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Cheating Boyfriend & The Other Girl
Two questions, long explanation!
My boyfriend and I had been going out for a year when he started liking another girl who was always flirting with him. They were at a party and he told her he was gonna break up with me the next day, and they kissed & stuff. The next morning he called and told me what had happened, but that he realized it was a mistake and didn't want to break up. He called the girl and told her he was sorry, he couldn't go out with her. He and I spent the whole weekend crying, and from what I hear, so did she. The next time I saw her (she's on my dance team) she hugged me and said she was sorry. I know it was mostly my boyfriends fault for leading her on, so I said "its ok" and i've tried to be really nice to her, since I have to see her every day. But secretly I hate her guts, because she knew he had a girlfriend and threw herself at him anyway. Plus, she still talks to him all the time (it's been 6 months since this happened) and I'm pretty sure they have feelings for each other, even though he swears he loves me and doesn't like her. I've told my boyfriend I don't like him talking to her, but I know he does when I'm not around.
So now, my two questions:
#1: How should I act around her? She's told people that she thinks I don't like her and doesn't know if I want to be her friend. Actually, she and I have a lot in common and I'd probably really like her if I didn't totally hate her (haha). Should I try to get past this and be her friend, or would that make it seem like I don't mind that she's trying to steal my boyfriend?
Question #2: I've told my boyfriend that if I see him flirting with her again, I'm gonna break up with him. We're going to a party soon and she will be there, so he's probably going to at least say "hi" to her. He'll say he's just trying to be friendly. I don't want to over react and break up if that's really the case, but I also don't want to let him get away with anything else. Where should I draw the line?
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i think you should be secretly hating your BFs guts, but in a loving way(if that makes sence) he did this to you knowing u would be upset, then comes crawling back when he figures out what the hell he just did. i think that the girl just didnt care about wut you thought because she liked him and thot that he was hers. it may not be what you want to hear but i think that your BF has got to go....he told a girl he would break up with you for her, and to me thats not really forgivable. he basically said he liked some girl more than you, even if he felt sorry i kno he cant give up a girl he liked enuff to cheat on you with in a matter of days.
2.were should you draw the line? the line has already been crossed, you should not even let him see that girl because of what he did.
probly not what you wanted to hear but its just an unbiased opinion. hope it helps and best of luck
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Sneaky boyfriend...telling both girls what they want to hear, and getting away with it. He is in the middle and loving it and you are both still being used. He is getting to have you and still flirt with her and keep her hanging on a thread and you know that she is his back-up plan when you break up or get in a fight or whatever. I think this manipulation needs to end. You have done the best you can to behave above the situation, and be forgiving. Is he worth it? He really is not being friendly to you when he chooses to be friendly to her, right? Every choice we make has a consequence and he is choosing to keep her in his life, despite the fact that he hurt you with her. He is being cruel to both of you and not really committing to either one of you. He is playing the game and keeping his options open. Maybe you should as well. Draw the line wherever you want to...there is no right or wrong about it. It is your heart and peace of mind that you are protecting. Would he have been so understanding if you pulled this crap on him with another guy? If he wants to be with both of you, then you need to decide if you want to share his time and interests or look for someone who is not going to divide himself between you and another girl. You don't need to prove you are a good person by befriending this girl any more than you already have tried to. You may both have a lot in common...too much, to be friends, since you have the same love-interest in commone, remember? You don't hate her, but she is a threat, and proven herself untrustworthy, but not as much as the boyfriend has. When you forgive someone and allow them into your life and heart again, there needs to be some boundaries and conditions set where the line was crossed and previous trusts were brocken by the offending party. He owes you that much. You are not asking to much from him, but too little.
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