(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
Hello.
I'm 17 years old and my mother and I think that I may have arthritis. My finger joints (the ones directly above the knuckles) are sometimes in pain. The pain is sharp and comes on suddenly. I can avoid the pain by bending the affected finger but as soon as I extend the finger, the pain hits again. It usually lasts only minutes but can last longer (maybe an hour?).
It might help to say that my father's mother had arthritis, when she was older though, and that my father has somewhat deformed toes (they are kind of twisted here and there). My mom also had joint pain related to calcium-deficiency from her anemia as a child, but that might be unrelated.
I'm also fairly certain that I eat a balanced diet. I don't eat red meat, but I do have my fair share of protein, including fish, and also eat leafy greens and whole grains.
My mom is suggesting that I take fish oil (she also does this) to help soothe the pain. Is there anything else I can do? Does this truly sound like arthritis or could it possibly be another condition? How common is it at my age?
Thank you! :)
The Answer
You need to see a doctor.
I get the same arthritis-like symptoms in my hands from my allergies... but there are a million things that could cause joint pain and it would really, really be best to speak to a doctor who can ask the right questions about lifestyle.
Even if it is arthritis, especially since you are so young, early medical intervention might really help you to take care of your hands in the long run.
Please, it's worth the investment to talk to someone who really knows.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
is it safe to put whipped cream on a girls vagina?
The Answer
It's best not to insert anything into your body that isn't meant to be there.
Having said that - having someone lick a small amount off you shouldn't be harmful. Just don't go about filling yourself up like a cream puff, and take a shower afterwards to remove anything left over.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
im recently single and my friends keep trying to get me with my best friend who already has a girlfriend. me and him are close enough to talk about anything in the world but friends try so hard to the point its not funny any more we used to joke and hed hold me as they freakout. he trusts me that i like him and his gf together, their perfect. i cant convince my friends to stop how do i? their mind is set, but so is mine as im not gonna be with him him and his girl are amazing together. im proud of him
The Answer
Bitch them out.
"He has a girlfriend. This isn't funny. It's disrespectful to me, to him and it's getting downright nasty."
More than anything, they are probably doing this for their own entertainment. You might need to let yourself get really angry with them to get the message across. They will probably just whine and say "But, we're just joking!"
To which you can firmly say "The joke has gone too far. I'm not laughing anymore. It's hurtful and insulting now. Stop it."
If they still can't shove it - walk away when they start to make the jokes. Pick up your things and leave them. Friends who would makes jokes that are hurtful and insulting like this are not very good friends. You just might need to rub their noses into that fact for a little while until they get the picture.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm not sure if this is in the right category... But anyway, I am 21 Female and I hate my personality. I kinda always have!. I have a lot of things wrong with me. I'm lazy, selfish, socially awkward, jealous, geeky, crazy and I let people down easy. I cant tell AT ALL if I am bugging, hurting, offending or embarrassing someone. I cant hold a conversation and I have a hard time starting them. When I have them people usually find me awkard to talk to cuz I dont know how to react. People tell me to be myself and thats who I am so I desperately dont want to be myself. There are tons of ways to change outer appearance, I'm wondering if there are ways to change your personality. I go to Therapy and I have a great therapist but are there other things I should be doing? Are there certain, specific tereatments that can make me fun, cool, loyal, energetic, positive, and just one of those people everyone wants to talk to and be around? I will do anything and money isnt an issue. I need help. Its taking over my life and I just cant take it anymore. Please NO rude comments or anything saying "Just be yourself" "Love yourself for who you are" or anything like that. Thanks
The Answer
If anyone out there tells you that they can offer you a treatment that will make you fun, cool, loyal, energetic, positive, and just one of those people everyone wants to talk to and be around, and asks for money... they are either scamming you or trying to get you to join a cult like Scientology.
What you should be doing is exactly what you are doing.
