Brandi_S's advice column | Page 135

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Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

Visitors:

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hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

How do i tell the hair dresser how i want my layers? you know how everyones getting haircuts just below the sholder with layers ? well how do i tell them i want layers like that ? Also they're going to ask me where they should start, and i dont know! If you have layers like this,what did you ask for? thanks!

I don't know what haircut you are talking about, but let me try to help anyway.

If you want your hair cut to the shoulders, tell them you want it shoulder length with layers. If you want the shortest layer to be at your shoulders, tell them to just trim the length, and layer it up to your shoulders.

Also, there are short layers and long layers. Short layers are where the layers go way shorter than the length of your hair. Long layers are where they don't go much shorter than the overall length.

Hope that makes some sort of sense and doesn't leave a big question mark floating over your head...

So I have a boyfriend been together for 7 months. I have a cousin and shes been my best friend my whole life. My boyfriend is 3 years older than me and my cousin is 2 years older than me.

Lately I feel like my boyfriend doesnt want to talk to me. Like me and him are always talking about sex and we attempted it and it didn't work. So now he wont do it. He has said from the begining it was my choice and now i have decided i want to. And he was telling my cousin how sometimes he feel like im pressuring him into it. Because now he refuses to even try a second time. He said how i think anything not sexual is boring. But thats not true. Me and him never go anywhere. Everytime we see eachother which is like almost everyday he comes to my house or i go 2 his. We have never tried to go anywhere but our houses. I would LOVE to go somewhere. But am afraid to ask. And so now he just ASSUMES i dont want to go anywhere and that if we arent doing anything sexual im bored or pissed off. Now keep in mind he said this to my cousin not me. He told her over myspace messages and i went onto hers and now im always reading their messages to see what hes feeling and same with her. I feel like they turned their backs on me and decided to keep everything a secret from me and now tell eachother everything. Im getting really angry and jealous and im planning on not talking to him for a few days.
Now my questions are:
Am I over reacting?
Should I confront him about this?
If you were me would you be acting like this?
Am I being immature and over dramatic?
Anthing Helps
Sorry it was so long but i need some advice pleasee

For starters, stop bringing anything sexual into your conversations with him. If he brings it up, just tell him "let's not talk about this right now." He may have just decided he isn't ready for sex, so don't press the issue with him. Give him some time.

I would not suggest you tell either of them about reading your cousin's myspace. That will do nothing but stir up a hornet's nest- it's an invasion of their privacy.

Think back- have you given him any reason to think he can't talk to you about his feelings? You need to find a way to let him know that he can feel comfortable talking to you. You are in a relationship, and should be able to be honest with one another about your feelings.

As for going out and doing things, that is the point of dating- going out on dates. Don't be afraid to say "hey, lets do this today."

I wouldn't advise you not talk to him for a few days. Honestly, it sounds like you NEED to talk.

As for your anger and jealousy, let it go. You wouldn't feel this way if you didn't act on the temptation of reading the private conversations of others.

I doubt they are keeping secrets from you or turning their backs on you. I would say that he needed some one to confide in, and since your cousin is your best friend, she can give him better advice than his locker room buddies.

It has been said that it isn't wise to eavesdrop, because you may hear something about yourself you didn't want to hear. I would STRONGLY advise against doing that ever again.

ok i have a weird question. i had my period around the 25th of january, meaning i should have it around the end of february. the thing is, on friday i had really bad stabbing pain in my ovary area. i usually get it almost half way [so around 14 days]. what does this mean?? does this mean my body is preparing for a period?? my mom called it cysts, like i can feel them hitting against my sides or whatever. it's not horrible pain, i can stand it, but i can definately feel it.

thanks!!

I think this is definitely something you should take up with your doctor. If I were you, I would set an appointment for a pap/pelvic exam so you can find out what's going on.

i'm 15 and about 5'4"-5'5" and i weigh about 110 pounds. (it goes down to 107 sometimes and up to like 111 sometimes). i know thats an average good healthy weight but i want to gain more meat. im so self concious about my arms because there so skinny, and my wrist are like that too. i dont want to sound snobby at all, but i don't know where my weight goes. no matter how much i eat i gain it on the scale but you can't see it on me, and it sucks. i've been mistaken to be anorexic plenty of times by my school counclers and even my freakin doctor! and im so done with it. so how can i gain weight on my arms and calfs? i REALLY don't want to exercise, and im probably not going to, so please dont bring that up it you can.

