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My boyfriend wants to move and I don't?
I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We're both 25. For the first 10 months of our relationship, it was long distance. I recently moved in with him. Things are really great! I actually couldn't be happier. His Father is a US Marshal and has been going to Alaska for work. My boyfriend mentioned that he wanted to move there. I thought he was kidding the first time and I brushed it off. He mentioned it again and I told him that he should find a new girlfriend because I have no desire to move to Alaska. He said he wouldn't talk about it anymore. The other day, he was emailing a friend and I saw in his email he said that he was going to apply for a police officer position in Alaska and that he "had to get up there." I casually brought it up again asking him if he were offered the most perfect job and they said that he had to be there tomorrow, would he go? He said no.. because he wouldn't leave me. I don't believe him. Then he gets upset that I don't believe what he says. The whole situation really upsets me. I feel like I just HAVE to move (if it even ends up happening) to obviously continue this relationship, but at the same time I don't want to RUIN what we have just because I don't want to move..
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You are going to have to talk to him again - and with a bit more understanding and listening, instead of so much jumping to conclusions and judging.
Your conclusions and judgements might be totally correct!
However, you still need to take a deep breath and let him know you are ready to really listen to him. You shut him down when you pushed him to stop talking about it and communication between you two died.
Whether you want to move or not, if you don't reopen that communication your relationship WILL DIE even if the two of you are still living in the same house.
Your partner needs to be able to talk to you about these things - even things that upset you.
So take a few really, really deep breaths, and ask your boyfriend what is going on in mind about moving to Alaska. Then shut the fuck up until he done telling you. No interrupting. No bitching. No whining. And no 'disbelieving' or arguing. If you hear something that doesn't ring true, instead of attacking him, ask more questions and let him answer them. Try to believe what he says. Tell him, you are going to believe what he says, so he damn well better tell the truth.
At least then, you will have shown him that much respect, and if the relationship is going to end because you have different wants, it wont be a surprise.
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