Keep talking to your therapist. (Absolutely talk to your therapist about wanting to make more progress quicker too). Keep taking baby steps to make your life what you'd like it to be, and to relate to people the way you want too. Pay attention - to yourself and to others. It's hard work and it will take years. There are no short cuts. There is only working hard at it.
No one can turn you into a different person overnight. No matter how much money you throw at them they can't turn you into Britney Spears or an NBA star.
People don't say 'Just be yourself' because it works - sometimes it doesn't. They say it because you CAN'T be anyone else, and pretending is pitiful and annoying.
You CAN change who you are, but that takes a long time and a lot of work. If that is what you want, you just have to keep at it.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
i know this might be a weird question, but i'm just curious. i smoke, have been for almost 3 years. all of my friends smoke, as well. and we bum out cigarettes to eachother a lot, but whenever i bum out, i have a method; one for now, one for the road, so i give them two cigarettes. thats just to whomever asks me. i think giving a person one cigarette when they're jones-ing is just rude. i think two is a good number. but is that being too generous? i'd want someone to do the same with me, but i havent met anyone who has done that.
also, i'm 17, so obviously i can't buy cigarettes myself. so whenever someone buys me a pack of cigarettes, i give them gas money or if they smoke, as well, i'll buy them a pack of whatever. is that what i owe to them for their service, or is that too generous, as well?
The Answer
I understand your thinking - but I think it's best to give people what they ask for. Especially when it comes to a substance like cigarettes.
Would you give somebody two slices of pizza if they only asked for one? That would be kind of rude to make them feel obliged to eat more than they requested. Or two beers when they asked for one? That could also be rude - you don't know why it is they only asked for one, two might be too much, or longer than they want to stay.
If your friends know you're generous, they'll laugh and say "What! Not two?" and you can giggle and say "I just don't want to be a pusher! Here, have a second!"
I get where you are coming from with this - but I would also bet you are causing some people a bit more discomfort with your method than you know.
I'm not going to weigh in on what you should pay someone to pick up a pack for you. That is different depending on where you live and how risky it is to get buy a pack for a minor. If it's a riskier place to do that, then gas or a second pack is a fair deal.
Also - smoking at your age is illegal. It's a gross habit and it mucks up your brain and body. Can't answer a question like this without throwing that in: Life would be better and longer if you stopped smoking.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm a 20 year old female and my friend is a 22 year old male. We've been friends off and on for about 5 months. He likes me in a romantic way but I don't feel the same and I've made this clear to him. He ended our friendship a couple of times because he said it's too hard being friends with me since he likes me so much. After he ends our friendship he always ends up calling me saying he still wants to be friends. The most recent time he ended it, he called 5 days later saying he missed me. He said that those 5 days were so hard for him and that he even lamented over me. He's very emotional and dramatic. He calls me everyday and tries to talk for hours, he wants to hang out all the time and says he loves me. If I tell him I can't hang out he says, "If we can't hang out I'm gonna cry I swear to God." He says he often cries over me, especially if I don't give him a hug when he drops me off at home. He never wants to include other people when we hang out and says that there are certain activities that only we can do together because it's special. It's like he doesn't want to share me with anyone else. At this point he's really creepy and clingy. He can't go a day without talking to me and always leaves me voicemails. I don't know what to do because he doesn't give me space and he just drains me. I often feel like telling him to leave me alone and go away because he brings a lot of stress and drama in my life. I'm afraid that he might start stalking me because of the way he acts.
The Answer
You need to tell him to leave you alone. You are right that what is doing is not okay. It's obsessive and disturbing.
You'd be very right, very justified and very sensible to end the friendship completely.
I'd suggest you do it over e-mail.
Many people will say a friend 'deserves' a face-to-face, or at least a phone call. I think that changes when you are worried about stalking and abuse. Your own right to end this at a safe, comfortable distance, trumps anything you might owe him.
Also, e-mail lets you keep it really short, and really to the point.