I know you don't want to hear this, but realistically, the only way to gain weight in your arms, legs, etc is to build the muscle. You have to do some sort of exercise in order to do that.

Maybe you can find a friend who wants to go to a gym and work out with you so you don't have to go by yourself, and maybe you could have a little fun together in the process.

i know its a sexual transmitted dezise but what is it exactly? and what does it do to your body?

You say you don't want links, but you should go to the one younggrandma gave you. Read and research!

There are diseases that can be treated, there are ones that can't. There are diseases that can make you sterile or infertile, and there are ones that can kill you. No matter what the disease, if you don't know the facts, you can spread them to others and vise versa.

There are so many out there and they do so many different things to you that one can't just list them all on here.

here's the deal, i grew up in a upper class family and have bene kind of spoiled my entire life. and i like it... but the thing is i cannot live a life like that when i'm older if i'm not a) a doctor b) a lawyer c) a scientist, engineer, business, something along the lines of that! but i'm not interested in any of that. i want to be a celebrity, like a lot of other girls. but i know that cannot happen since it is 1 out of a million. or i'd like to be a fashion magazine editor (also hard), nutritionist, yoga teacher, makeup artist, etc.... all of the above either doesn't pay alot at all or is one out of a million. i don't know what to do. in order to become any of the "good jobs" i have to get into an IVy league (i know i don't have to, but there's alot of pressure). sooo, help?

A good job that pays a lot of money is always nice- IF it is doing something that makes you happy.

Having a high paying job and hating it would just make life miserable and unfulfilling. If you do something you completely love and only make $5 an hour, the material things in life won't matter, because you will be happy with life itself.

I guess that may not make sense. I don't know. I can say this- I long for a Corvette, but I don't want it if I have to lead an unhappy life to get it. I would rather drive a rust bucket, do what makes me happy in this life, and keep that dream of owning one some day.

I guess to make a long story even longer, pick a career you will enjoy doing, not a career that only provides and enjoyable paycheck. Money and material possessions aren't worth sacrificing your happiness.

My ex dumped me cause she wasnt felling it, Any way I want her back but she likes for othere guys, and just wants to stay freinds. I cant live without her she is the love of my life, and I cant let her go. She already has a date to the dance with one of the guys she likes, and I was with on of my freinds the othere day and we were walking threw the hall and she so us and I had my arm around her and my ex gave the othere girl like a dirty look. Anyway I want her back relly bad but she just wants to stay friends soo how doo i get her to like me in that love way? i need help thanks

I've said it before and will say it again- You can't change some one's feelings anymore than you can change the past.

If she doesn't want to get back together with you, you are just going to have to accept it and move on. There is no other way.

There is nothing wrong with having a friendship with her, but I strongly advise you just steer clear of her all together until you get over her.

I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it is the harsh reality of it. Sometimes we just have to pick up our broken little pieces and move on. For you, right now, this is one of those times.

k so i got my girlfriend a gift for valentines day . . .

anyway i'm not gonna be able to see her on valentine's, but i will see her the friday after. . . her school's got a dance and we're going . .

anyway i want to know: should i put it in the mail or just give it to her a couple days after?

thanks

I would rather recieve the gift in person.

like the last three-four days i have been really moody, sick, and ready to flip out on everyone. Im three weeks late for my period and i think im pregnant. Ive taken test and they show up negative but the pharmacist at one of the stores i shop at told me that i may not be producing enough hormones for it to show up on the test. So i will be going to planned parenthood sometime next week to get a bloodtest done.

Im petrified of needles so im scared to go there.

I just need someone to talk to about this and some advice that can help me not be so moody towards everyone. What do you guys think i should do? ( and im not stressed out about this whole pregnancy thing its just i dont feel good, so dont tell me im stressed and thats why my period is late )

Yah. Not too many ways around the moodiness if you are pregnant. I am pregnant, and irritability and fatigue were among my first symptoms. The irritability will pass, but will come back now and again as your hormones are jazzed up throughout pregnancy. It's just one of those things, sorry to say.

Try not to stress too much over the needle stick. Just remember that you have to do what you have to do. The blood test is the most accurate, and you need to know- if you are pregnant, you have many preparations to make, starting with finding an obstetrician. (Don't miss any appointments because they are VERY important to insure you and your baby are doing well.)

