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my boyfriend's being an ass
So I have a boyfriend been together for 7 months. I have a cousin and shes been my best friend my whole life. My boyfriend is 3 years older than me and my cousin is 2 years older than me.
Lately I feel like my boyfriend doesnt want to talk to me. Like me and him are always talking about sex and we attempted it and it didn't work. So now he wont do it. He has said from the begining it was my choice and now i have decided i want to. And he was telling my cousin how sometimes he feel like im pressuring him into it. Because now he refuses to even try a second time. He said how i think anything not sexual is boring. But thats not true. Me and him never go anywhere. Everytime we see eachother which is like almost everyday he comes to my house or i go 2 his. We have never tried to go anywhere but our houses. I would LOVE to go somewhere. But am afraid to ask. And so now he just ASSUMES i dont want to go anywhere and that if we arent doing anything sexual im bored or pissed off. Now keep in mind he said this to my cousin not me. He told her over myspace messages and i went onto hers and now im always reading their messages to see what hes feeling and same with her. I feel like they turned their backs on me and decided to keep everything a secret from me and now tell eachother everything. Im getting really angry and jealous and im planning on not talking to him for a few days.
Now my questions are:
Am I over reacting?
Should I confront him about this?
If you were me would you be acting like this?
Am I being immature and over dramatic?
Anthing Helps
Sorry it was so long but i need some advice pleasee
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Your boyfriend obviously isn't ready for sex. Just don't talk about it unless he brings it up. He will when he's ready. Chances are, he's just embarassed that it didn't go well when you tried the first time. I'm sure he'll go for it again eventually.
As for the messages to your cousin, I'm not sure how close you two are, but hopefully she can be mature about this. Go and talk to her about the messages and tell her that they worry you. Then, go IN PERSON and talk to your boyfriend. There's no need to yell or shout, if he starts arguing, let him be a baby then. Just calmly talk to him and tell him everything you told me in your question.
If he doesn't come around, dump him. As for your cousin, she's family for God's sake. She has no right to be sticking her nose in your relationship.
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For starters, stop bringing anything sexual into your conversations with him. If he brings it up, just tell him "let's not talk about this right now." He may have just decided he isn't ready for sex, so don't press the issue with him. Give him some time.
I would not suggest you tell either of them about reading your cousin's myspace. That will do nothing but stir up a hornet's nest- it's an invasion of their privacy.
Think back- have you given him any reason to think he can't talk to you about his feelings? You need to find a way to let him know that he can feel comfortable talking to you. You are in a relationship, and should be able to be honest with one another about your feelings.
As for going out and doing things, that is the point of dating- going out on dates. Don't be afraid to say "hey, lets do this today."
I wouldn't advise you not talk to him for a few days. Honestly, it sounds like you NEED to talk.
As for your anger and jealousy, let it go. You wouldn't feel this way if you didn't act on the temptation of reading the private conversations of others.
I doubt they are keeping secrets from you or turning their backs on you. I would say that he needed some one to confide in, and since your cousin is your best friend, she can give him better advice than his locker room buddies.
It has been said that it isn't wise to eavesdrop, because you may hear something about yourself you didn't want to hear. I would STRONGLY advise against doing that ever again.
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It's a normal reaction. I mean, seriously, how could your boyfriend say that about you? More importantly, how could he say that behind your back? And even worse, he told your cousin, and she's not telling you. Why?
Well, why do you think? Maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings about it. Start with acting more affectionate with him and hanging out with him in other places. Don't be afraid to ask. If he thinks that all you want is sex, but then you want to go for pizza or something, you can show him that's not what you're all about.
Don't give him the silent treatment, or his opinion of you might go lower. Think in his point of view. You might have realized it, but what if he was actually right? What if you do, in fact, act like that? So don't get bitter over it. It's okay to get mad at, however, your cousin. Because keeping stuff like that away from your own flesh and blood is just... wrong!
Treat your boyfriend friendly and sweet. Go on your cousin's myspace constantly to see if he wrote anything more about you. Positive comments about you? Then, yay! Negative comments? You have to talk to him about it. Ask him: what am I doing wrong? What do you want me to do? And youi can go from there. I don't think I need to write you a script.
Hope all goes well!
xoxo
-Jenny C ♥
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I think you're reacting perfectly. He's your boyfriend, so he should be telling YOU this, NOT your cousin. He's in the relationship with you, not her, so if he has a problem with you or whatever, then you should be the one hearing it. You shouldn't have to go on MySpace to find out.
Anyways, next time you see him, tell him you'd like to go out somewhere. Maybe to the mall, or a movie. Or go out to eat somewhere. Talk to him about all of this. Tell him that sex isn't just what you want & that you're not bored or pissed off if it doesn't happen. You'd like it to but even if you don't get any, you'll be fine. It's not your whole world. Explain everything that's on your mind to him & then see what he has to say.
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Well. You need to ask him if you two can go out somewhere. You need to prove him wrong that you like non sexual things. Don't talk about sex, doing it, or trying it.. anything. Don't be afraid to ask. Just say that you'll love to see a movie with him or go out for lunch.. go to the mall.. to a park. Somewhere and spend the day with him.
Don't make out with him. And pay attention to your facial expressions/emotions. Be happy, look like you are having fun.. Just say you'll like to go out for the day.
You shouldn't feel angry or jealous.
You should talk to him and make plans outside the house though. I don't think you should tell him you read his messages but that you're bored staying in the house.
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