In your position. I'd send something like this:
Dear WannaBeStalker,
I know I've told you before that I'm not interested in you romantically, but the way our friendship has been going is still making me feel uncomfortable, and like we have very different expectations from it.
I've decided I can't be your friend anymore given this extreme discomfort. I am sorry to hurt you like this, but I'd like you to respect my wishes and not call me or attempt to contact me anymore.
Thank you,
That way, you can ignore his calls and e-mails as much as you'd like, and keep records of him attempting to contact you as well. If he does cross the line, and do anything illegal or frightening, it will be good to have those voicemail, txts and e-mails saved.
Also, let everyone in your life know what is going on. Tell your parents, friends and people who can help to insulate you from him, and not give him any information or access. One of the best tools for stalkers (which you've already seen the start of) is trying to isolate their victim from everyone else, often through guilt or fear. One of the best things you can do is share your concerns with the people who care about you.
Good luck, and don't be afraid to call the police if you need too.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
the school secretary called my daughter after graduation and asked her to come and pick up her diploma. she was able to attend the graduation ceremony. she was very excited when she gave her the diploma. she is actually a credit short to graduate and is making up that credit on line that we her parents are paying for. now this secretary is calling us every day harassing us for her to give it back. should she give it back
The Answer
Yes.
She should give it back because she knows that she has not yet earned it. When she has completed her final credit, then she gets it.
She should also give it back because it's not actually valid.
It doesn't mean anything. It's like a paper hundred dollar bill for a country that doesn't exist... The school will have records which clearly state she has NOT graduated. If anyone tried to check her credentials they would call her school board and be told "Nope. Not a graduate yet."
The piece of paper is practically meaningless until she completes the work.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
16/f
I have a gay friend which claims it's not against the laws of nature while I think it is.He said animals can be homosexual.Has he lost his mind?!
The Answer
Nope. He is absolutely right.
You can still disagree with homosexuality, but it is most definately NOT 'agianst nature'.
There is nothing subjective or 'opinion based' about the existence of homosexual animals. They exist. They are real. There are a lot of them. To say that humans being gay is ‘against nature’ is to say that african elephants, buffalo, caribou, cheetahs, dolphins, raccoons, bisons, gulls, penguins, bearded dragons and hundreds of other species are also acting 'against nature'.
Animals CAN'T act against nature.
And they aren’t sinning either. They are animals.
They are doing what comes naturally to them.
Homosexual behaviour is natural in the animal kingdom.
That is not a matter of opinion. It’s been observed millions of times, by countless scientists and observers since the ancient world. Animals have homosexual behaviour. That’s a fact.
If you think homosexuality is a sin or morally wrong, that’s fine. That’s your opinion and you are entitled to it. But to argue that homosexuality is 'against nature' is simply false. Nature is full of same-sex coupling, parenting and sex.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
27/m, A little long, but a complicated situation... For the past 10 years I have known a wonderful, intellegent, beautiful woman that I knew i loved as a friend almost immediately. As our relationship grew, I realized how special she was, and recently started to understand how deep my feelings were for her. As a friend, I have always respected her wishes, and tried to keep our relationship plutonic. Over the past couple of months I have started to straighten out my life, ie: conquered an addiction, started school, etc. I think the addiction masked my feelings in this regard, as now I think about her everyday. I know i could make her happy and give her a wonderful life, but I don't want to ruin what we have. I beleive she does have romantic feelings for me, but is afraid of what she will lose if anything happens. We have both experience many unhealthy situations in our lives, which i think makes us both unconfident and shy when it comes to our happiness in this area. I am currently in a long term relationship, but I do not beleive I entered it for the right reasons. I don't want to hurt either woman, and i especially dont want to deepen my current relationship until i am sure I will be able to support her the way I should. She(current relationship) has often asked if we should put our relationship on hold, and see other people to make sure this is what we both want. I always try to do whats right, regardless of how it affects me, but I can't stop wondering if i should try to kindle a romantic relationship with my longterm friend. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you!
