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Emotional abuse from a parent to an adult child
My mother has been physically and emotionally abusive all my life. the are spells of good, normal times but the bad times come unexpectedly. I am 47 years old. my mother has been helping my fund my child's education. She graduated in the top of her class , we had a party went out for dinner and had a great time. my daughter made a slide show of pictures of her growing up with the family. my mother felt that the other grand parent had more pictures. they have given very little to their education. She feels disrespected and this had grown into a major emotional problem. The video my daughter made was wonderful and I know my daughter felt she was fair and didn't count the pictures. she has turned a beautiful thing into something horrible. my mother was helping me with my other daughter's education and we need the help. she wants my kids to acknowledge that she helped and they refused. she doesn't want them to respect them. Mostly she is making me feel like I did something wrong and I know I didn't . what do I do? Am I crazy?
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first off your daughter need to be thankful!!!! and she needs to show that to your mother...you are not crazy. look if you are 47 your mother is probbaly near the end of her life make if glorious for her how would you want to remember your last times with her . your daughter needs to awcknowlegde that 2
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you can tell you mom that your dauther didnt' mean to be inrespectful and even make a new vedio for her. somtimes if you do little things it might make your mother less mad or if that dosen't work just ask her, adn you can tell if she is lying or telling the truth
good luck
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Ignore any continuing nonsense about the video.
Then tell your children they MUST acknowledge every gift with a thank you note - even when the gift giver is a bitch.
No one did anything wrong with regards to the video, but if either of your daughters are taking grandma's crazy bitchiness as an excuse to not thank her properly then that is wrong. The girls should not be allowed to be rude.
Don't much matter that grandma was 'ruder' than them. That is no excuse. Especially if you are in need of the support, you don't have the luxury of sinking to her level.
Stop talking about or acknowledging the video. That issue should be left in the dust. Acknowledge any gift, or any past gift that went unacknowledged, immediately. Perhaps, if it would help heal the breach, write a general letter of thanks from you and your girls and a small gift or token, to express your gratitude for all her support over the years (without apology or specifics of course). A reminder that Yes, as much as you piss each other off sometimes (and as much as she's a nasty abusive person) you are still grateful for her support, might be all she is really after.
Your daughters might need their mother to firmly remind them that sometimes we must be kind and respectful, even to be people who are not kind and respectful to us, and that every gift deserves a thank you, even ones from stupid nasty people.
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Of course you did nothing wrong. Your daughter graduated at the top of her class, that should make any grandparent proud too!
Next time your mom goes on about this, just tell her, 'your granddaughter respected you and your help enough not to waste the schooling you helped with partying. She got good grades and graduated at the top of her class!'
As far as her slide show, well that had nothing to do with her education. The other grandparent gave good times instead of an education.
Nothing wrong with that. Just tell her the other grandparents had a camera around more often than she did.
It wouldn't hurt for the kids she has helped to send her a thank you card. They could each get a
nice card and send it with a note saying thanks for all you have done to help. After all,it was a very generous thing for her to do. Grandma would get her acknowledgment & perhaps get off your back about it. Ask them to do it for you.
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