You have heard love is blind...maybe deaf, too. She sees and hears what she wants through a filter of her feelings. We all have done this to an extent, but someone who lacks self-esteem to begin with will be at the mercy of her feelings even more. Talk to her about those feelings. Give her room to breathe in the discussion and don't put her on the defensive. Be there to listen and she will open up and eventually realize herself that she is unhappy with this guy and the situation. Support her in the quest to find her way through her emotions. Don't assume to know everything about their relationship...not because it is a healthy one, but just because it will annoy her against you. When she is not defending him, she will begin to open her eyes to what he is. She is not an innocent party to this cheating either, and she probably feels guilty, or she would not be bad mouthing the other girl. Sometimes we have to watch our friends make bad choices and suffer with the outcome. She may be experimenting in her life right now and she may need to find somethings out for herself right now. Did she used to listen to you more and now she does not? Is she trying to be independent? The hardest thing to do is not to judge, and still want the best for her. You don't have to approve or lie, just stand beside her and not inbetween her and the thing she thinks she has to have. Don't block her view of him, step back and let her see him...and when she does realize he is not good for her, be a true friend and resist the "I told you so."

You cannot have a sincere faith without a time of doubt. There is no guilt in Christ, and it is only our self-criticism that brings us shame. We are no good to ourselves or God or anyone else when we waste time carrying a burden that is not ours to carry. Sin does separate one from God, but it is our choice. Sin is what we believe to be the affront to the nature of God. The resulting chasm between opposing forces is energy against itself. Something needs to give. Something will or the whole will suffer. The physical, mental, emotional, psychological and spiritual parts that make up our soul are interconnected. Our development is stunted when we are unable to achieve harmony between the faculty of our soul and the functions that soul expresses in life. You have done or thought or felt something that is contradicting another held belief. Only you can explore the contradiction and the opposing belief/action or belief/belief to validate whether or not it is enough to stir you into further considerations or changes. Either way, you will not be at peace until one of the contradictions or both give way to something new. You may forsake something or many things in life in order to gain new and more fitting systems of thinking. Growth requires almost constant evaluation and shedding of the old or useless skin we have outworn. The newer one emerges only when we have the nourishment in our being to produce it and the sensibility to wear it proudly.
The Greek root of the word shame is scham, which refers to a skin that is used to cover the exposed, vulnerable parts of a person, specially what is seen as shameful. When we shed some of our old assertions, we may feel exposed. Our new skin of belief has not yet been tested in the new day. Can the new you take the heat or will burn with shame? Shame is not sin, it is the belief that we are condemned. Who condemns you? If you believe in God, then believe that no other has the power or moral superiority to cast judgment and your shame is self-enforced. Some believe that shame is the face of suffering or injustice, but it is not so. Job suffered greatly and he was a good man in God's eyes. Friends eventually deserted and condemned Job, believing that he must have deserved his suffering for some offense against God. When Job cried out to God for an answer he got one we would not expect. God neither condemned him nor did he give him a reason for his suffering...He reminded Job that God was above questioning, but He also condemned Job's friends for trying to blame Job. God knew Job was blameless. The moral of the story is that God wants us to know that good people do suffer and that it is wrong to assume that they deserve it or that God is allowing it as a punishment. Why God allows seeming contradictions is not something He gives us an answer to. God apparently presumes he knows better than us...ya think? So, contradictions, questions, sin, doubt, pain, even if you feel shamed, anything in or of this world, does not separate you from God. You are not losing your God...your God is simply bigger than you once believed. Don't think you have avoided Him by hiding from a picture or keeping shut a book. God is bigger than you or I have the ability to contain him in our minds and worlds. If not then He is not God...maybe the idea you need to shed is that you or someone you knew had God in a jar. You were in that jar and now you want out...you don't have to worry about leaving him in that jar...Once out you may find you need to keep backing up in order to come closer to seeing him.

You have had awesome responses already, so I will be brief. There is never one answer to any one question. You have seen that from all the answers and opinions here, but down the road from now if you remember nothing else, remember that. Often we stress out over finding the one perfect person, job or thing that will give meaning to our life. We never find the one, and we pass up the many looking for the one. Why? We think it will be easier to get all the love, money, satisfaction or sense of worth from just one source, but it is not...it is much harder. I am guessing that you are very goal-oriented and focused, much more than those your age typically are. This is going to be crucial in helping you achieve your dreams, as long as your focus does not stay too narrow. We all experience losses and dissapointments in life, so having several options open to you will keep you going positive when the inevitable happens and directions and plans have to change. You have a bright future and I am pleased to know that you will be a giver in life...it truly is more blessed to be someone who heals, loves and gives to others.