The Answer
I am always a bit concerned by questions which spend more time fantasizing about the possibilities with a different person, then facing the realties in a respectful way with their current partner...
Please stop framing this as an 'either Lady1 or Lady2' question. The question you should be asking yourself is whether or not you are equipped to be in a relationship at all at the moment. At very least, how your current relationship will continue, or end.
I know that when life is going well, its easy to think you can have it all and have it all tomorrow. That is an illusion brought on by swift, positive change. It is not a firm foundation on which to build a new relationship. .
It is also extremely unlikely you'll build a new relationship in the ashes of a 'not-even-ended' past relationship. If you go the 'lets see other people' route, when it's painfully obvious to everyone that there is only one other person you are interested in seeing, that would be a dishonest way to end your current relationship, and certainly cause a good deal of pain to everyone.
Rule your emotions a bit, and put your friend out of your mind. Deal with the women who is in front of you. The one you currently have an agreement with. Face the problems of the relationship, and make some choices about it.
Stop escaping into fantasy and story-telling about your friend.
If the feelings are real and lasting, they will be there after you've faced your responsibilities in your current relationship.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I have an interesting scenario. I am applying to work at Best Buy.
My first interview was with HR, I think, and the second interview was with the Department Manager (who is also the General Manager). During the 2nd interview, the GM asked me if I had retail sales experience, and I told him I didn't, but I have customer service experience.
My third interview is later this week and it will be with the Computer Specialist or the Computer Department Head (or someone of that nature, I can't remember).
I originally applied for an $8.00/hour job as a sales associate, and at my second interview, they told me they may consider me for a part-time computer sales position at $8.50.
Will my third interview be a general interview or will it be a technical interview? I am very confused, as the third interview is usually with the GM.
Also, do you think I got the job since this will be my third interview and I've met with the Department Manager/GM?
Please help :S it's this Tuesday morning (June 29th).
The Answer
Take a deep breath, and just go in and look at their products.
Really, just doing that, and being aware of what they sell in their computer department (netbooks, iPads, dells, ectra) will probably be the perfect kind of prep and the only thing worth worrying about.
You can even whip it out in your interview "Yeah, I took a look on the floor and saw that brand..." Or "I didn't see XX on the floor, do you carry them?"
It will probably not be more technical then some questions about your computer experience and if you know how to set up a printer. Even if you flub some of their technical questions, if you take the time to explore their stock and ask about it, you'll prove you're a keener and will do well in the interview.
They are paying yah $8.50 to start hun. They aren't expecting a computer programer, just someone who is not an idiot and pays a bit of attention. You've been through two interviews and proven you are no idiot, throw in a bit of attention and sense and you'll be sailing.
They are putting a lot of energy into you, so they probably want to give you a job. But just because a company likes you doesn't mean they have a job for you. Don't worry too much if you don't get the job. Clearly you've got the interview skills to get A job somewhere.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
soo a couple a days ago i got high for the first time. i had smoked two previous times but i didnt get high. however, when i got high i colapsed to the floor, and my whole body was throbbing with pain. it was terrible, and i thought that it would go on forever but it did stop. i am just wondering why that happend, and if it will happen if i smoke again.
The Answer
It might happen again. It might not.
The weed could have been cut - laced with something else to increase it's effect or help the dealer make more money -and that something else might caused you pain. When you put something illegal into your body, you have even less of an idea of where it came from then you do with normal products. Unless you knew the guy who grew it, you are probably in the dark about what's in it.
It's also not uncommon for people when they start smoking to experience pain in their chest... That is just the lungs saying "WTF did you just do to us?!"
It could also be a bad reaction your body simply had. Different people respond differently to different substances. Pot makes me very anxious and nervous... that's just what it does to me and why I stopped smoking it.
