|
Good natured/Kind 20 something doesn't want to miss opportunity
27/m, A little long, but a complicated situation... For the past 10 years I have known a wonderful, intellegent, beautiful woman that I knew i loved as a friend almost immediately. As our relationship grew, I realized how special she was, and recently started to understand how deep my feelings were for her. As a friend, I have always respected her wishes, and tried to keep our relationship plutonic. Over the past couple of months I have started to straighten out my life, ie: conquered an addiction, started school, etc. I think the addiction masked my feelings in this regard, as now I think about her everyday. I know i could make her happy and give her a wonderful life, but I don't want to ruin what we have. I beleive she does have romantic feelings for me, but is afraid of what she will lose if anything happens. We have both experience many unhealthy situations in our lives, which i think makes us both unconfident and shy when it comes to our happiness in this area. I am currently in a long term relationship, but I do not beleive I entered it for the right reasons. I don't want to hurt either woman, and i especially dont want to deepen my current relationship until i am sure I will be able to support her the way I should. She(current relationship) has often asked if we should put our relationship on hold, and see other people to make sure this is what we both want. I always try to do whats right, regardless of how it affects me, but I can't stop wondering if i should try to kindle a romantic relationship with my longterm friend. Any advice would be wonderful. Thank you!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I am always a bit concerned by questions which spend more time fantasizing about the possibilities with a different person, then facing the realties in a respectful way with their current partner...
Please stop framing this as an 'either Lady1 or Lady2' question. The question you should be asking yourself is whether or not you are equipped to be in a relationship at all at the moment. At very least, how your current relationship will continue, or end.
I know that when life is going well, its easy to think you can have it all and have it all tomorrow. That is an illusion brought on by swift, positive change. It is not a firm foundation on which to build a new relationship. .
It is also extremely unlikely you'll build a new relationship in the ashes of a 'not-even-ended' past relationship. If you go the 'lets see other people' route, when it's painfully obvious to everyone that there is only one other person you are interested in seeing, that would be a dishonest way to end your current relationship, and certainly cause a good deal of pain to everyone.
Rule your emotions a bit, and put your friend out of your mind. Deal with the women who is in front of you. The one you currently have an agreement with. Face the problems of the relationship, and make some choices about it.
Stop escaping into fantasy and story-telling about your friend.
If the feelings are real and lasting, they will be there after you've faced your responsibilities in your current relationship.
]
More Questions: |