Also, if you are pregnant, you are going to have to get past your needle fear. You have to have blood taken a couple of different times throughout pregnancy for tests, and also you will most likely be poked with needles for pain medication, and likely an IV during your labor and delivery.

so sorry, didn't know what category to put this in.

my friend did drugs and now at school theyre finding out that like, alot of people are.
so now theyre testing like, the whole 8th grade.
and hes getting tested on monday.
and he wanted to know, how long it takes for it to go through your system.

hes 14, and he did purple haze, if that helps any.

thanks in advance.

If you are referring to marijuana, it can take up to 30 days. Some urine tests are good enough to trace it for 6 months after smoking.

One more reason to say no to illegal drugs... They can get you in to a lot of trouble.

so i think i have my gift idea for my b/f figured out. but im not sure i dunno if its a good gift for valentine's day or not..i just need some opinions and if not what i should give him.
now he's kinda a 'hick' as most of you would call him, so he loves the stores like bass pro shop and cabelas and stuff. so i got him a hat from bass pro and then im burning him a cd with a bunch of songs on it. and im sticking in with it this thing saying why i put each song on there and how they connect to me and him or whatever. does this sound like something guys would like for this day of love???

The hat is a good idea, and the CD is even better, because it is something you are putting a lot of time, effort, and thought into just for him. I think these items would make him very happy.

Ok..soo im 17/F and all my friends have had sex or have done sexual things. And of course im the one that hasnt at all. I just dont want to do that right now..im not focused on that. Im focused on other things and i dotn even think about it. But my friends are making me feel like that i should be doing that stuff..that like im a freak if i dont. And now i think..am i really a freak? What do you think about this and what should i do?

Hey, good for you for being the wise one in your group. Don't let your friends pressure you into things you don't want to do. If they think you are a freak and are trying to pressure you, then they aren't real friends in the first place. You need to make the right choices for you. They choose to engage in sexual activity, that doesn't mean you have to.

Okay. so i like this boy. he has big ears but he nice and cute.:].i dont know if i should tell him i like him or not. cause if i tell then im scared he will make fun of me. can u guys give me advice.

I would tell him. Hey, you never know, he may like you, but maybe is afraid to say something because he is afraid you would laugh about his ears.

I have blue sofas and my boyfriend doesn't want to throw them out.
But we're redecorating so im gonna have to work with them.
I have no idea what colour (for the walls) that will go with the sofas.
We have hard wood flooring. And I don't really want any bright colours.
Does anyone have any suggestions?

Blue sofas and hardwood might look good with a medium to light rose color on the walls. The shade depends on how dark/light of blue the sofas are and if the hardwood is a light or dark stain.
If you don't want bright, and your floor is dark stain and your sofas are medium to dark blue, try a lighter wall color to balance that out. The opposite for light floor and sofa.

I got a new cat in March of 2006. My other cat before her was an outside cat more than an inside one. But one night she got hit by a car, and we had to put her to sleep.

When I got my new cat, my family and I decided to make it an indoor one, so the same thing wouldn't happen to her. We live on a very busy street so I felt it was OK to make her an indoor cat. But I feel horrible every day that she can't go outside. We already declawed her, so we can't just make her an outdoor cat. And yeah, I feel a little bad for declawing her because I feel it's inhumane, but she was ripping stuff up, and tearing carpets and furniture up.

When I see her every day, looking at the window, she just looks and sounds like she is sad, and I keep feeling I should of made her an outside cat, but I don't want the same thing to happen to her, as to what happened to my other cat. She just always looks depressed. I seriously don't know, but how can I tell how she is feeling?

Also, am I doing what is right for my cat? I mean if I was stuck indoors all my life I would be pretty depressed, yet I don't want my cat to feel the same way. What can I do?

Thanks for reading and anything is greatly appreciated!

Your cat isn't depressed about being indoors, I promise. She looks out the windows to watch birds and whatever else tends to catch her attention. She doesn't necessarily long to be outdoors. She's living the high life, to be quite honest. Cats are territorial, and the inside of your house is her stomping ground. (In fact, she thinks it's HER house and you just live there to tend to her like a slave.)

I have an indoor cat, and, though he is curious about what's outside, he refuses to go out the door. Inside is his territory, and outside is unfamiliar grounds. He is a happy cat living in the house, I assure you. Your cat is probably happy with her situation as well.