If you do smoke again, please to god do it around some sensible friends who will be willing to call the hospital if need be, not idiots who care more about hiding their stash then you life - just to be on the safe side.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I am a 23 year old female and I live in a different state than my grandmother. We talk on the phone but there are certain things I choose to not tell her because it would be a hassle. She is coming to visit me soon and told me over the phone all the things she wants us to do. One is go to church. I don't believe in church or religion. I believe in God but I feel religion separates people and it shuns certain types of people. I'm very close with two of my cousins who are gay and I cannot support a religion that doesn't support them. My grandmother is a Christian and very religious. How do I tell her I don't go to church and refuse to go?
The Answer
In your position, I'd just take my grandma to church.
I'm an atheist myself, so I understand exactly where you are coming from, however, if your grandmother was visiting you and wanted to go to a vegetarian restaurant, you'd take her right? Or, flip it a bit, if she wanted to have a hamburger but you thought eating meat was wrong, you wouldn't bully her about it right? Or force her to try a veggie burger if she weren't comfortable? You'd still sit down at a restaurant and eat your salad and have a meal with her, 'cause she's your fricking grandma.
Treat church as the same sort of thing. Be honest with your grandma about it not being something you'd normally do, and let her know gently why. You certainly don't need to lie, but I honestly believe (as someone who doesn't believe in religion or God, at all) that taking your grandmother to church does not need to be a slight against your principals, but just a nice thing to do to show respect to your grandmother and her values.
You don't have to support the institution. You don't have to give them money. All you are doing is honouring a request from an beloved elder.
Most people at churches are very nice. No one is going to scream faggot or start spewing hate. If they do, you have a chance to correct them and walk away.
If you feel you need to refuse outright, simply be as nice as you can about it. Your grandmother grew up in a different world then you did, and the best thing you can do is accept any venom or silliness she throws your way gracefully. Reason and debate aren't your shields here, forgiveness and respect are what will help her make peace with your choice.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
someone posted a question on here about thinking they had a panic attack and asked for the symptoms. i read one of the user's replies and most of those symptoms were what happened to me earlier today. i was having chest pains, hot flashes, my pinky started going numb, my heartrate was wild, etc. only thing i'm confused about was i wasn't worrying about anything at the time. i was just sitting on a curb smoking. then it hit me out of nowhere. i don't have a history with panic attacks or a panic disorder. i do get anxiety a lot, but it hasn't been happening very much lately. does anyone know why this happened, or was this something else?
The Answer
Smoking, both cigarettes and marijuana, increases anxiety and panic attacks in people who are already prone to them.
You probably had an panic attack, and given that you have been doing well lately, it was probably because of the smoking.
Smoking (anything) disrupts your breathing, raises your heart rate and lowers the amount of oxygen in your blood... Then you add a stimulant like Nicotine into the mix and it's pretty much the prefect recipe for a drug induced panic attack. Even if you aren't experiencing the emotions, you've placed your body into the same physical state as though you were having a panic attack.
I stopped smoking cigarettes when I realized they were contributing to my anxiety. Quitting was damn hard, but the best thing I've ever done to improve how I felt from day to day. A few years later I cut out weed completely. I now almost never have panic attacks and a large part of it was because I removed those extra stresses from my system.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We're both 25. For the first 10 months of our relationship, it was long distance. I recently moved in with him. Things are really great! I actually couldn't be happier. His Father is a US Marshal and has been going to Alaska for work. My boyfriend mentioned that he wanted to move there. I thought he was kidding the first time and I brushed it off. He mentioned it again and I told him that he should find a new girlfriend because I have no desire to move to Alaska. He said he wouldn't talk about it anymore. The other day, he was emailing a friend and I saw in his email he said that he was going to apply for a police officer position in Alaska and that he "had to get up there." I casually brought it up again asking him if he were offered the most perfect job and they said that he had to be there tomorrow, would he go? He said no.. because he wouldn't leave me. I don't believe him. Then he gets upset that I don't believe what he says. The whole situation really upsets me. I feel like I just HAVE to move (if it even ends up happening) to obviously continue this relationship, but at the same time I don't want to RUIN what we have just because I don't want to move..
