, and then allowed to rest again... but that's not realistic for a normal exercise routine. The point is, exercise must extend you, otherwise you don't burn the energy. Try working yourself up to jogging for that half hour a day. Do you have a bike? Try to think of any trips in a car that you could make using the bike instead.

Hope something in there is good for you :)

-K

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hey do guys think it is grose if a girl is wet when he fingers her

The word is "gross"...
I wouldn't think so. As always, it depends on the guy. Some guys may have some personal aversion to it. I would expect that most guys wouldn't mind it, or may even like it. I have no experience, so if you're looking for an answer from someone who will give you their personal opinion, try someone older.

-K

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Who sings the 80s song "Video Killed the Radio Star?"

Thanks :)

Hey, you've already have the answer (It's right) Buggles...
It's a great song, the people who called you a loser probably listen to deathmetal at volumes high enough to pulp their brains. (But we already knew it was a good song, that's why you wanted to know who it's by :)

If you're into Buggles you might like The Kinks, The Thompson Twins, or Seals and Crofts. The Kinks are your best bet, they're a lot like V.K.T.R.S.

-K

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I tried looking for this question as I think its been asked before, but I can't find it.

What is the formula for whitening your teeth with toothpaste and baking soda?

(My answer isn't Flouride!!!)
I thought flouride was good for strengthening your teeth, not whitening?
There's not really a formula. I would suggest mixing as much (isn't it bicarbonate of soda?) as is palatable into your toothpaste, and brushing with it regularly. If you're really wanting to whiten your teeth badly, consider a smokers' toothpaste (they contain whitening chemicals) or using one of those chemical whiteners that you paint on overnight or something.
You really should talk it over with your dentist. I had a phase where I thought I really wanted my teeth whitened (before wondering why I really DID want them whitened). I found out that it's not just as simple as: get them white, and they shall stay white for the day. Because your teeth have rough bits on the enamel sometimes caused by plaque buildup, stains redily come back, and are hard to get rid of in the first place. Dentists have special tools for grinding this off, without damaging your teeth. (Just for reference, NEVER EVER try to do it yourself) Some dentists also offer more effective whitening treatments, which usually use less chemicals, and don't involve putting them overnight where you end up swallowing the chemical crap as you sleep.

May your teeth be white!, or maybe you'll just stop caring what other people think... I did ;)

-K

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