I had unprotected sex 2 days ago!and I don't want to get pregant!what should I do?

Wait to see if you become late for your next period. If it becomes 2 weeks late, get tested.

Maybe you should go to Planned Parenthood and learn to be responsible, rather than solving your problems by taking a pill after the fact.

It's as simple as this- if you think you are adult enough to have sex, you need to be adult enough to make responsible decisions, such as BIRTH CONTROL BEFORE SEX. Otherwise, you need to be adult enough to accept the consequences.

whats the first thing you do get ipod nano? i got one yesterday and i dont know what to do. please say it step by step. step 1 step all that thanks =]

[for example do i charge it? how? how do i know if it is charging? if it is full?]

Honestly, I'm not that technologically advanced. :(

The only thing I can say is that my husband has an MP3 player and it charges by plugging it into the computer. Other than that, I'm completely clueless. I know nothing about ipods.

No need to rate me. I can't answer your question.

if i have minor heart palpations is it bad to occasionally drink alochol??

I assume you see a doctor about this? You should really ask them if it is safe or not. Remember- Your doctor can't judge you or tell anyone what you talk about. They have to be confidential, so don't be afraid to ask about such things.

You don't have to necessarily set an appointment. You can call in and leave a message for the nurse to find out from the doctor for you.

I am 13/F. Right now we are doing speeches and I have a problem. Ever since grade 4 (im in grade 8 now) ive have gotten to the gym and won 2nd place every year. This is my last year for speeches and I have been working really hard. In the previous years I had no trouble at all presenting my speech because I am very comfortable talking infont of an audience. Right now we are doing them in class but she is going to pick the people to go to the gym. She has already picked 1 and only 2 from each class may go. I have worked for weeks on my speech and it's really important to me but I have a problem. This year I have gotten more "giggley" and become close friends with the guys in our class. I had to do a practice round yesterday and it was terrible! I started doing my speech strong and good but then......the guys in the class started making faces and poses and I couldn't help but laugh. I know they will do it next time and I was wondering if you guys had any tips to not laugh. I want this sooo badly! Please dont say dont look at them because one of my techiniques is to have eye-contact with everyone in the audience...

The only speech that seems to be threatening mine is one on toungue twisters! He says them for almost the whole speech! I dont know why but speeches are my thing and he picked that topic to be stupid and im really worried im going to blow my last chance. Help

You need to explain to this guy how important this is to you, and to please respect that by being a courteous listener.

Honestly, if he doesn't give you that respect, then he is an a**hole. Keep that in mind if he makes silly faces during your speech. You won't find them so humorous then. For him to do that, after you explain to him the importance of this speech, is outright insulting.

Okay, Ill try and keep this short, but don't count on it.

Anyways, there is this guy that i work with. He asked me for my email address and wanted to talk to me, only until i found out later that he liked me. (I have a boyfriend, by the way). So, we started talking for about a week or so, and asked to hang out. I said "I dont think that my boyfriend would appreciate that.." and he said bring some friends, so i brought my two best friends. Now, he likes my best friend or me, i have no clue. Then recently, he had a girlfriend..and broke up with her because they 'werent hanging out' a few days later. I think he still likes me or my friend and he is really hard to read sometimes. A couple days ago, his best friend James (he was hanging out with us too at the time) broke up with his girlfriend and was sad and likes my OTHER best friend...this is just complicated... and then told me to get this guy who 'likes me' a valentines present, i said no because that would be rude to my boyfriend, so i think something is going to happen and i dont like it...

My question is, i have no idea what to do, i think he has a plan to get me something on valentines day... but i dont understand why because i thought he liked my friend? i have no idea.. im just very very confused, can someone help me and give me suggestions on what to do in this situation? Anything will help!

The best thing I can tell you to do is this: If he gives you a gift for valentines day, reject it. Of course, this will hurt his feelings, but he knows you have a boyfriend, and has understand you are rejecting his gift out of respect for your boyfriend. Valentines is a day for sweethearts, you aren't his, and he knows that.

I, personally, would be insulted if a guy completely disregarded my husband and gave me a valentine because he liked me. I know you aren't married like me, but you obviously care about your boyfriend, otherwise you wouldn't be so concerned about all of this. Correct? So it makes it the same general concept.

I guess that if he does try to give you a gift, your confusion will be cleared up, and you can make him understand that you are already spoken for.

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