The Answer
You are going to have to talk to him again - and with a bit more understanding and listening, instead of so much jumping to conclusions and judging.
Your conclusions and judgements might be totally correct!
However, you still need to take a deep breath and let him know you are ready to really listen to him. You shut him down when you pushed him to stop talking about it and communication between you two died.
Whether you want to move or not, if you don't reopen that communication your relationship WILL DIE even if the two of you are still living in the same house.
Your partner needs to be able to talk to you about these things - even things that upset you.
So take a few really, really deep breaths, and ask your boyfriend what is going on in mind about moving to Alaska. Then shut the fuck up until he done telling you. No interrupting. No bitching. No whining. And no 'disbelieving' or arguing. If you hear something that doesn't ring true, instead of attacking him, ask more questions and let him answer them. Try to believe what he says. Tell him, you are going to believe what he says, so he damn well better tell the truth.
At least then, you will have shown him that much respect, and if the relationship is going to end because you have different wants, it wont be a surprise.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hi. I am 19 years old and I've been pregnant 3 times now for sure. All three of these pregnancies were confirmed by store bought pregnancy tests AND doctor's appointments where they gave me pregnancy tests. I was for sure pregnant.
I smoke weed every day but, otherwise, take decently good care of myself, in my opinion. I've been smoking marijuana since I was like 14 years old. I don't want to stop smoking weed but I can't help but think that it has played a part in me losing 3 babies already. I suspect I am pregnant right now so I'm considering giving up the weed to see if I can carry the baby to term. Like I said though, I'd really like to keep smoking.
Do you think weed affects unborn babies? Will pot cause me to miscarry my baby? Did I miscarry my other babies because I smoked a lot of weed? Any answers pleeeeeease
The Answer
You need to speak to a doctor, and be completely honest with them - about the miscarriages, and the drugs.
What you are describing is not normal.
It's not normal to have that many miscarriages, certainly not at 19 years of age. If your body is ever perfectly suited to childbirth - it's now. Something is wrong and you MUST speak to a doctor. Immediately. It might be more than just your current pregnancy at stake.
Would stop smoking weed be a good idea for a pregnant woman? Of course it would be. Along with no booze and very limited, if any caffeine. Those things are sort of common sense. So, please, do stop smoking weed. More importantly, see a doctor.
If you need more help than that, ask another question and include your state. People here might be able to help connect you with support networks for young mothers and access to prenatal care... if money or insurance issues are what is keeping you away from the medical attention you desperately need.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
My mother has been physically and emotionally abusive all my life. the are spells of good, normal times but the bad times come unexpectedly. I am 47 years old. my mother has been helping my fund my child's education. She graduated in the top of her class , we had a party went out for dinner and had a great time. my daughter made a slide show of pictures of her growing up with the family. my mother felt that the other grand parent had more pictures. they have given very little to their education. She feels disrespected and this had grown into a major emotional problem. The video my daughter made was wonderful and I know my daughter felt she was fair and didn't count the pictures. she has turned a beautiful thing into something horrible. my mother was helping me with my other daughter's education and we need the help. she wants my kids to acknowledge that she helped and they refused. she doesn't want them to respect them. Mostly she is making me feel like I did something wrong and I know I didn't . what do I do? Am I crazy?
The Answer
Ignore any continuing nonsense about the video.
Then tell your children they MUST acknowledge every gift with a thank you note - even when the gift giver is a bitch.
No one did anything wrong with regards to the video, but if either of your daughters are taking grandma's crazy bitchiness as an excuse to not thank her properly then that is wrong. The girls should not be allowed to be rude.
Don't much matter that grandma was 'ruder' than them. That is no excuse. Especially if you are in need of the support, you don't have the luxury of sinking to her level.