You got hurt and don't want to get hurt again. That is normal and appropriate to feel defensive. However, we all have to go through rejections in life whether they are with love interests, jobs, college applications, or whatever. Rejection actually is a good thing sometimes, it just never feels good. The key to be successful in life and getting more of what you want is to learn to stay soft on the inside, and hard on the outside...at least enough so that every rejection does not penetrate and wound so easily. This developing of a thicker skin comes from experience, and also the maturity to distinguish between real losses and merely potential losses or disappointments. You learn to say, well it was a bummer that did not work out, or his loss, rather than oh my gosh I am such a loser no one will ever love me. Ask yourself if you are strong enough to be rejected by someone before you put yourself out there completely. You are so ready to pour your heart and soul into a guy, but most guys are not emotionally ready to handle that kind of intensity and do not want the pressure. So, it is not about rejecting you, but about the situation and everything that comes with it. Take it slow and easy and don't set yourself up for unnecessary disappointments. You won't find Romeo at 15, but you could have a lot of fun exploring and experiencing dating a range of guys and keep it simple. Save your heart and emotions for someone that proves worthy over TIME and is mature and ready for a real woman...this is more likely to occur in your later life. You will find love, but it is not something that is handed to us or won when we find the right guy. It is something two strong and unselfish people decide to give to each other over and over again, even on days it feels impossible, and it is something that develops during this mutual interchange of loyalty and respect. It is perfectly okay not to have this right now...it is perfectly okay just to keep things light for now and know that you will have the amazing love you desire when that fruit has the chance to ripen and come to maturity.

Remember all the things about life that turned you on before him? Don't lose track of yourself or your own passions and encourage him to keep enjoying his own. Sometimes too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, so if you have been suffocating the romance out of the relationship, give it some room to breathe. Spend time doing something new without him and some time doing something new with him. Continue to grow together and separately to keep building the fun back into it with fresh new ideas and experiences. This may be a time in the relationship that tests whether or not there is anything more to explore. After the initial sparks, the chemistry does give way to either extinction or a deeper understanding. Passion is something that long term relationships do have, but not constantly...that is impossible and unhealthy. Think of it like waves in the ocean. The deeper out to sea you row the boat, the more storms you weather together, but the more calm the waters. You can sit on the beach wading through a myriad of shallow relationships that come and go with the tide, but when you find one worth venturing the world over with, it is time to test the endurance and sail into deeper waters.

I recommend only professional salons if you are considering waxing everything. You don't want to end up red, bumpy or worse with an infection. The products over the counter and your lack of experience are not going to give you the results you want. More important than a smooth area, is an area with no broken skin, which makes it easier to transmit diseases. Use protection and have fun!

An abortion is less expensive than having a baby, unless the woman decides to put the baby up for adoption and the adoptive parents agree to pay for all medical expenses throughout pregnancy and delivery, which is very possible. In the case of termination, the woman or young girl needs to try to make an informed and educated decision, one that considers all options and risks to her body, emotions and beliefs. It is an intensely personal choice that only the pregnant female can make for herself and she will benefit from your support no matter what she decides. If possible, she should discuss the matter with a trusted family member, one that she feels safe to talk to. If she is certain she wants to terminate the pregnancy, then the sooner the better. The longer one waits, the higher the cost and risk of physical complications. Listen to her feelings and try to be there for her as much as possible no matter what she chooses.

Sneaky boyfriend...telling both girls what they want to hear, and getting away with it. He is in the middle and loving it and you are both still being used. He is getting to have you and still flirt with her and keep her hanging on a thread and you know that she is his back-up plan when you break up or get in a fight or whatever. I think this manipulation needs to end. You have done the best you can to behave above the situation, and be forgiving. Is he worth it? He really is not being friendly to you when he chooses to be friendly to her, right? Every choice we make has a consequence and he is choosing to keep her in his life, despite the fact that he hurt you with her. He is being cruel to both of you and not really committing to either one of you. He is playing the game and keeping his options open. Maybe you should as well. Draw the line wherever you want to...there is no right or wrong about it. It is your heart and peace of mind that you are protecting. Would he have been so understanding if you pulled this crap on him with another guy? If he wants to be with both of you, then you need to decide if you want to share his time and interests or look for someone who is not going to divide himself between you and another girl. You don't need to prove you are a good person by befriending this girl any more than you already have tried to. You may both have a lot in common...too much, to be friends, since you have the same love-interest in commone, remember? You don't hate her, but she is a threat, and proven herself untrustworthy, but not as much as the boyfriend has. When you forgive someone and allow them into your life and heart again, there needs to be some boundaries and conditions set where the line was crossed and previous trusts were brocken by the offending party. He owes you that much. You are not asking to much from him, but too little.