Stop talking about or acknowledging the video. That issue should be left in the dust. Acknowledge any gift, or any past gift that went unacknowledged, immediately. Perhaps, if it would help heal the breach, write a general letter of thanks from you and your girls and a small gift or token, to express your gratitude for all her support over the years (without apology or specifics of course). A reminder that Yes, as much as you piss each other off sometimes (and as much as she's a nasty abusive person) you are still grateful for her support, might be all she is really after.
Your daughters might need their mother to firmly remind them that sometimes we must be kind and respectful, even to be people who are not kind and respectful to us, and that every gift deserves a thank you, even ones from stupid nasty people.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I have to go away for 14days to sort out some documentation work for my daughter. We have talked about this for the last week and now when it is time for me to go now it is going to be a huge problem. Why you may ask me, but it is because he will be left with our 2 boys. WE were told that the process will take 10 working days which will put me away from home roughly 2 weeks if not a bit more provided all goes well. Now his problem his he thought the process will take 48hours. Slight difference to to 10 days. His life will be disrupted because he will have to take the boys to and from school. He is away from me 90% of the time and I am left with no vehicle and I am expected to do all this yet I cannot say anything. What am I supposed to do? We are married and have been for 8 years.
The Answer
You go and get the documentation work done for your daughter.
He bitches and moans - and just sucks it up and deals with it while you are away.
I understand this feels very difficult, and there is probably a great deal of anger and arguing right now, but it's not like he's going to turn around and say "You can't go deal with your daughter!" Is he? That would be lunacy on his part. That would be a horrific thing for him to try and do.
It IS stressful to be left alone with children for an extended period of time (as you well know). It's even more stressful when you are unaccustomed to it. So let your husband complain and do some (non-violent) raging. Then expect him to suck it up and cope.
If he is a decent person, and a loving co-parent, he WILL suck it up and cope. He might complain and bitch, but he'll do it.
If there is anyone else in your life you can beg and plead to support him, two or three days a week even. Or to bring over meals, wait until he calms down a bit and suggest those sorts of plans to him. If not, tell him very firmly that you understand and appreciate that it will be very difficult and disruptive for him, but that you also know he can and will do it.
Be clear, be respectful, and be firm.
It's hard for him. Maybe very hard. But very doable. And it is what this family requires right now. So he needs to find the strength to manage it.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Sorry, "mental health" was the closest category i could find, haha :D
AH so this is an odd question, i'll try to make it sound serious though...
So, it's never really bothered me before...
But I realized lately that i find WEIRD things...attractive. like, sexy, whatever you want to call it.
Like, I don't know how to describe it really. I just find things that people normally dont care for, really sexy. only with guys, by the way, and its a bunch of different, random things...its always the little tiny details i focus on, though.
haha this question sounds so stupid...it's very frusturating that i can't explain it.
ok so here are a few examples off the top of my head...
-when guys adjust their ties(or look nervous in general, really)
-the way the joker slowly turns around/slowly lifts his head up... (in the dark knight)
-little facial twitches guys make (again, being nervous, also being suprised or angry)
-small, quick noises some singers make while..singing. cant describe that too well.
-aang the avatar when hes ...powerfully bending...HAHA wow...im a loser...on the other hand...PRINCE ZUKO when hes really pissed and/or...powerfully bending fire. haha what is WRONG with me
-on tv shows/movies, when a guy will say something really little, like one word, where they'll say it in a husky tone, or their voice will waver or something like that...and i just replay that one second of them saying the little thing over and over because i love how it sounds...
-im 15, and it seems as though i tend to find older men attractive...like, much older men. i usually, ahem, CRUSH, on guys anywhere from their late twenties (such as heath ledger) to their early 50s (such as alec baldwin). i really never like teenage celebrities or guys in their earlier 20s...i would prefer Michael C. Hall to taylor laughtner ANY DAY! ;)
-i dont really find guys' bodies that attractive...i mean...DONT get me wrong, a tan guy with a sixpack is great, but i dont seem to obsess over them as much as a lot of my friends...for example, most of the conversations between us while talking about guys go like:
friend- OH MY GOD he has such a gorgeous BODY!!!!!!
me- yeah i guess...he has a weird face though...
hahaha wow this is really pathetic..but dont worry people, i can laugh at myself.
but..ultimately, i was just wondering if anyone else finds themself doing anything similar to this? or am i just a complete freak? haha.
oh, this isnt some weird fetish or something, right? that would suck...
thanks!