Guys get moody, too. I would not press the issue for a bit, but still be friendly. He does not owe you an explanation really, so don't ask for one. It might make him think you are stepping on his boundaries and scare him away before you get started. Is it possible he thought you would ask him out or call during your vacation? There really are too many possiblilities for his aloofness, and he may have be unaware of the impression he gave you. Life becomes more complicated than it needs to be when we take things too personally, or get offended easily. Our feelings and moods really do color our perceptions of what is happening and what we think others are thinking about us. It could have been that you were extra-sensitive and he was extra-shy that day. Don't give up on the two of you.

You sound pretty cute to me! Guys appreciate curves, even if it is a little more than you would like to have. Statistically the men prefer a womanly shape to a boyish-too skinny model type anyway. Better to be a few extra pounds, confident and healthy, then to be an anorexic who does not feel good enough about herself no matter what she weighs. Another important fact is that beauty is very subjective, and one guys "kinda chubby" is another guys "just perfect." Having many male friends over the years has proven to me that they are not as critical of a woman's body as we females are, anyway. Stand up straight and tall, wear thongs or sandals with a little heel to them for height and practice holding your stomach in at all times. Don't drink soda or anything that is going to bloat you, making you appear bigger. Embrace your body and love yourself or no one else will.

Fear of rejection is normal, but don't let it rule the situation and screw up your chances. Being smooth is easy when you have nothing to lose. Actually caring about some one else makes us vulnerable...something you may not be ready for if it is taking this long to ask her out. You have to ask yourself which of the following is more important to you: 1. Being safe from rejection all your life. 2. Having a life and risking rejection. If this girl is worth something to you, don't lose her over protecting your ego. You will recover from rejection, but lost opportunities and regrets are harder to live with.

You can all be friends, but sometimes what happens is that the two former friends will make-up and become best buds again, leaving you the third wheel and feeling used. The way to avoid drama is to not talk about anyone behind their back. Hard to do if the other person won't shut up about them, but you have to move on if they can't. You are not there just to be the go-between, so make that clear.

Your having a possible infection is not a sign of sexual activity, so don't worry about telling your mom. However, (I don't know your age)if you are having sex or plan to soon, then a trip to the doctor should take care of all your concerns and the doctor-patient confidentiality rule will keep it private.

As we mature and broaden our interests we do have great opportunity to expand our circles of friends as well. There is no rule that says you have to make only new friends that will fit in with the old ones, or that you have to see them all at once. Some people resist "new" anything or anyone, so be prepared and strong enough to handle the static you get. Try to balance the times spent between the old and new, but remember that the long time friends who have really stood the test of time should never be ditched. Be honest in your dealings and respectful. No one can fault you for having too many friends if you don't overextend yourself or forsake anyone. If you do want to try to get some of both groups of friends together, do it slowly and with one person at a time, so that the bigger group is more open and less intimidated. They will see that the newbie has something to offer and will be less threatened with the friendships that are outside the group.

Ebay!

Love is a generic word. Overused, overdone, overrated. Think about what you love about this person and why. People love hearing specifics about themselves in a good light...yeah, we are all needy of ego-reassurances. Don't be redundant, just sincere and specific. Your own personal touch will be a treasure.

This time that seems soooooo agonizingly long right now will indeed pass by. You will blink and be 20 and wonder what happened...so for now the best thing you can do is plan your life. Set your goals to get the hell out and make a life for yourself. What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? Dig deep. Do you want to travel? What are your interests? I am not talking about the sh** that just gets you through the day and kills time now. Try to intellectualize beyond your teen years for a while and set some goals for yourself. If you have a lot of time then put it to good use. Study a language, a culture, read, get really knowledgeable about something you find interesting. Science? Marine life? Theories? Politics? Design? Food? Be creative and get those neurons firing!!!! This is your time...use it for developing and growing your SELF and invest in yourself.