The Answer
That's all completely normal. You're just ahead of many of your friends, both in awareness and honesty.
In time you might find some of these attractions evolve into (perfectly natural and healthy) fetishes, but right now, that's not even kinky hun. All that has happened is that you've been honest with yourself and alert to what you are attracted too.
A good husky voice will get me going before a six pack any day - a lot of women feel the same. An attraction to older men can get you in trouble at 15 if you don't remember that not every attraction is one you should act on, but is also very, very normal.
Don't worry about what your directions your brain and fantasies send you off in. Just guard your behaviour and enjoy yourself.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
What is the best sexual position?
The Answer
The one you like the most?
That's a bit like asking what the best kind of cheese is - everyone will have a different answer.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
can anyone give me a summary of what happened exactly?
The Answer
On April 20th the rig (which is a ship that latches on to an oil well to drill or pump the oil) called the Deepwater Horizon exploded. 11 people died. Days later we learn that the explosion happened as they were trying to close the well and move the rig away so a different rig could come and pump the oil. It appears that closing the well was rushed and proper safety measures were ignored. An important safety valve failed tests earlier that day, but was not fixed.
By Friday April 23rd BP (the company which owned Deepwater Horizon) says that the environmental impact will be minimal, and the coast guard says that no oil appears to be spilling.
On Saturday April 24th, two leaks are found. 700,000 galloons of oil were spilled in the initial implosion. The leaks found on this day are estimated to be leaking 109,000 gallons of oil a day into the water. Estimates of how much oil is actually spilling each day have gotten bigger and bigger as we get more information.
By Tuesday April 27th, the oil slick is over 100 miles wide. By Friday the 30th, it's visible from outer space.
On May 3rd BP starts to build 'containment chambers' to place over the leaks. They had never been tested at such great depths. The first one failed as soon as they tried it, the second stopped about 40% of the oil for a few days, then failed. All other attempts at stopping or slowing the leak have failed.
The spill has pretty much just continued on like that since then. The oil has reached the shores of Florida and Louisiana as well as caused large 'dead zones' to form. These are huge zones in the ocean where everything, all fish, animals and plants, die. It is now likely that this oil spill will destroy the majority of the wet lands on the coast in the next three years. There is really no fixing that part of this - it's pretty much a done deal.
Right now, the best chance they have of stopping the oil is drilling a 'relief well'. That's a second well that they could pump to reduce the pressure of the one that is leaking and make it easier to close the leaks. This will not be finished until mid-August - at the earliest, and it might not work the first time.
Before this spill an oil company was only responsible for up to 10 million dollars of damages by American law. This spill cost 10 million dollars in just the first day.
Many people are upset with President Obama, who has been very critical of BP for a few reasons: He has been critical of them lying to the government when they applied to build this well (they claimed to be able to handle a spill even larger then this one), and for a while they kept on giving money to their supporters and shareholders, even though they had no idea what the final cost of this spill would be.
Earlier this week, the president put pressure on BP and the company agreed to set aside 2 billion dollars to help compensate and clean up the spill. Many people, mostly conservatives, think this was unfair of the president to use his power to make BP do something that legally, they weren't required to do.
And this is pretty much where it stands now. The oil is still flowing. It will cost far more than 2 billion dollars to clean it up and we probably CAN'T clean it all up. Thousands of miles of wet lands have now already begun their slow deaths, and we have no idea what the long term effects will be of more oil then ever before having leaked into the water.
(View All Other Answers.)