First of all I congratulate you on being brave enough to tell you mom about your thoughts and fears and to get help. Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand and hopefully your doctor is giving you something that will eliminate both. If your medicine is not working then speak up about it, as well as any side effects. You are also hopefully in couseling with a professional you are comfortable with. Sometimes when we have thoughts that are disturbing, it is normal and good to contemplate them. You can think something through, analyze it and put it to rest. However, if you have persistent anxiety that seems to make your thoughts unclear rather than focused, you need to find some ways to meditate and relax when this happens. Doctors give medicine, therapists give counsel. There is more you can do for yourself. Keep talking, writing and sharing your fears and worries with a trusted friend, mom, counselor, doctor, anyone you want. Once out in the open, these fears sometimes are diminished just by saying them out loud. Sometimes healthy thinking is just a process we have to learn and keep practicing. We choose where to put our focus...on what we can or cannot control in life. Sometimes these get confused, but it is nevertheless best to try to concentrate on what we can do and what is real at the moment. Much of our bigger fears are just possibilities and will linger only as long as we imagine them to have power in our lives. You tend to worry about having everything solved and certain right away, and this is about a need for security and self-identity as much as it is about anxiety or depression, which are sometimes symtoms and not the sickness itself. The sickness is a loss of self-awareness and the feeling that we could be swept away at any moment and dissapear. You are stronger than you think and though there are waves of doubt, you are not a feather in the ocean, you are the bird floating on the deep. You can paddle around or fight the waves as they come, worrying about the next and the next...or you can stop running in the water and use your wings. There are gifts you have yet to discover. Have faith in yourself.

First, don't pressure her to perform for you. If you have been, then apologize. Real women don't all act like pornstars, who by the way are always acting and very disconnected from their own sexuality and cannot enjoy sex for themselves. It is sad that some women and girls have resorted to faking orgasm to please a guy, give a performance and have stop believing that they can have and are worthy of a real orgasm...multiple for that matter. Not being able to have an orgasm may be about sexual immaturity, and since most girls have sex before they are truly emotionally ready, they will not orgasm for years. It is a mature woman that knows herself, her body, and owns her own sexuality, and is capable of being truthful in every aspect of her life. Many girls have sex to gain acceptance and feelings of being loved and not for their own sexual pleasure as most males do. This does not make orgasm easily attainable. A woman will be much more likely to orgasm when she is in control and has the confidence to have them. Be patient and know that orgasm is achieved for some more easily than others, women are more likely to orgasm during oral sex and being on top during intercourse, but everyone is different, so there may be other methods that are better for her and that is fine and normal, too. Orgasm is uncontrollable and she must be feeling confident and comfortable enough with you to be able to lose her inhibitions without judgement, or pressure. She needs to feel like she can be totally free and unabandoned. This can be helped by your assurances, but ultimately it is up to her. Communicate with her and be patient.

Hmmm...can't sleep until all is perfect? That is a lot to put on young girl's shoulders. The story of the princess and the pea holds many more worthwhile truths. A true princess is someone who knows she is worthy, listens to her inner voice, trusts her instincts, does not fake her happiness or comfort, is courageous enough to risk offending someone by telling them the truth. This is what you can inspire in the young girls, girls who need to be encouraged to believe in their worth and beauty no matter what situations and evils they have had to endure. Do you know the percentage of young girls that have been physically or sexually abused? It is terrifyingly high. Don't tell these girls they need to be perfect to be loved. Tell them they are loved and pure and beautiful as they are. The world has sinned against them since the day they were born into this mess. It is not their own sins they have been burdened with. We don't get perfection in this life and we can't be "perfect." Christ is the image of God's love projected into the world to be a light in the darkness. These girls need to be told that the light is not a light of judgement, but of love. What is condemned by God is Sin itself, which separates one from love and this Sin was condemned already in the Cross of Christ which bore all Sin for all time. This is the message of the Bible. Perfection is not humanly attainable even through repentance. Repentance is about acknowledgement. Christ himself received John's water baptism of repentance and he had nothing to repent of. Repentance is a change of mind, an acknowledgement of the sorrow that comes from being separated from love. Perfection is Completion. We are incomplete without love. In a world without love, there is much to be fearful of. In Christ there is completion...our fears are replaced by faith, that there will come a day when all the world is love. As for the princess analogy...one is born a princess and nothing she does can separate her from the love of her father, the King. She can do nothing to earn or lose her royal rights as the princess. She is valued beyond the worth of the Kingdom itself and there is nothing that could diminish her value in the eyes of her Father or lessen His love for her. There is nothing she could do to make Him love her more, either. Love is not something that is earned or taken away, by God. His love is unconditional..Agape. We are complete (perfect) when we know this, this is our only work...that of faith.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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